Lost and Foundering
~**~**~
Chapter Two
~**~**~
Of all the rooms in the house, this felt the most familiar. She
remembered most of her stuffed animals, including a well-worn Mr.
Gordo. There were a few tops and skirts in the closet that she
remembered buying not so long ago, but the majority of it was
unrecognizable. Dawn helped her pick out something moderately trendy,
then Buffy retreated into the bathroom to wash away the feeling of
grime on her skin.
The shower was also a subconscious attempt to scrub away the recent
developments in her life. A raw, hollow spot in her heart ached at the
loss of her mother, and it upset her to think that she'd forgotten
something like that. Maybe that's what happened...she'd broken down in
grief and wandered away, leaving her friends and family behind. But
that didn't make sense, since it didn't explain why she had been naked
and only seven blocks away from her house. Plus she'd been gone for
three months. Three months! They had probably thought she was dead.
She needed to find out what had happened, and why. With help, she could
hopefully rebuild whatever life she'd left behind. God, she didn't even
know if she had a boyfriend or not. Her friends were one thing, but she
didn't know how she was going to deal with an unfamiliar and unknown
man who loved her.
The shower left her body clean and refreshed, but mentally she felt as
if she'd already aged those five years. She couldn't handle this, she
was just fifteen...no. She was twenty, now. Even in the fogged up
mirror, the difference in her face was obvious.
Buffy looked at her hands, glad that they weren't so different...and
then she noticed that a scar was missing. It had been just below her
inner wrist ever since she was seven, when she'd taken a spill off of
her bicycle. It was a faint one, barely noticeable, but it wasn't there
at all. Frowning, she checked for other childhood marks and scars, and
came up with none. What on earth was going on?
In a daze, she went into her room, got dressed, and came down the
stairs in a rush, growing ever more concerned and distressed by the
minute.
****
"I want to know what the hell's happened to me," Buffy said as Willow
approached her. Her arrival in the kitchen had surprised the two of
them, and now they were worried at the stormy look on their friend's
face.
"Buffy, what--?"
"My scars are gone. Not faded, *gone*. Dawn said it was a miracle I was
back, but it's been three months, and I only remember coming to in the
backyard of someone seven blocks away, buck naked and not knowing where
the hell I was. I broke into their house somehow, and discovered where
and when I was. I thought I was in some sort of Twilight Zone episode,
you know? Then it turns out I've aged five years that I don't remember,
I have a sister I don't recall ever having before, and now my scars are
gone.
"What happened to me? If you're really and truly my friend, Willow, you
won't lie to me about this. I want to know, I-I *have* to know."
Willow stood up and gave her a hug, one that she'd forgotten to give to
her friend when she'd first arrived. Buffy sagged into the embrace
after a long moment, and Willow murmured softly, "I think it's time to
tell you, then."
Pulling away, she said over her shoulder, "Tara, could you call Anya
and let her know what's happened? See if you can call Xander, or have
Anya do it--the foreman's more willing to put through one of her calls
than one of mine. I'll call Giles later, once I figure out what time it
is in England."
"England?" Buffy repeated, a little amazed. "Was I in England?"
Willow grinned. "No, silly. Giles is from England. Don't worry, it'll
all be explained soon. And I guarantee you're not gonna believe half of
it."
****
Willow had been right. She couldn't believe it. "So you're saying I'm
this Slayer, chosen by some mystical Powers That Be or whatever, in
order to kill demons and vampires. And Giles was this British guy who
watched over me, and you, me, and some guy named Xander met in high
school."
The redheaded woman had the nerve to nod in agreement. "Exactly, more
or less. You were called when you were still living in LA. That's
probably why that's the last thing you remember--I'd bet money that you
were called the very next day after your last memory."
"But...vampires and demons don't exist. I mean, this *is* a joke,
right? A 'Slayer'? C'mon! That sounds like an 80s rock band or
something. Actually, I think it was," Buffy frowned as she thought
back.
Willow sighed, obviously distressed. "You're going to need proof. I
guess I should have expected that." She got up and went over to a chest
sitting in the family room. Buffy followed curiously, and leaned in
when Willow bent down to lift the lid. The contents made her jump back
in horror.
"Those are weapons! Big, pointy, and *sharp* ones...and there's a lot
of them. Uh, why d'you guys have these? Or should I even ask?"
"They're yours, Buffy. You've got more up in your closet, by the way.
And that's just for starters. You're super-strong and heal faster than
normal people. You have the ability to sense vampires, though I'm not
really sure how that works. Might be something like spider-sense, you
know, or super-hearing."
"Uh huh," Buffy folded her arms, not believing that she was listening
to all this. "And do you have superpowers, too? Or is it just me?"
"Tara and I can do magics, since we're witches, and I do the odd hack
now and then. More then than now, admittedly, but still, it's there. Do
you want me to show you something?"
"Sure, why not?" Buffy shrugged, letting her have her fun. Willow
smiled and concentrated her gaze on a paperweight on her mother's desk.
Slowly, it began to rise, and Buffy's eyes nearly bugged out of her
head. "Oh my god. You, you're lifting it! How?"
