Disclaimer: The characters, ship, universe, etc do not belong to me – they belong to Paramount (as we all know by now). I think the games belong to Gameboy/Nintendo (?) – either way they're not mine either. The story however, is mine, all mine! Ha ha ha! (manic laughing).
Rated: NC-17 for innuendo and slight language.
March 2001.
Da Game
by Da Mad Fish
The bridge crew shifted uncomfortably, as once again Janeways' voice rang out from her ready-room.
'Work, dammit, work! That's it, that's it! You go baby!'
'That's it, I'm going in there.'
Chakotay strode menacingly across the bridge, pausing to ring the chime on the door.
'Who is it?' Janeways' disembodied voice demanded.
'Chakotay. Can I discuss something with you captain?'
'Of course. Hold on a moment.' There were electronic sounds, banging and shuffling noises. 'Okay, come in commander.'
Chakotay walked into the ready-room. Janeway was seated on the couch, breathless, flushed, and her hair was slightly mussed.
'How can I help you commander?'
'How can I help you would be the better question.' Thought Chakotay, but instead said 'The bridge crew were concerned. We heard… strange… noises coming from your ready-room. Is everything okay Kathryn?'
'I'm fine, just fine Chakotay. Anything else I can help you with?' Janeway spoke rapidly, mentally praying she could get him out before it started again. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
'No, no nothing else. I'll be on the bridge if you need me.' Chakotay turned to walk out of the ready-room, when a strange sound caught his attention. He turned his head, trying to find the source of the high pitched, electronic bleepy noise.
He turned to Janeway, opening his mouth slightly to speak, when he noticed what Janeway was doing. She was looking nervously in his direction, her face growing red, and was shifting around on the couch.
There was a sudden 'clunk', as though something hard had connected with something soft. Janeways' face got even redder, as she bent down and tried to casually pick up the padd. The strange bleepy music was coming from the padd Janeway was holding, and she cursed as she pushed the button.
'Dammit, now I'll have to start again.' She muttered under her breath.
Commander Chakotay strode up to his captain. He sat down next to her on the couch.
'Is everything alright captain?'
Janeway began to shuffle away from him, reaching for the padd beside her as she went. Chakotay grabbed the padd before she could take it.
'No! Chakotay – please don't!' She pleaded to no avail.
'What the hell are you doing with this?!' Chakotay exclaimed, reading the padd. Janeway grabbed the padd defensively.
'Its fun! I'm allowed to have fun!'
'But… but… why? It's ancient and …and… extremely bad for your blood pressure.' Chakotay protested. 'It's the most boring, most mind numbingly repetitive thing ever thought of!'
'Have you ever done it Commander?' Janeway demanded.
'Well… no… but… '
'Okay then. Come to my quarters tonight and I'll teach you. 19:00 alright?' Janeway strolled out of the ready-room, padd in hand. 'By the way Commander, you have the bridge.'
At 21:00 hours, Tom Paris walked past the Captains quarters. He was on his way to his own quarters, and just as he was about to enter, he heard a strange noise – it sounded like Chakotays' voice. He paused, then continued into his own quarters. It wasn't unusual for the Commander to be in the Captains quarters – they often went over reports together. As he entered the main living area, he saw B'Elanna huddled in a chair with earmuffs on.
'B'Elanna, what's wrong?' He asked, concern evident on his face.
'They haven't shut up all evening.' She complained. 'I don't know what they're doing in there, and I don't want to.'
'Who?'
'The Captain and Chakotay. They've been in there for two hours.'
Just then, shouting came from the Captains quarters. Janeways' voice came through, loud and high-pitched.
'Faster, faster! I know you can do better than that Chakotay!'
'I'm trying, I'm trying!'
'That's it, that it! See, I told you it would be fun!'
'By the way Kathryn, thanks for the pointers. It makes it mush easier to understand.'
'That's okay – no! Don't put it there!'
'Dammit – now you're on top position!'
Tom looked at B'Elanna, fear in his eyes.
'They've been doing… that… for two hours?'
'I know! I mean, I knew Chakotay was fit, but – wow!' B'Elanna exclaimed, as the shouts from the other room got louder.
'You're nearly there Chakotay – not much further to go!'
'I never realised how addictive this could be!'
'See! And you're learning really fast – look how much you've improved since you first tried!'
'I couldn't have done it without you Kathryn.'
'Yeah, well I'm still whipping you. Nobody can beat me – I'm the champion!'
'That's it – I can't put up with this.' Tom said, striding towards the door.
'Tom, you can't!' B'Elanna protested, standing in front of Tom.
