Belana stood in the doorway, her arms crossed in front of her, and stared at the two people waiting for her in her quarters. The young woman, dark-skinned and curly-haired, was her one-time apprentice and good friend, the other, unmistakable with his trademark ironic smile, her Sith lover. They were both looking at her expectantly, waiting for her to say something. The Jedi Master just shook her head. What were they planning? And since when did Tarla dare to get anywhere near Kell all alone? Questions with no answers. Yet. She stepped into the room gingerly and closed the door behind her. Then, propping her hands on her hips, she fixed the twosome in an icy glare.
"What is the meaning of this?"
"He wanted to run away and I was just in time to drag him back here." Kell snorted in disgust at the short apprentice, but Tarla did not seem to notice.
"Is that true? Belana asked sweetly and walked over to lay her hands on his shoulders. "Did you really want to leave without saying good-bye?"
He hesitated and she felt her heart skip a beat. In his case this was a good sign. It meant that he was truly thinking it through, that he had not planned this beforehand. "I-," he began and fell silent once more. But when he spoke again his voice was a soft caress. "I would not have left without you, Belana. You know that, don't you?"
"Maybe, and maybe not. I know that you treasure your freedom."
Tarla piped up again: "I have convinced him to stay. Here."
"Here? You mean, in here?"
"Yep. I said he's gonna have to stay in here until he's healed."
"And you agreed to this?" Now Belana's voice was icy cold.
"Yes."
Drawing an angry breath she let the anger dissipate into the air as she exhaled: "Three years back, Roj Kell, you stayed voluntarily for over a week imprisoned here, endured relentless attacks on your mind and an apprentice who betrayed you. And now you wanted to flee?"
"As I said, not without you."
"I do not believe you."
His pale eyes looked down at her, and the ice melted away ever so slightly. But then he drew himself up again and straightened to his full height. Turning away he stalked toward the window and stared outside longingly. "Belana, I have agreed to this. And I will stay here with you for as long as it takes, until you deem me ready to face real life."
"Real life?" she said heatedly. "Real life, my dear is not inside the Jedi Temple. It is out there!"
When he faced her again Belana took a step back, suddenly frightened by his expression. "Who do you think you are talking to?" he hissed. "I know all about life, Belana, but your young friend here thinks that I am trying to run away from my feelings."
"And away from me?"
"Belana, please. You know that my freedom means a lot to me. But you do too. If you agree to this you will come to know me another way than you did before. There will be no escape for me and from me, and no plan safe one: I want you to trust me, I want me to trust you, and I want us together. Is that acceptable?"
She gave him a cool look, then waved Tarla to her side. Dragging the apprentice ouside she closed the door behind them.
"Tarla," she hissed, "what do you think this will accomplish? He said it himself. The last time he only stayed because he had a plan."
"And now he will stay because of you. Aren't you happy about that?"
Belana shuddered: "I am not sure." Tarla's dark eyes softened as she took her in her arms.
"I think you can both grow through this. Despite everything you are still afraid of him and he cannot trust you yet."
"You are right, Tarla, and I wish you were not. Still, you are young and know nothing of real life yet. Kell knows everything, Tarla. That is why this will be so hard for him. He knows, but he has ceased to live a long time ago." On impulse Belana hugged the young woman to her chest: "One thing you have to promise me, Tarla, that you will let us go in the end."
"What? I do not understand, Master ..."
"I hope you will, Tarla, because that lesson is the most difficult to learn. I have accepted it, and you must too."
Roj Kell was leaning against the window pane, his hands crossed behind his back. She had been right and now it was no wonder that she was upset. But the excuse that he only wanted to protect her did have no value in the face of her anger. Whatever he could throw at her physically she would be able to handle with ease. And yet, on another level he feared that he would hurt her soul irrepairably. Which was something he could not cope with, that he knew. Gods, Belana had no idea what she was about to experience. He had warned her explicitly, but she could be so stubborn sometimes. Maybe though he was underestimating her. Belana knew what he was and what he had experienced. There were no secrets this galaxy had not yet yielded to him and he had them all tucked away in his inexhaustible memory. Calling up the things he knew was easy, but he had lost touch to them. Whereas the Jedi Master had rekindled some of his feelings there was so much he had to relearn. Compassion was one of those, and Master Jeldo had tried to show him just that. Even Tarla was wiser than himself in that matter. She had forgiven him, in a way. The only one who stood in the way of his return to the living was his own ego. Belana would help him battle that foe, he hoped, and together they would succeed. Definitely.