"Like I said, magic! Don't worry, I'll put it back." And sure enough,
the paperweight drifted back onto the desk. "That's a simple one. I can
show you something more complex...?"
"Maybe later, when I'm not feeling so woozy," Buffy replied, and sat
back down on the couch. "So I have super-strength, huh? That explains
how I broke the back door at the Thompsons' house, at least. I thought
the wood was just rotted out."
"No, it's the Slayer strength. There's more, but I'm gonna let Giles
tell you when he eventually gets here. I don't know much of anything
about Slayer training."
Buffy gave the nervous witch a consoling smile and said, "I know this
isn't an easy question, but I have to know...what happened to me three
months ago? Why was I in someone's backyard with no idea how I got
there, and most importantly, why I wasn't wearing any clothes?"
"I...can answer the first question, but the second and third ones, I
really can only guess. Buffy, three months ago, you did a wonderful
thing. An incredible, sacrificial thing that saved all of us--saved the
world, in fact. But, that sacrifice was you," she continued sadly. "You
jumped into an energy portal to stop it from turning our world in
several shades of hell...but you had to die in order for it to stop."
Buffy gazed at her in horror. "I--I've been dead for three months?
Like, buried in the ground, ashes to ashes, dust to dust?" It was
impossible, unthinkable. She started to wonder if perhaps she was in
the Twilight Zone...or maybe even insane.
"They didn't resurrect your old body; instead, I think they made you a
new one. That's why you wouldn't have your old scars. But I don't know
who did it, or why. It might be those Powers I was talking about, but
if they were responsible, I don't know why they waited this long. As
for the location and clothes, well," she shrugged, "at least you didn't
appear in a room full of frat boys."
Buffy clutched at her arms and shuddered. "No, that's not a good visual
picture. Or mental one, either. I wish I could remember some of this,
something that would help me accept it all...I gotta tell you, it's not
easy."
"Don't I know it. But you'll remember something, you have to believe
that."
She appeared to think this over. "Will I ever remember Dawn? You said
something about a spell..."
Willow grimaced. "Dawn is a little more complicated. And I know you
said you wanted to know everything, but this is too much, even in spite
of what I've told you, already. Trust me on this."
Buffy didn't know why, but she found that she did trust her. "Okay. So,
tell me more about the first year, and don't spare the details;
especially anything of a boy-liking nature," she said with a grin.
Willow's eyes widened in dread. "Oh boy."
****
Tara and Dawn peeked in occasionally while Willow told Buffy about
everything that happened the first year--or at least, as much as she
felt she could safely share. She fumbled around the Master drinking her
blood, her drowning and being revived by Xander, but she gave enough
information to give Buffy the main idea. She had died only momentarily,
but long enough to summon the next Slayer, whose name was Kendra.
They stopped for lunch, and also to let all that sink in. Willow and
Tara were worried that they shouldn't tell her too much, too soon, but
Buffy soaked in everything like a sponge. Some things were hard for her
to grasp, like Angel and the fact that he had a soul. Willow explained
the soul made him one of the good guys, but Buffy wasn't so sure.
"Willow, you told me that he had this soul for like, a hundred years,
and he never did anything good with it until he met me. And even then,
he sounds kind of rude. What did I see in him?"
Willow nearly choked on her sandwich. "Buffy! I can't believe--" then
she broke off, laughing. It felt good to laugh in the midst of all this
craziness. "I keep forgetting you've never seen him. He's, well, tall,
dark, handsome, and mysterious. You guys didn't instantly hit it off,
but you were attracted to him, big time. It was mutual likeage."
"If you say so," Buffy shrugged. "Was he a lot of fun? Party animal
kind of guy?"
"Um, no. Definitely not. He's a loner, reads books, and he likes to
stay at home."
"Ugh. He must be *really* cute, then. I mean, I like having time to
myself, but there's gotta be the fun, too. Dancing, hanging out..." she
stopped and looked down at her sandwich, "...but you guys already knew
that, huh?"
Willow smiled wistfully. "Yeah. There wasn't so much of the fun-having
at the end, but not for lack of trying. And now that you're back with
us, there'll be fun to be had once again."
Buffy tried to smile, but it didn't come off very well. She hadn't hit
information overload just yet; however, the fact that she was missing a
huge chunk of her life made her feel bad for her friends. They still
remembered the good times, and all she could do was stare blankly at
them, hoping something would jar her memory.
Tara glanced at Willow in sudden alarm. "I didn't call Angel and tell
him."
Willow swore something under her breath, "Oh no, I totally forgot. It's
not your fault, it's mine. I should've thought of that. Should I drive
down to LA, or just call him? When I told him about Buffy, um,
*before*, I went in person."
"Maybe we should go down there together? I'd like to see LA again,
check out the shops," Buffy added before she took another drink of her
Diet Coke.
Willow shook her head. "That's not a good idea. When you guys broke up,
it was for a reason. If he sees you right away, he might get really
happy."
"And that's a bad thing?" Buffy gave them a quizzical look.
