Chapter 3 - Great Mighty Poo/Uga Buga/Jerry Springer
Conker made his way on the path to knock out the sweet corn with his trusty frying pan. When knocking one out, he then proceeded to throwing it at the pool of poo. The sweet corn floats in the poo for a while. Suddenly, the corn is sucked under but then pops back up again yelling as he pulls away here and there until he gets sucked under again.
A figure emerges from the pool of poo.
Sweet Corn (Sobbing) - Noooooo! Let me go, let me go!
The Blob of poo swallows the sweet corn whole, then he starts singing...
Great Might Poo - *Cough* Memememe....
I....am....the great mighty poo, and I'm going to throw my shit at you!
A huge supply of tish comes from my chocolate star fish,
How about some scat, you little twat?
Conker throws toilet paper at GMP when he decides to practice a few notes...
Do you really think you'll survive in here?
You don't seem to know which creek your in...
Sweet corn is the only thing that makes it through my rear,
How do you think I keep this lovely grin? *Grin with ting sound*
Have some more caviar....
Conker throws 2 more rolls of toilet paper at GMP. Soundtrack then turns to GMP X...(the pressure is on)
Now I'm really getting rather mad,
You're like a niggly tiggy shitty little tagnut.
When I knock you out with all my bab
I'm gonna take your head an ram it up my butt!
Conker - Your butt?
GMP - My butt!
Your BUTT!?!
That's right my butt!
ew
My butt!
eww
MY BUTT
ewww
My BUUUUUUUUUT
After throwing 3 more rolls of toilet paper at him, the GMP lets his anger out by screaming to the top of his lungs, shattering the nearby glass. Conker runs over to it, dodging the great balls of poo along the way. He grabs the flusher and pulls.
GMP - Ah you cursed squirrel look what you've done. I'm flushing I'm flushing! Oh what a world what a world. Who would have thought a good little squirrel like you could destroy my buitiful claggyness. Oooh I'm going! Ahh. Aaaahh. Nooo! Aaaaaahhhhh!
Conker - Now that's what I call a bowel movement.
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*Knock on the door*
Berri answers it.
Berri - He'd, like, better have a good excuse this time. This is the last time he stands me up.
*Berri opens door*
"Conker! I've had just about...*gasp*...who are you?
Rock guy stands there.
"Look, whatever your selling, I'm just not interested. Well?
The rock guy punches Berri, knocking her unconscious.
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Conker falls down to a door where the GMP was flushed. He approaches two of Panther King's guards. One guard is crapping behind a rock.
Skinny Guard - You'll have to pay the toll.
Conker - You mercenaries, here ya go, a thousand dollars.
"Thank you"
"Can I get through?"
"Hey, I'm not finished yet. We're looking for someone to model for The Village People magazine...and I think, by the description given to me, you fit the bill."
"I'm not a model."
"Yes you are, you fit the description perfectly."
"Oh really? Well, uh, could you describe your description to me?"
"Well, short, light, and ugly, red fur, big bushy tail...and twitchy nose. You're a model alright, and you're coming with me."
Skinny guard grabs ahold of Conker.
"Hey, I told you I'm not a model, now get your hands off me."
"Well, what are you then?"
"I'm a Nemesis. Models aren't short light and ugly, they're big, carries a rocket launcher, and has tentacles."
"What?!"
"Yeah, and as for twitchy noses..."
"They don't have them? Are you sure?"
"Psh! Of course I'm sure! Cya!"
Fat guard finishes his crap and walks out just as Conker is leaving. Fat guard looks at skinny guard, then at Conker, then
at Skinny Guard again.
Skinny Guard - It's alright, he's not a model, he's a Nemesis.
Fat Guard - A Nemesis? You stupid twat....
Conker - Oh yeah, let's see. *Whistles*
*Money jumps out of Skinny Guards pocket and hops back to Conker*
Conker leaves the area just as Nemesis approaches the 2 guards.
Skinny Guard - You there, you're coming with me....
And we'll leave them at that.....
