Gundam 1/2
by
Nin Tendo
Chapter 3 ~ I Hate Men!
~ Disclaimer ~ Maybe if I'm really nice to them, the creators of Gundam Wing and Ranma 1/2 will make me their heiress...?
Nin: And here we are, posting yet another chapter of the story with a wierd, fraction-thingy in the title!
Anonymous Reader: "we"? You're not refering to ME, are you?
Nin: YOU? Nahhh. I meant my split personality. Her name is Hentai-Onna and she really likes you!
Anonymous Reader: O.O (runs away)
Nin: ...Well, I guess I'll just have to answer the reviews by myself.
(Note: I edited some parts out for the benefit of my fingers)
"I hope I can be in this story at some point (maybe as one of Duo's fiancees (one can hope))...I shall count the days 'til the next chapter is out." ~Chiren Decimal
Nin: Hmmm...I guess I COULD fit you in somewhere...but it'll have to be a temporary thing. How about this? Pick a minor character from Ranma 1/2 and I'll let you act that character out so you can chase Duo behind the scenes. That sound good to me! Oh, and how many days HAS it been? ...I lost count. -_-
"The voice actor Cathy Weseluck plays both Dorothy and Shampoo in the dubbed versions." ~Amalia R. James
Nin: COOL! I was RIGHT to have Dorothy play Shampoo! :D Now, if only I'd had the common sense to get Quatre to play Mousse and Wufei, Kuno. (At least, I THINK they have the same voice actors.)
"DOROTHY IS TOO DAMN SCARY TO BE PAIRED WITH QUATRE!!!!! Trowa and Cathy are related, so that pairing is just wRoNg." ~Catseye
Nin: Must...not...curse...Catseye...to...eternal...damnation...gasp huff huff...Okay...I'm okay now. phew Since this was a review on the PROLOGUE, where I didn't type out the no-character-bashing-in-reviews-or-die warning...I'll make a little deal. Catseye, if you apologize to poor Dorothy before I post the next chapter, I'll totally forget about it, and NOT make you comb Dorothy's eyebrows. n_n Oh, and where in tarnation did you get the idea that I would pair up Trowa with his sis? I don't remember any lovey-dovey scene...sigh Oh, well, I guess I'll have to make their feelings toward each other more apparent, then, huh? And I really wish nobody else tells me how much they hate Dorothy...because I am a brown-haired, brown-eyed version of her, and you all love ME, don't you? Don't you?! Why don't you answer...? (cries)
Dorothy-lover: Awright, that's IT! HOW DARE YOU, NIN?!?!?!?!
Dorothy-lover's friend: (holdes back Dorothy-lover) Whoa, WHOA! Let's talk this over RATIONALLY!
Dorothy-lover: RATIONALLY?! Nin just compared DOROTHY to HERSELF! Can there ever be a more heinous crime?!?! HOW DARE YOU INSULT DOROTHY-SAMA?!?!?!?!
(The "Knights of Nin" cart off Dorothy-lover and, mistakingly, Dorothy-lover's friend, off to The Torture Chamber of Nin's Castle. Which is a real page, just to let you know.)
Nin: ...Okay...
"DUO IS AN INSANE, STUPID, WANNA-BE WITH GIRLY HAIR! *sticks out tongue*" ~Gundanium Dragon (Review from "Eek! Save My Earth!". Hey, I WARNED him, but nooooo...)
Nin: Oh, my! You really want to be in my story, don't you, Gundanium Dragon? I feel so priveliged! You pretended to hate Duo's guts just so you would be able to pose as his personal servant! Oh! I'm so happy I could almost pair you up with him...! ...But...alas...the Duo/Hilde lovers would be disappointed, so you're doomed to be just another victim of unrequited love...my heart bleeds for you...;_; If you're not up to the heinous torture, though, you could always apologize to Duo. I'm sure that your heart is telling you to do that anyway! (lol...don't worry, I really won't go THAT far, sucker! :p) But, cheer up! If you'd just substitute "Duo" with "Nin" in that review, it WOULD be a correct sentence! Same with the Dorothy-bashing review!
Anonymous Reader: (comes back) NIN IS TOO DAMN SCART TO BE PAIRED WITH QUATRE!!!!! NIN IS AN INSANE, STUPID, WANNA-BE WITH GIRLY HAIR!
Nin: Ahhh...how refreshing! Nin-bashing is just so much more fulfilling than character-bashing! Everyone should try it sometime!
Anonymous Reader: Um...
Nin: Yes, Anonymous Reader?
Anonymous Reader: You were just kidding about your split personality weren't you?
Nin: Why, yes, I was. Actually, I think the name's taken, anyway.
Anonymous Reader: Oh. phew
"Over these few months...I've grown accustomed to Relena. HA! PSYCHE! I still hate her ugly guts and I'll hate yours too if you don't write another chapter soon." ~Mizyuki
Nin: (shrieks) OH, MY GOD! Have the pod-people struck once again?! Or did my favorite Mizyuki-chan just suffer a relapse?! MIZYUKI-CHAN, NOOOOO~!!!!
