Belana was busy packing her belongings when a tentative knock at the door caught her attention. She had felt Zerkan's approach much earlier, of course, but it was seen as polite not to rely on the other's perception and to announce a visit properly instead. Looking up at the Jedi Master she smiled.
"Kell is not here?" he asked wearily.
"No," Belana shook her head. "I believe he was going to talk to Master Jeldo again."
"I see." For a while they both fell silent, but to her it was clear that there was something important on his mind. Why then was he so hesitant? They were friends, after all. And he knew that he could trust her with anything.
"So? What is it you are dying to tell me but do not dare to voice?"
Zerkan shrugged, embarrassed. "A warning. Remember when you told me about the vision you had on Alderaan?" Belana nodded slowly. "Maybe you believe that this crisis has been passed. At first I thought so too, but I have this feeling that the danger is still out there. Are you certain that he has understood everything?"
"He has, I can sense it. But-" Belana stopped herself short. What would he say if she told him that she could sense a darkness growing in her lover? One of a different kind than what she had ever felt there before, and one she suspected seemed different only to those who knew Roj Kell better.
"But what?"
"Well, he told me that he is returing to his original self, now that the bond is broken."
"And what is that self?"
"He won't say. Scary- - huh?"
"This is serious, Belana."
She shrugged: "Of course it is, and I should know, right? But he is keeping himself under control." Shivering inwardly the Jedi Master was certain that she was getting closer to the core of the problem than she wanted to. But as long as Kell did not tell her himself it would remain no more than guessing.
"Very well. We cannot force him to reveal anything, so we will have to wait and beware. Apart from that, Master Jeldo said that my team is to go in after you have made the jump. Five days behind you at the most. Think you can last that long?"
"I guess we shall have to, am I right?"
Keeping his back very straight Roj Kell tried to ignore the Ho'Din's giant appendages clasped around his head as the Jedi Master studied him intently. Bent over the kneeling Sith Jeldo's breath, smelling sweet and musk, caressed his face gently, soothingly. But Kell had a hard time keeping his mind in check. If Jeldo found anything unusual ...
"You are agitated."
"No surprise there," the Sith countered calmly.
"Tell me more about this Cor'dan business."
"Why do you want to know?"
"I am merely curious."
"I see. Of course." He hesitated a bit, uncertain of how to proceed. Revealing too much could cost him his head, he knew, and yet, maybe the Jedi would understand him better if he did tell him about the Darkness. "There is the belief that the world of the dead and the living is one, and the guardian of both is Cor'dan. The belief says that we were born from darkness, as we are still born from the dark womb of our mother into the bright day. Undera gha dan, light and dark, are two parts of one, with the - ," Kell stopped, struggling to put it into words of Basic, but found that there was nothing that could compare to the feelings and pictures this word evoked in him.
"The what?"
"The middle. A stream of - life?"
"The Force?"
"No. I am not sure how to explain it. The Force is the base of everything, but as a symbol it stands for Life itself and that is not all. It is - a matter of balance."
"A balance the Cor'dan has to keep?"
"Yes."
Master Jeldo took a step back and straightened up, clearly worried about something. "What happens when the Cor'dan loses one of both parts?"
"That depends, doesn't it?" Kell bit his lower lip hard. "On which one is lost."
"If you have lost the Force, meaning Life, then the only thing left is Darkness." The Ho'Din shook his head vehemently. "That cannot be. Or can it?"
"The Force is with every living creature, Master Jeldo, whether is is aware of that or not."
"Then it is with you too."
Silence. Rising gracefully Roj Kell simply gave the Jedi a long look before he whirled around to leave. As he had said, the Force was with everything. Just as the darkness. But the fact that one did not exclude the other did not necessarily mean that they were comparable. There was no light without darkness, no life without death. And no Cor'dan could exist for long if that balance was lost. The only reason why he was not dead yet was the manner of the parting. But without balance he would not last. The problem was that Kell had the nasty feeling that he would have to go through everything again to regain that state. Everything. Unfortunately the Jedi would kill him if he did. Which was why he had agreed so readily to go on this mission. Roj Kell did not care if any Sith was hurt in the process, the only one he cared for right now was Belana. And Master Zerkan and the others would be there to protect her, if need be.
Stalking down the lofty hallways of the temple he relished the peace of the great construct.
