Disclaimer: Not mine, moving on.
Author's Notes: My apologies. This should have been out weeks ago. I'm just not exactly sure where the story is headed. It will come to me, eventually, but for right now, I'm just letting the characters take me wherever they choose to go.
Dedication: To my brother in honor of his having survived the elements for two decades, come this October 1st.
****
Wherever You Are
by Kristen Elizabeth
****
"Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust..."
But there were no ashes. Only an empty, marked grave bearing her name and dates of the day she entered the world and the day she was taken from it. There was nothing to bury except all of his feelings. All of his emotions. He would bury his heart in the place her body ought to have been.
Duo looked up at the clouded sky and said goodbye to the old Duo Maxwell. He welcomed the freedom that came with not caring. The total emotional death that her death had brought about. He could barely even feel his son's tiny hand in his.
Nothing mattered anymore. He sought no revenge on whoever had planted the bomb nor did he blame himself for letting her get into the limo. For Duo Maxwell, there was only one place to lay any blame for his wife's death.
The woman who's politics put her in the line of fire. The woman who would rather die than truly defend herself. The woman who was married to his best friend. The woman sitting two seats away from him, softly crying as the priest finished his prayer.
The woman who was supposed to die that night.
He watched her out of the corner of his eye as they left Hilde's empty grave behind and all through the journey back to her home where the somber reception was to be held. He watched his best friend who stayed by her side continuously, never letting her be alone for too long. He ignored the condolances piled onto him by people who knew him only as one of the Preventers. The Vice Foriegn Minister's husband's friend.
Duo waited for his opportunity. It came when Heero gently kissed his wife's forehead and moved off with Quatre and Trowa to discuss something in private. He snorted; it was probably him they were discussing. The entire world seemed very concerned with how frighteningly well he was taking his wife's brutal death. Duo wasn't quite sure what they expected him to do. Break down and throw things? Curse a god who had never shown him the slightest consideration in his entire life?
He didn't mind disappointing them. If they wanted to see the grieving widower, they could find another guy.
She was standing by herself after Heero left, a cup of tea in her hand. He watched her even more carefully as she wandered out onto the balcony into the cool night air. Taking great care to go unnoticed, he followed her.
"All alone", he stated before she even realized he was behind her. She whirled around, but did not relax upon seeing who it was on the balcony with her. If anything, she became even more tense.
"Yes", Relena replied, tightly. "Heero went to get a drink." She took a breath and asked the one question he wasn't sure he could forgive her for asking. "How are you, Duo?"
He molded his face into a blank mask. "My wife and unborn child were blown to fucking bits three days ago, leaving me with a four year old son and an empty house. I'm doing just fine."
It gave him pleasure to see her face crumple. She valiantly fought back her tears. "Duo...I'm so very..."
Duo held up his hand. "Sorry doesn't cut it, princess." He spit the last word out as though it tasted bad in his mouth.
"I don't know what else to say", she whispered. "I know that I should have..."
"Died that night? Been blown sky high in front of Heero's eyes?" Duo laughed harshly. "That's the first honest thing you've said, Relena."
She was no longer trying to control her tears. They flowed down her cheeks in a steady stream. "Is that what you want to hear me say, Duo?"
"I don't want to hear you say anything", he hissed. "Just know this." He stepped towards her and grabbed her arm with a practiced grip. One that inflicted pain, but would leave no mark. Relena cried out softly. "I don't like you." His tone was low and filled with venom. "I think I ought to be at your wake right now, actually. I think my wife should be standing next to me, carrying my child while we eat finger food and discuss how sad it is that your life is over."
Relena opened her mouth, but shut it when his grip on her arm tightened. "Tell me if you disagree with any of this", he continued. When she said nothing, he released her, sending her stumbling back a step. "As far as I'm concerned, you killed Hilde and our baby. And I will never forgive you for that."
He was gone before she could make her mouth work again. The tears coursing down her cheeks met at her throat before falling to wet her silk blouse. When Heero saw her again, though, no trace of the tears remained. He heard nothing about her encounter with Duo on the balcony.
And as the days turned into weeks, he didn't seem to notice how his wife and his best friend were no longer on speaking terms. If he did notice, he said nothing.
****
"Are you absolutely sure?"
"One hundred percent."
"There's no way there could have been a mistake? Is the test really that reliable?"
"Come on. I didn't spend four years in medical school only to come out not being able to read a pregnancy test." Sally broke into a wide smile. "Relena. You are absolutely, one hundred percent pregnant."
Her patient blinked several times. In the space of a minute, her expression changed from shock to mild dismay to excitement. Not all that strange for a first time parent. It was only the lingering sadness and worry in Relena's eyes that bothered Sally.
"Heero and I are going to have a baby?", she asked, as though trying to acquaint herself with the idea. "When?"
Sally looked at her notes. "Judging by what you told me, I'd say April. You're about two and a half months along."
Relena looked down at her lap, covered by the thin hospital gown. Two and a half months. That meant...she had concieved just after Hilde's death.
