The entertainment of the hour was somehow placed on me. Me freaking out in front of all the people that think I'm strong as steel could turn a few heads. Oh well. Claudia was right there trying to pick up my missing pieces. She makes me miss my mother more than anyone in this entire world. Being around her makes me realize that I won't have anyone to sew my wedding dress, to watch my kids grow. Me get married? Almost makes me laugh. The thought of kids makes me fall over laughing so hard that tears start flowing down my face. I bet my mom never expected that. I bet she turned in her grave as she watched me become the monster I am today. Sometimes I would like to trade everything I have to get a fresh start on life. Just become a normal person with a normal life. Doesn't seem possible.
"Sara?"
I lifted my head from my pillow. Claudia was sitting on the side of the bed watching me. I turned my head to her to see a beautiful heart warming smile. She reached her hand out to my head and ran her fingers through my hair.
"Wanna talk about it?"
I moved her hand away from me then sat up. "About what?"
She rested her hand on her stomach closing her robe. "About why you woke up the entire neighborhood last night?"
I searched the walls of the stinky room looking for a clock.
"What time is it?"
She looked back at a small table that had an alarm clock sitting on the top of it. She returned back to me with a smile.
"Five-thirty a.m."
"Did Asher leave?"
"Yeah, Cameron and Shawn brought him to the Circus. I thought you'd like some peace and quiet."
I sat up in the bed sighing. "Thank God!"
She crossed her arms over her chest. "Sara, did you have sex with Asher?"
I turned my face to her with a frown. "No."
She cocked her head to the side. "Really?"
"I said no."
"Do you love him?"
I smiled bitterly at her. "My alter ego does."
She gave me a confused look. I sat there contemplating on whether I should let her know or let her suffer. I'll explain.
"I guess I look like his past servant. He uses me to channel her. So, I have no control over what I do."
She sat back against the headboard with her hand under her chin. When she finally nodded, she smiled at me.
"Do you love Cameron?"
"Do you love Shawn?"
She cocked her head sideways again and stared at me. "Yes, I love Shawn."
I pushed the covers off. "I don't love Cameron. I like him, that's it."
She sat up from the headboard. "Sara, he's a great guy."
"Yeah, so is Asher, but he's getting on my nerves."
She stood up from the bed. "You're going to lose him if you keep dragging him along."
I rolled my eyes up at her. "He knows how I feel. If he didn't want me, he wouldn't be holding on. Besides, it's none of your business."
"You're my best friend Sara. I want to see you happy."
I moved my legs to the other side of the bed. "Then stay out of my love life."
She stepped off the bed with her head bent down so forward her hair was covering her face. God! I hurt her feelings.
I moved my body across the bed until I reached Claudia. She was standing above me with a sad smile. I reached my hand out to her and she pulled me off the bed into a hug.
She let go of me, forcing me to fall back on the bed. She stared down at me with sad eyes.
"What's happening to us?"
I smiled as I positioned my legs perfectly over the edge of the bed. "You're growing up."
She stepped back from me. "What does that mean?"
"You're moving on to greener pastures while I'm stuck in the same dusty, crappy field."
She pushed me to my side. "No, you are only becoming isolated. You hate St. Louis."
"Damn straight! Lets blow this place and everyone in it up."
Her mouth made an o expression. "No Sara."
I rolled my eyes again at her. "I forgot. Your lil bastard lives here."
"He's not a bastard."
I sat there thinking for a few seconds. "Fine. So he's not a bastard. God! We've got wolfies up to our ears."
She looked at me confused for a few seconds then joined me on the bed.
"Claud, you seen him shift?"
She turned her head away from me. "No, I'm not looking forward to it either."
I poked her in her side with my elbow. "Me neither. That's why I have no commitments."
She laughed bitterly. "You know that's not the only reason."
"Yeah, but it was so convenient."
She laughed at me. "Shawn and I are getting serious."
"No kiddin'?"
"Yeah, he's the sweetest thing I've ever met."
I shrugged. "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
"He really is."
I crossed my arms over my chest. "Let me think about it for a second... He's a dumbass."
"So what?"
I shrugged again. "Just thought you'd like to know."
"He's not dumb. He's precious."
I stood up with a smile. "So are the soles of my shoes."
"Sara!"
I walked a few feet away from her then looked back. "What?"
"Don't tease him. I love him."
"Fine. Just for you, I'll be nice. Happy?"
"Very."