The light falling through the large windows painted everything in gold as the evening came on ever so slowly. For a moment he paused to look out over the mountains, remembering the game he had played the last time that he had been on Coruscant. In a way this was a repetition of the same procedure, and he was not at all certain if the Jedi would be so forgiving a second time. No, if Master Jeldo knew he would probably kill him right away instead of asking foolish questions. So, best to keep some things secret. The Force was with Roj Kell and her name was Belana Jen. She did not realize it yet, but she would, in the end. And the Cor'dan would be completed once more. Until then though he had to get her used to her new role in the scheme of things, or more precisely, in his schemes. When she had told him to live the moment instead of the future he had been astounded at her insight. Three years of training her had only served to broaden her view beyond the limits the Jedi had set for themselves.
A view he himself had learned to accept a long, long time ago.
The flight was long and Belana was curled up on her bunk, waiting for Kell to finish his check-up in the cockpit. He had hardly spoked throughout take-off and somehow she felt this rebuke all the more since the last night on Coruscant had been quite ... romantic. It had reminded her of the time they had spent on Alderaan, just as enchanting and beautiful. Something must be on his mind. The mission? No, he had seemed quite confident about that. But she had the feeling that he was determined to keep his distance from her. But why? She did not understand this. Now that they were closer than ever before he was retreating again.
Hugging her knees to her body she stared into the distance pensively. It had something to do with her, she suspected, and the fact that he did not tell her rankled even more at that thought. Why could he not simply trust her? Didn't she show him time and again that he could rely on her? Maybe she was naive to believe that this would evoke the same committment she felt in him.
"Belana?"
Looking up she met his pale green gaze with a smile. He seemed too earnest for her taste, far too somber. That was something else she had noticed: despite the broken bond to the Force he was glowing with an ever-growing fire of darkness that she had felt most acutely last night.
"Are we already there?"
"No, no. I just wanted to make sure that you are all right."
"Well, I am. So?" she raised her eyebrows expectantly.
"It will be dangerous."
"You told me that already. Several times, as I recall." He was fidgeting now, massaging his temples nervously and bristling with worry. What was wrong? "Kell," Belana tried. "There is something you aren't telling me. Perhaps you should know that I can sense you again and what I can feel from you is pretty scary sometimes." His face fell:
"You know?"
She rose suddenly, anger flaring in her mind briefly and when she spoke again her voice was harsh and cold. "Don't play with me," the Jedi Master told him and shook her head vehemently. "There is nothing that I can hide from you, so don't try to make me believe that you were not aware of this."
The ice in his eyes stopped her short and then he simply shrugged, as if it did not matter. It did matter, for Force's sake!
"So I lied to you. What did you expect? I could hardly trust you to keep that secret."
"What?" Belana yelled, abolutely furious. "What have I done to deserve this?"
"I know you. You trust those who are kind to you and despite what I taught you, you still want to believe that the way you treat them will reflect back on you. They will use you, for the greater good of the Jedi, if you are not careful."
"That is not true."
"It is. Do you know why they did not kill me? Because they knew that if they did you would leave. And they need you, my dear."
"What for?"
"Your idealism and strength is precious to any leadership. You want to help people and you are curious. Gods, Belana, if every Jedi were like you there would be no Sith."
"I do not understand. They were genuinely happy that you were returned to us."
His left hand locked around her neck very suddenly, making her gasp in shock at the sight of his blazing eyes as he hissed: "Fool! Did I not warn you that they would see it as another kind of breaking? They were glad that you had succeeded this time, no more, Belana, no more. And I was not returned to you, as you know very well. I never was a Jedi."
"You are too suspicious..." Belana whispered, feeling tears stream down her cheeks.
"No way. I myself gave Master Jeldo the weapon he sought. They did not trust me one inch from the very beginning and despite all the courteous talk all they wanted was to make me their pet. Belana, of what use could I have been to them safe as proof for their victory?"
"Not everything needs to be useful."
"But there is nothing useless, Belana. Think about it. And the only use I could have had for your Council were two things. They never mentioned the other."
"Your knowledge. But why should they want that dark lore?"
"Because it is true. Survival is the key to everything."
"The Jedi protect life. Is that not the same? Why has there to be this sort of powerplay and all these games?"
"We are so weak, Belana, compared to the Force. We are mortal and we struggle to live every single day. While I play games to survive as an individual your Jedi group together to fight this vulnerability, giving themselves titles and rights that serve to protect themselves most."
"No," she protested. "You are just trying to convince me of your view and twist mine around. I know who I am and where I belong." Shaking her head she freed herself of his graps and pushed past him, feeling that she would suffocate if she stayed this close to him one moment longer.