"I know what you're thinking", Sally said gently. "It is kind of strange." She smiled. "Maybe Wufei is right about his whole reincarnation thing."
The Vice Foriegn Minister shook her head and adopted a clinical tone. "Nothing of the sort. I was very upset around that time." She cleared her throat. "Heero comforted me."
Sally lifted her shoulders. "The world works in mysterious ways."
"Yes. Well..." Relena eased off the examination table and reached for her clothes. "Don't let Duo catch wind of the fact that you think my child is the reincarnated spirit of Hilde. He'd hate me even more than..." She stopped and rephrased. "It would upset him."
"How is Duo?", Sally asked carefully.
Relena stripped off the medical gown. "Ask someone who knows." She tugged on her khaki pants. "Sally...", she began in a much softer tone. "Do you really think that...." Relena shook her head, laughing at herself. "Never mind."
Raising an eyebrow, Sally scribbled something onto a notepad and tore off the sheet. "Here is the number of the best ob/gyn on Earth." She smiled impishly. "I wish I could be there when Heero Yuy finds out he's going to be a daddy."
Relena returned the smile, but only half-heartedly. "Thank you, Sally. For everything." She left the Preventer medical base with absolutely none of the joy an expectant mother should have. Not a word had been spoken between her and Duo since the afternoon on the balcony. He had made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with her.
The worst part was, Relena couldn't find it within herself to blame him. She had cheated Death and sent Hilde to his arms instead. And now, she was carrying a new life all too soon after two lives had been ripped away from Duo. She touched her belly. There was no sign yet. No swelling, no movement. If it weren't for a routine check-up, she would not have even been aware of the baby's existence.
A horrible thought filled her mind. No one need ever know. She could find a safe, private place to do it and tell Sally it was a miscarriage. Sally would never tell Heero if Relena didn't want her to. No one would be hurt. More importantly, Duo wouldn't be hurt. Maybe he wouldn't hate her anymore if she sacrificed something. If she reached the same level of pain and anguish....
"Vice Foriegn Minister..." One of her many new Preventer bodyguards held the limousine door open for her.
She slid inside, grateful for the cool interior. Her hand found its way back down to her flat stomach. If only there could be some sort of motion...a kick or a flutter. Any physical proof that there was a baby growing inside of her. A baby that she and Heero had made together. A baby that she could never destroy, for anyone or anything. Even for Duo.
Before she knew it, her mind was made up. The drive back to the Manor was peaceful and content.
****
Author's Notes: My apologies. This should have been out weeks ago. I'm just not exactly sure where the story is headed. It will come to me, eventually, but for right now, I'm just letting the characters take me wherever they choose to go.
Dedication: To my brother in honor of his having survived the elements for two decades, come this October 1st.
****
Wherever You Are
by Kristen Elizabeth
****
"Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust..."
But there were no ashes. Only an empty, marked grave bearing her name and dates of the day she entered the world and the day she was taken from it. There was nothing to bury except all of his feelings. All of his emotions. He would bury his heart in the place her body ought to have been.
Duo looked up at the clouded sky and said goodbye to the old Duo Maxwell. He welcomed the freedom that came with not caring. The total emotional death that her death had brought about. He could barely even feel his son's tiny hand in his.
Nothing mattered anymore. He sought no revenge on whoever had planted the bomb nor did he blame himself for letting her get into the limo. For Duo Maxwell, there was only one place to lay any blame for his wife's death.
The woman who's politics put her in the line of fire. The woman who would rather die than truly defend herself. The woman who was married to his best friend. The woman sitting two seats away from him, softly crying as the priest finished his prayer.
The woman who was supposed to die that night.
He watched her out of the corner of his eye as they left Hilde's empty grave behind and all through the journey back to her home where the somber reception was to be held. He watched his best friend who stayed by her side continuously, never letting her be alone for too long. He ignored the condolances piled onto him by people who knew him only as one of the Preventers. The Vice Foriegn Minister's husband's friend.
Duo waited for his opportunity. It came when Heero gently kissed his wife's forehead and moved off with Quatre and Trowa to discuss something in private. He snorted; it was probably him they were discussing. The entire world seemed very concerned with how frighteningly well he was taking his wife's brutal death. Duo wasn't quite sure what they expected him to do. Break down and throw things? Curse a god who had never shown him the slightest consideration in his entire life?
He didn't mind disappointing them. If they wanted to see the grieving widower, they could find another guy.
She was standing by herself after Heero left, a cup of tea in her hand. He watched her even more carefully as she wandered out onto the balcony into the cool night air. Taking great care to go unnoticed, he followed her.
"All alone", he stated before she even realized he was behind her. She whirled around, but did not relax upon seeing who it was on the balcony with her. If anything, she became even more tense.
"Yes", Relena replied, tightly. "Heero went to get a drink." She took a breath and asked the one question he wasn't sure he could forgive her for asking. "How are you, Duo?"