When the door opened again he looked up to meet her steady gaze. She leaned against the wooden frame tiredly, watching him closely. For a long time neither said a word. In the end though Belana detached from the doorframe and walked toward him cautiously, as if she were afraid that he might turn on her at a moment's notice. Kell frowned at that. Why was she so afraid? Did she have an inkling of what task she was about to undertake? Maybe she truly understood him. Once she had reached him Belana wrapped her arms around his neck, her large, liquid eyes captivating his gaze easily when she smiled.
"When I was little I found an injured bird in the park outside," she began, her voice taking on the dreamy tone of fond memories. "I took it back to my master and asked her to heal it. Do
you want to know what she replied?"
"Aren't you going to tell me anyway?"
Her forehead creased into a small, disapproving frown. "Of course I will," Belana shot back flippantly before she continued: "So, my master said that using the Force is not always the right path. The bird was small and delicate and its injuries not that grave. It would heal with time and caring. So I spent every free minute with that bird and stood watch over its healing progress. And while the bird grew accustomed to my presence I enjoyed the way it used to hop around in the small cage I had built for it and chirp most beautifully. But I noticed that it never came to trusting me fully."
"Is there a point to the story?" Kell asked suddenly, sensing that he knew what was to come.
"In fact, there is. Else I would not bore you with this anecdote from my long past youth."
"You are not that old, my dear."
"That is so reassuring, coming from you of all people," Belana replied acidly, making him laugh.
"Allright. So what happened?"
"One day I thought that the bird was fully healed and so I took it out of the cage to let it rest on my hand, something it had done a hundred times over the past weeks of healing."
"And then it flew away?"
She stared at him accusingly, maybe not so much because he had revealed the ending of the story himself, but because this ending had been the first that had come to his mind. Kell was cursing his quick tongue by the time Belana had let go of him and sat down on one of the chairs.
"I felt utterly betrayed by that bird, you know? After all I had done for it -"
"You believe that I will treat you the same?"
The Jedi Master shook her head slowly: "I know."
"Then it is you who does not trust me, Belana. Which is unfortunate."
His voice had turned icy cold and Belana looked back up at him with some concern. He was leaning against the window, his arms crossed in front of him in obvious disdain. Was he hurt by her accusation? If so, wasn't that assumption justified, after all they had been through and all she knew about him? He would fight her, he would betray her, even if only unconsciously. And Belana was not certain if she could cope with that. Still, she had agreed to this, hadn't she?
"Tarla will supply us with everything we might need, but you and I will stay locked up in here for as long as it takes to tame you. I want you to understand that I am sacrificing much for this and that I expect the same from you. Is that clear?"
"Yes, Master," he told her with a mocking smile and walked over to take a seat next to her. "Just you and I? It sounds intriguing."
Belana sighed. It might sound like fun, but she knew that their opposing personalities would clash more than once during that time. The worst thing was that she knew exactly how she could break him. Three years back he had admonished her for being afraid of taking that path. Now though she had no choice left if she wanted to save his life. She was well aware of the fact that despite everything the Council had promised they would not be satisfied until Kell had ceased to be a danger. He had forsaken the Force, true, but Belana knew for a fact that this left him far from powerless. Her task would be to show him the futility of his constant struggle for survival and to make him come to trust her and others. Of course she knew that he was well aware of how real life worked in theory, but he had never felt the need to experience it himself. Kell wanted to remain independent, very much so. But first he would have to find back to his true being. The only thing Belana feared was that at the very core of his soul Roj Kell was much worse than he seemed to be even now.
The wild shriek penetrating the thick wooden door to Belana's quarters drove a spike of concern and despair right through Tarla's heart. Making a split-second decision she whirled around, ready to charge into the room, but Gyro held her back. As they did every day the two young people had met in front of the Jedi Master's apartment to check on her progress. It had been five days since both Belana and Kell had agreed to this treatment and Tarla was on edge all the time. What she could sense from the two occupants of the room scared not only her, and the Council had ordered a contingent of guards to stand watch in the hallway at all times. They all feared the same. And even though just this morning Master Jeldo had admonished them to have faith in Belana Jen's abilities that fear still lingered on. The worst thing for the young apprentice was that her master had had to leave for a mission a few days back. Zerkan had told her that he had the utmost trust in his student and that he believed she could handle this alone, but Tarla herself was not convinced. She missed his wisdom and experience and somehow not even Master Jeldo could replace her teacher's presence.