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Conker heads out to venture his new destination, a cavemen-theme world ran by a weasel mob...To his left is a Club called "Rock Solid" and to his right is the entrance to the temple of the Uga's. Conker decide's to go in the Temple.
*Dramatic music plays as balls of lava are hurled into the air in front of a big dino-sculpture*
Conker - Hey, maestro! Don't you think that's a little bit too dramatic? Can you give me something with a bit more of a beat?
*Caveman theme plays*
"Yeah. That's better."
Conker makes his way through the temple, past worshipping Uga's and such...He makes it to an area with a big egg in the middle. conker sits on the egg and gets comfortable. It hatches some time later and a baby dinosaur comes out. Eventually, he sacrifices the Dino and makes his way in the Dino-sculpture where he finds a dead Uga leader. conker takes the cap and moves on. Upon walking out....
Uga 1 - Hey, who's that?
Uga 2 - It's the leader!
Uga 3 - The leader...
Uga 4 - The leader...
All Ugas - The leader is good the leader is great, we surrender to him, as of this date.
Homer Simpson isn't affected by the chant, and continues eating his porridge.
Uga 1 - Our edibles aren't effecting this one, he's not getting tired, he even ate my serving!
Uga 2 - I have an idea!
All Ugas (to batman theme) - Leader, leader, leader...na na na na na na leader....
Homer - Leader! Batma--I mean Leader!! I love the Leader!!!
All Uga's grin happily and starts following Conker. Homer go chases a butterfly...whee!
Conker leads his little gang to the entrance of the Rock Solid Club, beating on whoever dares to oppose the leader.
Rock Solid Guard - Your not invited, go away!
Conker - Oh I think we can convince you...
*Uga's growl at the guard*
Guard gulps and let's Conker in.
Conker's thoguhts - Well, a rock club...what am I even doing here?!? stupid author..
C: ....er....I can read your thoughts, as can everyone else....
Conker - Oh sorry....
Conker takes a look around...
-Some rock folk gettin' it down at the dance floor
-A full service bar
-Some Uga's hanging out in weird hats....
-Berri dancing in a cage...
Wait a minute....BERRI?!?
Huh?...well...there she is...
Well, knowing Conker, the only thing to do in a situation like this is to drink!
Conker's thought's - Oh boy, I think I've had a few too many...ohh....I need to go to the bathroom....oh shit...rock guys don't need to use the bathrooms....
So Conker decided to piss on the rock guys instead. They got up and punched Conker in the face.
Conker - HOLD UP!!!
Everything freezes except Conker.
C: Now what? Viewers are trying to read, you can't just keep on doing this Conker...
Conker - Whatcha talking 'bout PatrickSim(Gary Coleman style). Well, I have a complaint also, you write me in so that I have to piss on rock dude, this isn't beneficial unless you enjoy seeing me....hey, wait a minute....SO THAT'S WHY YOU DID IT? JUST TO SEE ME GET KNOCKED OUT?!? WELL I QUIT!
C: Hey, I didn't mean anything by it, this is a puzzle-solving level...as you know from your bad fur day. Well, I guess I'm trying to say is that I don't want you to quit, come on! I'll do anything...
Conker - Anything? Well, you can start by letting Berri go.
Everything rewinds...
Conker walks into the club. Right in front of him is Berri herself, dancing to the music. All of a sudden, the cage breaks (that's stone age technology for ya) and Berris is set free. Conker jumps down to her.
Conker - Berri! What are you doing here?
Berri runs past Conker and exits the club.
Conker - Wha? I was just wearing a frickin' cap, and she didn't recognize me? Wha-
Money - Hey! There's money over here.
Conker approaches Money.
Money - Here I am ya greedy bastard!
Conker - Who wants to be a millionaire? Me, actually.
Conker makes his way to the exit. He is stopped by the club guard and is taken to see the boss.
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Mob Boss - Well, about last week's mission...who was the one left the evidence? Was it Mr. Yellow? Or Mr. Red? Mr. Blue?
Ah.....Mr. Green....
