Chapter 2
"Who wants Star-Gazing Pie?"
chipped Basil, as the group settled down for High Tea.
"Isn't that a little much
for Tea?"
"Well, I made it my special
way."
"No, thank you," nodded
Indigo. She was looking over the dossiers of Frau Farbissima and Patricia
Shakespeare- Hearst at that moment.
If only she knew how to get close to Patricia. Patricia; concentrate on
Patricia....
Everybody sat down for High
Tea (about 5:30 in the afternoon), and Basil brought out his "special" recipe: a
pie with a bunch of fish heads sticking out of it, and it was
burnt.
"Um, Basil...I think we
ought to go out for supper," replied Buddy, as he was nursing a fainted
Patty.
"I'VE GOT IT!" screamed
Indigo, seemingly out of nowhere.
"What?!" screamed Krys,
indignant at her.
"Right now, Dr. Evil is
planning to send some cronies to Monte Carlo to infiltrate and win some millions
on the casino. There's a scientist that he wants to kidnap there for his use on
the nuclear bombs."
"And WHY would he want to do
that?"
"Because he doesn't know how
to arm or use the thing. It's that scientist's machine."
"Which means, all we have to
do is stop the kidnapping..." chimed in Violet.
"...and we'll save the
world." Austin was aroused at the
idea of saving the world. He turned to Violet. "You're one far-out bird. Wanna
fly to ecstasy?"
Violet slapped him. Being
intelligent, she was a hard shell to crack. "NEVER! PIG!"
"Oh, you know you want me.
You can't resist!"
Violet stormed out of the
room.
"Maybe Violet's out of her
league here, being a girl and all."
Outside, Violet retorted to
Krys, "Come say that to my laser gun!"
"No," said Indigo. "If we
play our cards right, we can have ourselves an operative inside Dr. Evil's
organization."
"Good. When should we ready
ourselves?" asked Krys.
"Get the plane ready. I've
already got a set of clothing in mind."
"Girls. They have to dress
perfect."
"No, I'm a psychic
spychick."
Austin retorted, "Well,
Krys, maybe you are out of your own league, lacking the Mojo and
all."
Krys stormed to his corner
of Austin's pad.
Red
smiled. "That's the way, my man!"
Basil glared at Red Butler.
"Don't wear that crushed velvet suit in public."
"Austin, I suggest you get
yourself ready. You and your partner will be going to Monte
Carlo."
"May we take the
Shaguar?"
"Sounds good. Violet will
have your gadgets ready."
As
Indigo noted at Star-Gazing Pie dinner, Patricia Shakespeare-Hearst was at Dr.
Evil's table, listening to Dr. Evil's words.
However, they were already
at Dr. Evil's Small Lair, inside the Monte Carlo hotel where a bunch of squares
were staying for a nuclear weapons conference.
"Now, Patricia, you are to
go meet the doctor, and take him hostage. We will meet at our secret location.
Go now, and meet with me in oh, 300 hours."
"Don't you mean AT 0300
hours?"
"Meet at 3 in the morning?
No."
"What if Austin Powers or
somebody else gets to him?"
"Not to worry, dear. Not to
worry. Fat Bastard will kill them."
Suddenly, a cloud of smoke
went through the hotel.
"DAMN IT, Blogg! Why are you
making another attempt at your cloning?" screamed the Princess, A.K.A.
Silvertoe.
"Don't you yell, you
a-hole." retorted Dr. Evil, at Silvertoe's complaint.
But
it was not Count Blogg. Somebody else came in. Somebody short, with a dark gray,
dirty bunch of soot-filthy leather and rubber. He was short and very fat, with a
thick black mustache and a gray face. He was also covered in dirty
steel.
"You again?! How did you get
here?"
"Good afternoon, Dr.
Evil."
"How the frick did you get
in here?"
Soon after, a huge walking
ball of fur with red sneakers bumbled in.
"I'm here, Murky, I mean,
Mr. Evil As Well."
