Chapter 4 - Spooky...
Conker walks into the hole Buga made. He finds himself on another beach-like shore thingy. He swims across to find Gregg swiping his scyth at a few catfish.
Gregg - I don't bloody believe this! They got fish versions of the little bastards now!
Conker - Oh, hello Gregg
Gregg - Ugh...still not dead eh? you little prick. Well, it seems you'll have to go up there to that house to find your bloody home. And there are bloody undead there too! What's the bloody point? I just don't get it! Anyways, take this shotgun and kills those bastards again for me...that's all, piss off!
Conkers walks past the gates leading to the mansion.
*Birdy pops up*
Birdy - Hello, it's me again, Mr. Scare-a-row Birdy. Right. What seems to be the problem? Oh yes, you need manual. Otherwise...no, doesn't work. It'll costs ya.
Conker- Hey, shouldn't you have been back at Windy to give me this maunual? Anyways...how much?
"You got an mepsipax?"
"What's mepsipax?"
"Well, it's this new alcoholic drink, you switch it around and it says 'Pepsi Max'..."
"Huh? Well, I don't have any..."
"Don't matter. Uh....$10, you love, you love manual long time....trust me."
Conker hands Birdy the $10 he got from Rock Solid. Birdy hands over manual. And inside are pictures of Birdy naked posing for Conker...and at the end is a copy of "The Village People Magazine" and on the front cover is none other than...Nemesis!
Conker - What the hell?!? How does that help me?
A zombie walks toward Conker.
Conker - Pf, after looking at "the manual", you guys don't seem so scary after all....
After blowing the zombies head by shooting them in the head, Conker makes it to the front gate of the mansion. He enters and immediatly hears a voice.
Voice - Eleanor......help us Eleanor....Eleanor....
Conker - I'm not Eleanor! What the hell is wrong with everybody today?
-Silence-
He walks up the stairs and heads to the left...and hears the footsteps in a room underneath him....
Below, Jill is investigating the dead body of a villager. The door opens.
Jill - What is that?
Barry - Jill?
Jill - Hi Barry? Why on earth are you here?
Barry - I'll be examining this.
Jill - Barry? Barry?!
Barry - I just had something I wanted to check, I think I'll stay and look around more.
Door opens again.
Chris - Woah!
Barry - What the hell?
Jill - Chris? you're here too?
Barry - I think I'm beginning to understand...
Jill - That was what I was going to say!
Barry - Chris is our old partner you know...
Chris - Hey, we're partners are we? Let's work together.
Barry unzips his pants.
Barry - Look at this.
Chris - Wow!
Jill - What is it?
Barry - What do you think of it?
Chris - Protect yourself, perhaps that was most important part.
Barry - Ok, let's go!
(Chris unzips his pants)
Chris - Ok, I'll go first...Damn, it's broken.
Barry - Seems like it.
Chris - Oh my god!
Jill - Hey, what's going on?
Barry - Alright, can you do it?
Chris starts jacking off and making the moaning sounds as if he was being attacked by a zombie. He stops and Conker can hear liquid hitting the ground.
Barry - Lost courage already?
Chris - I'm sorry for my lack of manlyhood, but I'm not use to exorting men...
Barry - Jill! Let's do it!
Jill - Barry, don't screw up again.
Barry - Jill sandwich, right...
Barry - Let's go!
Sounds of grunts and screaming are heard...then silence.
Jill - Thanks Barry
Barry - Yeah yeah...
Door opens.
Rebecca - Is this a meeting room or something?
Chris - Is that you Rebecca? Rebecca....Can you do it?
Rebecca - Yes I can! May I practice for a little while?
Barry - See, just relax...and play.
Rebecca "practices".
Rebecca - Chris, look at this! You like it?
Barry - That was great!
Chris - Let's do it!
Rebecca - I feel like we're having a secret meeting!
Chris and Rebecca starts doing it unstoppablely.
Barry (through all the screaming) - Look at those monsters!
Rebecca - CHRIS!!!
Barry - He can sing!
Jill - Chris....?
Chris - Rebeccaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
Barry - Well, I think I'll go and get some fresh air for a change.
A/N - The above were taken from what the characters say in the game....but maybe a little change was made, but the lines were from gameplay/cutscenes...
Conker - I didn't need to hear that...
Count Batuala - Welcome...
Conker - Huh? Who are you?
Count - I'm your great great great great great great great great grandfather.
Conker - I don't think your that great.
Count - Just shut up and take off your pants.
Conker - But I'm not wearing any pants....
Count - What the hell? well....seeing as how this is your good fur day and the author only decided to bring you in here was for the RE bit....I'll give you the 3 keys to let you out.
Conker leaves and sees Mr. Barrel.