Mr. Green - Boss! I didn't know the cops could trace my sperm! I honestly didn't
Boss - You have DNA in it you stupid twat! The cops almost got us! This is what you get for semi-failing me...
Boss takes out a bat and beats Mr. Green to death.
Boss - Let this be a lesson to the rest of yas...capiche? Now, lets get to business.
Club Guard - Hey boss, this guy was snooping around the club and took some money from yas...
Conker - Hey, uh...I didn't know it was yours, I can give it back to you, I even got a little extra, heh, you can take those from me as well.....
Boss - I'm not angry with what you did, you can keep your money...but you'll have to me a favour...
Conker - A favour?
Boss - Well you see...I feel like seeing the Uga temple blow up...
Conker - Why would you want that?
Boss- It could be that I like explosions, or I'm a little deranged, or maybe I have no reason at all....or maybe the author forgot this cutscene and is making it up as he goes....there are many reasons you see...
Conker - Uh...ok, I'll do it...
Berri walks in.
Conker - Berri!
Boss - Hm? Do you know this guy?
Berri - Like, why would I know some cave-guy?
Boss - She says she doesn't know you...
Conker - It's me Con--
Boss - Enough, it's time to go to work...
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Conker successfully delivered the bomb to it's rightful target....(details aren't necessary here...) But now he had to get out of here...And through the magic of writing a fanfic, Conker made his miraculous escape.
After exiting the temple, Conker meets up with some surf-dudes...
Uga 1 - Look, ugly squirrel there
Uga 2 - We bonk him now
*BONK*
When Conker came to, he found that his pockets were empty, and a group of Uga's counting the cash they mugged...
Uga 1 - We buy at McDonald's now...
Uga 2 - No...Burger King better, choice of rings or fries..
Uga 3 - We buy crack and marijuana....
Uga 4 - We buy Lotto 649....just imagine....
Uga 1 knocks Uga 4 off his board.
Conker - Hey! Give me back my money!...You can't go into a prehistoric world without getting mugged nowadays...
Ugas - Huh? Our money now
Uga 1 - Race for money, you use Richard's board...
And so the Uga's took off. Conker hops on the surfboard and starts the race. There were times where it seemed hopeless, but the mighty pan never fails. Knocking out the other surfers, Conker got his money back, only to crash into a curb landing in the middle of an arena....how ironic...
Buga the Knut - Stupid squirrel come into my arena.
Jugga - Little squirrel has big boner (A/N: I jumped to that awfully quick....)
Buga - No one has bigger bone than Buga! Buga show squirrel how big Buga bone is!
Buga hops down onto the platform with Conker.
Buga - I have biggest bone of all!!!
Conker - You care to bet on that?
Buga - Hm? You challenge me?
"Well, you see anyone else here?"
"Buga wants to fight!"
"So Buga doesn't have a big boner anymore?"
"What!?! Buga will show you!"
After biting Buga's ass off, his loincloth falls off, revealing the all mighty bone. They engage in another conversation.
Conker - Big Boner my ass!
Buga - No!
Buga looks at Jugga, who's laughing her ass off. Embarrassed, Buga runs off and crashes into a wall, creating a giant hole.
Conker - Well viewer, as you might have been wondering, Buga proposed that he had a big bone, after his defeat, he charged off, now it's time to see who really has the biggest bone!!!
C:....Conker.....you forgot to tell them....
Conker - Huh? Oh yeah, the author of this story is not, I repeat, _not_gay_. Now let's head to the contest.
A/N: This is just a bonus for those of you who are still reading my story, I thank you to the bottom of my heart.
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Crowd - Jerry! JERRY!
Jerry - Alright, welcome back to our show, for those of you who just tuned in, we are now gonna compare the bone's with each character in Conker's Bad Fur Day! Please welcome our first contestant, Mr. Bee!!!
Crowd - Booo!
Mr. Bee - *Beep* off ya little *beep*
Sunflower (In the corner quietly) - Yay!
Jerry - Ok, settle down people...next we have.....the Great Mighty poo himself!!!
Crowd - Ewwwww
GMP - Have some more caviar.....