Anonymous Reader: ...I think maybe Mizyuki was just trying to inspire you to write faster. You've been in a TOTAL slump, Nin.
Nin: (looks extremely unstable) Write faster? Write FASTER?! How in tarnation am I supposed to write at ALL?! I'm STRESSED! STRESSED, I tell you! I can't be funny when I'm STRESSED! I'm PRESSURED! I'm STRESSED! STRESSED AND PRESSURED! Somebody has shoved me into the Blender of Stress and Pressure and hit PUREE! AHAhahaHAhaHA!!!
Anonymous Reader: ...Okay, I am officially freaked out, now.
Nin: WOOOOAAAARRRG!!! BWAhahahaHA!!! ZORT!!!
Anonymous Reader: LORD, HELP US ALL!!!
(As if in answer to Anonymous Reader's prayers, a van full of the Men in White arrive at the scene and cart off the cackling Nin to a happy place.)
Nin: (offscreen) Ooooo! I WANT THE PRETTY PINK JACKET!!! YAY!!!
Anonymous Reader: Um...
(A piece of paper falls to the floor)
Paper: DUE TO THE ABSENCE OF THE DIRECTOR, ANONYMOUS READER SHALL FILL IN FOR AS LONG AS DEEMED NECESSARY.
Anonymous Reader: Aw, MAN! This BLOWS!
=============================================================================
Anonymous Reader cautiously stepped into the theatre, noticing that all the lights were off and that all the characters were crowded around a dwindling campfire. All except Duo, actually, who was missing.
Heero, Zechs, and Lady Une were unconscious, leaning against their respective boyfriend's/girlfriend's shoulders.
Zechs and Heero seemed to have been in a fight. Whether they'd KO'd each other or their girlfriends had beaten them senseless was up for grabs. Noin and Relena looked a little PO'd, actually...
Lady Une had a sizable bump on her forehead. Trieze was brushing her hair for some odd reason that Anonymous Reader could not explain. After all, EVERYONE knows that Une's hair NEVER gets knots.
A loud, omnious growling noise to Anonymous Reader's left caused him to shriek, jump, and whirl around.
Seeing a large shadow creeping toward him, Anonymous Reader shouted at the top of his lungs, then proceeded to hide behind the person closest to him. That person happened to be a very irate Dorothy, who shouted, "Stupid stranger man no hide behind Dorothy!!!" and flipped him over her shoulder, back toward the figure.
Catching poor Anonymous Reader in its arms, the figure exclaimed, "Hey, who the hell are YOU?!"
The figure dropped Mr. Reader and stepped closer to the fire. It was Duo.
Anonymous Reader clutched his chest, breathing deeply. When he'd calmed down some, he shouted, "What were ya tryin' ta do?! Give me a friggin' heart attack?!"
Duo blinked. "Yeah, that WAS the plan."
Anonymous Reader grabbed Duo by the priest collar and started to strangle him.
Trowa calmly stood and pulled the two apart. "That's enough," he said, bored, like he had done it many, many times before. "Duo needs to be healthy enough to act in this chapter." He sat down again.
Duo's eyes lit up. "We're gonna do another now?! YAY!"
Anonymous Reader stared at Duo in shock. "What the..."
Catherine shook her head, sadly. "Duo is just one of those people that don't react to boredom very well. Why do you think he snuck up on you like that? He'd do pretty much anything at the moment..."
"Which reminds me..." Duo said, slowly. "Where in the world is Nin? SHE was my target, not YOU...but it was still pretty funny, I gotta say..."
Anonymous Reader frowned at Duo, then said, "I drove her nuts, is all."
Duo looked skeptical. "HA! She was ALREADY nuts. Tell the TRUTH!"
Rolling his eyes, Anonymous Reader replied, "Okay...okay...so I gave her a knock-out pill and took over."
Duo patted him on the back. "There, the truth is so much more fulfilling, isn't it?"
Anonymous Reader sweat-dropped. "Ah...sure..."
"Who are you, anyway?" Duo asked. "I haven't seen you around here, and, believe me, if you'd've been somewhere in this theatre, I would've found you, because I had MONTHS to explore, ever since Nin abandoned us..." He started to cry, burying his face into Anonymous Reader's shoulder.
Feeling incredibly akward, Anonymous Reader hesitantly started to pat Duo on the back, saying, "It's all right, Duo. Nin hasn't abandoned you."
Duo suddenly kneed Anonymous Reader in the groin, shouting, "PSYCHE!"
Anonymous Reader collapsed to the floor with a squeak.
Duo laughed. "Mizyuki taught me that one!"
If Mizyuki wasn't so preoccupied with lighting Dr. J's beard on fire, she would've smirked at Hilde with a superior air about her.
Hilde frowned anyway.
"Let's get on with this play, shall we?" said an irritated Sally Po.
"WAIT!" a voice exclaimed from the doorway.
All eyes (except for the unconscious and, uh, downed) focused on the open door. Two figures stepped toward them. When they reached the campfire, the G-people saw that they were a young boy and girl.