The only one who quietly lend her strength was Gyro. In a way the young woman could understand Belana better now, because she felt the same for the Jedi Knight that her friend did for her Sith lover. It was true: she had fallen in love with Gyro and in hindsight it seemed inevitable. They were destined to be together. Right now he was holding on to her reassuringly, his eyes calm and soothing.
"Tarla, he cannot hurt her. She is a Jedi Master, remember?"
"And he is a Sith, have you forgotten already?"
"A Sith who has forsaken the Force. This viper has no teeth left to bite."
Tarla looked up at him wearily: "She loves him and that love is his greatest weapon against her."
"Then you doubt that he loves her too?"
"I am not sure," she replied, biting her lower lip in frustration. Maybe she was misinterpreting the feelings emanating from the room, but ... Tarla sighed. "I am just wondering if she can accomplish anything at all." Gyro wrapped her in his arms wordlessly and she felt her fear melt away ever so slightly. She smiled at him: "See what I mean? This sort of power is what she has to face."
"But surrendering in the face of such an enemy is not painful at all, or is it?" he countered with a smile.
"No, you are right. And I guess in the end he will have no choice but bow to her."
Belana was still holding on to the sheets she had hidden beneath in an effort to escape the emotions she had unlocked in her charge. Panting with dread, her eyes openend wide, she could not shed the memories he had shown her. During his captivity three years back Kell had done this too, deliberately, to hurt her, but this time she had accepted that burden voluntarily, because she felt that he had to experience everything again to remember, to become alive once more. But now Belana almost regretted ever agreeing to this at all. Why did they have to go through this? Why could they not just have let him be the way he was?
When the silence became too much to bear she risked a peek outside and her gaze sought his still form huddled in the far corner, his face a mask of rage, his pale eyes blazing. They had been talking about his training under Exar Kun a few minutes back, before Kell had flooded her mind with the remembrance of that cruel breaking. His master had not been kind to him. Kun had forbidden his apprentice to use his inborn magic as Cor'dan in an effort to force him to employ the Dark Side, a concept Kell had not understood in the beginning at all. Belana wondered briefly how a creature as cold as himself could ever have been this innocent.
Pushing the sheets aside she drew a deep breath. When he looked up at her the hurt and pain in his eyes was unmistakable. Fear had dominated his relationship to his master, fear and hatred. Kun had feared the young magician's power, something the Sith had been excluded from entirely and could never even come to understand properly himself. In turn he had made Kell fear his darkness and in the end had twisted the young man's mind in such a fashion that he had had no choice but to love the Dark Side. Curiosity and a hunger for knowledge had defined Roj Kell in the beginning, it would seem, and part of that had survived. Belana winced at that. Survial was the core of his being and whenever she came too close to examining his feelings on that he started thrashing in her grasp like a wild beast trying to break its chains. In a way he had been a human predator, with no regard to morals or ethics, fearing nothing and noone. And he had retained that trait too. The only thing she could do now was to endure his outbursts and soothe his pain.
"But if you had that deeper understanding of the Force, why did you not forsee what the bond to Kun would do to you?" she asked finally, curious.
He raised his head slowly. "How could I have known? I had never met a Sith before in my life. Not that kind of Sith, at least. It seemed natural to bond with him to understand him properly. And, Belana, I am not all-knowing. Sometimes I doubt that even the Force knows everything."
"You can't be serious."
"Maybe, maybe not."
Belana could hear the regret in his voice as they talked about the power he had lost and she longed to take him in her arms, but he had forbidden her to touch him just yesterday. Whenever she came too close to him she could feel the heat radiating form his body, as if he were running a fever. It was the long-dormant presence of the cor'dan, he had explained, and now he had to battle both his loss of the Force and the reawakening of his old powers. In a moment of weakness Kell had even asked Belana for permission to reestablish his bond with the Force. She remembered her throat constricting with sincere compassion and empathy, but when she had sought council with Master Jeldo on the matter the Ho'Din had been aghast at the mere proposition. They did not want the events from three years back to be repeated. That had been yesterday and she had to pay for her subsequent refusal of Kell's request dearly. Right now her instincts were screaming at her to simply wrap him in her arms, no matter what, because he needed to feel her love to overcome this depression, but her mind countered calmly that he would kill her if she dared to come too close.