'What if someone else hears them? What if Neelix walks past – he'd record it and play it on 'Good Morning Voyager'. Janeway would kill him!' Tom said, panic on his face.
'I would kill him.' B'Elanna growled. 'I've already had to listen to it for two hours – I couldn't take anymore.'
'Exactly.' Tom said over his shoulder as he walked out.
Chakotay was just about to pass Janeways' high score when the door chimed.
'Come in.' Janeway said from behind a heap of coffee mugs.
Tom Paris peered nervously around the doorframe, not wanting to see what he imagined was there. What he saw shocked him – Chakotay sitting on the floor leaning against Janeways' couch, and Janeway kneeling on the seat behind him – laying over his shoulder to point at something Chakotay was holding in his lap.
'You're right, it's the wrong shape.' Janeway was saying. 'Ah, is there something I can help you with, Mr. Paris?'
'Uh, nothing important Captain. I'll come back when you're not… um… busy.' Tom stuttered, and ran out of the room.
'What's wrong with him?' Janeway asked, as Chakotay brought the padd up from his lap.
'I have no idea.' Chakotay replied.
Tom stumbled back down the corridor, entering his quarters in a daze.
'Tom? Tom – are you alright?' B'Elanna said, walking up to steady him.
'You will never guess what they were looking at in there.' Tom said, looking meaningfully down.
'You have got to be joking. She wouldn't!'
'It appears she would, and does.'
'Oh no – they've started up again!' B'Elanna could hear the panic in her voice, as she glanced over at Tom in terror.
Chakotays' frantic cries echoed around the room.
'Too fast, too fast!' he panted, breathing heavily. ' I can't keep up. I can't do it anymore! No! No!' he screamed.
'Yes! Yes! Yes!' Janeways' voice got higher and louder. 'Whoo-ho!'
'Do you think they've stopped?' Tom whispered to B'Elanna.
'I don't know… maybe..' she began to reply, but was cut off.
'I can't, you've beaten me! Please lets stop! Please!' Chakotays' voice was tinged with fear. 'we can find another game to play!'
'Oh really, Commander?' Janeways' voice took on a deeper, huskier quality. Chakotays' voice took on the sound of real terror.
'Kathryn, why are you looking at me like that – stop licking your lips! Open your eyes properly – you can't possibly see with them half-closed like that!' Chakotay said, shifting around in his seat.
'I can see what's important, Chakotay.' She replied.
'What do you mean by that?' Chakotay asked nervously, trying to see Janeway behind him. 'Kathryn, where are you?'
'I'm right here Chakotay.' She whispered in his ear. 'Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere.' She leant forwards over his shoulder.
'Kathryn…' Chakotay stuttered, trying to shuffle away from her.
'Calm down Chakotay. I'm not going to hurt you. All I want is your…' she said as she leapt forwards, hand out-stretched towards his lap.
'Ahhh!' Chakotay screamed – a high pitched, girly scream. 'Kathryn, nooo!'
'I've got it!' she yelled triumphantly.
'What?' Chakotay asked, trembling in a corner on the other side of the room, whilst mentally checking that everything was where it should be.
'Your coffee!' Kathryn yelled gleefully. 'Its mine, all mine!' as she hugged it to her chest.
'O-kay Kathryn. Why don't we put the coffee mug down?' Chakotay suggested, as he gradually moved towards the door.
'Why would I want to do that? Unless you can offer something better than coffee?' she said slyly, looking at him out of the corner of her eye as she tightened her grip on the mug.
'Okay, I did some research into other old fashioned games, and I found one I think you'll like. What do you think?' Chakotay carefully edged towards her, leaning in to hand her another padd.
'How do you play?' she asked, swallowing the last of Chakotays' coffee.
'Well, you chose a vessel – you can chose between strength and size, or a combination of the two. You have to fire these small 'torpedoes' at a kind of moving barrier, while the 'mother-ships' fly around behind the barrier. If your 'torpedoes' manage to penetrate the barrier and hit one of the 'mother-ships' then you get a bonus.
'Hmmm. For some reason that sounds familiar. I must have done something similar to it before.' Janeway mused to herself, taking the padd from Chakotays' outstretched hand.
'Okay, well you play that then. I'm going to go back to my quarters to sleep – I'm on the early shift Tomorrow.'
'Oh, don't go! I don't know how to do it properly, and its no fun playing by myself!' Janeway complained.
'I'm sure you'll figure it out Kathryn.' Chakotay called out as he hurriedly backed out of Janeways' quarters, and ran at breakneck speed down the corridor. Meanwhile Janeway was already engrossed in playing the new game.
