{Castle Alexandria, 4:11 PM}
Zidan and company are camped out at the top of the basement stairs like patients in the hospital waiting room, not-so-gently serenaded by the sound of machinery being broken and Dr. Tot's insane babbling, both of which have not ceased since that morning.
Zidan: How many machines does he have down there to break, damn it? [pulls off his Discman earphones, thanks to which he has an earache] Uh, Dagger-cakes, about how long until his fit goes away?
Amarant: [head bent over a washbasin as he works his scalp with Rogaine for Men] Yah, the godth ohly knoh hoh lohg we beeh waihig fo tha th happeh.
Garnet: [looks up from her tattered, dog-eared copy of last Summertide's issue of Ôjo-sama Monthly] Not sure. Could be a couple hours, could be a couple minutes. It usually doesn't last more than a day or two, though.
Freya: [awakens from her meditation] It had damn well better not, because next week I've got a date with… [pulls out her favorite heart-framed photo of—] Fratley-sama…©©©
Steiner: [stops polishing his Excalibur, which is now shiny enough to blind an enemy on the upswing] I don't hear him screaming anymore, Highness; it should be safe down there now.
Vivi: R-really? [puts away his Gameboy Advance, whose batteries can't power a flashlight for more than 12 nanoseconds now] About time, too. Just sitting here is worse than bench pressing…
Sure enough, no sound emerges from the basement stairs. The gang carefully descends (or in Vivi's case, waddles down) one at a time.
To say the lab is a wreck deserves an Academy for Biggest Understatement. The fruits of months' worth of research, trial, and error lie scattered in bits and fragments all over the room. Dr. Tot lies motionless on the floor, his face tomato-red and his breathing labored.
Zidan: Doc! Doc, you back with us now?
Dr. Tot: puff Hvid bjfdf734 8 fgsg8… wheeze =P~~~~
Entire cast: …
---
Garnet: It's happened a few times. He stops wrecking things but forgets to become sane.
Eiko: How the ____ do you "forget to become sane"?!?!
Steiner: [whangs her on the head] Watch your mouth, girl!
Garnet: Don't spit fireballs at me; he coined the term. He has something called a Potion of Clarity which should bring him back around…please, Gods, let it be here.
Her hopes are dashed when the gang searches the basement. It has been shattered along with all the other bottles in the vicinity, their contents lying in puddles on the floor. When Dr. Tot gets pissed, he gets pissed.
Zidan: Great. Just great. Where do we find another one?
Garnet: Dr. Tot had the recipe…but it's all the way back in his old lab in Treno.
Entire cast: GROAN
Vivi: I, I can't travel like this!
Amarant: Ahtuahy, e coulh juh tahe e Ihvihthibuh, coulhn' e?
Garnet: Down for repairs. I told Beatrix we shouldn't've let Baku take the wheel, but noooooo…
Quina: And the Fossil Roo?!?
Garnet: Closed. The gargants have gone as berserk as he is. Now they're trying to bite off Dr Tot's, uh, uh—[subtly indicates with her hands that…area down below]
Freya: [hastily] We get the point. sigh Guess our only option is to walk. If we go tonight and cover ourselves, at least we won't be seen quite so easily.
Everyone grudgingly agrees.
Garnet: Now, let's see…one more thing before we go.
She snaps her fingers. There is a rumble and a speck of dust in the distance. The dust grows larger and the rumble grows louder. Finally the rumble is a deafening sonic boom and the dust cloud is several times Steiner's height – and then the dust disappears and all is silent, and there stands—
Zorn: At your service, my liege!
Thorn: What is thy bidding, my liege?
Garnet: Make sure the Doctor doesn't leave this basement until we come with his medicine.
Zorn: Not to leave the basement even if you come with your medicine.
Garnet: Until we come with his medicine.
Thorn: Until you come with our medicine, we're not to enter the basement.
Garnet: NO, you stay in this basement and make sure he doesn't leave.
Zorn: And you'll come with his medicine?
Garnet: Exactly.
Thorn: So we don't do anything apart from stop him entering the basement.
Garnet: Leaving the basement.
Zorn: All right. …Oh! If, if, if—
Garnet: [sighs, her tail all bristly] Look, it is not rocket science, people. Stay here, make sure he doesn't leave the basement, that's it!!!
Zorn: If, if – can he leave with us?
Garnet: [tail twitching as if seized] No, no, NO! Keep him here, make sure he doesn't—
Zorn: Well of course we'll keep him here, but supposing he had to leave and we were with him?
Garnet: Forget it! Just have him stay here—
Thorn: --until you, or anyone else—
Garnet: Not anyone else, just us!
Thorn: --get back.
Garnet: --get back. Right.
Zorn: Right then, we stay here until you and your party gets back.
Garnet: Yes…and make sure he doesn't leave.
Thorn: …Dr. Tot, right?
Garnet: [tail lashes back and forth wildly] YES, Dr. Tot; who did you think?
Thorn: OH! Right, right, thought you meant Zorn; seemed rather nutty having to guard him when he's a guard.
Garnet: SO! Are we clear?
Zorn: Quite clear, not a problem.
Garnet: Wonderful.
The guys shake themselves awake and head up the basement stairs. Zorn and Thorn follow them.
Garnet: Where you guys going?!
Everyone else: groan
Zorn and Thorn: We're coming with you.