Tara replied, "We, uh, haven't gotten to the second year, yet. You see,
his having a soul is a curse. He's supposed to feel the guilt and
misery of everything he did as a vampire. The only way to lift the
curse is for him to have one moment of perfect happiness."
Willow chimed in, "He's already kinda had that, and after what he did,
we don't want that happening again. Ever."
"Okay, then. That's good to know. Don't make the ex-boyfriend really
happy, or else badness ensues. I can handle that."
They all shared a look of irony at the statement, but said nothing as
they ate in silence, leaving Buffy none the wiser.
****
The afternoon passed by with only a brief overview of the second and
third years, with certain facts kept deliberately vague until they
could be more easily dealt with. Willow avoided telling Buffy much
about Spike's past mainly because if she explained Spike, then she'd
have to explain about the Initiative, then Riley, and that was a messy
place she didn't want to go just yet. Once it was late enough, Willow
called Giles to let him know what had happened, and the Watcher's
response was nearly an echo of hers; disbelief mixed with joy. He vowed
to get on the next available flight out of England, and told her that
he would call her back once he knew when he was flying in.
As the sun began to wane, Willow asked Dawn and Tara to take over to
the Magic Box, where Xander would be joining them later. Anya was
thrilled at Buffy's sudden reappearance, although she was concerned if
this meant she'd have to invite Buffy to be a bridesmaid, and how much
extra that would cost.
The idea that Spike might have been responsible for Buffy's sudden
resurrection had occurred to her, but Willow wasn't inclined to believe
it. If he had planned to resurrect her, he would've done it before now,
certainly. Plus, he wouldn't have had her pop up in some random place,
and not sought her out. No, Spike wasn't in on this, which left her
with no suspects to suspect.
Willow created and rehearsed what she would say to Spike before she got
to the crypt, but as she knocked and entered, the words escaped her
mind and flew right out the open door. She could almost see them
fleeing for their lives, and she wished she could join them.
Spike was up and awake, but only just. Shirtless, he padded in bare
feet over to his discarded T-shirt and put it on. "Aren't you a little
early for slaying, Will? It's still daylight."
"Spike, I...I'm not here about the slaying. There's something important
I have to tell you. And I don't want you to get too excited, or
anything, because we really don't how it happened--"
"Will, the point?" he groused, then shock crossed his face. "Oh God,
it's not Dawn, is it? The little bit's okay, isn't she?"
"No, no, Dawn's fine," Willow replied, a bit heartened by Spike's
concern. "It's--it's about Buffy. She, uh, she showed up at the house
today. Alive."
She didn't think he could look any more stunned, shocked, dazed, and
elated than he was at that moment. "Alive? She--Buffy...but how? She's
not a zombie, is she? Her grave wasn't disturbed last night, I know I
checked it..."
"Spike, it's okay. She's real. But there's something else. She doesn't
remember anything about the last five years. It's like her whole life
as a Slayer was erased. And that's not the worst thing. She doesn't
remember Dawn at all. Whatever spell the monks did on us, it doesn't
last beyond death, apparently."
Willow swallowed, then added, "She doesn't remember any of us, and in
her own mind she's still fifteen years old."
****
Spike was so shaken, he didn't know what to do with himself. He wanted
to run out there and see her, despite the sun's waning presence...but
there was fear, too. Fear that the woman he knew wouldn't be the same
person who had come back. Spike felt like someone had handed back a
part of his heart, only to stake a hole in it.
"What's she like? Is she the same as before, or..." He couldn't say
worse. The idea of Buffy being tortured mentally like this made him
feel angry and powerless, since he couldn't prevent it.
"She's a lot like when I first met her, actually. Buffy's upset about
her mom, of course, but in many ways it's like her innocence was given
back to her. She doesn't have all those memories of Angel, or the
Master, or of her mother's illness. Sometimes when I talk to her, I
forget she's not all there."
Spike sank into his only chair, completely flabbergasted. "You don't
know how much I wished for this, Will. And now she's back...." He
smiled as the realization really sunk in. Buffy was alive. It didn't
matter what she could or couldn't remember; she was here, safe and
mostly sound. "Can I see her? Or would that bollocks things up?"
"Well, I kinda told her about you. Y'know, that you're a vampire, and
you met years ago, but I didn't tell her about the killing two Slayers,
or wanting to kill her until last year. Or about the chip, since that
means I'd have to tell her about Riley--"
"Ah. Say no more. Please. But, um, what about Angel? Does she know
about...?" he trailed off, not really wanting to elaborate.
"Mostly. I have to call Angel later and let him know about Buffy being
alive, so he doesn't let certain things slip."
Spike blinked in surprise. "Hold on, there. You mean to tell me that
you haven't even *told* Angel yet?"
"Well, kinda, yeah. And Giles needs to be called too, but Xander and
Anya know, plus Dawn and Tara were at the house when she showed up.
Why?"
"Oh, nothing," he said off-handedly, though his grin told otherwise.
"Just thought it was interesting, that's all." They hadn't told the
poofter first, and it thrilled his undead heart almost as much as
Buffy's return to the living.
