Title: Je Ne Sais Pas
Pourquoi
Author: Dolores Labouchere
E-mail:
dolores_l@hotmail.com
Summary: Faith has the chance to
say goodbye.
Spoilers: Season 5, and Faith
related stuff from season 4.
Rating: PG-13
Distribution: List archives,
otherwise just ask.
Disclaimer: I don't own them,
they're not one of my many toys. I
don't own them; I won't say they can't go with other boys.
Notes: A challenge from Faithtastic, my muse (however
unwillingly) and my dearest friend.
Anyone noting any similarity between the title of this fic and that of a
song by Kylie would not be far wrong.
"This I not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force." –
Dorothy Parker
***
The cemetery was morbidly picturesque by the light of day,
peaceful but for the breeze rushing in the trees and the twitter of
birdsong. Faith stood at the grave,
fidgeting as if she expected its occupant might rise up to scold her at any
moment.
Nervously she bent over to lay down her posy of flowers,
before falling to her knees and reaching out to the marker with one shaking
hand. The tombstone was warm to the
touch, and she traced her fingertips along the grooves formed by the 'y',
looking almost reverently at the name carved into the marble.
Sitting back on her haunches, she wiped the back of her
hand across her eyes. "Well, I
betcha you never thought you'd see me cry over you, did you?"
The grave didn't answer back.
Faith took one of the blooms from her posy of flowers and
picked at the petals.
"The Council got me out of the Big House, 'cause of me
being the only Slayer left now. I
guess you probably figured that out, huh?
Well, anyways, they did, and I'm they're sending me to New Zealand
tomorrow, which is, y'know, weird, and wicked far away but there's some vampire
problem in Auckland – and they figure it'd do me good to get away from
California. I think they want to
get me away from Angel too; they probably think he's a bad influence. Shows them what they know, I
suppose."
She swallowed, and her fingers pulled some more petals from
the flower in her hand, and they fluttered onto the neatly cropped grass beneath
her. Faith watched them fall, then
reached up and dragged her hair back, letting her hand rest on the back of her
neck.
"So, I, uh, I suppose you're wondering what I'm here
for. I guess – I guess I needed to
say goodbye. Which is kinda corny,
but I don't wanna come back to Sunny D anytime soon, so it's probably the only
chance I'll get.
"And I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry, for what
it's worth. You were totally there
for me when I came here the first time round. Totally welcomed me – and I was just a
complete bitch back. You were a
friend and I never appreciated that.
"You know I had a crush on you, right? I mean, I figured that I could never do
anything about it, but then I went and screwed up everything anyway, so it
didn't really matter. Then when I
came out of the coma I was so fucked up, and I dunno, I just wanted to hurt
everyone that had been good to me – and you were pretty much at the top of that
list.
"Thing was, even when I'd hurt you the way I did you still
looked for the good in me. Still
thought I was worth something.
Defended me when I couldn't have, and I don't know why.
"But you don't know what that meant to me. You couldn't."
Faith rubbed at her reddened eyes again.
"I love you, Joyce."
Leaning forward, Faith pressed her lips to the marker. She pulled back and got to her feet,
exhaling slowly, then let go of the flower. It fell gently to the ground,
landing amongst it own petals.
Faith took one last look at the grave, committing the scene to memory
before turning on her heel.
Harlot red lipstick glistened on the tombstone to record
her visit.
***