Suddenly he rose from his seat and she almost jumped, her heart beating wildly against her ribs when he walked over to her. But Kell stopped short before reaching the bed she was perching on. For a second something flashed across his eyes that frightened her, but Belana resolved to be brave and not let him see her fear. With a sigh he dropped down on the bed beside her, his shoulder slumped tiredly.
"Belana," he whispered.
"What is it, my love?"
"How can you trust me like this?"
"I simply do, Kell, and so far you have not disappointed my trust. Much. Which is a good sign, I believe, since you do not take advantage of my apparent weakness."
"You know how I feel?"
She nodded slowly: "I can sense it. You are on edge. But believe me, I do not mean you harm in any way. And if you experience this as some sort of captivity, maybe you must learn to accept that too."
"Do you feel like this all the time then?"
"No. I am used to it. Of course, sometimes I think about the obligations and duties that seem to hold me down, but they have their purpose too. And that purpose ist what I live for: to serve and to help."
"But I am no Jedi and I am not used to this." He turned his head to look at her fully: "And I do not want to get used to it." Belana swallowed hard. Could it be that all her effort would be for nothing? If she did not succeed he would die! When he reached out to brush a hand over her cheek she flinched back in surprise. "You perceive this as a test for your abilities, and I think you are doing this not for yourself as much as for my sake. Do you realize how selfish that is?"
"Yes," she whispered. "I guess I know."
"You want to take that choice from me." His voice was caressing her thoughts and filled her very soul with a warmth that turned her worries into nothing more than distant shadows. "But that is not the way of the Jedi. It is the Dark Side. Do you understand that?"
"Yes."
"Then you will realize that this is a futile endeavor and that you have to set me free to succeed. Am I right?"
"Ye - Wait!" Jerking her head away Belana shook her head to break the spell. Her dark eyes were throwing angry sparks. "Stop that!" she yelled in indignation, scolding herself for falling for his tricks again. He sighed deeply, a frown marring his forehead. "It does not work this way," Belana told him icily and rose to march over to the window.
"A pity."
Gods, how did he manage to hurt her like this over and over again? Crossing her hands over her bleeding heart the Jedi Master closed her eyes warily. Was he worth it? Did she love him enough to forgive him those little cruelties that tormented her far more than he could fathom? He had to know that he was hurting her and yet he did not seem to care.
"Kell," she began quietly. "Do you love me?" Silence. "Kell?"
"I love you, yes," he answered at last. "But that love frightens me too."
"Because it makes you vulnerable?"
"Yes. You know that I always think ahead to consider the consequences. And this relationship will only spark trouble for both of us. I know that for certain."
"Why can't you just forget about the future? There is nothing you can do about it without losing the moment. Don't you see? How much have you forsaken yourself just to survive?"
Staring at her slender back he let the words play over and over again in his mind. It was true. He had set other things above his own happiness. The survival of the Sith was one of them, but that had been necessary for him to survive, or so he had thought. Until he had realized that the Dark Side would still linger on, even if the Sith were extinct. Proving his theory had been one of the motives which had led him to get himself captured by the Jedi three years back. He had managed to bring darkness to their hearts then, just as he did now. But he did not rely on the Dark Side anymore, did he? The balance was restored, in a way. A low groan emanated from his throat as he closed his eyes in dismay.
Why was he fighting so hard? If he surrendered his pride he would regain his freedom much faster than if he were to continue this struggle. Logically. He had lost so much already, and there was no reason why he should lose even more now. Belana. Her love was something he wanted to keep under any circumstances. So far though he was viewing his feelings to her as an insurance against the Dark Side. She had saved him, in a way, and now he relied on her to keep on protecting him. How to overcome this? He did not know how he could manage the trust she put in him in return. But he could make a start.
"I have understood all that you have taught me, Belana. And I accept it."
The look she gave him when she turned around made him shiver. "Kell, I do not want you to surrender or anything," she answered quietly. "This is not supposed to be a breaking, you know?"
