A/N: Story title and quoted song is from "How Can Heaven Love Me?" By Sarah Brightman featuring Chris Thompson. Which the author was playing on repeat whilst writing.
Dedicated to Chriss who needed a lubeless fic!
Arnold Rimmer woke up feeling content and warm. Both feelings supplied by the same source: David Lister. God, how long have they been together now? A year? Maybe a little more? It didn't really matter, Rimmer realises, looking down at the man next to him. It seems like it had taken forever for the two of them to get together. So many things had kept them apart: The fear, the denial, and at least for Lister--the memories of past girlfriends.
At least, when he was just a soft light hologram, they could ignore it. Not after, though. Not after he gained the ability to touch. He thought it was the happiest day of his death when they met Legion, but he was wrong. The happiest day of both his death and life was when Lister had lost control and kissed him. Every event prior meant nothing. Rimmer finally felt like he had a future. A future with Lister.
"It's not polite to stare," Lister mumbled, just waking up and turning to over to face his lover.
Rimmer smiled. "And since when did you care about politeness and manners?"
"Since I got sick of certain some one nagging me about mine."
"Or the lack there of."
"Well," Lister said, putting his arms around Rimmer's neck, "if we're gonna talk about manners: I think it's protocol to give your boyfriend a good morning kiss." So saying, he pulled Rimmer down for a good morning snog. After all, every morning, waking up with him, was a good morning.
"Hey, buds! Why don't you two get a room?"
Rimmer pulled away from the kiss to scowl at Cat. "In case you didn't notice, this is our room. You just choose to ignore all concepts of privacy!"
"Hey, if you want privacy, you need to lock your door more often. It's not like I want to come in here and have to put up with all of your sappiness! It crimps my style to be seen with you two!"
Lister sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "Cat, is there any reason for you to be here in the first place?"
Cat stopped and seemed to really mull that one over. "Wait, I'll think of it....Oh, yeah! MetalHead wanted me to get you guys because we've picked up a Swirly Thing!"
"Okay man, okay! Just leave so we can get dressed and we'll meet ya in the drive room."
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"Any ideas to what it is, Hol?"
"Well, it's a big, blue, wobbily thing spinning in space. Swear, I've seen something like it before..."
Rimmer looked nauseated. "Like a tear caused, by say some one jumping between dimensions?"
Lister put an arm around his waist. "Don't worry, Arn, I'm pretty sure it isn't Ace."
"You're just saying that to make me feel better."
Lister grinned. "Sorta."
"Smeg."
"There's something coming out!" Exclaimed Kryten, watching the monitors.
"Quick, where are the vomit bags?!"
"Hang on a mo'," Holly said, "It's too small to be the Wild Fire...it looks more like a stasis pod of sorts."
"See, Arn? Nothin' to worry about!"
Rimmer rolled his eyes. He may be in love with Dave, but his chirpy optimism could still get a bit annoying. "Yes, a pod. Maybe a pod holding a homicidal Simulant? No thank you. Let's just leave it be."
"Pardon me, sir," Kryten interjected, "But per Space Corp Directive 376: All pods that may contain a life form must be rescued."
"Is that so, Kryten? Well, where exactly are Space Corp Police officers that will come and court martial us if we choose to ignore said Space Corp Directive?" Rimmer feigned a slight search and looked back at the mechanoid smugly. "Well, I guess we're safe from the law out here."
Lister rolled his eyes. He may be in love with Arnie, but he could still be such smeghead! "Arn, it's from another dimension! It could be another one of us, or some super intelligent being that can take us back from earth!" Lister raised an eyebrow, "Aliens?"
Rimmer folded his arms and pursed his lips in that all too adorable way. "Oh, please, Listy. Do you really think that playing on my forgotten obsession about meeting aliens is going to convince me to change my mind?" They all looked at him expectantly. "Oh, fine, bring it in!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They brought the pod into the Medi-Bay where Kryten scanned it. "Interesting, it appears to be one of Red Dwarf's stasis pods."
"But who's in it?" Cat asked, anxiously.
Lister bent over the pod and examined it. "It looks like under all this crust, there's a transparent hull. We just need to clean it off and have a peak. If it's some maniacal person or thing, we shoot it out back into the cosmos!"
"I'll get to work on it right away!" Kryten eagerly volunteered.
It a few good hours of buffing, scraping, and poishing, Kryten was able to clear away the view port on the escape pod, and called in the others. Lister was the first to take a look. "Holy smeg!" His expression was of total shock. "Arn, you have to see this!" He motioned his lover over.
Rimmer bent over to get a closer view and drew in a sharp breath. "Holy smeg, indeed."
Inside the pod was Kristine Kochanski.
"Quick, thaw her out man!"
Kryten punched in the commands and in a few minutes, the pod opened, and Kochanski blinked awake. The first thing she saw was Dave Lister bending over her. She immediatly reached up and pulled him into a kiss.
Only a couple feet away, Rimmer sucked in a breath, bit his lower lip, and clenched his fist in anger. What the hell does he think he's doing!? He grabbed Lister by the shoulders and pulled him out of the woman's reach.
She sat up, still dazed and took in her surroundings. She was back at Red Dwarf, but it wasn't her Red Dwarf. Who was this guy with the fangs? She didn't remember having a service mechanoid on board. Then she noticed the two men she did recognize: Rimmer and Lister. Lister was still looking at her in shock with Rimmer standing behind him, arms around the shorter man possessively. Rimmer glared at her and she swore she could hear an animal like growl of hatred coming form him. Ooh, so it was like that was it? She finally managed her pinball smile to appear. "Hi, there. Sorry to barge in, but it seems I've found myself in an odd situation. Anyone care to explain how I got here?"
Rimmer growled again, tightening his hold on Lister. "Arn, man! I can't breath!"