"Who's in charge, here?" the boy demanded, his eyes dancing like a hellish fire.
The G-people shrugged and pointed to the moaning Anonymous Reader.
"That's funny..." the girl declared, "I thought Nin was female!"
Everyone excluding the unconscious and downed burst into laughter.
Quatre regained control of himself first. He stood up and said, "Actually, he's just a substitute. I suppose Nin wasn't available to direct this chapter. I hope it doesn't ruin your plans, Miss..."
Squealing, the girl rushed forward and glomped Quatre. "You're so sweet, Quatre!" she exclaimed. "Even sweeter in real life! You're such a gentleman! My name is Katie. Katie Hasakawa."
Quatre blushed. "Um...pleased to meet you, Katie."
Dorothy narrowed her eyes, stood up, and pried Katie away from Quatre. They proceeded to get into an immense shouting match, with Dorothy's speech impediment and all.
'Does this mean she likes me...?' Quatre wondered, then sighed in contentment.
Mizyuki suddenly stopped chasing Dr. J around with her lighter (that old fart could haul ass when he wanted too) and looked around.
"Hey!" she exclaimed. "Where did those three newbies come from and where the heck is Nin?! I'm going to KILL her! She forgot to pay the bills and the power company shut down everything! Thank GOD Duo had all those canned goods stored in his braid! If he didn't, we all would've STARVED!"
The new boy grimaced. "You ate stuff that came out of THAT idiot's hair?!"
Mizyuki turned toward the boy with a glare. "Who are you, and how DARE you call Duo an idiot?!"
Duo and Hilde, who were about to defend himself/her boyfriend, closed their mouths with an audiable click.
The boy smirked. "I am Taichi, and I dare to call Duo an idiot because he IS."
Recovering from his momentary shock, Duo yelled, "HEY!"
Both Taichi and Mizyuki ignored him.
"What gives you the right to insult my crush?" Mizyuki demanded.
"Well, you insulted Relena, so why can't I insult Duo?" Taichi replied.
Relena smiled. Mizyuki had told her that she didn't have any fans, and since Nin had abandoned them, she had started to believe her. But, now she DID have a fan!
Heero started to look a little distressed, like he was having a bad dream. Relena, too happy to remember that she was angry with him, held him close and kissed his nose. (Aww...)
"Because...because...You can't insult Duo because Nin isn't here to punish you!" Mizyuki exclaimed. "It's just not FAIR!"
Taichi shrugged.
Trowa, looking EXTREMELY bored, separated Dorothy and Katie, then stood between Taichi and Mizyuki.
"I think," he began, "we should end our petty arguments and get this next scene over with. I don't know about you guys, but I have a feeling that the readers aren't laughing."
Wufei and Sally peered off into the distance, then exclaimed, in sync, "Yeah, you're right! One of 'em even fell asleep!"
Both of them turned to glare at each other, and replied, still in sync:
"What the hell?!"
"Hey, stop saying what I'm saying!!!"
"No, YOU stop!!!"
"Shut UP!!!"
"No, YOU shut up!!!"
"MAKE ME!!!"
"FINE!!!"
They started making out, effectively shutting each other up.
"Aww..." said Nin's disembodied voice.
"BWAHHH!!!" everyone conscious and able screamed.
"Nyeh heh heh heh..." the disembodied voice of Nin cackled before disappearing completely.
"...That was freaky," Hilde said. Even Mizyuki had to agree there.
"Hurry!" Noin exclaimed. "Let's finish this chapter before anything else weird happens!"
Everyone (able) nodded and set to work. Taichi (who is hereby in charge of lights) used his demonic powers to reach into an alternate dimension and pulled out a whole bunch of lighting instruments. After finding enough batteries to last fifty years, he began to strategically place them around the room to illuminate the stage. Katie (the stage manager) expertly recreated several scenes from the Ranma 1/2 manga. Trowa poured cold water on Heero and Zechs to wake them up. Trieze lovingly tucked Une into a stage bed. Mizyuki grabbed all the costumes she'd made in her spare time and handed them out.
Anonymous Reader groaned and held a piece of paper in the air:
~~~
Duo: Ranma Saotome
Master O: Genma Saotome
Noin: Nabiki Tendo
Hilde: Akane Tendo
Doktor S: The Little Old Lady Across The Street
Professor G: Dr. Tofu's Little Helper
Trieze: Dr. Tofu
Heero: First Boy In Mob
Trowa: Second Boy In Mob
Quatre: Third Boy In Mob
Wufei: Fourth Boy In Mob
Catherine: First Spectator
Relena: Second Spectator
Sally: Third Spectator
Zechs: Tatewaki Kuno
NOTE: Zechs' proper stage name is Milliardo Kuno. However, since the real Tatewaki Kuno is widely known by his last name, Zechs will mostly be refered to as Zechs. (Just smile and nod, smile and nod...)
~~~
Duo and Master were seated in the Tendo's tea room, having a conversation. Duo was about to say something...when all the lights turned off.