"Mr. Evil As Well. Charming.
What brings you here?"
"I
am here to inform you of a threat to your evil plans."
"Austin Powers? I already
know about him, you frickin' idiot."
"No. I am talking about the
Roy G. Biv Intelligence Specialists. They have vast resources of technology, and
have teamed up with Austin Powers."
"Oh, great. Another bunch of
friends."
"I
would like to team up with you, and bring an end to Austin Powers, as well as
Roy G. Biv. Would you help me?"
"Yes."
And
yet again.....
"MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" "MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" "MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" "MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Ad
nauseam...
"Patricia
Shakespeare-Hearst" reported to Dr. Evil. She was quite serious-minded, hoping
things would go the way she planned.
"Well, hello, dear. And 300
hours later, where is the scientist?"
"He's right here, sir. He's
the one whose bomb we have."
The
scientist waved, a little worried.
"What's your
name?"
"Dick
Long."
"I
must be dreaming," replied "Patricia."
"Riiiiight," replied Dr.
Evil.
"And were there any agents
with him?"
"Agents? The dark-skinned
girl was a beauty, wearing this gorgeous cutout-style space-looking dress in
this gorgeous bluish violet color...what was it again?"
"Indigo," replied
"Patricia," with a slight twinge of anger.
"Where is
she?"
"She is now dead. We have
delivered her to the Ministry of Defense. They should have her body right
now."
Meanwhile, the real Patricia
Shakespeare-Hearst got out of the laundry van, with a towel wrapped around her
waist, and her skin covered in what looked like silver
paint.
"Patricia
Shakeapeare-Hearst? What are you doing here?" asked Red
Butler.
"She's here to kill us!"
cried LaLa.
"Ladies and
gentlemen..."
"Where's Indigo? Where did
you take her?!"
"Relax. She's right where
she's supposed to be."
"Is
she dead?"
"No."
"IS
SHE DEAD?!"
"NO!"
"IS SHE DEAD,
DAMMIT?!"
"No." Basil Exposition came in just in
time. "She has been placed as an operative inside Dr. Evil's organization. She
should be meeting with him right now."
"Very well, then. Patricia,
see to it this man accompanies me in my second plane. We are going to my secret
lair, where Agnes Sil-ver-toe is waiting."
"Patricia" escorted Dick
Long to his place in the plane. She then went to Frau
Farbissina.
"Did you make sure the agent
was dead?"
"I
did. The paint knocked her out in no time."
"Very well. Let's
go."
On
the way, Frau Farbissina explained something "Patricia" was long wanting to
hear.
"Patricia, our relationship
from this point on must stay professional. No questions."
"Fine. If that's the way you
want it."
"Well, then, let's go to our
larger lair."
Krys made preparations to go
back to Rainbowland.
"Why are you going back?"
asked LaLa.
"I
must check on Rainbow, and see how she's doing."
"Canary's there. She'll heal
pretty soon."
"I
know, but I need to tell her I'm sorry."
"About
what?"
"About not having any mojo,
and treating her badly because of it."
"You love
her?"
"Well, yes. Why don't you
come back with me?"
"Because Red Butler is still
here."
"That's cute, but I still
think you should return with me. You might get hurt, too."
"Do
you think Rainbow Brite will understand mojo?"
"I
guess not, but I will still say I'm sorry for the way I treated
her."
"I
am staying here, because I have found a new friend."
A
man with an outrageously loud suit came in and waved
hello.
"This is Stephen. Stephen,
meet Krys."
Krys gave a manly shake,
while Stephen gave a somewhat wimpy one.
"Stephen and I are going out
today. Ready, Stevie?"
"Yes, LaLa, and I've got to
say that the skirt you're wearing is sooooo chic!"
"Let's
go!"
Stephen and LaLa skipped out
the door.
Krys took On-X and said goodbye. He then
went back to the 21st century.
One
look at Stephen, and Red was madder than Murky Dismal on a bright
day.
