I believe in a lot of stuff. Some you might believe in too others you may not. I do however think that we all be in agreement that So Weird and all it's great actors/actress are wonderful! I know I wish I owned them but some things aren't possible in this sad world.
Chapter – 4.
Have you ever seen someone or known somebody for as long as you remember, then suddenly it's like your seeing if for the first time? That feeling was coming to me and not for an ideal circumstance. I mean this had the potential to kill what was left of my soul, I didn't want that. I would be laughed at, lose my family and friends, and sink down so deep that I would never pull myself out. And why now, how can I one day barely able to tolerate him and the next I'm acting like a 10 year old in a record shop. It was purely ridiculous. Still whenever I think of him I can't help but to start to smile. Was it love? Strong like or even simple form of like? I would like to know why I do things like this to myself; there will be never be a me and him. Even though the idea is driving me insane, inhabiting my every thought, I won't do it. Plus I'm sure he hates me.
Clu invited Jack to visit his dorm for the weekend; I gave him the OK on the trip. It would be a trial run for me, see how I handle being a part from him. Because in a few short months the moment I feared since the day the doctor placed him in my arms would be here; high school graduation. Starting college moving out and all things children dream of and parents dread. I'm proud of both my kids, so intelligent; caring along with so many other words it would take 20 reams of paper to get them all down. My parents or I should say my dad would be unable to fill two lines of generous thoughts towards me. That man is incapable of showing any true emotion. Sometimes I think my trouble with my non-self confidence and bouts of depression started because of him. That's why I always praise and reassure my children that I care about them.
My favorite place to be is in the love seat of the living room. Curled with a good book or no book at all, the reading didn't make it wonderful. I face it away from the television towards the window instead. Something that must sound strange to hear now a days. I hate the window of this house, there's no view. I want the ranch house back! I let everyone, myself included believe I sold it to move on with my life. Maybe that's part of the reason but the real one is I couldn't afford it. Not with the poor concert out turns, that place is big lots of light switches, faucets which kill the bills. The view at this place is impersonal and looks at the house across the street. At a house where I never talked or seen the inhabits of it. Or any of the homes around here.