Disclaimer: I don't own the characters…they belong to Joss Whedon and company. I did however write the story. I just wanted to add the note that I did use some of the lines from the episode THE GIFT. The lines from this episode are in italics and surrounded by quotation marks to indicate that they were spoken on the show and will be recognized by anyone who saw the show.

Letters from Buffy

Chapter 8: Spike

Dawn waited until much later to deliver the last letter. She didn't quite know why, but she didn't want to go the crypt when she knew that Spike would be there. She never knew what to say to him. They were all hurting over Buffy's death, but somehow it was different with him. It's funny, but it seems that it took Buffy's death to make the rest of the group realize that Spike really was in love with her.

Dawn slowed down as she reached the entrance to the cemetery. She pulled the cross she on a chain around her neck out from under her shirt and felt around for the stake in her bag. The cross was actually the one that Angel had given to Buffy when they first met. Dawn felt safer with it on. She also felt closer to Buffy.

Dawn took a deep breath and hurried through the cemetery toward Spike's crypt. She kept an eye out for vampires, praying that she wouldn't run into any. She was careful to avoid the part of the cemetery where Buffy's grave was located. When she reached the door to the crypt Dawn reached into her bag and pulled out the letter to Spike and some tape. After securing the letter to the door Dawn turned and ran home as fast as she could, not stopping until she was safely at home with the door locked behind her.

~~~

Spike was walking slowly through the cemetery even as the sun was moments from rising. He didn't seem to mind that he could possibly be dusted before he reached his door. He was not thinking about the approaching morning or the disappearing night. His mind was far away from anything in the present, as it had been for a while now. In his mind he was reliving that night a month ago when everything had gone so horribly wrong. He had been reliving that night every day and every night for the past month. He knew that he was missing some important detail about that night. He knew that there was something he have done to stop what had happened if only he had figured it out in time.

Spike looked around and was shocked to see that it was almost dawn and that he was still so far from his crypt. As he was hurrying toward the crypt he could see something stuck up on it. What the hell? he thought . As he got closer he could see that it was some kind of envelope.

"Oh, bloody hell, just what I need. A letter from a secret friend. I wonder who's trying to get rid of me now. Probably those soddin' scoobies. Now that the slayer is gone nobody wants Ol' Spike around anymore. Course, I don't see any of them out patrolling at night."

Spike finished his outburst just as he reached his door. He had just enough time to grab the envelope, open the door and rush inside before the first of the sun's rays hit the door of the crypt. Spike took a moment to adjust to the lighting of the crypt, then he held up the envelope to take a look. The instant he saw his name written on the front everything fell into place for him. He suddenly knew the important thing that he should have figured out so long ago. He looked at his name on the envelope. His name written in her handwriting. The name written by Buffy that night at her house before going to fight Glory. As Spike looked at the envelope his mind drifted back to that night.

"Presto. No barrier."

She had invited him back into the house that night for a reason. A reason that had nothing to do with picking up some weapons with her, but he had been too shocked and too stupid to realize what that reason was.

"We're not all going to make it. You know that."

He had known that, but he thought that she was talking about him. Asking him to sacrifice himself to save her sister. He would have done it. In a heartbeat he would have given his life for Dawn's.

"I always knew I'd go down fighting."

"I'm counting on you to protect her."

To protect Dawn, that was his job… to protect Dawn. Not to get himself killed. A pile of dust couldn't protect a person.

"To the end of the world. Even if that happens to be tonight."

But it wasn't going to be that night. Buffy wouldn't let it be that night. It was her job to save the world and she was going to do her job. Just like she knew that Spike would do his. "I'm counting on you to protect her."

Spike looked at the envelope again as a tear escaped from his eye and made a track down his cheek for other tears to follow. Now he knew what he should have known a month ago. Now he knew what he should have been able to stop. Now he knew what Buffy had been trying to tell him that night. "We're not all going to make it." She had said it with such certainty in her voice. She was so sure… because she knew. She had been planning it all along. Buffy knew that she was going to die that night.

Spike sighed deeply and began to open the envelope. Before he took out the letter Spike thought more about that night. Something else stuck in his mind about that night.

"I know you'll never love me."

"I'm counting on you to protect her."

Spike smiled sadly. Buffy had never loved him, but she had trusted him. Trusted him enough to ask him to protect Dawn. Now he knew that she hadn't meant just that night. She had trusted him enough to invite him back into the house so that he could continue to protect Dawn. Spike promised himself that he wouldn't let her down. As soon as night came he was going to go ask Dawn for permission to move into the house with her. He was going to protect her better than the secret service protected the president. That was one promise he was going to keep.

With that decided Spike pulled the letter out of the envelope and began to read slowly, savoring every word Buffy had written to him. He could tell from the shaky handwriting that the letter had been written when she had locked herself in the back room of the RV.

May 21, 2001

Dear Spike,

By the time you read this I will be dead and you will probably have figured out that I had planned my death. I hope that you can understand that it was what I had to do. I am the Slayer…Death is my gift. I couldn't let Dawn die. She doesn't deserve to die. She's so innocent. She didn't do anything to deserve what's she's going through. I know that she'll be upset and confused about my death, but I know that you'll help her. I know that I can count on you to protect her and keep her safe. The others will all help you. I know that you have all had your differences in the past, we all have, but now all of you have to try to put that behind you and pull together. If you can't do it for yourselves then do it for Dawn. If she isn't a good enough reason…do it for me. Please don't let the gang fall apart. I'm counting on you Spike, please don't let me down.

Buffy

Spike folded the letter and began to put it back in the envelope. That is when he noticed the writing on the back.

May 22, 2001

P.S.--You're wrong Spike. I do love you. More than anything. I'm sorry that I didn't figure it out sooner, or tell you when I did realize it. We could have had something special.