'Have they really stopped this time?' Tom pleaded. 'Its no fun to listen!'
'You stay back helm-boy.' B'Elanna warned him off, concentrating on the bleeping noises coming from Janeways' quarters. 'I think he's left. Tom?' Torres turned to see Tom looking pale and slightly fearful.
'I just thought – wasn't Harry going to give Janeway an operations report round about now?'
Torres also paled at this news. 'You've got to warn him Tom! There's no telling what could happen!' Tom ran out of his quarters, just in time to see Harry Kim enter the Captains quarters.
'Oh no. We're too late.'
Harry Kim entered the darkened quarters of his Captain. 'I've got that operations report you wanted Captain.'
'Thank you Mr. Kim. I assume that everything is fine?' Janeway asked, not even looking at him.
'Yes Captain. There are some fluctuations in power output, but its being fixed.' Harry replied, slowly backing away. Suddenly Janeway looked directly at him.
'Mr. Kim, would you like to try this?' Janeway asked, handing him the padd.
Tom was just about to drift off to sleep when he heard it.
'Oh no – they're doing it again.'
'Don't they ever stop?' B'Elanna sighed. 'Wait a minute…' she said sitting bolt upright. 'that's Harrys' voice!'
Paris listened, also hearing Harrys' voice. 'Well that's a new side of the Captain – I never thought she'd two-time Chakotay – certainly not for Harry!'
'Fire Harry, fire! You're not pushing the right buttons!' Janeways' voice once again came through the bulkheads.
'I'm trying, they just go so fast!'
'And once again, you missed. So disappointing.'
Harry sighed, putting down the padd he was holding.
'I'm sorry Captain, I'm just no good at 'space invaders' – the entire concept confuses me. And Tetris is too complicated. Maybe Chakotay will come back if you ask him?'
'Okay Harry. See you later.' As he walked out of Janeways' quarters, she muttered 'Failure, Failure.' in a singsong voice.
'I'm sorry Captain – did you say something?' Harry turned as he reached the door.
'Nothing Harry.' Janeway replied, giving him her sweetest most innocent smile. Harry nodded and walked out of the room. 'Dunce, Failure, Idiot.' Janeway said again. 'I need a manly-man to play with – I need Chakotay!'
Tom Paris and B'Elanna Torres exchanged incredulous looks.
'Tetris?! Space invaders?!'
De End.
Rated: NC-17 for innuendo and slight language.
March 2001.
Da Game
by Da Mad Fish
The bridge crew shifted uncomfortably, as once again Janeways' voice rang out from her ready-room.
'Work, dammit, work! That's it, that's it! You go baby!'
'That's it, I'm going in there.'
Chakotay strode menacingly across the bridge, pausing to ring the chime on the door.
'Who is it?' Janeways' disembodied voice demanded.
'Chakotay. Can I discuss something with you captain?'
'Of course. Hold on a moment.' There were electronic sounds, banging and shuffling noises. 'Okay, come in commander.'
Chakotay walked into the ready-room. Janeway was seated on the couch, breathless, flushed, and her hair was slightly mussed.
'How can I help you commander?'
'How can I help you would be the better question.' Thought Chakotay, but instead said 'The bridge crew were concerned. We heard… strange… noises coming from your ready-room. Is everything okay Kathryn?'
'I'm fine, just fine Chakotay. Anything else I can help you with?' Janeway spoke rapidly, mentally praying she could get him out before it started again. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
'No, no nothing else. I'll be on the bridge if you need me.' Chakotay turned to walk out of the ready-room, when a strange sound caught his attention. He turned his head, trying to find the source of the high pitched, electronic bleepy noise.
He turned to Janeway, opening his mouth slightly to speak, when he noticed what Janeway was doing. She was looking nervously in his direction, her face growing red, and was shifting around on the couch.
There was a sudden 'clunk', as though something hard had connected with something soft. Janeways' face got even redder, as she bent down and tried to casually pick up the padd. The strange bleepy music was coming from the padd Janeway was holding, and she cursed as she pushed the button.
'Dammit, now I'll have to start again.' She muttered under her breath.
Commander Chakotay strode up to his captain. He sat down next to her on the couch.
'Is everything alright captain?'
Janeway began to shuffle away from him, reaching for the padd beside her as she went. Chakotay grabbed the padd before she could take it.
'No! Chakotay – please don't!' She pleaded to no avail.
'What the hell are you doing with this?!' Chakotay exclaimed, reading the padd. Janeway grabbed the padd defensively.