All eyes focused on Relena, who was illuminated in a heavenly glow.
"Uh..." she said, not exactly having a speech ready for the occasion.
Seeing that Relena wasn't the culprit, all eyes focused on the form of a boy laughing maniacally in the rafters.
"TAICHI!" Mizyuki screamed, "HOW DARE YOU TAKE THE SPOTLIGHT AWAY FROM DUO AND GIVE IT TO _HER_?!"
The pitter-patter of stomping feet upon a metallic stairwell could be heard, followed by an immense battle. Then there was silence.
Trowa, sighing in TOTAL boredom, walked over to the lighting panel and turned all the lights back on.
Mizyuki and Taichi were both unconscious. Mizyuki was burnt to a crisp and Taichi looked like he'd been mauled by a wild animal.
"Let's try this again, shall we?" Trowa mumbled, annoyed.
=============================================================================
Duo and Master were seated in the Tendo's tea room, having a conversation.
"School?" Duo asked, wearing his usual drawstring pants and a tanktop with his name inscribed on it.
"Well, we ARE going to be staying a while," Master replied, wearing his usual gi.
Walking by in a school uniform consisting of a white blouse and blue dress, Noin interrupted, holding her school bag over her shoulder. "It's the same school me and Hilde go to! We'll see you there!"
She started to walk across the porch, but Hilde, dressed in a similar uniform, ran up to her, shouting, "Noin, wait! I'll go with you!"
Turning back to look at her little sister, Noin asked, "What are you talking about? Duo is your FIANCE, remember? You should walk HIM to school!"
Noin left, leaving Duo and Hilde to glare at each other.
Master smirked at the 'couple' and handed his son a sleeveless shirt and backpack.
In silence, Duo and Hilde started walking to school. Hilde used the sidewalk, but Duo prefered to walk across the canal's safety fence.
"We're not going to get MARRIED, you know!" Hilde grumbled, boring of the uncompanionable silence.
"You're tellin' ME?" Duo retorted.
"So don't hang around me in school!" Hilde continued.
"Don't WORRY!" Duo exclaimed. "I can't STAND macho chicks like you!"
Hilde growled and was about to throw her school bag at him when Master (who had obviously been spying on them) beat her to the punch...literally.
Recovering from the blow to his head, Duo shouted, "POP! What're you--"
Interrupting, Genma shouted, "You're in no position to be choosy about women! Listen, Ranma--I'll tell you only ONCE--"
Duo kicked his father into the canal.
SPLASH
Looking down at the soaked O-panda, Duo asked, smirking, "What's wrong, Pop? Weren't you going to SAY something?"
Growling, O-panda lept at his son.
"YEOW!!" Duo shouted, jumping off the fence. He didn't want to be a victim of the infamous 'bear hug' attack and spend his first day of school as a girl!
O-panda followed up on his attack, swiping at Duo.
Flipping away from the attack, Duo gracefully landed on the other side of the street, then, with a superior attitude, he shouted, "Ha! Check THIS out!"
However, whatever Duo had been planning to do will never be known, for an old lady (who looked suspiciously like Doktor S...) accidently splashed him while she was washing the sidewalk.
"Something wrong?" Hilde asked, eyes narrowed in boredom, as Duo-onna caught her pants before they fell down.
".........." answered Duo-onna. She turned back toward the Tendo home and said, "Think I'll go take a bath."
"You'll be LATE," Hilde argued, stopping Duo-onna in her tracks.
Turning back to her 'fiancee', Duo-onna said, "Think I want to start school as a GIRL?"
But if we just pour hot water on you, you'll turn BACK, right?" Hilde replied.
Duo-onna hesitantly agreed, and so, Hilde led her to a doctor's clinic. Telling Duo-onna to wait outside, Hilde walked up to a nurse (who looked suspiciously like Professor G...) and asked for some hot water.
"Hot water?" the nurse repeated. "Just a moment, Hilde, dear."
"Thank you," Hilde replied, bowing.
".........." Duo-onna commented, eavesdropping from behind a pillar. She sighed and thought, "Hoooo boy. What a way to start the--"
A hand appeared on her shoulder. Duo-onna whirled around to face... A SKELETON?! With a 'GYAAA!' Duo-onna flew straight out of her shoes and up the pillar.
From the higher vantage point, Duo-onna saw that the skeleton wasn't alive, after all. A man wearing a black gi and glasses was simply carrying it.
"Oh. Pardon me," the man said. "Nothing to worry about, dear! This is just Epyon, my skeleton."
".........." replied Duo-onna as she slid back down the pillar.
Walking around the corner with a steaming kettle, Hilde said, "Duo, here's the hot..." She trailed off when she saw the man.
"Well, Hilde!" the man greeted.
"Oh! Doctor!" Hilde replied. She bowed, placing the kettle atop Duo-onna's head in the process. "Um...good morning!"
The doctor bowed, making it so Epyon bowed along with him. "Good morning to YOU!" he exclaimed, cheerfully.