Jerry - Now GMP, don't be throwing shit at my audience now....
GMP sits down quietly and eats some corn.
Jerry - Gregg!
Crowd - Yaaaaaaaaay!
Gregg - What the bloody hell am I doing here? Ah! The bright light, the screaming people, oh piss off! all of you! You can scream at me when your dead you little pricks!
Jerry - Dung Beetle!
Crowd - *silence*
Dung beetle takes his seats quietly...
Jerry - Dung beetle, are you crying?
Dung Beetle - *sniff* no, something just caught in my eye...*sniff*
Jerry - Oh, ok, next we have a Tedi!
Crowd - *silence*
Tedi holds up a machine and shoots off half of the crowd. The rest of the audience cheers.
Crowd - TEDI! TEDI!
Jerry - And finally, we have Rodent!
Crowd - *Applause*
Jerry - Let's see what the contestants have to say...
Mr. Bee - *Huh? Wha? Uh...yeah, I have the biggest bone
Crowd - BOOOOOOO
GMP - I have the great mighty bone and I'm going to shoot my sperm at you.
A huge supply of...
Jerry - Ok, no need to get into a song now..
Gregg - What the bloody hell are you little bastards talking about? My entire body is made up out of bones you smart-arses. Oh forget it, just piss it all to hell!
Dung Beetle - Me and the lads agree I have the biggest bone...not that they would know...
*Silence*
No one understands the Tedi so they will just have to play along..
Crowd (After Tedi's speech) - Yaaaay!
Rodent - I have the biggest bone because they did another experiment on me...
Crowd - *stares mindlessly at Rodent*
Rodent - It's in revelations people!
Nelson Muntz - Haw Haw!
-Some time later-
Jerry - Ok, all of us are done! All the contestants has have their bones measures and well, the results are in and we have our winner...
Everything freezes....
A/N - Ok, I'll freeze it here, I know, I know, the suspense is killing you right? Feel free to write in your review who you think has the biggest bone, not that this is a poll or anything. Oh and one last thing, I was thinking about changing the GMP song...but why mess with a good thing???? R&R Please.
Conker made his way on the path to knock out the sweet corn with his trusty frying pan. When knocking one out, he then proceeded to throwing it at the pool of poo. The sweet corn floats in the poo for a while. Suddenly, the corn is sucked under but then pops back up again yelling as he pulls away here and there until he gets sucked under again.
A figure emerges from the pool of poo.
Sweet Corn (Sobbing) - Noooooo! Let me go, let me go!
The Blob of poo swallows the sweet corn whole, then he starts singing...
Great Might Poo - *Cough* Memememe....
I....am....the great mighty poo, and I'm going to throw my shit at you!
A huge supply of tish comes from my chocolate star fish,
How about some scat, you little twat?
Conker throws toilet paper at GMP when he decides to practice a few notes...
Do you really think you'll survive in here?
You don't seem to know which creek your in...
Sweet corn is the only thing that makes it through my rear,
How do you think I keep this lovely grin? *Grin with ting sound*
Have some more caviar....
Conker throws 2 more rolls of toilet paper at GMP. Soundtrack then turns to GMP X...(the pressure is on)
Now I'm really getting rather mad,
You're like a niggly tiggy shitty little tagnut.
When I knock you out with all my bab
I'm gonna take your head an ram it up my butt!
Conker - Your butt?
GMP - My butt!
Your BUTT!?!
That's right my butt!
ew
My butt!
eww
MY BUTT
ewww
My BUUUUUUUUUT
After throwing 3 more rolls of toilet paper at him, the GMP lets his anger out by screaming to the top of his lungs, shattering the nearby glass. Conker runs over to it, dodging the great balls of poo along the way. He grabs the flusher and pulls.
GMP - Ah you cursed squirrel look what you've done. I'm flushing I'm flushing! Oh what a world what a world. Who would have thought a good little squirrel like you could destroy my buitiful claggyness. Oooh I'm going! Ahh. Aaaahh. Nooo! Aaaaaahhhhh!
Conker - Now that's what I call a bowel movement.