'Its fun! I'm allowed to have fun!'
'But… but… why? It's ancient and …and… extremely bad for your blood pressure.' Chakotay protested. 'It's the most boring, most mind numbingly repetitive thing ever thought of!'
'Have you ever done it Commander?' Janeway demanded.
'Well… no… but… '
'Okay then. Come to my quarters tonight and I'll teach you. 19:00 alright?' Janeway strolled out of the ready-room, padd in hand. 'By the way Commander, you have the bridge.'
At 21:00 hours, Tom Paris walked past the Captains quarters. He was on his way to his own quarters, and just as he was about to enter, he heard a strange noise – it sounded like Chakotays' voice. He paused, then continued into his own quarters. It wasn't unusual for the Commander to be in the Captains quarters – they often went over reports together. As he entered the main living area, he saw B'Elanna huddled in a chair with earmuffs on.
'B'Elanna, what's wrong?' He asked, concern evident on his face.
'They haven't shut up all evening.' She complained. 'I don't know what they're doing in there, and I don't want to.'
'Who?'
'The Captain and Chakotay. They've been in there for two hours.'
Just then, shouting came from the Captains quarters. Janeways' voice came through, loud and high-pitched.
'Faster, faster! I know you can do better than that Chakotay!'
'I'm trying, I'm trying!'
'That's it, that it! See, I told you it would be fun!'
'By the way Kathryn, thanks for the pointers. It makes it mush easier to understand.'
'That's okay – no! Don't put it there!'
'Dammit – now you're on top position!'
Tom looked at B'Elanna, fear in his eyes.
'They've been doing… that… for two hours?'
'I know! I mean, I knew Chakotay was fit, but – wow!' B'Elanna exclaimed, as the shouts from the other room got louder.
'You're nearly there Chakotay – not much further to go!'
'I never realised how addictive this could be!'
'See! And you're learning really fast – look how much you've improved since you first tried!'
'I couldn't have done it without you Kathryn.'
'Yeah, well I'm still whipping you. Nobody can beat me – I'm the champion!'
'That's it – I can't put up with this.' Tom said, striding towards the door.
'Tom, you can't!' B'Elanna protested, standing in front of Tom.
'What if someone else hears them? What if Neelix walks past – he'd record it and play it on 'Good Morning Voyager'. Janeway would kill him!' Tom said, panic on his face.
'I would kill him.' B'Elanna growled. 'I've already had to listen to it for two hours – I couldn't take anymore.'
'Exactly.' Tom said over his shoulder as he walked out.
Chakotay was just about to pass Janeways' high score when the door chimed.
'Come in.' Janeway said from behind a heap of coffee mugs.
Tom Paris peered nervously around the doorframe, not wanting to see what he imagined was there. What he saw shocked him – Chakotay sitting on the floor leaning against Janeways' couch, and Janeway kneeling on the seat behind him – laying over his shoulder to point at something Chakotay was holding in his lap.
'You're right, it's the wrong shape.' Janeway was saying. 'Ah, is there something I can help you with, Mr. Paris?'
'Uh, nothing important Captain. I'll come back when you're not… um… busy.' Tom stuttered, and ran out of the room.
'What's wrong with him?' Janeway asked, as Chakotay brought the padd up from his lap.
'I have no idea.' Chakotay replied.
Tom stumbled back down the corridor, entering his quarters in a daze.
'Tom? Tom – are you alright?' B'Elanna said, walking up to steady him.
'You will never guess what they were looking at in there.' Tom said, looking meaningfully down.
'You have got to be joking. She wouldn't!'
'It appears she would, and does.'
'Oh no – they've started up again!' B'Elanna could hear the panic in her voice, as she glanced over at Tom in terror.
Chakotays' frantic cries echoed around the room.
'Too fast, too fast!' he panted, breathing heavily. ' I can't keep up. I can't do it anymore! No! No!' he screamed.
'Yes! Yes! Yes!' Janeways' voice got higher and louder. 'Whoo-ho!'
'Do you think they've stopped?' Tom whispered to B'Elanna.
'I don't know… maybe..' she began to reply, but was cut off.
'I can't, you've beaten me! Please lets stop! Please!' Chakotays' voice was tinged with fear. 'we can find another game to play!'
'Oh really, Commander?' Janeways' voice took on a deeper, huskier quality. Chakotays' voice took on the sound of real terror.
'Kathryn, why are you looking at me like that – stop licking your lips! Open your eyes properly – you can't possibly see with them half-closed like that!' Chakotay said, shifting around in his seat.
'I can see what's important, Chakotay.' She replied.