Barrel - Hop on. Only way out.
Conker hops on and rolls his way down back to Windy....where he gets knocked out by a rough landing made by Mr. Barrel...
A/N - That's the end of this chapter, next chapter is "It's War!" Enter the Tediz.....Oh, I bet your wondering about The Jerry Springer Show (Who has the biggest bone)....well, here he is! I put this in here so the people who don't know about Resident Evil can still laugh at something....I hope....
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Jerry - And we're back! Last time we left, the contestants had their bones measured, and we have the results!
T.V Screen shows to a table chart below...
Mr. Bee - .64 inch
GMP - 10.12 inches
Gregg - 2.01 inches
Dung Beetle - 1.99 inches
Tedi - 2.99
Rodent - 2 inches
Jerry - There you have it, we measured the longest bone in each character, the spinal cord, and here are the results. Well, It seems the towering Great Mighty Poo has won.
Mr. Bee - That's not fair, he's a giant, of course he has the biggest back.
GMP - Go *beep* yourself and your *beep* sunflower.
Sunflower walks up to GMP and bitch-slaps GMP. They both get into a catfight.
Crowd - Jerry! JERRY!
Gregg - Look at these little bastards pulling each others hairs off, they have no bloody respect for their hairs, just look at me!
Tedi - *Mumbles something under his voice*
Gregg - You got something to say? You little prick, come say it in my face you *beep*-*beep*.
Tedi charges at Gregg and they get into a fight.
Rodent - Oh shit! I got a war to fight, cya guys later.
Jerry - Ok, time for my final thought. I don't think it matters how big our bone is, just how big our heart is. And if these delicate creatures could get along, w--
Dung Beetle comes along and rapes Jerry Springer.
Crowd - JERRY! JERRY!
GMP - You lousy *beep*, go *beep* your *beep* bee.
Gregg - Ah you little bastard! Take this you smart arse! I'll see you in hell! Piss off!
Tedi - Uncle! Uncle!
*Fighting stops, everyone looks at Tedi*
Tedi - Uh...I mean...*says something in raspy voice*
Fight continues.
Cats come on stage and Gregg chases after them.
Dung Beetle - AHH! The *beep* is biting me, the *beep* is biting me!!!
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A/N - Well...that was chapter 4...with a little Resident Evil mix, a little Jerry Springer....And who would've thought GMP had the biggest bone? That was spooky...wasn't it? Read and review please.
Conker walks into the hole Buga made. He finds himself on another beach-like shore thingy. He swims across to find Gregg swiping his scyth at a few catfish.
Gregg - I don't bloody believe this! They got fish versions of the little bastards now!
Conker - Oh, hello Gregg
Gregg - Ugh...still not dead eh? you little prick. Well, it seems you'll have to go up there to that house to find your bloody home. And there are bloody undead there too! What's the bloody point? I just don't get it! Anyways, take this shotgun and kills those bastards again for me...that's all, piss off!
Conkers walks past the gates leading to the mansion.
*Birdy pops up*
Birdy - Hello, it's me again, Mr. Scare-a-row Birdy. Right. What seems to be the problem? Oh yes, you need manual. Otherwise...no, doesn't work. It'll costs ya.
Conker- Hey, shouldn't you have been back at Windy to give me this maunual? Anyways...how much?
"You got an mepsipax?"
"What's mepsipax?"
"Well, it's this new alcoholic drink, you switch it around and it says 'Pepsi Max'..."
"Huh? Well, I don't have any..."
"Don't matter. Uh....$10, you love, you love manual long time....trust me."
Conker hands Birdy the $10 he got from Rock Solid. Birdy hands over manual. And inside are pictures of Birdy naked posing for Conker...and at the end is a copy of "The Village People Magazine" and on the front cover is none other than...Nemesis!
Conker - What the hell?!? How does that help me?
A zombie walks toward Conker.
Conker - Pf, after looking at "the manual", you guys don't seem so scary after all....
After blowing the zombies head by shooting them in the head, Conker makes it to the front gate of the mansion. He enters and immediatly hears a voice.
Voice - Eleanor......help us Eleanor....Eleanor....
Conker - I'm not Eleanor! What the hell is wrong with everybody today?
-Silence-
He walks up the stairs and heads to the left...and hears the footsteps in a room underneath him....
Below, Jill is investigating the dead body of a villager. The door opens.
Jill - What is that?
Barry - Jill?
Jill - Hi Barry? Why on earth are you here?
Barry - I'll be examining this.
Jill - Barry? Barry?!
Barry - I just had something I wanted to check, I think I'll stay and look around more.
Door opens again.
Chris - Woah!
Barry - What the hell?
Jill - Chris? you're here too?
Barry - I think I'm beginning to understand...