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*Knock on the door*
Berri answers it.
Berri - He'd, like, better have a good excuse this time. This is the last time he stands me up.
*Berri opens door*
"Conker! I've had just about...*gasp*...who are you?
Rock guy stands there.
"Look, whatever your selling, I'm just not interested. Well?
The rock guy punches Berri, knocking her unconscious.
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Conker falls down to a door where the GMP was flushed. He approaches two of Panther King's guards. One guard is crapping behind a rock.
Skinny Guard - You'll have to pay the toll.
Conker - You mercenaries, here ya go, a thousand dollars.
"Thank you"
"Can I get through?"
"Hey, I'm not finished yet. We're looking for someone to model for The Village People magazine...and I think, by the description given to me, you fit the bill."
"I'm not a model."
"Yes you are, you fit the description perfectly."
"Oh really? Well, uh, could you describe your description to me?"
"Well, short, light, and ugly, red fur, big bushy tail...and twitchy nose. You're a model alright, and you're coming with me."
Skinny guard grabs ahold of Conker.
"Hey, I told you I'm not a model, now get your hands off me."
"Well, what are you then?"
"I'm a Nemesis. Models aren't short light and ugly, they're big, carries a rocket launcher, and has tentacles."
"What?!"
"Yeah, and as for twitchy noses..."
"They don't have them? Are you sure?"
"Psh! Of course I'm sure! Cya!"
Fat guard finishes his crap and walks out just as Conker is leaving. Fat guard looks at skinny guard, then at Conker, then
at Skinny Guard again.
Skinny Guard - It's alright, he's not a model, he's a Nemesis.
Fat Guard - A Nemesis? You stupid twat....
Conker - Oh yeah, let's see. *Whistles*
*Money jumps out of Skinny Guards pocket and hops back to Conker*
Conker leaves the area just as Nemesis approaches the 2 guards.
Skinny Guard - You there, you're coming with me....
And we'll leave them at that.....
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Conker heads out to venture his new destination, a cavemen-theme world ran by a weasel mob...To his left is a Club called "Rock Solid" and to his right is the entrance to the temple of the Uga's. Conker decide's to go in the Temple.
*Dramatic music plays as balls of lava are hurled into the air in front of a big dino-sculpture*
Conker - Hey, maestro! Don't you think that's a little bit too dramatic? Can you give me something with a bit more of a beat?
*Caveman theme plays*
"Yeah. That's better."
Conker makes his way through the temple, past worshipping Uga's and such...He makes it to an area with a big egg in the middle. conker sits on the egg and gets comfortable. It hatches some time later and a baby dinosaur comes out. Eventually, he sacrifices the Dino and makes his way in the Dino-sculpture where he finds a dead Uga leader. conker takes the cap and moves on. Upon walking out....
Uga 1 - Hey, who's that?
Uga 2 - It's the leader!
Uga 3 - The leader...
Uga 4 - The leader...
All Ugas - The leader is good the leader is great, we surrender to him, as of this date.
Homer Simpson isn't affected by the chant, and continues eating his porridge.
Uga 1 - Our edibles aren't effecting this one, he's not getting tired, he even ate my serving!
Uga 2 - I have an idea!
All Ugas (to batman theme) - Leader, leader, leader...na na na na na na leader....
Homer - Leader! Batma--I mean Leader!! I love the Leader!!!
All Uga's grin happily and starts following Conker. Homer go chases a butterfly...whee!
Conker leads his little gang to the entrance of the Rock Solid Club, beating on whoever dares to oppose the leader.
Rock Solid Guard - Your not invited, go away!
Conker - Oh I think we can convince you...
*Uga's growl at the guard*
Guard gulps and let's Conker in.
Conker's thoguhts - Well, a rock club...what am I even doing here?!? stupid author..
C: ....er....I can read your thoughts, as can everyone else....
Conker - Oh sorry....
Conker takes a look around...
-Some rock folk gettin' it down at the dance floor
-A full service bar
-Some Uga's hanging out in weird hats....
-Berri dancing in a cage...
Wait a minute....BERRI?!?