'What do you mean by that?' Chakotay asked nervously, trying to see Janeway behind him. 'Kathryn, where are you?'
'I'm right here Chakotay.' She whispered in his ear. 'Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere.' She leant forwards over his shoulder.
'Kathryn…' Chakotay stuttered, trying to shuffle away from her.
'Calm down Chakotay. I'm not going to hurt you. All I want is your…' she said as she leapt forwards, hand out-stretched towards his lap.
'Ahhh!' Chakotay screamed – a high pitched, girly scream. 'Kathryn, nooo!'
'I've got it!' she yelled triumphantly.
'What?' Chakotay asked, trembling in a corner on the other side of the room, whilst mentally checking that everything was where it should be.
'Your coffee!' Kathryn yelled gleefully. 'Its mine, all mine!' as she hugged it to her chest.
'O-kay Kathryn. Why don't we put the coffee mug down?' Chakotay suggested, as he gradually moved towards the door.
'Why would I want to do that? Unless you can offer something better than coffee?' she said slyly, looking at him out of the corner of her eye as she tightened her grip on the mug.
'Okay, I did some research into other old fashioned games, and I found one I think you'll like. What do you think?' Chakotay carefully edged towards her, leaning in to hand her another padd.
'How do you play?' she asked, swallowing the last of Chakotays' coffee.
'Well, you chose a vessel – you can chose between strength and size, or a combination of the two. You have to fire these small 'torpedoes' at a kind of moving barrier, while the 'mother-ships' fly around behind the barrier. If your 'torpedoes' manage to penetrate the barrier and hit one of the 'mother-ships' then you get a bonus.
'Hmmm. For some reason that sounds familiar. I must have done something similar to it before.' Janeway mused to herself, taking the padd from Chakotays' outstretched hand.
'Okay, well you play that then. I'm going to go back to my quarters to sleep – I'm on the early shift Tomorrow.'
'Oh, don't go! I don't know how to do it properly, and its no fun playing by myself!' Janeway complained.
'I'm sure you'll figure it out Kathryn.' Chakotay called out as he hurriedly backed out of Janeways' quarters, and ran at breakneck speed down the corridor. Meanwhile Janeway was already engrossed in playing the new game.
'Have they really stopped this time?' Tom pleaded. 'Its no fun to listen!'
'You stay back helm-boy.' B'Elanna warned him off, concentrating on the bleeping noises coming from Janeways' quarters. 'I think he's left. Tom?' Torres turned to see Tom looking pale and slightly fearful.
'I just thought – wasn't Harry going to give Janeway an operations report round about now?'
Torres also paled at this news. 'You've got to warn him Tom! There's no telling what could happen!' Tom ran out of his quarters, just in time to see Harry Kim enter the Captains quarters.
'Oh no. We're too late.'
Harry Kim entered the darkened quarters of his Captain. 'I've got that operations report you wanted Captain.'
'Thank you Mr. Kim. I assume that everything is fine?' Janeway asked, not even looking at him.
'Yes Captain. There are some fluctuations in power output, but its being fixed.' Harry replied, slowly backing away. Suddenly Janeway looked directly at him.
'Mr. Kim, would you like to try this?' Janeway asked, handing him the padd.
Tom was just about to drift off to sleep when he heard it.
'Oh no – they're doing it again.'
'Don't they ever stop?' B'Elanna sighed. 'Wait a minute…' she said sitting bolt upright. 'that's Harrys' voice!'
Paris listened, also hearing Harrys' voice. 'Well that's a new side of the Captain – I never thought she'd two-time Chakotay – certainly not for Harry!'
'Fire Harry, fire! You're not pushing the right buttons!' Janeways' voice once again came through the bulkheads.
'I'm trying, they just go so fast!'
'And once again, you missed. So disappointing.'
Harry sighed, putting down the padd he was holding.
'I'm sorry Captain, I'm just no good at 'space invaders' – the entire concept confuses me. And Tetris is too complicated. Maybe Chakotay will come back if you ask him?'
'Okay Harry. See you later.' As he walked out of Janeways' quarters, she muttered 'Failure, Failure.' in a singsong voice.
'I'm sorry Captain – did you say something?' Harry turned as he reached the door.
'Nothing Harry.' Janeway replied, giving him her sweetest most innocent smile. Harry nodded and walked out of the room. 'Dunce, Failure, Idiot.' Janeway said again. 'I need a manly-man to play with – I need Chakotay!'
Tom Paris and B'Elanna Torres exchanged incredulous looks.
'Tetris?! Space invaders?!'
De End.