"Belana." His quiet tone held her back. She closed her eyes, shivering inwardly with confusion and doubt. "I told Jeldo that you came this close to breaking me the last time. Remember? Back then I teased you, said that you would not dare to walk that path. But I wanted you to dare and become more than the Jedi Council's puppet. Because you deserve that freedom. Jeldo agreed to Tarla's plan, a wholly innocent proposition on her part whose shrewdness she did not even realize, I think. He took the bait immediately. And when you went to him to get permission for me to reestablish the bond he refused. Why do you think that was so? Hardly because he thought that I did not have the strength to cope with it and had to learn it. Do I come off that weak?"
"No," she sighed, as the truth in his words worked its way past her protective, mental barriers.
"True forgiveness and compassion would have meant to grant me that whish."
"Yes."
"They want to control me just as they control you. Very subtle, but it is there. You are used to that existence, you tell me, and you do not mourn your freedom." He paused briefly, then continued more forcefully: "I am different, and because of that difference I am not blinded to reality the way you and your fellow Jedi are. Even the Sith are that blind. Where the Jedi see only the light the Sith seek merely darkness. The limits and restrictions the Jedi are under serve one purpose: to hide the truth. Without them they would soon realize that the darkness is part of the light, its reflection. Which is why they want my knowledge to vanish and to get me to accept their lessons. You have learned the truth, I know, but you do not live it."
"Is that why you agreed to this mission?"
"Yes. I want you to be free. Only then I can trust you fully. Without the Jedi Council always hovering at you back and clouding your perception."
"You want to turn me to the Dark Side."
When his arms wrapped around her waist, drawing her against his body, Belana started crying again. His breath caressed her cheeks gently, drying the tears: "I tried for three years, Belana, and you are still shining as brightly as the morning sun."
She shuddered slightly, realizing the truth. Three years back Roj Kell had defied the Temple and he had emerged victorious, his need for survival winning out over the light of the Jedi. The fact that he was neither a true Sith nor a Dark Jedi did not count with the Council. All they could see was black and white, and by taming him they would be able to claim to be still stronger and more wiser than him. In a way they had tried to erase the memory of their defeat by giving him a second chance. And he had seen through that barely concealed net and leash right away. Then something else hit her. Stiffening a bit her mind went into a jumble of competing emotions, but then she asked, her voice trembling: "How come you can sense me at all?"
He could feel her sudden revelation and sighed inwardly. They were getting closer to the core of the problem and he knew perfectly well that he could not just have overwhelmed her with a straight answer instead of a half-truth or lie, as Belana had called it. Maybe he should just stop fighting. But he was already tainted, wasn't he? Too bad.
"A light in the dark, you said it yourself. When the light is suddenly gone your eyes need to get accustomed to the gloom first too, right? The same here."
"And what will happen now?"
"Something good, I hope." Suddenly the nav comp started beeping in alarm. "Looks like we are here," Kell announced and both he and Belana went to take their places in the cockpit. The landing was performed in perfect silence and Belana did not seem to be inclined to discuss the topic further.
"What is this place called?" she asked finally. They had landed close to a lake, the tundra stretching out as far as the eye could see, but he could sense the distastant forests easily. Looking around he stared at the landscape, remembering and identifying the clues it gave him as to the state of the planet, the current season and its inhabitants. He frowned, searching his memory in vain.
"A stronghold of the Sith, but they don't venture too deep into the swamps and mountains. The terrain is pretty rough out there."
"How many can we expect?"
"Not many. Maybe twenty."
"Twenty!"
"Calm down," he told her with a smile. "We only want to observe, after all."
But once they had left the secure presence of the ship he felt himself drawn in several directions. Should he just go and seek out his old hiding place or should he stay with Belana and follow her? Was he to leave her behind and venture into the Sith's territory alone first or could they just walk in there? He was not certain at all which approach would be best. And even though reason told him quite vehemently that the Sith were not to be trusted he longed for something he had called home for quite a long time. For despite their dislike of him he had known nothing else for the past few hundred years.
"And now?" Belana asked, her arms crossed in front of her, a frown marring her pretty face.
Kell stood there, dumb-founded, his mind completely blank. He knew the layout of the plains and mountains and swamps as well as of the Sith fortress, having explored all of them at his leisure already. He needed to be focused. But there were so many impressions, things that had changed over th past on the planet that he had a hard time concentrating on the task at hand.
"Maybe we should have a look at this fortress?" she ventured, seemingly uneasy. He could feel her worry and wondered briefly what she was afraid of. Not waiting anymore Kell began striding in the vague direction of the fortress, fully expecting Belana just to follow and keep up. "Hey!" she called after him. "We need a plan!"
"No, we don't. You say you want to scout them out and that we will do. I know the terrain and you don't. Simple."
"Too simple," she growled back and caught up to him. "And don't walk that fast."