Huh?...well...there she is...
Well, knowing Conker, the only thing to do in a situation like this is to drink!
Conker's thought's - Oh boy, I think I've had a few too many...ohh....I need to go to the bathroom....oh shit...rock guys don't need to use the bathrooms....
So Conker decided to piss on the rock guys instead. They got up and punched Conker in the face.
Conker - HOLD UP!!!
Everything freezes except Conker.
C: Now what? Viewers are trying to read, you can't just keep on doing this Conker...
Conker - Whatcha talking 'bout PatrickSim(Gary Coleman style). Well, I have a complaint also, you write me in so that I have to piss on rock dude, this isn't beneficial unless you enjoy seeing me....hey, wait a minute....SO THAT'S WHY YOU DID IT? JUST TO SEE ME GET KNOCKED OUT?!? WELL I QUIT!
C: Hey, I didn't mean anything by it, this is a puzzle-solving level...as you know from your bad fur day. Well, I guess I'm trying to say is that I don't want you to quit, come on! I'll do anything...
Conker - Anything? Well, you can start by letting Berri go.
Everything rewinds...
Conker walks into the club. Right in front of him is Berri herself, dancing to the music. All of a sudden, the cage breaks (that's stone age technology for ya) and Berris is set free. Conker jumps down to her.
Conker - Berri! What are you doing here?
Berri runs past Conker and exits the club.
Conker - Wha? I was just wearing a frickin' cap, and she didn't recognize me? Wha-
Money - Hey! There's money over here.
Conker approaches Money.
Money - Here I am ya greedy bastard!
Conker - Who wants to be a millionaire? Me, actually.
Conker makes his way to the exit. He is stopped by the club guard and is taken to see the boss.
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Mob Boss - Well, about last week's mission...who was the one left the evidence? Was it Mr. Yellow? Or Mr. Red? Mr. Blue?
Ah.....Mr. Green....
Mr. Green - Boss! I didn't know the cops could trace my sperm! I honestly didn't
Boss - You have DNA in it you stupid twat! The cops almost got us! This is what you get for semi-failing me...
Boss takes out a bat and beats Mr. Green to death.
Boss - Let this be a lesson to the rest of yas...capiche? Now, lets get to business.
Club Guard - Hey boss, this guy was snooping around the club and took some money from yas...
Conker - Hey, uh...I didn't know it was yours, I can give it back to you, I even got a little extra, heh, you can take those from me as well.....
Boss - I'm not angry with what you did, you can keep your money...but you'll have to me a favour...
Conker - A favour?
Boss - Well you see...I feel like seeing the Uga temple blow up...
Conker - Why would you want that?
Boss- It could be that I like explosions, or I'm a little deranged, or maybe I have no reason at all....or maybe the author forgot this cutscene and is making it up as he goes....there are many reasons you see...
Conker - Uh...ok, I'll do it...
Berri walks in.
Conker - Berri!
Boss - Hm? Do you know this guy?
Berri - Like, why would I know some cave-guy?
Boss - She says she doesn't know you...
Conker - It's me Con--
Boss - Enough, it's time to go to work...
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Conker successfully delivered the bomb to it's rightful target....(details aren't necessary here...) But now he had to get out of here...And through the magic of writing a fanfic, Conker made his miraculous escape.
After exiting the temple, Conker meets up with some surf-dudes...
Uga 1 - Look, ugly squirrel there
Uga 2 - We bonk him now
*BONK*
When Conker came to, he found that his pockets were empty, and a group of Uga's counting the cash they mugged...
Uga 1 - We buy at McDonald's now...
Uga 2 - No...Burger King better, choice of rings or fries..
Uga 3 - We buy crack and marijuana....
Uga 4 - We buy Lotto 649....just imagine....
Uga 1 knocks Uga 4 off his board.
Conker - Hey! Give me back my money!...You can't go into a prehistoric world without getting mugged nowadays...
Ugas - Huh? Our money now
Uga 1 - Race for money, you use Richard's board...