Willow gave him a puzzled look, but then shrugged it off. "Well, we're
all meeting at the Magic Box tonight, Xander's going to be there after
work. You can come along with me if you promise you won't take
advantage of Buffy in her...vulnerable state. No hugging and kissing,
but if you're good I'll let you shake her hand."
Spike stared at her in astonishment. "If I'm good? What'll you do if
I'm not? Make me go to my crypt without supper?"
Willow gave him a perfectly arched eyebrow, one that brooked nothing
from him. He sighed and relented, all of the outer Big Badness fading
faster than a snowflake on a hot plate. "Fine. Not like I was gonna try
anything, anyway. She didn't love me before; don't know why that would
change just 'cause she lost her memories."
He grabbed his leather coat and tugged it on, following the young witch
out of the crypt towards a reunion he'd never entertained would be
possible--and was immeasurably grateful for it.
****
Willow let out a slow sigh of relief at Spike's agreement to behave
himself, once they were on their way to the shop. She would never admit
to him, but with Buffy's state of mind, who knew what she might think
of Spike? He was very different now than when he and Buffy first met,
and he was kind of attractive. Okay, more than 'kind of'--after seeing
him shirtless just now, she'd have to say 'definitely', bordering on
'very'. But that was beside the point. He was still a not-quite-good
influence, and with Buffy being essentially a blank canvas, she wasn't
about to let him paint any lies about his past.
Besides, this way she could watch over the whole thing, and make sure
Buffy wasn't getting any opinions of Spike that she knew her friend
would later regret, once she regained her memories.
****
After Willow had left to talk to that guy named Spike, Buffy found
herself quickly growing bored. She felt isolated and alone in her room,
and she decided that with the time left before they all left for
someplace called the Magic Box, she would reach out to the girl who was
supposed to be her younger sister.
Buffy knocked on Dawn's door, and the girl--her sister, she amended--
merely called for her to come inside. She pushed the door open and
found Dawn sprawled on the bed, looking up at the ceiling.
"Hey, whatcha doing?" Buffy asked awkwardly.
"Making a Top 40 single that'll propel me into destructive fame," Dawn
replied dryly. "And you?"
"Trying to find my place in life with the help of family and friends.
Sorry, probably should have lightened that up a bit," Buffy added
meekly, but Dawn only gestured her to come over.
"Buffy, trust me, I totally know what you're going through. You feel
like everything's upside-down, and you're confused and upset. And it
sucks so bad you want it to all go away."
"In a nutshell," Buffy smiled weakly. "I know Willow's the Information
Girl, but can you tell me something about what I'm like? You know, with
my friends and with you? I'm not a bossy, obnoxious big sis, am I?"
Dawn grinned, "Sorry to break it to you, but yes. No, just kidding--
you're the best big sister a girl could have. After mom died, you took
care of me, and didn't let me get away with anything."
"Yikes. I was bossy, then. It's so weird to think of me like that...I
still feel like I'm five years younger than this, which means we're
almost the same age."
Dawn frowned. "Weird. But that could be, like, a good thing. We were
always sisters, we weren't ever really friends since you were so much
older and stuff. Now, we have things to talk about."
"Like boys," Buffy grinned, and settled on the edge of the bed. Dawn
grinned back, and scrambled to sit up. "Know any cute ones?"
"Well, there's Kevin...but you can't have him, he's mine. And then
there's Spike, who's totally cool."
"Uh, Spike? As in, the vampire who lives in the cemetery?" Buffy looked
at her dubiously.
"Yeah, I know. But he's so not like a vampire. He took care of me when
you couldn't, and he's been checking on me ever since...well, you know.
Anyway, he's really nice. Even when you treated him like crap, he never
lashed back or anything."
"Why did I do that?" Buffy asked, concerned. "I sound like a total
bitch."
"Oh, it's not like you didn't have a reason...but yeah, you were a bee-
otch of the mega variety to him. I think you were being nicer to him,
though, after he nearly got tortured to death."
Buffy's hand flew up to her mouth. "Tortured?" she managed to reply.
At her response, Dawn's attitude grew more serious. "Yeah, it was bad.
It was my fault, too. He knew about me being the Key, and the bad guys
tried to torture the info out of him, but he wouldn't tell them. Said
he'd rather die, first."
Buffy winced in sympathy and shame. "But I was nicer to him after that,
right?"
"Well, you didn't hit him or anything. Oh, and when he got his hands
sliced up--after I told you he was hurt--you actually looked at it to
make sure it wasn't bad."
She was starting to feel nauseous. "That was 'nice' for me, huh?"
"Just for Spike. I mean, if it was Giles or Xander, that's a different
story. Besides, he can heal fast like you do, so you probably didn't
think it was a big deal."
"Right." Buffy swallowed, then said, "Well, I think he's earned some
super-niceness from me by now, you think?"
Dawn smiled. "Yeah, I think so."
A knock on the door interrupted their conversation, and Tara poked her
head into the room. "Are you ready to go meet everyone else, Buffy?"
Buffy slid off the bed and straightened her clothes. "Oh yeah. I'm more
than ready. Let's go."