"I
have no idea how you do it," replied Patricia, "but your Star Sprinkles are
great! You don't even have to let any part of the skin breathe to avoid
suffocation!"
"Well," Shy Violet replied,
"It's not that difficult to explain. The mineral colors the earth, readily
activated by my machine." She pointed to Rainbow's Touch, a Color Console Mark
II Color Machine in Miniature.
"And poor Indigo? How did
she survive that ordeal with being painted silver?"
"That is easy. One does not
die by paint alone."
"Excuse
me?"
"Asphyxiation by any type of
paint is not possible, even if you do not leave a part of the skin unpainted to
breathe. Skin is just like that."
"Oh. How was Indigo on
tea?"
"She called it a cup of mud,
to be exact. I agree."
"I'm going to have a vodka
martini."
Austin asked, "How would you
like it?"
"Shaken, not
stirred."
"Oh
behave!"
Just then, a Mr. James
Kensington walked in. "I'll have a martini. Shaken, not
stirred."
Suddenly, Patricia's eyes
met James'. It was love.
"Well, who knew James Bond
could stir up love?"
"James
who?"
Canary Yellow stepped out of
the Aston Martin. She looked a little younger than the others, though she was
aged to 25, also. She wore a golden vest and pants.
"What are you doing
here?"
"I'm here to tell you that
Rainbow is coming. She's going to be here in a while."
Austin took one look at her.
"How about a shag?"
And
they went off. Violet's eyes narrowed as she went back to her
work.
Just then, LaLa stormed into
the room, followed by Red.
"I
meant nothing of it! I don't even like Patty!"
"Why were you trying to kiss
her?"
"I
wanted to prove to you the whole thing about mojo?"
"Mojo, huh? Is that all you
care about?! GOODBYE, MR. BUTLER!" She slammed the door to her
room.
Patty and Buddy stormed
through the apartment, not talking to each other, and shut their
doors.
Meanwhile, at Dr. Evil's
hideout, "Patricia" was sitting, clad in a black leather jumpsuit and boots. She
pulled her hair back, and sat next to Agnes Silvertoe. Agnes suddenly noticed a
beautiful gemstone around her neck.
"Where did you get that
gorgeous indigo gem on your neck?"
"Tanzania."
"Let me have it." The
Princess started reaching over to get it.
"No."
"Let me have it!"
"No!"
"GIVE IT TO ME! IT'S
MINE!"
She
tore it from "Patricia's" neck.
Austin knocked on Patty's
door.
"Go
away!"
"Patty, love, it's Austin.
Just wanted to see if you wanted a shag."
Patty was flattered. "Come
in, I guess..." She shyly opened the door. Austin was wearing an orange crushed
velvet double-breated top and striped pants. He held a giant horseshoe magnet,
and was wearing steel braces on his teeth.
"What's with the
braces?"
"Well, since you birds
aren't British, like I am, I figured that I ought to better my
teeth."
Patty
giggled.
"You're switched-on in that
jumpsuit. I bet you're even better out of it."
Patty saw Buddy come by the
door. She came closer to him. "You think so?"
Austin's eyes widened.
"Well, what say you about this magnet?" He unzipped her jumpsuit by holding the
magnet just below the zipper head.
Buddy, at that moment,
grabbed Canary Yellow, in a dress, and kissed her. Patty ran over and slapped
him, forcing Austin to move his magnet right to his mouth, where it was stuck.
Austin's magnet suddenly got
stuck on his braces. He could not pull the darn thing off, it was such a
powerful magnet.
"How could
you?!"
"How could
YOU?!"
"What are you talking
about?!"
"You're
slime!"
"You're
evil!"
"KISS
ME!"
They kissed. A long, deep
kiss. Buddy took Patty into his own room, where they…well, you get the
picture.
Canary pulled the magnet
from Austin's teeth, taking the braces with it. Oh well, it was England; English
Mod birds don't care.
"I
knew it would work!" smiled Canary, and then shagged
Austin.
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