'Hmmmm?' Duo-onna thought, peering at Hilde, who had a slight blush on her face.
"You haven't been by lately. No new injuries?" the doctor asked.
Staring at the ground, Hilde said, "No, sir. I mean...I haven't been doing anything that would..."
Eavesdropping from behind the pillar (again), Duo-onna poured the hot water over her head and murmered, "Interesting."
A few moments later, Duo and Hilde were on their way to school again.
"Who was THAT guy?" Duo asked.
"Dr. Trieze, the chiropractor," Hilde replied.
"Martial arts master, too, isn't he?" Duo continued.
"Huh? How could you TELL?" Hilde answered, amazed.
'Sneaking up on me that way...' Duo pondered, '...he erased all sense of his presence.'
Not taking Duo's silence as a bad thing, Hilde continued. "True, he's very good. But he doesn't LOOK like he'd be, does he? Ever since I was little...he's taken care of my injuries."
Jumping down from the fence, Duo said, "So...isn't he a MAN?"
"Yes. So?"
"I thought you said you HATE men!" Duo answered.
".........." Hilde replied, staring at the ground. With a growl she said, "That's right!"
The school came into view.
"I..."
They drew ever closer. The gates were only a few meters away...
"...DESPISE..."
Suddenly, a mob of young men appeared, shouting, "Hilde Tendo's here!"
"...MEN!" Hilde screamed.
"Huh?" Duo wondered, staring at the mob.
"HILDE!" Heero shouted. "Don't come any closer! They all want to BEAT you!"
"Out of my way! I'm LATE!" Hilde shouted as she and Duo jumped out of reach of the first wave.
"WAIT!" Trowa called out to the airborne girl.
As Hilde started beating the living hell out of her attackers, Quatre exclaimed, "NO, Hilde! I'LL stop you!!"
"I won't LET another guy beat you!" Wufei hollered. "I'll do it MYSELF!"
From atop his perch on the school's outer wall, Duo said, ".........."
On the second floor of the school, Noin and a group of her friends gathered at the windows.
"Your poor sister," Catherine said, in pity. "Every single day..."
Noticing Duo on the wall, Noin exclaimed, "Oh! Duo! DUO! Get in this school! NOW!"
"But...but..." he answered, pointing to his 'fiancee'.
"Don't worry about Hilde!" she shouted.
Duo looked down at Hilde, who had successfully pummeled all the boys. Heero, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei were a boneless heap. Katie and Dorothy rushed from the audience to help Quatre, but they just got into another argument. A bored, beaten Trowa grumbled as he pulled them apart, proceeding to collapse again.
Sweating and breathing hard, Hilde exclaimed, "For Pete's sake! Every morning! What a DRAG!"
"Truely. Such a boorish lot," a voice agreed. Duo and Hilde looked toward the orgin. Dark clouds began to gather, signaling the beginning of a storm, but none of them noticed.
A young man dressed in samarai-like garb was holding a bokken and sniffing a rose. "Evidently, each of them intends to ask you out, Hilde...on the dawn that he finally DEFEATS you."
Hilde sighed, unimpressed. "Oh, Upperclassman. Good morning."
Tossing the rose into Hilde's hand, he readied his bokken and said, "And now...Hilde Tendo...might you fight with ME?"
Duo jumped off the wall to land beside Hilde. "Man. You're POPULAR, aren't you?"
"Stay out of the way," Hilde warned. "You'll get hurt."
"What's going on?" asked Duo.
"You'll see," replied Hilde.
Suddenly, the kendoist pointed his bokken at Duo and shouted, "You, there!"
Turning to the guy, Duo asked, "What?"
"You are being quite familiar with Hilde!" he accused.
Duo looked to Hilde and said, "Tell him, Hilde." When he saw that Hilde was blatenly ignoring him, he asked, "Hilde?"
"Tell him WHAT?" Hilde growled.
Enraged, the kendoist shouted, "Who ARE you, boor? Ah! But it is the custom to give one's OWN name first! Fine then! MINE I shall GIVE!"
Confused by the kendoists one-sided conversation, Duo could only say, "Huh?!" then, "If you want..."
Striking a pose, the upperclassman said, "My name...is Upperclassman Zechs. Junior. Group E. Captain of the kendo club. Undefeated new star of the high school fencing world. But my peers call me...the LIGHTNING COUNT of Furinkan High!" An obedient bolt of lightning struck the ground behind him.
(Meanwhile, back on the second floor..."
"'Lightning count'?" Relena wondered.
"Have YOU heard that?" Sally asked Noin.
"News to me," Noin replied.
(And now, back to the show!)
"Okay," Duo said, accepting the speech. "I'm, uh...I'm staying at the Tendo dojo..."
"WHAT?!" Zechs exclaimed. "Under the same roof as HILDE?!" He swiped at Duo with his bokken.
Flipping over the attack and removing his back-pack, Duo continued. "I'm heir to the Saotome school of Anything-Goes martial arts..."
Duo threw his bag at Hilde, pausing his speech long enough to shout, "Here. Hold my bag a sec."