~**~**~
Chapter Two
~**~**~
Of all the rooms in the house, this felt the most familiar. She
remembered most of her stuffed animals, including a well-worn Mr.
Gordo. There were a few tops and skirts in the closet that she
remembered buying not so long ago, but the majority of it was
unrecognizable. Dawn helped her pick out something moderately trendy,
then Buffy retreated into the bathroom to wash away the feeling of
grime on her skin.
The shower was also a subconscious attempt to scrub away the recent
developments in her life. A raw, hollow spot in her heart ached at the
loss of her mother, and it upset her to think that she'd forgotten
something like that. Maybe that's what happened...she'd broken down in
grief and wandered away, leaving her friends and family behind. But
that didn't make sense, since it didn't explain why she had been naked
and only seven blocks away from her house. Plus she'd been gone for
three months. Three months! They had probably thought she was dead.
She needed to find out what had happened, and why. With help, she could
hopefully rebuild whatever life she'd left behind. God, she didn't even
know if she had a boyfriend or not. Her friends were one thing, but she
didn't know how she was going to deal with an unfamiliar and unknown
man who loved her.
The shower left her body clean and refreshed, but mentally she felt as
if she'd already aged those five years. She couldn't handle this, she
was just fifteen...no. She was twenty, now. Even in the fogged up
mirror, the difference in her face was obvious.
Buffy looked at her hands, glad that they weren't so different...and
then she noticed that a scar was missing. It had been just below her
inner wrist ever since she was seven, when she'd taken a spill off of
her bicycle. It was a faint one, barely noticeable, but it wasn't there
at all. Frowning, she checked for other childhood marks and scars, and
came up with none. What on earth was going on?
In a daze, she went into her room, got dressed, and came down the
stairs in a rush, growing ever more concerned and distressed by the
minute.
****
"I want to know what the hell's happened to me," Buffy said as Willow
approached her. Her arrival in the kitchen had surprised the two of
them, and now they were worried at the stormy look on their friend's
face.
"Buffy, what--?"
"My scars are gone. Not faded, *gone*. Dawn said it was a miracle I was
back, but it's been three months, and I only remember coming to in the
backyard of someone seven blocks away, buck naked and not knowing where
the hell I was. I broke into their house somehow, and discovered where
and when I was. I thought I was in some sort of Twilight Zone episode,
you know? Then it turns out I've aged five years that I don't remember,
I have a sister I don't recall ever having before, and now my scars are
gone.
"What happened to me? If you're really and truly my friend, Willow, you
won't lie to me about this. I want to know, I-I *have* to know."
Willow stood up and gave her a hug, one that she'd forgotten to give to
her friend when she'd first arrived. Buffy sagged into the embrace
after a long moment, and Willow murmured softly, "I think it's time to
tell you, then."
Pulling away, she said over her shoulder, "Tara, could you call Anya
and let her know what's happened? See if you can call Xander, or have
Anya do it--the foreman's more willing to put through one of her calls
than one of mine. I'll call Giles later, once I figure out what time it
is in England."
"England?" Buffy repeated, a little amazed. "Was I in England?"
Willow grinned. "No, silly. Giles is from England. Don't worry, it'll
all be explained soon. And I guarantee you're not gonna believe half of
it."
****
Willow had been right. She couldn't believe it. "So you're saying I'm
this Slayer, chosen by some mystical Powers That Be or whatever, in
order to kill demons and vampires. And Giles was this British guy who
watched over me, and you, me, and some guy named Xander met in high
school."
The redheaded woman had the nerve to nod in agreement. "Exactly, more
or less. You were called when you were still living in LA. That's
probably why that's the last thing you remember--I'd bet money that you
were called the very next day after your last memory."
"But...vampires and demons don't exist. I mean, this *is* a joke,
right? A 'Slayer'? C'mon! That sounds like an 80s rock band or
something. Actually, I think it was," Buffy frowned as she thought
back.
Willow sighed, obviously distressed. "You're going to need proof. I
guess I should have expected that." She got up and went over to a chest
sitting in the family room. Buffy followed curiously, and leaned in
when Willow bent down to lift the lid. The contents made her jump back
in horror.
"Those are weapons! Big, pointy, and *sharp* ones...and there's a lot
of them. Uh, why d'you guys have these? Or should I even ask?"
"They're yours, Buffy. You've got more up in your closet, by the way.
And that's just for starters. You're super-strong and heal faster than
normal people. You have the ability to sense vampires, though I'm not
really sure how that works. Might be something like spider-sense, you
know, or super-hearing."
"Uh huh," Buffy folded her arms, not believing that she was listening
to all this. "And do you have superpowers, too? Or is it just me?"
"Tara and I can do magics, since we're witches, and I do the odd hack
now and then. More then than now, admittedly, but still, it's there. Do
you want me to show you something?"
"Sure, why not?" Buffy shrugged, letting her have her fun. Willow
smiled and concentrated her gaze on a paperweight on her mother's desk.
Slowly, it began to rise, and Buffy's eyes nearly bugged out of her
head. "Oh my god. You, you're lifting it! How?"