Jill - That was what I was going to say!
Barry - Chris is our old partner you know...
Chris - Hey, we're partners are we? Let's work together.
Barry unzips his pants.
Barry - Look at this.
Chris - Wow!
Jill - What is it?
Barry - What do you think of it?
Chris - Protect yourself, perhaps that was most important part.
Barry - Ok, let's go!
(Chris unzips his pants)
Chris - Ok, I'll go first...Damn, it's broken.
Barry - Seems like it.
Chris - Oh my god!
Jill - Hey, what's going on?
Barry - Alright, can you do it?
Chris starts jacking off and making the moaning sounds as if he was being attacked by a zombie. He stops and Conker can hear liquid hitting the ground.
Barry - Lost courage already?
Chris - I'm sorry for my lack of manlyhood, but I'm not use to exorting men...
Barry - Jill! Let's do it!
Jill - Barry, don't screw up again.
Barry - Jill sandwich, right...
Barry - Let's go!
Sounds of grunts and screaming are heard...then silence.
Jill - Thanks Barry
Barry - Yeah yeah...
Door opens.
Rebecca - Is this a meeting room or something?
Chris - Is that you Rebecca? Rebecca....Can you do it?
Rebecca - Yes I can! May I practice for a little while?
Barry - See, just relax...and play.
Rebecca "practices".
Rebecca - Chris, look at this! You like it?
Barry - That was great!
Chris - Let's do it!
Rebecca - I feel like we're having a secret meeting!
Chris and Rebecca starts doing it unstoppablely.
Barry (through all the screaming) - Look at those monsters!
Rebecca - CHRIS!!!
Barry - He can sing!
Jill - Chris....?
Chris - Rebeccaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
Barry - Well, I think I'll go and get some fresh air for a change.
A/N - The above were taken from what the characters say in the game....but maybe a little change was made, but the lines were from gameplay/cutscenes...
Conker - I didn't need to hear that...
Count Batuala - Welcome...
Conker - Huh? Who are you?
Count - I'm your great great great great great great great great grandfather.
Conker - I don't think your that great.
Count - Just shut up and take off your pants.
Conker - But I'm not wearing any pants....
Count - What the hell? well....seeing as how this is your good fur day and the author only decided to bring you in here was for the RE bit....I'll give you the 3 keys to let you out.
Conker leaves and sees Mr. Barrel.
Barrel - Hop on. Only way out.
Conker hops on and rolls his way down back to Windy....where he gets knocked out by a rough landing made by Mr. Barrel...
A/N - That's the end of this chapter, next chapter is "It's War!" Enter the Tediz.....Oh, I bet your wondering about The Jerry Springer Show (Who has the biggest bone)....well, here he is! I put this in here so the people who don't know about Resident Evil can still laugh at something....I hope....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jerry - And we're back! Last time we left, the contestants had their bones measured, and we have the results!
T.V Screen shows to a table chart below...
Mr. Bee - .64 inch
GMP - 10.12 inches
Gregg - 2.01 inches
Dung Beetle - 1.99 inches
Tedi - 2.99
Rodent - 2 inches
Jerry - There you have it, we measured the longest bone in each character, the spinal cord, and here are the results. Well, It seems the towering Great Mighty Poo has won.
Mr. Bee - That's not fair, he's a giant, of course he has the biggest back.
GMP - Go *beep* yourself and your *beep* sunflower.
Sunflower walks up to GMP and bitch-slaps GMP. They both get into a catfight.
Crowd - Jerry! JERRY!
Gregg - Look at these little bastards pulling each others hairs off, they have no bloody respect for their hairs, just look at me!
Tedi - *Mumbles something under his voice*
Gregg - You got something to say? You little prick, come say it in my face you *beep*-*beep*.
Tedi charges at Gregg and they get into a fight.
Rodent - Oh shit! I got a war to fight, cya guys later.
Jerry - Ok, time for my final thought. I don't think it matters how big our bone is, just how big our heart is. And if these delicate creatures could get along, w--
Dung Beetle comes along and rapes Jerry Springer.
Crowd - JERRY! JERRY!
GMP - You lousy *beep*, go *beep* your *beep* bee.
Gregg - Ah you little bastard! Take this you smart arse! I'll see you in hell! Piss off!
Tedi - Uncle! Uncle!
*Fighting stops, everyone looks at Tedi*
Tedi - Uh...I mean...*says something in raspy voice*
Fight continues.
Cats come on stage and Gregg chases after them.
Dung Beetle - AHH! The *beep* is biting me, the *beep* is biting me!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N - Well...that was chapter 4...with a little Resident Evil mix, a little Jerry Springer....And who would've thought GMP had the biggest bone? That was spooky...wasn't it? Read and review please.