The Answers to the Unanswered Questions of the JGR Universe
Chapter 1: Pepsi Induced Insomnia
A/N: Yeah, I'm supposed to be working on something else, but I'm stuck. So, I just had to write this, even though I know that my tail's going to get flamed. Needless to say, JGR isn't mine; some blessed Japanese guy owns it. Any other commercial product that appears in this isn't mine either. And I don't own any Nazis. This is sort of a combination of a script and a list, patterned off the blooper section of "When a Gag Goes Too Far" (which is my story, so nobody can say that I stole the idea (you hear me, flamers?!)). This stars myself and my best friend, Cassie because I really couldn't imagine anyone else staying up so late and actually caring about these questions. This kind of short and I may do another one, I don't know yet, so this is chapter 1 I guess, just in case.
Scene: Jessi (a.k.a. Crash)'s bedroom, where she and Cassie are playing Jet Grind Radio. Scattered all around them are candy wrappers, most of which being Kit Kats and Snickers. Cassie is playing the game and Jessi (a.k.a. Crash) is chugging a Pepsi. The alarm clock in the corner reads 2:30 AM.
*Maybe He's Born With It...or Maybe Not...*
Cassie: *is staring at Potts* Um, Jessi?
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): *swallows a huge gulp of Pepsi* Yeah?
Cassie: Why is Potts blue?
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): Listen to me belch, and ask yourself if you really care. *cuts a really loud belch loose*
Cassie: Oh, gosh, that stinks! *opens a window and holds her nose* I still care!
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): Well, I have a theory about that. You see, the game never really says when Beat got Potts, so I did a little thinking! I think that when Beat was little, he tried to brush Potts' teeth, but Potts didn't cooperate...
*the scene fades to a picture in Jessi (a.k.a. Crash)'s imagination where a seven year old Beat is trying to brush Potts' teeth...*
Beat: Hold still, boy! This blue stuff will un-stink your breath!
Potts: *jerks around, getting the toothpaste all over himself*
Beat: Hey, that's a cool color! You're going to stay that way forever!
*back in Jessi (a.k.a. Crash)'s bedroom...*
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): So, ever since then, every week Beat has covered Potts in blue toothpaste!
Cassie: Pots, the mighty minty mutt.
*New "Vidal Sassoon" Product? I Think Not.*
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): *is singing along to the game* And take four D.J.s, make'em sound like one!
Cassie: *is still playing the game* Jessi...
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): *ignores her* And together, we'll show you how to improvise!
Cassie: Jessi (a.k.a. Tonedeaf)!
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): Yes?
Cassie: How does Onishima's hair do that?
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): Do what?
Cassie: *grabs her hair and makes it look like Onishima's* You know, this!
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): That's another one of my ingenious theories!
Cassie: Oh gosh...
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): Shaddup! Now, it all began when Onishima just got promoted captain...
*In the creepiness that is Jessi (a.k.a. Crash)'s mind...*
Onishima: *is spinning around in the big leather chair in his new office* Whee! *his hair gets caught in a nearby fan* Aaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee! *he extracts it from the fan blades* Ouchies... *his hair is now a foot long and sticking out in front of his face*
*Back where Cassie is being tortured by Jessi (a.k.a. Crash)'s theories...*
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): So, you see, Onishima's hair is like bubblegum!
Cassie: Ew...
*Ka-boom.*
Cassie: *is listening to Professor K ramble on about whatever* How can he stay so peppy?
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): *finishes off her fifth Pepsi* Even though I'm weary, I'll tell you my theory! Ol' K was tryin' to fix his VCR without readin' the intructions, and nearly got a cuncussion when...
*Where few even think about venturing, the mind of a hyper authoress...*
Professor K: *is trying to fix his VCR without reading the instructions at 4:30 in the morning* Can't even write a stupid manual in Japanese so I can do this with ease! *yawns* Let's see here, black is positive, red is negative...*incorrectly connects the wires and a huge explosion ensues* Freaky flyin' rudies, what happened?! Hey, I'm not tired anymore!
*Back With Cassie and Jessi (a.k.a. Crash)...*
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): You see, at some point in the explosion Professor K was electrocuted and it gave him an unlimited supply of energy.
Cassie: Kind of like what Pepsi does to you?
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): Sort of. *inexplicably faints*
Cassie: I told her not to drink five Pepsis in quick succession. *plays Jet Grind Radio, ignoring her friend's present state*
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash)'s Mother: Girls! Go to sleep! It's called a "sleep-over" not a "stay-up-all-night-over"!
Cassie: Yes, ma'am. *turns off the Dreamcast, steps over Jessi (a.k.a. Crash), who is on the floor, and lays down on the bed* G'night, Jessi.
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): *is now asleep and is talking in her sleep* Pepsi....minty....explosions.... Gum is a German...