Garnet: [tail lashes more wildly] NONONOYOU'RENOT! YOU'RESTAYINGHEREANDMAKINGSUREHEDOESN'TLEAVE!
Zorn: Oh, right. Okay.
The clowns assume their positions flanking the stairway. The adventurers roll their eyes and finally leave the basement. When they're out of earshot…
Zorn: Could you believe that tail? :-P~~~~~~~
Thorn: Whooa mama! Just like a necktie for the arse!
---
{Outside Alexandria Gates, 7:30 PM}
The eight heroes, black cloaks and hoods draped over their shoulders (not that all of them have shoulders), slip out the front doors unnoticed. They head southeast.
{Outdoors, Eastern Mist Continent, 7:45 PM}
They hike over a short hill. They stroll through a forest. They hike over another short hill. They file through a mountain pass (though it takes Vivi some effort). They stroll through another forest. They file through another mountain pass (though again it takes Vivi some more effort). They hike over another short hill. They stroll through another forest. They hike over another short hill. They file through another mountain pass (though this time it takes Vivi even more effort). They stroll through another—
~~// INTERMISSION \\~~
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~~\\ END INTERMISSION! //~~
{Dr. Tot's Old Lab (2F), Treno, 12:45 AM}
Oops, looks like we went a bit far. Oh well.
The cloaked figures busily rummage through stack after chimney-sized stack of heavily written-on paper. Suddenly—
One of them: Heah…fouhd ih.
He (Amarant, for those who haven't been paying attention) triumphantly holds up a tattered sheet of paper, neatly labeled "Potion of Clarity" at the top. Everyone else gathers round and looks.
Everyone else: GROAN
Amarant: Whah? I'n thih whah we ooking or?
Zidan: [pulls off his hood] Yes it is, except for one problem.
Amarant: Whah's at, en?
Zidan takes the sheet of paper and shows it to Amarant. It's not the Potion of Clarity recipe he's found, but more like a Rorschach test that's labeled Potion of Clarity.
Eiko: …………shit. Looks like Dr. Tot went all out in keeping this secret.
Freya: Wait a minute! Why's that ink look fresh?
Everyone leans forward for a better look. She's absolutely right. The ink's as wet and shiny as Garnet's arse after – well, you get the idea.
---
{Outside Dr. Tot's Lab, 1:00 AM}
The cloaked adventurers storm out of the abandoned building without a word. Then Garnet lets loose.
Garnet: …WHO DID THIS?!?
Vivi: Shh! Y-you'll blow our cover! W-we don't want anyone to recognize—
Woman's Voice from the Heavens: GARNET…GARNET!
Vivi: groan See?
A startled, blasphemous oath rises to Garnet's lips, but she swallows it. Everyone swivels their heads back and forth in puzzlement. Those who have heads, I mean.
WVftH: …QUEEN OF ALEXANDRIA…
The night grows much darker, and the party realizes they are in the presence of the goddess who holds rule over Gaia. They smack their heads on the ground in reverence, except for Vivi, who instead ends up rocking back and forth on his tummy.
WVftH: [loses its echoing timbre] Oh, don't grovel!
The clouds part, revealing a familiar-looking green-haired woman, dressed in dark blue, white, and red, with a megaphone in hand.
Terra Yagami: If there's one—[peers into megaphone, bangs it on a cloud a few times, then puts megaphone back to lips] IF THERE'S ONE THING I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND IT'S WHY PEOPLE NEVER GET TIRED OF GROVELING.
Garnet: Sorry.
T.Y.: AND DON'T APOLOGIZE. EVERYONE I TALK TO IS ALWays like "Sorry" this or "Forgive me" that and "I'm not worthy" and—[whacks megaphone a few more times] WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?!?
Zidan: Averting our eyes, megami-sama.
Eiko: {And he damn well better be – she is HOT!}
T.Y.: WELL, DON'T! IT'S LIKE THOSE MISErable Melodies of Life; they're so—[peers into megaphone again, then cleans it out with a cloth and shakes it up and down] THEY'RE SO DEPRESSING. NOW KNOCK IT OFF!
Steiner: Yes, megami-sama!
T.Y.: Right!
The clouds slam shut.
T.Y.: EIGHT HEROES OF GAIA…I UNDERSTAND YOUR PREDICAMent, and I now offer you—WHACK WHACK WHACK! I OFFER YOU A QUEST FOR WHICH YOU WILL BE REWARDED YOUR TRUE FORMS.
Freya: Good idea, megami-sama!
T.Y.: 'COURSE IT'S A GOod idea! SMASH
Pieces of megaphone plummet from the sky.
T.Y.: …Damn. Good thing I got a spare. NOW THEN! BEHOLD, LADIES AND GENTLEFREAKS—
The image of a box with question marks all over it appears in the clouds.
T.Y.: --THIS IS PANDORA'S BOX. LOOK WELL, PEOPLE, FOR IT IS YOUR SACRED TASK TO SEEK WHAT IS STORED IN THIS BOX. THAT IS YOUR PURPOSE, HEROES: THE QUEST FOR PANDORA'S – WHAT LIES in Pandora's box.
Her presence fades, and the heroes are once again in the streets of Treno.
Steiner: A blessing! A blessing from the Lady!
Freya: Gods be praised!
They stroll off, their anger warped into happiness, not noticing the lone cloaked figure standing by the lamppost. He smirks and walks the other way, adjusting his thong panties as he goes.
TO BE CONTINUED