Turning back to Zechs, he concluded, "I am Duo Saotome! And I accept your challenge!"
=============================================================================
"And...that is it for Part 3!" a recovered Anonymous Reader exclaimed in joy.
Heero, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei groaned from their positions on the stage.
Relena and Sally rushed down a flight of stairs to Heero and Wufei. Agreeing to a temporary truce, both Katie and Dorothy helped Quatre to his feet.
Trowa mumbled something about how HE didn't have any girlfriends to help him. Katie laughed at him, 'cause she never did like him that much. Finally, CAtherine rolled her eyes, then walked down the flight of stairs to give her brother a hand.
Mizyuki and Taichi were still unconscious in the rafters. Actually, now that I think of it, someone could take some really funny pictures and make a lot of cash...(bwahahahahahaha...)
"What a weird chapter," Relena stated. Everyone nodded.
Katie laughed. "I find the relationships really entertaining. I mean, all the G-boys and Zechs have a thing for Hilde, and Hilde has a crush on Trieze! Not to mention Doktor S and Professor G dressing up as old ladies!"
Everyone laughed at the flushing Doktor S and Professor G.
"True, true!" Catherie agreed with Katie. "Nin must've been high or something when she assigned characters, huh?"
Duo chuckled. "Nin might as well be on a permanent SUGAR high!"
"Yeah!" Anonymous Reader cackled. "Maybe the psychotherapists'll take care of that!"
Duo glowered at Anonymous Reader. "I told you not to lie!" he shouted.
Anonymous Reader shrunk back and tried to look ashamed of himself.
Suddenly, Une woke up and hugged Trieze, triggering a series of hugs among the Gundam crew. Relena hugged Heero. Taichi woke up and hugged Relena. Duo hugged Hilde. Mizyuki woke up and hugged Duo and glared at Hilde. Quatre hugged Dorothy. Katie hugged Quatre and glared at Dorothy. Sally hugged Wufei. Noin hugged Zechs. The scientists even had a group hug.
Shrugging, Catherine gave Anonymous Reader a great big hug, making him blush 'cause he's so innocent'n'naive'n'all.
Only Trowa was left out. He pouted.
Noticing Trowa's frown, Catherine removed herself from Anonymous Reader and asked, "What's wrong, Trowa?"
"I don't have a girlfriend to hug or be hugged by," Trowa mourned.
Catherine gave him a sisterly hug. "I'll give you hugs, little brother!" she said.
"But it's not the same!" Trowa wailed.
Suddenly, there was a great poof of yellow smoke, and Middie Une appeared. She looked a little disorientated, but her eyes found Trowa's hairdoo immediately.
"No Name...?" she whispered.
"M-Middie...?" Trowa answered, awestruck.
Middie slowly stepped up to Trowa and said, "No Name...do you remember when we were kids?"
Trowa nodded.
Taking a deep breath, Middie continued, "I couldn't say it back then, but I can say it now! I LOVE YOU, NO NAME!!!"
Embracing Middie in his arms with a single tear in his eye, Trowa whispered. "I love...I love you, too, Middie..."
Middie stood on her toes and kissed Trowa on the mouth passionately.
The others were about to comment on the kawaii factor, but a demonic voice prevented them from uttering a single word.
"Aww..." said Nin's disembodied voice.
"BWAHHH!!!"
~ End ~
Author's Notes:
1. Took me long enough, eh? (dodges barrage of blunt objects)
2. I've decided to give offenders a chance to apologize for their heinous crimes. Catseye...Gundanium Dragon...MIZYUKI...apologize or be utterly humiliated!!! :p
3. Taichi, Katie, PLEASE tell me if I'm doing you justice! Don't worry about your lack of involvement, though! This was just your intro! I'll make sure to dedicate an entire chapter to both of you! (Taichi will be first, though, since it was kinda unfair to knock him out for most of the fic. n_n)
by
Nin Tendo
Chapter 3 ~ I Hate Men!
~ Disclaimer ~ Maybe if I'm really nice to them, the creators of Gundam Wing and Ranma 1/2 will make me their heiress...?
Nin: And here we are, posting yet another chapter of the story with a wierd, fraction-thingy in the title!
Anonymous Reader: "we"? You're not refering to ME, are you?
Nin: YOU? Nahhh. I meant my split personality. Her name is Hentai-Onna and she really likes you!
Anonymous Reader: O.O (runs away)
Nin: ...Well, I guess I'll just have to answer the reviews by myself.
(Note: I edited some parts out for the benefit of my fingers)
"I hope I can be in this story at some point (maybe as one of Duo's fiancees (one can hope))...I shall count the days 'til the next chapter is out." ~Chiren Decimal
Nin: Hmmm...I guess I COULD fit you in somewhere...but it'll have to be a temporary thing. How about this? Pick a minor character from Ranma 1/2 and I'll let you act that character out so you can chase Duo behind the scenes. That sound good to me! Oh, and how many days HAS it been? ...I lost count. -_-
"The voice actor Cathy Weseluck plays both Dorothy and Shampoo in the dubbed versions." ~Amalia R. James
Nin: COOL! I was RIGHT to have Dorothy play Shampoo! :D Now, if only I'd had the common sense to get Quatre to play Mousse and Wufei, Kuno. (At least, I THINK they have the same voice actors.)