She ran up to me and hugged me tight. I bitterly added. "Good, cause I normally wouldn't do it."
"Yeah, I know. I love you for it."
I shrugged her off. "Yeah"
Two car doors slammed closed. I leaped up on the bed, ran across the matresses, then jumped to the floor. I stumbled my way to the window. I moved back the drapes to see Cameron and Shawn coming out of the Rodeo. I turned my back on Cameron when we made eye-to-eye contact. I closed my eyes and sighed. Somehow, I knew I'd have to face him. I just didn't know when.
* * *
Shawn came storming inside his house. He thrust open the screen door. I walked into the living room with a smile. He singled me out by pointing his left index finger straight at me.
"You! You and your damn vampires!"
I placed my hand on my chest. "Excuse me?"
"Those damn jerks tried to attack us. I think it's like a conspiracy. They attacked us all at once. Then they left before the sun came up."
"Why did they attack you?"
"I was hoping you would have an answer. You did screw that vamp last night."
I threw my arms up in the air then turned around. "I did not have sex with him. How many times do I have to say it?"
Cameron stepped up to me with a smile. "I knew you wouldn't."
I rolled my eyes at him. "I honestly wasn't myself."
"I believe you Sara."
I walked over to the blue and purple flowered couch. "Good, cause it's the truth."
Shawn jumped in front of me angry. "Why did the vamps attack us?"
I pushed him back from me. "I have no idea. Now, get out of my face."
Claudia ran between us.
"Don't fight please." She glared up at Shawn with sad eyes pleading with him to leave me alone. Hell, if he's looking for a fight, I'd say come on. He may be stronger than me, but I back down from no one.
Shawn eventually turned from me. He headed straight for his bedroom with Claudia on his heels.
I fell butt first onto his couch. I let it swallow my body comfortably. Cameron followed my lead and sat down next to me.
His smile was rich again. He was happy. For some odd reason, I was damn well pissed.
"Sara, I know you're angry, but we need to talk."
"How about we take a rein check?"
"We can't. You know that. You want to get out of St. Louis soon and my family needs me."
I rolled my eyes at him. "How sweet."
"Stop being bitter."
I raised my hand in his face. "You have the type of night I had then tell me that."
"I have gotten attacked by a few vampires that were two times faster than I am."
I shrugged my shoulders. "Fine. I'll drop the attitude."
He smiled. "Good. Now what are we going to do about us?"
I turned my head away from him. "There's no us. It's you and me and some type of screwed up emotion running through our brains."
He placed his hand on his heart. "I know how I feel Sara."
"And I just told you how I felt."
"So, are you trying to say that we are over?"
"There was never a we."
He stood up from the couch. "Why are you treating me this way?"
I sighed. I didn't want to tell him, but he deserved to know the reason why, right?
"I feel like I've been used. Asher sees this crazy bitch in me. You expect me to be a saint."
"I don't expect..." I interrupted him. "Yes, you do. You want someone to love you and fall in love quickly. I can pretend to play house, but that's where it ends. I don't want the married life. No kids, no commitment, no picket fence. Just me, myself, and I. That's truly all I ask for. If I do fall in love, I will know. I am totally clueless now."
"I should just go."
"No, I need to go. I'm going call a cab."
"Sara, I'll go."
I stood up abruptly. "Sit down now! I need to arrange my flight home. Don't move."
I went to the kitchen phone, dialed 0 and got hooked up with an operator. She gave me the number to the airport. I dialed it happily. I was extremely nice to the lady on the other line. She gave me a trip home at eight tonight. I tried for sooner but they weren't flying until eight. Damn, I'll have to be in St. Louis for another day. That sucks. I quickly called a cab company. They said they'd be here in about twenty minutes. Hey, that's fine.
I returned back to a cold shoulder on the couch. His anger was rising from his body. His beast was so very close. His eyes changed to bright amber unlike his beautiful brown. God, it's waiting to get out.
"I'm going back to Texas for a long time. I want a break from this Cameron. I'm not being faithful enough, though I don't mean to be a slut." He stood up from the couch and went to the door. He opened it, took a step out then turned back to me.
"You're telling me to move on. I understand. I will. I won't bother you anymore."
He walked out and closed the door without saying goodbye. I sat there on the couch wondering what I had just done. Did I just ruin my only chance for eternal bliss? Nah! If I miss him, which I doubt, but if I do, I'll go running back to him. Bull. There's no way. This woman won't be taken over emotionally anymore by anyone. Especially a man.