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Shi-chan: As promised! *grin* Get it? Promised? *slumps defeatedly*
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Promise
By Shimegami-chan
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Not as evil as Guilt, yet not as fluffy as Platonic Cure (which is a companion peice to this, by the way.). A good balance, I think.
:Insanity: :Clarity: :Grief: :Pride: :Memory: :Hate: :Silence: :Glass: :Homeless: :Loneliness: :Escape: :Guilt:
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Always there for everyone else.
So why does it feel like I'm cheating myself?
I'm cheating Koushirou.
I'm letting them all down.
I tried to hard to be perfect, to never change. My brothers all grew up to be rich and successful, and I ended up being a screwup. At least I was a happy screwup; I'm in a good university, I've got a great boyfriend, I've got a wonderful life.
So what the hell is wrong with me?
I've tried to deny it for month now, maybe even years. Strange, my sexuality was never a problem before: Yamato and Taichi were a couple long before Koushirou and I ever were, so it wasn't that difficult to come out of the closet. My parents were a little upset when they found out, but I was far to old to be under their control, and they respected my decision.
I think maybe everyone was a little shocked, especially me. Don't get me wrong, I love Kou from the bottom of my heart, but lately...lately I've been remembering someone who I thought I had put to the back of my mind long ago.
It came in the form of a letter, bounced from my parents' address to the apartment Daisuke affectionately called the "Weiß House," aka the White House. Since I was studying medicine and Koushirou was having a brief fling with political science, the name seemed fitting enough. The little white envelope appeared in the mailbox on a rainy Monday, when I was returning with the groceries.
It was from Mimi, much to my surprise. I hadn't heard much from her other than the occasional e-mail lately, and hadn't heard at all from Sora. It was a wistful-sounding note describing life in America, her problems with school, and everything happening with Sora. It was the first time she had confided in me in a long time.
I replied immediately, and got a similar response a week later. Sora was coming come drunk every night and had dropped out. Mimi wasn't making enough to pay both their bill and for her tuition, and had to take on another job-and she was failing two courses because of it. There was nothing I could do except comfort her, and sent her some of my savings as an early birthday gift to help get her through the month.
The phone calls started soon after that. It was completely platonic at first and often when Koushirou was in the house of even in the room. But after a while it seemed like an invasion of privacy; and Mimi and I made our calls while Koushirou was at work. As long as I got to the phone bill first, everything was fine.
I thought I had put my crush on Mimi away forever, but after a month of secret calls and letters it began to surface again. Then Mimi dropped a huge bombshell, calling me at 3 .a.m.
Sora and she had had a fight, and the redhead had run out of the apartment and was missing. It turned out that Sora was a lesbian and been hiding it from Mimi, but finally ended up telling her. Mimi was a little shocked, and felt guilty that she couldn't return the feeling. There was someone else. Sora apologized and then disappeared.
My heart fell into my shoes as she spoke the words. "S-Someone else?"
She sighed. "I'm sorry Jyou, I didn't want to have to tell you, but I've got to tell someone. It's you."
"Me."
"I-I don't want to screw up your life, Jyou, so maybe we should just stop corresponding. You and 'Shirou-"
"-Mimi..."
"What?"
"Mimi, I love you."
We were both silent for a long moment, and then she started to cry. "I love you too. But, Koushirou...and...Jyou, this would never work out. Not with me in America."
"I guess it just wasn't meant to be, Mimi. I love Koushirou too, and I couldn't stand to hurt him."
"Fate is cruel sometimes," she whispered. I nodded even though she couldn't see. "Jyou...promise me..."
"What?"
"Promise me that you'll stay with Koushirou until you decide it's over. Don't end a wonderful thing because of me."
"I promise. Please, Mimi, just be happy."
"I will." She was crying openly now. "Sayonara, Jyou. I...daisuki."
"Daisuki, Mimi-chan."
That was the last time we talked like that. We still exchange Christmas and birthday cards, and she e-mails me just like any other Chosen with all the latest news. I've never heard the words "I love you," fall from her lips again.
I guess it's Fate.
I guess it's for the best.
I'd give up the world for the one I loved. But what if I loved both?
Mimi...I'd give up my life for you. But I can't.
Koushirou...I'd give up my love for you. But I can't.
I can't make you both happy, and I can't be happy. I've got to choose.
My Faith is gone forever.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Like this story? Want more 'I' angst? Two more chapters to go! E-mail me or leave a review and I'd be happy to let you know when they're finished!
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PS, ANOTHER AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes, I said 'two.'
Seki: Hey, no death in this chapter. Surprise surprise.
Conan: The death has disappeared! Hanyou no omae wa!
Inuyasha: Who's a hanyou!?!?