"Your fellow Jedi seem to view it as such."
"All too suspicious, my love. They may fear you, but they have learned. It is you who has to change his ways."
Nodding once he smiled at her. "Tell me, Belana, when you look at me, what do you see?"
"My love, that is not the question. How do you see yourself?"
When he jumped up suddenly Belana was not surprised by his outburst. She had felt his frustration build over the past minutes and now, as he advanced on her, muttering and ranting in a language she did not understand, she did not feel fear at all. His left arm came around and his hand locked around her neck, reminding her yet again of the destructive power bottled up inside of him. But all she could feel was his warm skin against hers, saw only his beautiful eyes, the serene features of his face. No, she did not fear him. He took her head in both of his hands and smiled slowly before he bent down to kiss her.
"Thank you," he whispered," for trusting me."
Tears began streaming down her cheeks when she realized that he had truly understood. Her confidence was not born out of the knowledge that he could not match her power anymore, but out of a sincere belief that he would not harm her in any way. And even though he had disappointed that faith a great many times she had still retained that belief, trying to show him relentlessly that he could rely on her in anything.
"It was nothing," she replied at last, her voice choked with emotion, and he chuckled softly.
"I know. And I whish it were that easy for me."
Tarla was bristling with excitement as she rounded the corner to follow Gyro to Belana's apartments. News had just reached them that the Jedi Master had reported success and when the two young people turned into the already crowded hallway they could sense the relief and happiness permeating the group assembled there. The entire Council was there along with every Jedi that had been able to attend. In the midst of it all Belana Jen was accepting the others' congratulations beaming happily and at her side Roj Kell wore a benvolent smile on his handsome face. Without hesitating Tarla rushed over to Belana and wrapped her friend in her arms to hug her tightly before she repeated the same procedure on the Sith. He looked down at her, slightly surprised, but did not try to fend her off.
"I am so happy for you!" the young apprentice exclaimed, completely sincere and laughed. Everyone was bathing in the beautiful feeling of community and understanding, and there was not the slightest trace of darkness to be found. Amazing.
"We are all grateful to have you here," Master Jeldo's voice boomed over the chatter of the crowd and suddenly all present fell silent to look at Roj Kell, waiting for his reaction.
He nodded solemnly: "As am I. My gratitude for your help is boundless, even though I must point out that Master Jen is most responsible for this turn of events."
Tarla grinned nastily. Who would ever have though that the Sith could be this humble? Gyro elbowed her in the side playfully.
"But," Kell continued, "we should not forget a certain young lady who also had a great part in this. Tarla?"
Her face flushed beet-red with embarrassment and joy. "Thank you," she managed.
But her enthusiasm faded abruptly when Belana gave her lover a tired and weary look. This battle was not over yet, the younger woman realized, dread paralyzing her for a moment.
"What is it?" Gyro whispered and drew her aside.
"I am not sure ..."
"But I could most distinctly feel -"
"I know what you felt. There is something missing here."
"But he is sincere, can't you tell?"
"Yes, of course, and I am happy, as I said already. But still ..."
"Tarla!"
She whirled around at the sound of Zerkan's calm voice with a wide smile on her face. "Master! You are back!"
He rushed over to her, his eyes sparkling with pride: "I heard. Well done, my Padawan."
"Oh, she will not remain one for much longer," a new voice added and Zerkan nodded as Master Jeldo joined them.
"Does that mean-?"
"That you will be facing your trials? Yes," the Ho'Din explained good-naturedly. "Your idea worked out nicely and you have shown that you are capable of forgiveness and compassion. The most important traits of a Jedi Knight."
"Wow!" Tarla could not believe her luck and completely missed the exchange of glances between Zerkan and Master Jeldo.
"With permission," her master said and bowed toward the Ho'Din. "I would ask the Council for a hearing."
"Of course."
"And I would ask Roj Kell to attend too."
"I see. Very well. We will meet at once."
Belana was not inclined to give up her good mood just yet. She was hanging on to Kell's left arm happily as they followed Master Jeldo and the Council side by side into the meeting hall.