Sharpening his senses Kell was tracing the light and shadows, the ridges bordering the distant horizon and the wind blowing in their faces. He adopted an easy gait that would allow him to go for miles without tiring too much and as the day went on he completely forgot about his companion, solely guided by one goal he had to reach. When he stopped from time to time to watch something in the distance he was fully aware of Belana's silent probing, yet he did not care. Her presence was welcome, but in no way disruptive. She fit in his little world perfectly. As he had known she would. By dusk they had finally reached the edge of the forest and Belana was complaining about her aching legs. Immediately he hunted around for a suitable resting place and led her over toward a felled tree that had dropped over a medium sized depression and offered pretty good shelter, considering the circumstances.
"There's a pond or lake close by," he told her.
"What?"
"The ground is slightly moist, and look at the vegetation."
"We have water rations, you know? Are you hungry, by the way?"
He looked at her, embarrassed. "Of course. I forgot. And yes, I would very much like to eat something." She was shaking her head at him, then went to unpack. Suddenly a sound nearby made his ears perk up. Some small animal, he suspected.
"Kell?"
"Hm?"
"Why are you so nervous?"
"Nervous?"
"Restless, whatever. Can't you just calm down?"
"Why should I?"
"Because you are getting on my nerves."
That brought him back into the here-and-now. Straightening slightly he gave her a very cold look. She was right. He should keep himself in check better. After all, there was no need to go back that far. Curling up next to her he took the food and water she offered, but insisted that she ate and drank first. And Belana was still looking at him cross-wise when she snuggled up to him to sleep. "Promise me one thing," she said drily. "By tomorrow you will be the Sith I know, all right?" He chuckled at that, even though he was not certain what she meant.
Belana was trying hard to understand the sudden change in her lover's behavior. It was as if something had just gone in his head and made him a ... something. The way he was studying her, as if he belived she would vanish if he did not look at her was strange, and his absent-mindedness was wholly unusual. Normally he was focused on his companions, not on his surroundings, but this time it was different. Somehow he took her presence for granted. Finally she drifted off to sleep, but the feelings she could pick up from him made her curious. He was obviously dreaming and Belana decided to take a step closer. What she could sense were a fierce protectiveness, curiosity and regret, fond remembrance and fear. She balked at that. Why was he afraid? She woke suddenly, the same time his head came up and his chin bumped against her left cheek. He did not seem to notice. But the darkness she could feel was overwhelming. There were Dark-Siders very close. The Sith.
"You are still shining as brightly as the morning sun", he had told her not so long ago. Gods, had she forgotten to shield her mind? And then the truth hit her. Not she had betrayed them, but Kell had. But had he not considered that possibility? Apperently so. Biting her lips Belana hesitated to go for her lightsaber. She was supposed to be his apprentice and she would act only when he did. Looking over at him she could hardly see the expression on his face, but his eyes were glowing yellow with an inner light. Suddenly a torchlight cut through the gloom, blinding her. Kell gave a strangled cry, then rose abruptly, a scowl on his face.
"And who do we have here?" a voice asked cheerfully. "Lord Kell and-? It has been quite a long time."
"Yes," he answered and Belana gasped in surprise. His voice had never had this much power before and the air was crackling with Sith magic. The newcomer hesitated.
"We picked up your presence and decided to escort you over. Why didn't you land closer to the fortress? Don't tell me you forgot the coordinates."
"We were enjoying the landscape," Belana heard her companion whisper, and she blushed involuntarily at the other man's sudden roaring laughter.
"I am sure you did. Come. We have a hoovercraft over there."
The Jedi Master could sense the other Sith's uneasiness as he guided them toward a huge lake not far away. So Kell had been right about that. She risked a quick glance over at his tense form and found his eyes back to normal. The hoovercraft was occupied by two more passengers, a man and a Twi'lek female. They were both frowning at them.
"Who's that pretty little thing?" the man asked, leering at Belana. Without hesitating Kell struck him across the face and hissed:
"She's my apprentice, so keep your hands off her. Understood?"
"Sure. No need to get so hostile."
The night was still pitch-black, but once they had boarded and the craft was under way, making good speed across the water in eerie silence, Belana could make out a distant tower looming into the sky. The closer they came, the more was revealed of the small fortress built close to the waterfront. All she could feel from her lover was a bleak wall of anger, and she realized that he tried to shield himself that way against any intrusion on the other Sith's part. She only hoped that it would work. But the looks the threesome gave Kell and especially her were far from reassuring. Did they suspect something already? Mentally crossing her fingers she tried to appear wholly unconcerned. But as they neared the fortress the darkness became overwhelming.