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Ships night. Lister finally made it back to his quarters. Rimmer was laying on his bunk, just staring at the underside of the upper bunk. "Where have you been?" He asked flatly.
"I was just showing Kris around, found her a place to sleep," he explained, stripping down to his boxers for bed.
"Oh, isn't that lovely," Rimmer said, still fascinated by the upper bunk.
Lister sat on the edge of the bunk Rimmer was in and proceeded to take off his socks. "Arn, don't be like this."
"Be like what?"
"Jealous! We discussed what things were different in our dimensions, including us." He layed down and put his arms around the man who was still refusing to look at him. "She changes nothing. She means nothing to me."
Rimmer turned to finally look at him. "You swear?"
Lister grinned. "Every damn day." He leaned in for a kiss.
Rimmer leaned back, denying him. "You know what I mean."
"I know what you mean. I swear on everything that is holy. Though, that would mean nothing to you."
Rimmer laughed, still a bit half-heartedly though. "Shut up and kiss me, Listy."
Lister happily obliged.
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Kochanski was having her breakfast in the drive room. She was still coming to terms to her new situation. So, she was in a different dimension. The crew was wiped out from a radiation leak. The fang guy was an evolved form of a cat. Okay, understandable. Kryten was rescued and rebuilt by Dave. Makes sense. The man she knows as her boyfriend was....with his room mate. That concept she was still a bit shakey on.
She looked up at the sounds of footsteps. Dave entered the drive room, alone. Good. "How you doing?" He asked.
"I'm coping. Still a bit wonky though." Lister just nodded. God, this was hard. He was Dave Lister, the man she was in love with. Well, maybe it wasn't, but this was as close as she was going to get now, it seemed. Still, she needed to try and at least sound like she was accepting everything. "So, how long have you and Rimmer been together?"
Lister shrugged. "Don't know really. We never tried to figure it out to the day, but at least over a year."
"How did Cat and Kryten deal with it when they found out?"
"Well, I think they were surprised at first. I mean, Arn and me fought all the time you know. Seemed like there was no kind of love between us. But they're pretty cool guys. I think they got used to it in maybe a couple weeks. Cat still teases us if we get 'too friendly in public'."
Kochanski couldn't take it any longer. She couldn't sit there and hear David Lister talk about Rimmer like that. The only person he was suppose to get friendly in public with was her! She stood and got uncomfortably close to Lister. She put a hand behind Lister's neck and whispered to him, "So that's it then? No going back? Tell me, Dave, does that man really satisfy you, or do you need the kind of satisfaction only a woman can give?"
Before he could respond or push her away, Kochandki pressed her lips against his in a deep, searching kiss. They were both so caught up in it that neither heard the approaching footsteps, but Lister did hear the strained voice. "Oh, my God."
Lister pulled back and turned to the entrance. Rimmer stood there, white as a sheet, trembling and fists clenched so tight, his short nails managed to draw blood from his palms. With out another word, Rimmer turned and ran off down the hall.
Lister pushed the smirking woman off of him. "Get away from me you smegging tart! Rimmer wait!" He ran off to find his jilted lover.
It didn't take long for Lister to find him. He was in the same place he always went to be alone and cry: the observation dome. Rimmer was sitting on the floor, curled up so his belettered forehead rested against his knees. Lister could hear the sobs. "Arnold..."
"Go away."
"Arn, it wasn't what it looked like."
He kept his face covered, so his voice was muffled. "Oh really? It looked like you were playing tonsil tennis with Kristine Kochanski."
"Okay, so it was what it looked like."
"Bastard."
"But Arn--"
Rimmer finally lifted his face and leaned back against a rail. His eyes were red, his cheeks tear streaked and puffy. He looked up at the stars as he interrupted Lister. "I don't know why I'm so upset. I always knew it wasn't going to last, that none of it was real."
We loved in a time before the fall/
Welcome to the arms of solitude.
"Not real?"
"I knew I was nothing but a last resort. You love me? What preposterous idea!" He laughed, a strange, empty laugh. "I could always hope, but in the back of my mind was a nagging doubt. That if we ever came across some one else, a woman, that you would turn your back on me. Forget. Just Forget. Not caring that you would hurt me. What the hell? It wouldn't be the first time you made me feel unwanted, like nothing."
"Arn, shut up, you're ranting, don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh don't I?" Again, that empty laugh. "Then what was that I just saw?"
Lister sat next to the dejected man and put hand on his shoulder. "A mistake. Pure and simple." Rimmer just laughed again. Tiring of Rimmer's weird desire to delve into his self loathing, he grabbed his face and forced him to look him dead in the eye. "Listen to me. I love you. No one else, you got that? If I didn't give a smeg about you, I wouldn't be up here right now! I wouldn't left a really pissed off woman waiting to slaughter me because I chose a man, a wonderful man, over her." No response. "Are you listening? Rimmer, don't you trust me?"
Belief is the heat that hearts exude/
Ah, is this really heaven?/
We'd fight with the gods
for our dreams/
Where paradise falls, eternity screams.
To wash away any doubt left within the hologram, Lister kissed him like he never kissed anyone before, as if he was never going to be given the chance to kiss again. Only to be spurred on further when Rimmer finally responded to it. They regrettedly parted, gasping for air.
Lister took out a handkerchief and dried Rimmer's face. Rimmer pushed his hand away so he could look at him. "You meant it all, didn't you?"
"Every word."
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For overreacting. What are we going to do about Kochanski?"
"I dunno. Chloroform her, stuff her back in the pod and blast her back to where she came from."
"Seriously?"
"She was a bitch queen from hell, that Kochanski was. Tryin' to break us up like that. Let's get rid of her arse!"
"Listy, sometimes I know exactly why I fell in love with you."