Rating:R
Max sat quietly on the rim of the space needle, her mind a turbulent hell
storm over the events of the last 24 hours. The wind blew through her soft hair, lifting it
like a gentle wave. She sat there, legs in front of her, face framed perfectly against her
lightly billowing hair, eyes looking out into the Seattle skyline. Her black leather jacket
clung tightly to her skin, enveloping her in it's smooth yet rough material. Her brown doe-
like eyes were pale and still beautiful, despite the countless tears that had flowed from the
formerly vibrant irises. The young woman's entire countenance was silent, cold, entirely
devoid of the spunk and fiery glow that used to emanate off of her very presence. There
was nothing left but a hollow shell where that person had once been, and if you were to
look into those eyes carefully enough, you would see what lurked beneath the surface,
beneath the cold dead eyes, and you would see the overwhelming pain and rage, pure
rage, like a lightning bolt trapped in a bottle, aimed at no one, impotent inside her scarred
and battered soul. The emotions lay hidden behind the soft brown pupils that stared out
into the empty landscape. To your average observer looking form a distance, she would
have looked beautiful and serene, absolutely peaceful.
But she was anything but calm and peaceful.
She had finished her crying hours ago, when her family and Cindy were still
there to comfort her, when it seemed that her life had ended back in that building, when it
seemed that all she had to live for was torn away in an instant. They told her that he was
gone. Gone, just like that. Impossible. But it was true. Horrible, unimaginable,
indescribable. But true. For the longest time, minutes, hours maybe, she couldn't bring
herself to believe it. After she woke up, she screamed and cursed at them. Poured out all
her agony and hatred at them for leaving him there. She said he wasn't dead, that he
couldn't be dead, that they could still save him. She knew it was a lie. They told her as
much. They told her that he loved her, that they loved her, that even though it hurt, even
though he was dead and nothing could bring him back, that she could survive, that one
day she could go on, that it wasn't her fault and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
Bullshit. It was her fault. It was her fault he got involved. It was her fault
that he was dead. All her fault and no one else's.
He would have been better off if she never broke into his apartment that
night, if they had never met. If she had stopped him from coming along and helping in a
fight that was never his. If she wasn't so stupid thinking they could save Krit without
anyone getting hurt, so stupid to try to change what could not be changed, so stupid to
walk into a trap in the first place. And in the end what happened? They went in there and
they lost him for nothing. Krit was dead. So was Brin. And Eva.
She didn't blame Eva for what she did though. Her heart was full of hatred
at first, but that later subsided when she realized that Eva was a victim as well. She was
nothing but a pawn, a mindless brainwashed slave of the people who took away their
childhood and their innocence. Who made them the victims that they were. Who turned
them into fugitives and robbed them of a normal life, family, friends, people to care about.
She may have pulled the trigger, but they were the ones who were pulling the strings.
Not like there was anything she could do about it. Things would go on as
usual. They split up again, the 3 that were still left, and they would have to go on the run.
Just like before. They had to. Syl gave everyone a new contact number before she, Zane,
and Jondy left the area to head their separate ways. It would come in handy if they ever
needed each other's help again or if they wanted to get back together, though max
doubted that would ever happen. They had lost so much, and it was all for nothing.
Manticore would recover. They would bring someone in to replace Renfro, and they
would continue the hunt until they were all dead or back in a cage. They would never stop
looking, never leave them in peace. And even if someday Manticore were to disappear off
the face of the earth, there would always be others. Other governments, other
organizations.
They could never be normal, never have family or friends, never be loved,
for to love them was death. They were a curse upon everyone they cared about, and
everyone who cared about them would suffer and die. And sooner or later the same thing
would happen to them.
When she realized this at last, after so many empty hopes and dreams, after
so many times it seemed that it would all end, that she could stop running and settle down
with a man she loved and live happily ever after like in some fairy tale, she wanted to
throw herself off the needle. She wanted to scream, break things, cut herself, tear her hair
out, break every bone in her miserable freak show body, kill herself in any and every way
possible. And why the hell not? What did she have to live for? For her so-called freedom?
For the freedom to keep running for the rest of her misery-filled, tormented, likely short
lived existence? For watching those around her get cut down one by one, with no way to
save them? For a life full of nothing but never ending suffering, pain, and ever present
fear? To live constant fear that at any place, at any given time, around any corner on any
minute of the day they'll come for you? To live so that more innocent people could get
hurt or killed simply because of what you are?
|Max, you fucking moron. You believed in something that was never there.