A pier was built into the lake and the hoovercraft elegantly glided into position next to it. Stepping off the boat Kell caught Belana's hand when she nearly stumbled, too nervous to concentrate on her own two feet. They followed their hosts in silence and she hated having to rely completely on him to do the right thing since they had no way of communicating ins secret. The fortress was bustling with life and the Jedi Master realized that Kell had led her into the heart of the enemy, where the next attacks on the Jedi and the Republic would be planned. A clever move, but in his current state far too dangerous. Had he realized that? She doubted it. There was a lot he had not seemed to have taken into consideration in preparation for this mission. As if he trusted his luck and his abilities to work in their favor. Why this sudden change? Usually he would analyse the situation before he acted. Now it was as if he were acting on instinct and experience, not logic and reason. Maybe he had meant that when he had told her that he was turning back to his old self. Should that be the case they were as good as lost. He must have picked up on her mood, for his hand found hers easily, squeezing her fingers in silent understanding. Belana relaxed a bit, but felt her throat constrict in sudden panic when they stepped into a brightly lit hall full of beings of various species, all looking at them suspiciously.
A flash of something got past Kell's shield of fury and made Belana shudder inwardly. She had not known that he hated the Sith so much. Regarding his first experiences with them it should not have come as a surprise, but so far the Jedi Master had been under the impression that he was above that. Apparently she had been mistaken. But unfortunately she was not the only one who had picked up on his mood. Belana could feel the suspicion deepen by a thousandfold. And she knew exactly why. Even if Kell was angry he hid his anger well, but this time that option was not available to him. The usually so cold Sith Lord protecting his apprentice, having difficulties with his mental shields and acting all out weird. They were definitely done for.
"Ah, you are back. An honor," a Chadra'Fan with madly gleaming eyes welcomed them. Kell nodded slowly.
"Indeed. I see that you have a lot going on. Care to enlighten me?"
"Not before you tell us what you want."
Cocking his head to one side the Cor'dan regarded his opponent with a face void of any emotion. But the fury lurking behind his features was unmistakable. He started pacing around the Chadra'Fan slowly, and Belana shivered involuntarily when Sith magic began running down the walls and the air started shimmering with raw power. "What I want is information," he said calmly. "And no questions." The thin smile he gave the assembly was without any humor and Belana could see the others straining to overcome the influence of his enchanting voice. But she knew, didn't she, that they would succeed in the end. Very quietly she lay a hand on the hilt of her lightsaber, her dark eyes constantly searching for a possible threat, as if they had not landed in the middle of a nest of vipers anyway. And still Kell was holding his own.
"What is it with you?" the Chadra'Fan, obviously the leader of the group, managed finally, a strangled gasp that he pressed past his own efforts to defeat the dizzy spell locked in his head.
"Just answer the question."
"You could have guessed, I believe. It has been three years since our last offensive and now we will strike again."
"Where?"
"What do you care?"
"Tactics, strategy. You know me. I like to be informed about such things."
"Very well. First at Alderaan, it is the easiest prey to us and sufficiently close to the Core to rattle them. Then we will jump back and forth to disperse the Republic and Jedi troops."
"Guerillia tactics then. Good, very good. And the only reasonable choice, if I may add."
"Gah! Stop this!" the Sith leader screamed and Belana was positively shaking by now.
Roj Kell laughed. "Oh no, that is impossible, I fear," he explained and took a step back to hold his lover's right hand.
As the magic earthed itself through her Belana finally understood what he was doing. His touch allowed her to see the world through his eyes and perceive the darkness writhing through the assembled Sith like a black cloud of doom. Kell was connected to it, feeding on it to increase his own power and he could not let go that easily without causing a backlash that would not only wipe out all of the beings joined here, but also the fortress. Shaking her head the Jedi Master fought the sickness rising up her throat valiantly and then he let go of her again. Bu the Chadra'Fan had observed that little exchange with an expert eye and struck immediately. It cost him much, that was clear, but Belana was too preoccupied to react when his lightsaber arched at her suddenly.
"No!"
The single word exploded through the ranks of the Sith like a torpedo, ripping apart several of them in a gust of incredible power. The Jedi Master brought her own weapon to bear, but the spell was broken as Kell shifted his focus immediately to protect her. Blocking an underhand strike she whirled around, face grim, to meet her opponent, but the darkness made her skin crawl when her lover shot past her, a feral snarl marring his features, and threw himself at the Chadra'Fan bodily. Don't act on instinct! Belana pleaded silently, but she was too late. On impact Kell was thrown back again and then he was almost lost in a sea of bodies, crowding him in. Run! The tiny voice of reason was screaming at her, but Belana hesitated. And then her world went dark.