"Like I said, magic! Don't worry, I'll put it back." And sure enough,
the paperweight drifted back onto the desk. "That's a simple one. I can
show you something more complex...?"
"Maybe later, when I'm not feeling so woozy," Buffy replied, and sat
back down on the couch. "So I have super-strength, huh? That explains
how I broke the back door at the Thompsons' house, at least. I thought
the wood was just rotted out."
"No, it's the Slayer strength. There's more, but I'm gonna let Giles
tell you when he eventually gets here. I don't know much of anything
about Slayer training."
Buffy gave the nervous witch a consoling smile and said, "I know this
isn't an easy question, but I have to know...what happened to me three
months ago? Why was I in someone's backyard with no idea how I got
there, and most importantly, why I wasn't wearing any clothes?"
"I...can answer the first question, but the second and third ones, I
really can only guess. Buffy, three months ago, you did a wonderful
thing. An incredible, sacrificial thing that saved all of us--saved the
world, in fact. But, that sacrifice was you," she continued sadly. "You
jumped into an energy portal to stop it from turning our world in
several shades of hell...but you had to die in order for it to stop."
Buffy gazed at her in horror. "I--I've been dead for three months?
Like, buried in the ground, ashes to ashes, dust to dust?" It was
impossible, unthinkable. She started to wonder if perhaps she was in
the Twilight Zone...or maybe even insane.
"They didn't resurrect your old body; instead, I think they made you a
new one. That's why you wouldn't have your old scars. But I don't know
who did it, or why. It might be those Powers I was talking about, but
if they were responsible, I don't know why they waited this long. As
for the location and clothes, well," she shrugged, "at least you didn't
appear in a room full of frat boys."
Buffy clutched at her arms and shuddered. "No, that's not a good visual
picture. Or mental one, either. I wish I could remember some of this,
something that would help me accept it all...I gotta tell you, it's not
easy."
"Don't I know it. But you'll remember something, you have to believe
that."
She appeared to think this over. "Will I ever remember Dawn? You said
something about a spell..."
Willow grimaced. "Dawn is a little more complicated. And I know you
said you wanted to know everything, but this is too much, even in spite
of what I've told you, already. Trust me on this."
Buffy didn't know why, but she found that she did trust her. "Okay. So,
tell me more about the first year, and don't spare the details;
especially anything of a boy-liking nature," she said with a grin.
Willow's eyes widened in dread. "Oh boy."
****
Tara and Dawn peeked in occasionally while Willow told Buffy about
everything that happened the first year--or at least, as much as she
felt she could safely share. She fumbled around the Master drinking her
blood, her drowning and being revived by Xander, but she gave enough
information to give Buffy the main idea. She had died only momentarily,
but long enough to summon the next Slayer, whose name was Kendra.
They stopped for lunch, and also to let all that sink in. Willow and
Tara were worried that they shouldn't tell her too much, too soon, but
Buffy soaked in everything like a sponge. Some things were hard for her
to grasp, like Angel and the fact that he had a soul. Willow explained
the soul made him one of the good guys, but Buffy wasn't so sure.
"Willow, you told me that he had this soul for like, a hundred years,
and he never did anything good with it until he met me. And even then,
he sounds kind of rude. What did I see in him?"
Willow nearly choked on her sandwich. "Buffy! I can't believe--" then
she broke off, laughing. It felt good to laugh in the midst of all this
craziness. "I keep forgetting you've never seen him. He's, well, tall,
dark, handsome, and mysterious. You guys didn't instantly hit it off,
but you were attracted to him, big time. It was mutual likeage."
"If you say so," Buffy shrugged. "Was he a lot of fun? Party animal
kind of guy?"
"Um, no. Definitely not. He's a loner, reads books, and he likes to
stay at home."
"Ugh. He must be *really* cute, then. I mean, I like having time to
myself, but there's gotta be the fun, too. Dancing, hanging out..." she
stopped and looked down at her sandwich, "...but you guys already knew
that, huh?"
Willow smiled wistfully. "Yeah. There wasn't so much of the fun-having
at the end, but not for lack of trying. And now that you're back with
us, there'll be fun to be had once again."
Buffy tried to smile, but it didn't come off very well. She hadn't hit
information overload just yet; however, the fact that she was missing a
huge chunk of her life made her feel bad for her friends. They still
remembered the good times, and all she could do was stare blankly at
them, hoping something would jar her memory.
Tara glanced at Willow in sudden alarm. "I didn't call Angel and tell
him."
Willow swore something under her breath, "Oh no, I totally forgot. It's
not your fault, it's mine. I should've thought of that. Should I drive
down to LA, or just call him? When I told him about Buffy, um,
*before*, I went in person."
"Maybe we should go down there together? I'd like to see LA again,
check out the shops," Buffy added before she took another drink of her
Diet Coke.
Willow shook her head. "That's not a good idea. When you guys broke up,
it was for a reason. If he sees you right away, he might get really
happy."
"And that's a bad thing?" Buffy gave them a quizzical look.