Cassie: That theory should probably remain untold. *falls asleep and dreams of Onishima exploding, Professor K using Potts as a toothbrush, and Gum as a Nazi*
Chapter 1: Pepsi Induced Insomnia
A/N: Yeah, I'm supposed to be working on something else, but I'm stuck. So, I just had to write this, even though I know that my tail's going to get flamed. Needless to say, JGR isn't mine; some blessed Japanese guy owns it. Any other commercial product that appears in this isn't mine either. And I don't own any Nazis. This is sort of a combination of a script and a list, patterned off the blooper section of "When a Gag Goes Too Far" (which is my story, so nobody can say that I stole the idea (you hear me, flamers?!)). This stars myself and my best friend, Cassie because I really couldn't imagine anyone else staying up so late and actually caring about these questions. This kind of short and I may do another one, I don't know yet, so this is chapter 1 I guess, just in case.
Scene: Jessi (a.k.a. Crash)'s bedroom, where she and Cassie are playing Jet Grind Radio. Scattered all around them are candy wrappers, most of which being Kit Kats and Snickers. Cassie is playing the game and Jessi (a.k.a. Crash) is chugging a Pepsi. The alarm clock in the corner reads 2:30 AM.
*Maybe He's Born With It...or Maybe Not...*
Cassie: *is staring at Potts* Um, Jessi?
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): *swallows a huge gulp of Pepsi* Yeah?
Cassie: Why is Potts blue?
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): Listen to me belch, and ask yourself if you really care. *cuts a really loud belch loose*
Cassie: Oh, gosh, that stinks! *opens a window and holds her nose* I still care!
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): Well, I have a theory about that. You see, the game never really says when Beat got Potts, so I did a little thinking! I think that when Beat was little, he tried to brush Potts' teeth, but Potts didn't cooperate...
*the scene fades to a picture in Jessi (a.k.a. Crash)'s imagination where a seven year old Beat is trying to brush Potts' teeth...*
Beat: Hold still, boy! This blue stuff will un-stink your breath!
Potts: *jerks around, getting the toothpaste all over himself*
Beat: Hey, that's a cool color! You're going to stay that way forever!
*back in Jessi (a.k.a. Crash)'s bedroom...*
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): So, ever since then, every week Beat has covered Potts in blue toothpaste!
Cassie: Pots, the mighty minty mutt.
*New "Vidal Sassoon" Product? I Think Not.*
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): *is singing along to the game* And take four D.J.s, make'em sound like one!
Cassie: *is still playing the game* Jessi...
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): *ignores her* And together, we'll show you how to improvise!
Cassie: Jessi (a.k.a. Tonedeaf)!
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): Yes?
Cassie: How does Onishima's hair do that?
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): Do what?
Cassie: *grabs her hair and makes it look like Onishima's* You know, this!
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): That's another one of my ingenious theories!
Cassie: Oh gosh...
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): Shaddup! Now, it all began when Onishima just got promoted captain...
*In the creepiness that is Jessi (a.k.a. Crash)'s mind...*
Onishima: *is spinning around in the big leather chair in his new office* Whee! *his hair gets caught in a nearby fan* Aaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee! *he extracts it from the fan blades* Ouchies... *his hair is now a foot long and sticking out in front of his face*
*Back where Cassie is being tortured by Jessi (a.k.a. Crash)'s theories...*
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): So, you see, Onishima's hair is like bubblegum!
Cassie: Ew...
*Ka-boom.*
Cassie: *is listening to Professor K ramble on about whatever* How can he stay so peppy?
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): *finishes off her fifth Pepsi* Even though I'm weary, I'll tell you my theory! Ol' K was tryin' to fix his VCR without readin' the intructions, and nearly got a cuncussion when...
*Where few even think about venturing, the mind of a hyper authoress...*
Professor K: *is trying to fix his VCR without reading the instructions at 4:30 in the morning* Can't even write a stupid manual in Japanese so I can do this with ease! *yawns* Let's see here, black is positive, red is negative...*incorrectly connects the wires and a huge explosion ensues* Freaky flyin' rudies, what happened?! Hey, I'm not tired anymore!
*Back With Cassie and Jessi (a.k.a. Crash)...*
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): You see, at some point in the explosion Professor K was electrocuted and it gave him an unlimited supply of energy.
Cassie: Kind of like what Pepsi does to you?
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): Sort of. *inexplicably faints*
Cassie: I told her not to drink five Pepsis in quick succession. *plays Jet Grind Radio, ignoring her friend's present state*
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash)'s Mother: Girls! Go to sleep! It's called a "sleep-over" not a "stay-up-all-night-over"!
Cassie: Yes, ma'am. *turns off the Dreamcast, steps over Jessi (a.k.a. Crash), who is on the floor, and lays down on the bed* G'night, Jessi.
Jessi (a.k.a. Crash): *is now asleep and is talking in her sleep* Pepsi....minty....explosions.... Gum is a German...
Cassie: That theory should probably remain untold. *falls asleep and dreams of Onishima exploding, Professor K using Potts as a toothbrush, and Gum as a Nazi*