And so the Uga's took off. Conker hops on the surfboard and starts the race. There were times where it seemed hopeless, but the mighty pan never fails. Knocking out the other surfers, Conker got his money back, only to crash into a curb landing in the middle of an arena....how ironic...
Buga the Knut - Stupid squirrel come into my arena.
Jugga - Little squirrel has big boner (A/N: I jumped to that awfully quick....)
Buga - No one has bigger bone than Buga! Buga show squirrel how big Buga bone is!
Buga hops down onto the platform with Conker.
Buga - I have biggest bone of all!!!
Conker - You care to bet on that?
Buga - Hm? You challenge me?
"Well, you see anyone else here?"
"Buga wants to fight!"
"So Buga doesn't have a big boner anymore?"
"What!?! Buga will show you!"
After biting Buga's ass off, his loincloth falls off, revealing the all mighty bone. They engage in another conversation.
Conker - Big Boner my ass!
Buga - No!
Buga looks at Jugga, who's laughing her ass off. Embarrassed, Buga runs off and crashes into a wall, creating a giant hole.
Conker - Well viewer, as you might have been wondering, Buga proposed that he had a big bone, after his defeat, he charged off, now it's time to see who really has the biggest bone!!!
C:....Conker.....you forgot to tell them....
Conker - Huh? Oh yeah, the author of this story is not, I repeat, _not_gay_. Now let's head to the contest.
A/N: This is just a bonus for those of you who are still reading my story, I thank you to the bottom of my heart.
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Crowd - Jerry! JERRY!
Jerry - Alright, welcome back to our show, for those of you who just tuned in, we are now gonna compare the bone's with each character in Conker's Bad Fur Day! Please welcome our first contestant, Mr. Bee!!!
Crowd - Booo!
Mr. Bee - *Beep* off ya little *beep*
Sunflower (In the corner quietly) - Yay!
Jerry - Ok, settle down people...next we have.....the Great Mighty poo himself!!!
Crowd - Ewwwww
GMP - Have some more caviar.....
Jerry - Now GMP, don't be throwing shit at my audience now....
GMP sits down quietly and eats some corn.
Jerry - Gregg!
Crowd - Yaaaaaaaaay!
Gregg - What the bloody hell am I doing here? Ah! The bright light, the screaming people, oh piss off! all of you! You can scream at me when your dead you little pricks!
Jerry - Dung Beetle!
Crowd - *silence*
Dung beetle takes his seats quietly...
Jerry - Dung beetle, are you crying?
Dung Beetle - *sniff* no, something just caught in my eye...*sniff*
Jerry - Oh, ok, next we have a Tedi!
Crowd - *silence*
Tedi holds up a machine and shoots off half of the crowd. The rest of the audience cheers.
Crowd - TEDI! TEDI!
Jerry - And finally, we have Rodent!
Crowd - *Applause*
Jerry - Let's see what the contestants have to say...
Mr. Bee - *Huh? Wha? Uh...yeah, I have the biggest bone
Crowd - BOOOOOOO
GMP - I have the great mighty bone and I'm going to shoot my sperm at you.
A huge supply of...
Jerry - Ok, no need to get into a song now..
Gregg - What the bloody hell are you little bastards talking about? My entire body is made up out of bones you smart-arses. Oh forget it, just piss it all to hell!
Dung Beetle - Me and the lads agree I have the biggest bone...not that they would know...
*Silence*
No one understands the Tedi so they will just have to play along..
Crowd (After Tedi's speech) - Yaaaay!
Rodent - I have the biggest bone because they did another experiment on me...
Crowd - *stares mindlessly at Rodent*
Rodent - It's in revelations people!
Nelson Muntz - Haw Haw!
-Some time later-
Jerry - Ok, all of us are done! All the contestants has have their bones measures and well, the results are in and we have our winner...
Everything freezes....
A/N - Ok, I'll freeze it here, I know, I know, the suspense is killing you right? Feel free to write in your review who you think has the biggest bone, not that this is a poll or anything. Oh and one last thing, I was thinking about changing the GMP song...but why mess with a good thing???? R&R Please.