Tara replied, "We, uh, haven't gotten to the second year, yet. You see,
his having a soul is a curse. He's supposed to feel the guilt and
misery of everything he did as a vampire. The only way to lift the
curse is for him to have one moment of perfect happiness."
Willow chimed in, "He's already kinda had that, and after what he did,
we don't want that happening again. Ever."
"Okay, then. That's good to know. Don't make the ex-boyfriend really
happy, or else badness ensues. I can handle that."
They all shared a look of irony at the statement, but said nothing as
they ate in silence, leaving Buffy none the wiser.
****
The afternoon passed by with only a brief overview of the second and
third years, with certain facts kept deliberately vague until they
could be more easily dealt with. Willow avoided telling Buffy much
about Spike's past mainly because if she explained Spike, then she'd
have to explain about the Initiative, then Riley, and that was a messy
place she didn't want to go just yet. Once it was late enough, Willow
called Giles to let him know what had happened, and the Watcher's
response was nearly an echo of hers; disbelief mixed with joy. He vowed
to get on the next available flight out of England, and told her that
he would call her back once he knew when he was flying in.
As the sun began to wane, Willow asked Dawn and Tara to take over to
the Magic Box, where Xander would be joining them later. Anya was
thrilled at Buffy's sudden reappearance, although she was concerned if
this meant she'd have to invite Buffy to be a bridesmaid, and how much
extra that would cost.
The idea that Spike might have been responsible for Buffy's sudden
resurrection had occurred to her, but Willow wasn't inclined to believe
it. If he had planned to resurrect her, he would've done it before now,
certainly. Plus, he wouldn't have had her pop up in some random place,
and not sought her out. No, Spike wasn't in on this, which left her
with no suspects to suspect.
Willow created and rehearsed what she would say to Spike before she got
to the crypt, but as she knocked and entered, the words escaped her
mind and flew right out the open door. She could almost see them
fleeing for their lives, and she wished she could join them.
Spike was up and awake, but only just. Shirtless, he padded in bare
feet over to his discarded T-shirt and put it on. "Aren't you a little
early for slaying, Will? It's still daylight."
"Spike, I...I'm not here about the slaying. There's something important
I have to tell you. And I don't want you to get too excited, or
anything, because we really don't how it happened--"
"Will, the point?" he groused, then shock crossed his face. "Oh God,
it's not Dawn, is it? The little bit's okay, isn't she?"
"No, no, Dawn's fine," Willow replied, a bit heartened by Spike's
concern. "It's--it's about Buffy. She, uh, she showed up at the house
today. Alive."
She didn't think he could look any more stunned, shocked, dazed, and
elated than he was at that moment. "Alive? She--Buffy...but how? She's
not a zombie, is she? Her grave wasn't disturbed last night, I know I
checked it..."
"Spike, it's okay. She's real. But there's something else. She doesn't
remember anything about the last five years. It's like her whole life
as a Slayer was erased. And that's not the worst thing. She doesn't
remember Dawn at all. Whatever spell the monks did on us, it doesn't
last beyond death, apparently."
Willow swallowed, then added, "She doesn't remember any of us, and in
her own mind she's still fifteen years old."
****
Spike was so shaken, he didn't know what to do with himself. He wanted
to run out there and see her, despite the sun's waning presence...but
there was fear, too. Fear that the woman he knew wouldn't be the same
person who had come back. Spike felt like someone had handed back a
part of his heart, only to stake a hole in it.
"What's she like? Is she the same as before, or..." He couldn't say
worse. The idea of Buffy being tortured mentally like this made him
feel angry and powerless, since he couldn't prevent it.
"She's a lot like when I first met her, actually. Buffy's upset about
her mom, of course, but in many ways it's like her innocence was given
back to her. She doesn't have all those memories of Angel, or the
Master, or of her mother's illness. Sometimes when I talk to her, I
forget she's not all there."
Spike sank into his only chair, completely flabbergasted. "You don't
know how much I wished for this, Will. And now she's back...." He
smiled as the realization really sunk in. Buffy was alive. It didn't
matter what she could or couldn't remember; she was here, safe and
mostly sound. "Can I see her? Or would that bollocks things up?"
"Well, I kinda told her about you. Y'know, that you're a vampire, and
you met years ago, but I didn't tell her about the killing two Slayers,
or wanting to kill her until last year. Or about the chip, since that
means I'd have to tell her about Riley--"
"Ah. Say no more. Please. But, um, what about Angel? Does she know
about...?" he trailed off, not really wanting to elaborate.
"Mostly. I have to call Angel later and let him know about Buffy being
alive, so he doesn't let certain things slip."
Spike blinked in surprise. "Hold on, there. You mean to tell me that
you haven't even *told* Angel yet?"
"Well, kinda, yeah. And Giles needs to be called too, but Xander and
Anya know, plus Dawn and Tara were at the house when she showed up.
Why?"
"Oh, nothing," he said off-handedly, though his grin told otherwise.
"Just thought it was interesting, that's all." They hadn't told the
poofter first, and it thrilled his undead heart almost as much as
Buffy's return to the living.