He molded his face into a blank mask. "My wife and unborn child were blown to fucking bits three days ago, leaving me with a four year old son and an empty house. I'm doing just fine."
It gave him pleasure to see her face crumple. She valiantly fought back her tears. "Duo...I'm so very..."
Duo held up his hand. "Sorry doesn't cut it, princess." He spit the last word out as though it tasted bad in his mouth.
"I don't know what else to say", she whispered. "I know that I should have..."
"Died that night? Been blown sky high in front of Heero's eyes?" Duo laughed harshly. "That's the first honest thing you've said, Relena."
She was no longer trying to control her tears. They flowed down her cheeks in a steady stream. "Is that what you want to hear me say, Duo?"
"I don't want to hear you say anything", he hissed. "Just know this." He stepped towards her and grabbed her arm with a practiced grip. One that inflicted pain, but would leave no mark. Relena cried out softly. "I don't like you." His tone was low and filled with venom. "I think I ought to be at your wake right now, actually. I think my wife should be standing next to me, carrying my child while we eat finger food and discuss how sad it is that your life is over."
Relena opened her mouth, but shut it when his grip on her arm tightened. "Tell me if you disagree with any of this", he continued. When she said nothing, he released her, sending her stumbling back a step. "As far as I'm concerned, you killed Hilde and our baby. And I will never forgive you for that."
He was gone before she could make her mouth work again. The tears coursing down her cheeks met at her throat before falling to wet her silk blouse. When Heero saw her again, though, no trace of the tears remained. He heard nothing about her encounter with Duo on the balcony.
And as the days turned into weeks, he didn't seem to notice how his wife and his best friend were no longer on speaking terms. If he did notice, he said nothing.
****
"Are you absolutely sure?"
"One hundred percent."
"There's no way there could have been a mistake? Is the test really that reliable?"
"Come on. I didn't spend four years in medical school only to come out not being able to read a pregnancy test." Sally broke into a wide smile. "Relena. You are absolutely, one hundred percent pregnant."
Her patient blinked several times. In the space of a minute, her expression changed from shock to mild dismay to excitement. Not all that strange for a first time parent. It was only the lingering sadness and worry in Relena's eyes that bothered Sally.
"Heero and I are going to have a baby?", she asked, as though trying to acquaint herself with the idea. "When?"
Sally looked at her notes. "Judging by what you told me, I'd say April. You're about two and a half months along."
Relena looked down at her lap, covered by the thin hospital gown. Two and a half months. That meant...she had concieved just after Hilde's death.
"I know what you're thinking", Sally said gently. "It is kind of strange." She smiled. "Maybe Wufei is right about his whole reincarnation thing."
The Vice Foriegn Minister shook her head and adopted a clinical tone. "Nothing of the sort. I was very upset around that time." She cleared her throat. "Heero comforted me."
Sally lifted her shoulders. "The world works in mysterious ways."
"Yes. Well..." Relena eased off the examination table and reached for her clothes. "Don't let Duo catch wind of the fact that you think my child is the reincarnated spirit of Hilde. He'd hate me even more than..." She stopped and rephrased. "It would upset him."
"How is Duo?", Sally asked carefully.
Relena stripped off the medical gown. "Ask someone who knows." She tugged on her khaki pants. "Sally...", she began in a much softer tone. "Do you really think that...." Relena shook her head, laughing at herself. "Never mind."
Raising an eyebrow, Sally scribbled something onto a notepad and tore off the sheet. "Here is the number of the best ob/gyn on Earth." She smiled impishly. "I wish I could be there when Heero Yuy finds out he's going to be a daddy."
Relena returned the smile, but only half-heartedly. "Thank you, Sally. For everything." She left the Preventer medical base with absolutely none of the joy an expectant mother should have. Not a word had been spoken between her and Duo since the afternoon on the balcony. He had made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with her.
The worst part was, Relena couldn't find it within herself to blame him. She had cheated Death and sent Hilde to his arms instead. And now, she was carrying a new life all too soon after two lives had been ripped away from Duo. She touched her belly. There was no sign yet. No swelling, no movement. If it weren't for a routine check-up, she would not have even been aware of the baby's existence.
A horrible thought filled her mind. No one need ever know. She could find a safe, private place to do it and tell Sally it was a miscarriage. Sally would never tell Heero if Relena didn't want her to. No one would be hurt. More importantly, Duo wouldn't be hurt. Maybe he wouldn't hate her anymore if she sacrificed something. If she reached the same level of pain and anguish....
"Vice Foriegn Minister..." One of her many new Preventer bodyguards held the limousine door open for her.
She slid inside, grateful for the cool interior. Her hand found its way back down to her flat stomach. If only there could be some sort of motion...a kick or a flutter. Any physical proof that there was a baby growing inside of her. A baby that she and Heero had made together. A baby that she could never destroy, for anyone or anything. Even for Duo.
Before she knew it, her mind was made up. The drive back to the Manor was peaceful and content.
****