Zerkan had not told them what this was to be going about as of yet and she felt that she did not really want to know either. Once inside the Council Chamber the Council took their seats and then everyone's eyes were turned to the Jedi Master who had initiated this get-together. Taking his place in the middle of the floor he shot a quick glance at Kell that made Belana all too suspicious. And Zerkan's opening words confirmed that suspicion.
"We have uncovered disturbing news: apparently the Sith are ready to move again." Now everyone was looking at the single Sith standing stiffly at Belana's side.
"Roj Kell, were you aware of this?" Master Jeldo asked quietly, sadly even, as if he would truly regret having to go back to the incident three years back again. Belana stared at her lover pleadingly. But she knew, didn't she, that he had no part in this. Over the three years she had been with him they had never met with other Sith. At least she hadnot been aware of such meetings. When he shook his head his long hair caressed her cheeks soothingly.
"I do not know anything about this," he confirmed and his tone was one of utmost sincerity. With his Force shields gone there was no room left for any deception on his part and Belana could see Master Jeldo nod in aquiesance.
Zerkan gave him a grim smile and continued: "Since we did not have the opportunity to venture deeper into their territory I suggest a scout team to take care of this mission. Belana Jen and Lord Kell would be the perfect pair."
A mutual groan rose from the crowd at that proposition. It was the obvious solution, since Kell was known among the Sith and Belana could act as his apprentice. But when she looked up at him she could see the doubt in his eyes even before he inclined his head pensively. His lips twitched with disdain and suddenly he gently loosened her grip on his arm and strode into the middle of the floor to join Zerkan.
"With permission," he began, his beautiful voice captivating everyone's attention with its stately, enchanting harmonics. "Master Zerkan may believe this to be a good idea, but I am not well liked among the Sith. In fact," here he smiled, "in fact most of them hate me with a passion."
"Are you serious?"
"Very much so. But on the other hand my presence among them is not unusual either. They do not dare stand up to me."
"Understandable," Master Jeldo commented with a mild smile.
"Is it?" Kell asked absent-mindedly, his pale eyes glazing over ever so slightly. "I need not remind you that safe for my reputation there is nothing I can offer to protect Belana on this mission."
The Jedi Master drew a deep breath. He was right! Biting her lower lip hard Belana sighed, then nodded once toward her lover. "That is true. But if I may?" Kell smiled at her tenderly and held out a hand, inviting her to join him. She did and wrapped her right arm around his waist, squeezing him affectionately. "Kell and I could act as some sort of distraction while another team does the real recognaissance work."
"A distraction? Why would we need to distract them?" Zerkan frowned.
"How long do you think it will take them to figure out that something is wrong with him?" she shot back. "They will want to know what it is. And that will give the second team the time they need."
"That is far too dangerous!" Tarla exclaimed suddenly, clearly concerned.
"Almost too dangerous," Jeldo stated calmly. "But in one respect Master Zerkan is right: Lord Kell has the greatest insight into the Sith and their strategies. Master Jen can protect him and go as his apprentice. And if you two keep a bit apart from the Sith it will not register as unsual either, if I understood you correctly. So, if you are careful I imagine you could uncover quite a lot."
"Of course," Kell agreed, a wide smile appearing on his face. "That is just perfect. And it might work. But let us opt for a compromise. Belana and I will go in first, and I suggest that Master Zerkan leads a second team in case we fail. I do not wnat to endanger Belana more than necessary. If anything goes wrong you can get her out," he added, sounding very quiet indeed and his open concern melted her heart away.
"Let's do it," she whispered and buried her face in the soft cloth covering his chest, totally unashamed in front of the others. She loved him and she wanted everyone to know.
Tarla smiled at the couple despite her worries. But then, she had seen Kell's magic at work and she suspected that he was not as helpless as it might seem. And his plan sounded very reasonable. The most astunding though had been his willingness to sacrifice himself for Belana. Apparently he was thinking only of her safety. Strange, wasn't it, how easily he had managed to disperse their suspicions and turn into a trusted ally. And Tarla found that she truly did that, trust him. She only hoped that he would not disappoint them now. Suddenly a hand was deposited on her shoulder and she turned her head to look up at Gyro.
"Tarla, do you want to volunteer for the mission?"
"Only if you do to," she answered with a smile.
"That goes without saying," he shot back, grinning. "Master Zerkan!"
"Yes, Gyro?" the older man frowned at him.
"Tarla and I will accompany you, if you permit it."