"DOROTHY IS TOO DAMN SCARY TO BE PAIRED WITH QUATRE!!!!! Trowa and Cathy are related, so that pairing is just wRoNg." ~Catseye
Nin: Must...not...curse...Catseye...to...eternal...damnation...gasp huff huff...Okay...I'm okay now. phew Since this was a review on the PROLOGUE, where I didn't type out the no-character-bashing-in-reviews-or-die warning...I'll make a little deal. Catseye, if you apologize to poor Dorothy before I post the next chapter, I'll totally forget about it, and NOT make you comb Dorothy's eyebrows. n_n Oh, and where in tarnation did you get the idea that I would pair up Trowa with his sis? I don't remember any lovey-dovey scene...sigh Oh, well, I guess I'll have to make their feelings toward each other more apparent, then, huh? And I really wish nobody else tells me how much they hate Dorothy...because I am a brown-haired, brown-eyed version of her, and you all love ME, don't you? Don't you?! Why don't you answer...? (cries)
Dorothy-lover: Awright, that's IT! HOW DARE YOU, NIN?!?!?!?!
Dorothy-lover's friend: (holdes back Dorothy-lover) Whoa, WHOA! Let's talk this over RATIONALLY!
Dorothy-lover: RATIONALLY?! Nin just compared DOROTHY to HERSELF! Can there ever be a more heinous crime?!?! HOW DARE YOU INSULT DOROTHY-SAMA?!?!?!?!
(The "Knights of Nin" cart off Dorothy-lover and, mistakingly, Dorothy-lover's friend, off to The Torture Chamber of Nin's Castle. Which is a real page, just to let you know.)
Nin: ...Okay...
"DUO IS AN INSANE, STUPID, WANNA-BE WITH GIRLY HAIR! *sticks out tongue*" ~Gundanium Dragon (Review from "Eek! Save My Earth!". Hey, I WARNED him, but nooooo...)
Nin: Oh, my! You really want to be in my story, don't you, Gundanium Dragon? I feel so priveliged! You pretended to hate Duo's guts just so you would be able to pose as his personal servant! Oh! I'm so happy I could almost pair you up with him...! ...But...alas...the Duo/Hilde lovers would be disappointed, so you're doomed to be just another victim of unrequited love...my heart bleeds for you...;_; If you're not up to the heinous torture, though, you could always apologize to Duo. I'm sure that your heart is telling you to do that anyway! (lol...don't worry, I really won't go THAT far, sucker! :p) But, cheer up! If you'd just substitute "Duo" with "Nin" in that review, it WOULD be a correct sentence! Same with the Dorothy-bashing review!
Anonymous Reader: (comes back) NIN IS TOO DAMN SCART TO BE PAIRED WITH QUATRE!!!!! NIN IS AN INSANE, STUPID, WANNA-BE WITH GIRLY HAIR!
Nin: Ahhh...how refreshing! Nin-bashing is just so much more fulfilling than character-bashing! Everyone should try it sometime!
Anonymous Reader: Um...
Nin: Yes, Anonymous Reader?
Anonymous Reader: You were just kidding about your split personality weren't you?
Nin: Why, yes, I was. Actually, I think the name's taken, anyway.
Anonymous Reader: Oh. phew
"Over these few months...I've grown accustomed to Relena. HA! PSYCHE! I still hate her ugly guts and I'll hate yours too if you don't write another chapter soon." ~Mizyuki
Nin: (shrieks) OH, MY GOD! Have the pod-people struck once again?! Or did my favorite Mizyuki-chan just suffer a relapse?! MIZYUKI-CHAN, NOOOOO~!!!!
Anonymous Reader: ...I think maybe Mizyuki was just trying to inspire you to write faster. You've been in a TOTAL slump, Nin.
Nin: (looks extremely unstable) Write faster? Write FASTER?! How in tarnation am I supposed to write at ALL?! I'm STRESSED! STRESSED, I tell you! I can't be funny when I'm STRESSED! I'm PRESSURED! I'm STRESSED! STRESSED AND PRESSURED! Somebody has shoved me into the Blender of Stress and Pressure and hit PUREE! AHAhahaHAhaHA!!!
Anonymous Reader: ...Okay, I am officially freaked out, now.
Nin: WOOOOAAAARRRG!!! BWAhahahaHA!!! ZORT!!!
Anonymous Reader: LORD, HELP US ALL!!!
(As if in answer to Anonymous Reader's prayers, a van full of the Men in White arrive at the scene and cart off the cackling Nin to a happy place.)
Nin: (offscreen) Ooooo! I WANT THE PRETTY PINK JACKET!!! YAY!!!
Anonymous Reader: Um...
