Title: Missed Chances (1/1)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. They belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, etc.
Author: Kegcider gkegroup@ntlworld.com
Summary: Buffy reflects on Faith coming back to make things right.
Archives: Anyone that wants it
It's been five weeks since Faith got out of jail. Five weeks since she turned up back here in Sunnydale. Five weeks since she sat in front of us all at the Magic Box and tried to apologise.
That first day must have been hard for her. We didn't even really give her a chance to speak. I half wanted to beat her to death, just like I threatened two years ago, but I settled for dredging up every single reason I could think of why I should hate her. I called her names I would never have imagined I was capable of. I wasn't as harsh as Willow or Xander, but I could see it in her eyes that it hurt more coming from me.
We didn't patrol that first night. Faith just sort of slumped her way out of the shop. None of us really knew whether she'd be back. I didn't care.
Faith did return the next day and the days after that. There wasn't much talking. I'd run out of things to call her, and Faith didn't seem to want to try apologising again. Willow and Xander were nowhere to be seen. We did a bit of training, the weights and stuff – no sparring, I wanted to avoid any 'accidents'.
Willow and Xander appeared again on the fourth day that Faith had been here. They'd thought up some more things that they wanted to shout at her. She just stood there and let them, not saying a word. Later in the day Willow used her magic to slam Faith hard into a wall. She said Faith had been sending strange looks at Tara. None of us said a thing. We all knew Faith was up to something.
We patrolled every night except that first night. We didn't patrol together; we split Sunnydale between us. I couldn't bring myself to trust Faith at my back.
After the third week, Faith called Giles to say that she would be training at home, but that she'd still be patrolling. I just knew that she was up to something, so I kept creeping around to her place to keep an eye on her. I didn't see anything suspicious. She just trained, patrolled, and ate, slept and watched TV. I didn't know whether to be relieved that she was still playing straight or angry that she was better at disguising her intentions than I was at spotting them.
Yesterday while I was busy shopping, she dropped a note off for me at home.
Buffy,
You know better than anyone that I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I realise now that coming back was another. You said two years back in LA that I could never make things right. I didn't believe it, didn't want to believe it. I get it now.
I tried, I really did, but I know now that it will never get any better here. I've got to go find a place where I can be me. The me that came out of jail and therapy. The me that is trying to take charge of her life instead of just ducking the punches all the time. Here I'll always be the self-destructive insecure basket case I was, or the homicidal thrill-seeking psychopath I became. You won't let me be anything else.
I'll always remember the good times.
Goodbye,
Faith
Faith has packed her bags and cleared out of her place. I've no idea where she's gone. Nobody seems to know. I thought I'd given up on her, I thought I'd given her all the chances I was going to. I was wrong. If I'd given up it wouldn't hurt so much now. It isn't because she's run again, but because it means that she's the one that has given up.
Not on herself, but on me.
** End **