Willow gave him a puzzled look, but then shrugged it off. "Well, we're
all meeting at the Magic Box tonight, Xander's going to be there after
work. You can come along with me if you promise you won't take
advantage of Buffy in her...vulnerable state. No hugging and kissing,
but if you're good I'll let you shake her hand."
Spike stared at her in astonishment. "If I'm good? What'll you do if
I'm not? Make me go to my crypt without supper?"
Willow gave him a perfectly arched eyebrow, one that brooked nothing
from him. He sighed and relented, all of the outer Big Badness fading
faster than a snowflake on a hot plate. "Fine. Not like I was gonna try
anything, anyway. She didn't love me before; don't know why that would
change just 'cause she lost her memories."
He grabbed his leather coat and tugged it on, following the young witch
out of the crypt towards a reunion he'd never entertained would be
possible--and was immeasurably grateful for it.
****
Willow let out a slow sigh of relief at Spike's agreement to behave
himself, once they were on their way to the shop. She would never admit
to him, but with Buffy's state of mind, who knew what she might think
of Spike? He was very different now than when he and Buffy first met,
and he was kind of attractive. Okay, more than 'kind of'--after seeing
him shirtless just now, she'd have to say 'definitely', bordering on
'very'. But that was beside the point. He was still a not-quite-good
influence, and with Buffy being essentially a blank canvas, she wasn't
about to let him paint any lies about his past.
Besides, this way she could watch over the whole thing, and make sure
Buffy wasn't getting any opinions of Spike that she knew her friend
would later regret, once she regained her memories.
****
After Willow had left to talk to that guy named Spike, Buffy found
herself quickly growing bored. She felt isolated and alone in her room,
and she decided that with the time left before they all left for
someplace called the Magic Box, she would reach out to the girl who was
supposed to be her younger sister.
Buffy knocked on Dawn's door, and the girl--her sister, she amended--
merely called for her to come inside. She pushed the door open and
found Dawn sprawled on the bed, looking up at the ceiling.
"Hey, whatcha doing?" Buffy asked awkwardly.
"Making a Top 40 single that'll propel me into destructive fame," Dawn
replied dryly. "And you?"
"Trying to find my place in life with the help of family and friends.
Sorry, probably should have lightened that up a bit," Buffy added
meekly, but Dawn only gestured her to come over.
"Buffy, trust me, I totally know what you're going through. You feel
like everything's upside-down, and you're confused and upset. And it
sucks so bad you want it to all go away."
"In a nutshell," Buffy smiled weakly. "I know Willow's the Information
Girl, but can you tell me something about what I'm like? You know, with
my friends and with you? I'm not a bossy, obnoxious big sis, am I?"
Dawn grinned, "Sorry to break it to you, but yes. No, just kidding--
you're the best big sister a girl could have. After mom died, you took
care of me, and didn't let me get away with anything."
"Yikes. I was bossy, then. It's so weird to think of me like that...I
still feel like I'm five years younger than this, which means we're
almost the same age."
Dawn frowned. "Weird. But that could be, like, a good thing. We were
always sisters, we weren't ever really friends since you were so much
older and stuff. Now, we have things to talk about."
"Like boys," Buffy grinned, and settled on the edge of the bed. Dawn
grinned back, and scrambled to sit up. "Know any cute ones?"
"Well, there's Kevin...but you can't have him, he's mine. And then
there's Spike, who's totally cool."
"Uh, Spike? As in, the vampire who lives in the cemetery?" Buffy looked
at her dubiously.
"Yeah, I know. But he's so not like a vampire. He took care of me when
you couldn't, and he's been checking on me ever since...well, you know.
Anyway, he's really nice. Even when you treated him like crap, he never
lashed back or anything."
"Why did I do that?" Buffy asked, concerned. "I sound like a total
bitch."
"Oh, it's not like you didn't have a reason...but yeah, you were a bee-
otch of the mega variety to him. I think you were being nicer to him,
though, after he nearly got tortured to death."
Buffy's hand flew up to her mouth. "Tortured?" she managed to reply.
At her response, Dawn's attitude grew more serious. "Yeah, it was bad.
It was my fault, too. He knew about me being the Key, and the bad guys
tried to torture the info out of him, but he wouldn't tell them. Said
he'd rather die, first."
Buffy winced in sympathy and shame. "But I was nicer to him after that,
right?"
"Well, you didn't hit him or anything. Oh, and when he got his hands
sliced up--after I told you he was hurt--you actually looked at it to
make sure it wasn't bad."
She was starting to feel nauseous. "That was 'nice' for me, huh?"
"Just for Spike. I mean, if it was Giles or Xander, that's a different
story. Besides, he can heal fast like you do, so you probably didn't
think it was a big deal."
"Right." Buffy swallowed, then said, "Well, I think he's earned some
super-niceness from me by now, you think?"
Dawn smiled. "Yeah, I think so."
A knock on the door interrupted their conversation, and Tara poked her
head into the room. "Are you ready to go meet everyone else, Buffy?"
Buffy slid off the bed and straightened her clothes. "Oh yeah. I'm more
than ready. Let's go."