"Well, I -"
"They will do," Master Jeldo stated, cutting Zerkan's protests short. "And it will be a good experience for both of them. Besides, the three of you have been working together nicely on Alderaan, haven't you?"
"They are too young," the Jedi Master countered heatedly.
Tarla suppressed a sigh at Zerkan's attitude. Why was he acting so protectively now? Hadn't he just a few hours ago told her that she was ready to face her trials? And now he was treating her as if she were a child again. Strange that. But understandable. Bowing toward the Council the young woman beamed up at them brightly.
"If I may?"
"Of course."
"We appreciate Master Zerkan's concern, but if we are not allowed to grow experienced we will never get off the ground, so to speak." Mentally crossing her fingers she hoped that Gyro would not interfere now. But luckily he kept silent. "What I mean is that we are young and that we have to learn. Even the hard way, if necessary."
A sharp laugh rang through the chamber and she did not have to guess at who had uttered it. Shooting a venomous glare at Roj Kell she saw him shake his head almost imperceptibly.
"What," she barked. He simply shrugged.
"Nothing. You just did not seem so eager to leave the safe embrace of the Jedi Temple a few days back. But I for one welcome your desire to learn."
"Lord Kell," Zerkan injected coolly. "Just out of curiosity: how old where you when you began to - gain experiences?"
"I think I was ten years old when my mother began teaching me."
"You mother was -?"
"She was Cor'dan, a Sith witch, if you will. My father, before you ask, was a Dark Jedi."
"And you are a Cor'dan now?"
"Just Cor'dan. The Heart of Darkness. But there is more to your question, am I right?"
"I am concerned for Belana. You said that you cannot protect her and yet your claim to be some sort of wizard. Can you explain that contradiction?"
"With the greatest pleasure," Kell replied coolly and Tarla winced when that eerie sensation she had first experienced back on Alderaan began to permeate the entire chamber. There was no anger to be felt from the Sith, just calm control. Blue lightning began to run down the walls, earthing itself in the patterned marble floor. When Roj Kell spoke again in a language noone could understand his voice ripped through all of them, wiping their brains clean of any thought. Tarla felt sick by the time Belana broke the spell by focusing her own, shielded mind and snapping her fingers once.
"It is quite easy to counter," the Jedi Master told them calmly. "All you need is to concentrate on your shields. He cannot break them. The only thing he can use is what you offer him, you see? It looks impressive, but compared to the Force it is nothing." She smiled up at her lover. "On the other hand and on another level I am well aware of the fact that it is a quite irresistible power. Am I right?"
Roj Kell laughed out loud. She had learned a lot. And even though he was just a little bit angry at her for that demonstration he knew very well that it had been him who had initiated it in the first place. If the Jedi now believed that despite everything he would pose no threat to them they were very right in assuming that too. A pity. He heaved a sigh and regarded the gaping faces of the other beings present in the room calmly.
"It is true. All I can provide is a - distraction. No more."
"Impressive," Master Jeldo conceded at last. "Most impressive. And now that we know what you are going to face, are you ready to undertake that mission? Roj Kell and Master Jen will go in first and Master Zerkan plus Knight Gyro and Tarla will stay in the background to observe their progress. Acceptable?"
"Very much so. Let's do it."
"Thank you. And may the Force be with every one of you."
Kell fought to keep his face impassive, but he was certain that his pain was plain for everyone else around him. He could tell by their concerned and compassionate expressions, could see it in Belana's dark eyes. Damn, he did not need their pity, nor did he want it! A low growl rose in his throat. This was a dilemma he was not prepared to face yet. Closing his eyes he shook his head slowly. But maybe it was time to face the past after all. An arm snaked around Belana's shoulder gently for support against the overwhelming sense of empathy emanating from the Jedi. Did they truly understand him? He doubted it. But she did, didn't she? Belana was the only one except himself who had an inkling of what he was going through right now.
Being cut off from the Force was harder than any of them could anticipate, not only because he could feel himself turn back into what he had been before his bonding with the Force. Something he could not be again. Gods, this was all so difficult for him! He could not even think straight anymore. All of his life seemed to unravel before his inner eye, dragging him back to the very core of his being. And for a long moment he hoped that the Ho'Din's benediction would help protect Belana in whatever they were about to face.