Zack was right. It's all phony sentimental bullshit. You really thought you could change
things? You really thought you could create a better life, that you could settle down and
be happy one day? That you could be NORMAL? Bullshit. Zack told you as much. He
told you that you were soldiers, and that was all that mattered was that one simple fact,
and the objective to keep moving in a whole world of hostile enemy territory. You should
have listened to him. You should have given up on this fucked up dream of yours before it
killed him. Before it killed Brin and Krit and Eva and Logan. Before it took all this death,
all this wretched pain and misery and suffering for you to come to your damn senses.|
Their deaths, the deaths of those closest to her, were not only tragic. Not
just painful. Not just horrible, not just undeserved, not just indescribably wrong. It was
completely and utterly USELESS. They died for nothing, each and every one of them,
they died because they listened to her, because they believed in her stupid dream, her
stupid crazy ideas. You'd think she'd learn the first time, after Zack blew his brains out
just to save her sorry ass who got them in that mess in the first place. But no. She had to
repeat the same tragic, pointless, wasteful error all over again. And now she had lost more
of those who she loved, more of those who had brought life and brightness and warmth to
her debased existence.
|Family is not an option. Not for us.|
Zack's words came back to her like a onrushing bullet train racing towards
her mind at 300 mph, slammed into her consciousness making her feel as if she had been
hit by one. She could never have a life with a family or a single friend, for hers was utterly
lonely and forever one of lethal danger to those around her. She would always be running,
always be trying to hide, always attempting to escape her past but never succeeding, like
the man pushing a boulder up a hill only to have it roll down again every time it reached
the top. This was her life, her wretched damned fate. To play a massive, unrelenting game
of Escape and Evade for all eternity. Or at least for as long as she lived and managed to
keep winning that game. And who knew how long that could be?
Only one way to find out really.
She was leaving Seattle tommorrow morning.
Cindy tried to stop her, begged her not to, pleaded with her saying as long
as she lay low they could all be safe, she managed to stay that way for all this time, after
all. She merely smiled and continued to shove her sparse luggage into the black duffel bag.
Some clothes, food, water, cash, sector passes, basic necessities of life. No need to bring
anything else where she was going. When Cindy tried to take things out of the bag Max
did nothing to stop her, instead merely calmly and quietly placing them back in. After
awhile her friend gave up hope, looking her in the eye and realizing that there was nothing
she could do to keep her here. |"You're gonna go no matter what I say, aren't you? "Fraid
so. I've caused enough people I care about to wind up 6 feet under. Or dissected for spare
parts." "Dammit boo." "Don't feel too bad boo. I'll be sure to drop by and visit once in
awhile." Even though she knew it was a lie. "It might take time, but you can live on
without me. "Find yourself a new roommate, someone else to be your friend, someone
else to talk to. Forget about me."| It hurt like hell to say it, and it hurt even more to hug
her for the last time. Max pulled out of her best friend's embrace after a few seconds, any
longer and the raging war of emotions inside of her would come down like a unstoppable
avalanche that would swallow her alive. It was best to leave while she still had it in her to
step out of the door.
And so she did.
She stopped by Foggle Towers one last time before coming to the needle.
She found Bling there. She remained silent as he shed tears and talked of her and Logan,
what might have been, how he knew all along what was going on between them before
either of them had the strength to realize it. He talked of how he first met Logan, of the
strength of spirit and the pure determination of how he pursued his dream of being able to
walk again, of how fiercely he fought to adapt to his new disability, of his pure power of
will and courage in working on both his muscle treatments and saving the world through
Eyes Only. Of how he was the greatest, bravest, most noble and goodhearted individual he
ever knew. Of his caring and desire to right the wrongs, to help and protect those in need
against those who would exploit and harm the innocent. Bling vowed to do whatever it
takes to continue the legacy of Eyes Only, to finish the work that Logan and those before
him started and make America the land of freedom, equality, and justice that it once was.
She wished him luck.
Her Ninja 650 was at the base of the needle now, hidden behind some old
crates and boxes. She had come up here one last time, to remember him, remember her life
here in Seattle before she left it forever. To look at that skyline one last time. To look
down on the beautiful lights of the city and to think of those who were normal, who had
their own lives and their own problems, their own moments of pain and joy, the people
and the events that made up their daily existence.
Who would probably always be better off than her. Who would always,
despite the unfathomable poverty, crime, suffering and despair that permeated every single
day of their daily lives, still have a home, still have people to talk to and to hang out with
and to love and to care about.
And so she sat there, drowning in her own misery and sorrow for
something that never was, and never will be. Hot big tears flowed once more from the
brown irises trailing their moisture down her cheeks and nose.
She sat there, an broken empty angel watching over an broken empty city,
not once taking her eyes off the buildings glittering like constellations in the distance.
Author's Note: Finally. Never thought I'd finish, but the last chapter is
finally done. If you don't like it, give me some advice as how to improve. Yes I
know it may be highly depressing. Tell me what you like about it though. I live for
feedback.