(A piece of paper falls to the floor)
Paper: DUE TO THE ABSENCE OF THE DIRECTOR, ANONYMOUS READER SHALL FILL IN FOR AS LONG AS DEEMED NECESSARY.
Anonymous Reader: Aw, MAN! This BLOWS!
=============================================================================
Anonymous Reader cautiously stepped into the theatre, noticing that all the lights were off and that all the characters were crowded around a dwindling campfire. All except Duo, actually, who was missing.
Heero, Zechs, and Lady Une were unconscious, leaning against their respective boyfriend's/girlfriend's shoulders.
Zechs and Heero seemed to have been in a fight. Whether they'd KO'd each other or their girlfriends had beaten them senseless was up for grabs. Noin and Relena looked a little PO'd, actually...
Lady Une had a sizable bump on her forehead. Trieze was brushing her hair for some odd reason that Anonymous Reader could not explain. After all, EVERYONE knows that Une's hair NEVER gets knots.
A loud, omnious growling noise to Anonymous Reader's left caused him to shriek, jump, and whirl around.
Seeing a large shadow creeping toward him, Anonymous Reader shouted at the top of his lungs, then proceeded to hide behind the person closest to him. That person happened to be a very irate Dorothy, who shouted, "Stupid stranger man no hide behind Dorothy!!!" and flipped him over her shoulder, back toward the figure.
Catching poor Anonymous Reader in its arms, the figure exclaimed, "Hey, who the hell are YOU?!"
The figure dropped Mr. Reader and stepped closer to the fire. It was Duo.
Anonymous Reader clutched his chest, breathing deeply. When he'd calmed down some, he shouted, "What were ya tryin' ta do?! Give me a friggin' heart attack?!"
Duo blinked. "Yeah, that WAS the plan."
Anonymous Reader grabbed Duo by the priest collar and started to strangle him.
Trowa calmly stood and pulled the two apart. "That's enough," he said, bored, like he had done it many, many times before. "Duo needs to be healthy enough to act in this chapter." He sat down again.
Duo's eyes lit up. "We're gonna do another now?! YAY!"
Anonymous Reader stared at Duo in shock. "What the..."
Catherine shook her head, sadly. "Duo is just one of those people that don't react to boredom very well. Why do you think he snuck up on you like that? He'd do pretty much anything at the moment..."
"Which reminds me..." Duo said, slowly. "Where in the world is Nin? SHE was my target, not YOU...but it was still pretty funny, I gotta say..."
Anonymous Reader frowned at Duo, then said, "I drove her nuts, is all."
Duo looked skeptical. "HA! She was ALREADY nuts. Tell the TRUTH!"
Rolling his eyes, Anonymous Reader replied, "Okay...okay...so I gave her a knock-out pill and took over."
Duo patted him on the back. "There, the truth is so much more fulfilling, isn't it?"
Anonymous Reader sweat-dropped. "Ah...sure..."
"Who are you, anyway?" Duo asked. "I haven't seen you around here, and, believe me, if you'd've been somewhere in this theatre, I would've found you, because I had MONTHS to explore, ever since Nin abandoned us..." He started to cry, burying his face into Anonymous Reader's shoulder.
Feeling incredibly akward, Anonymous Reader hesitantly started to pat Duo on the back, saying, "It's all right, Duo. Nin hasn't abandoned you."
Duo suddenly kneed Anonymous Reader in the groin, shouting, "PSYCHE!"
Anonymous Reader collapsed to the floor with a squeak.
Duo laughed. "Mizyuki taught me that one!"
If Mizyuki wasn't so preoccupied with lighting Dr. J's beard on fire, she would've smirked at Hilde with a superior air about her.
Hilde frowned anyway.
"Let's get on with this play, shall we?" said an irritated Sally Po.
"WAIT!" a voice exclaimed from the doorway.
All eyes (except for the unconscious and, uh, downed) focused on the open door. Two figures stepped toward them. When they reached the campfire, the G-people saw that they were a young boy and girl.
"Who's in charge, here?" the boy demanded, his eyes dancing like a hellish fire.
The G-people shrugged and pointed to the moaning Anonymous Reader.
"That's funny..." the girl declared, "I thought Nin was female!"
Everyone excluding the unconscious and downed burst into laughter.
Quatre regained control of himself first. He stood up and said, "Actually, he's just a substitute. I suppose Nin wasn't available to direct this chapter. I hope it doesn't ruin your plans, Miss..."
Squealing, the girl rushed forward and glomped Quatre. "You're so sweet, Quatre!" she exclaimed. "Even sweeter in real life! You're such a gentleman! My name is Katie. Katie Hasakawa."
Quatre blushed. "Um...pleased to meet you, Katie."
Dorothy narrowed her eyes, stood up, and pried Katie away from Quatre. They proceeded to get into an immense shouting match, with Dorothy's speech impediment and all.
'Does this mean she likes me...?' Quatre wondered, then sighed in contentment.
Mizyuki suddenly stopped chasing Dr. J around with her lighter (that old fart could haul ass when he wanted too) and looked around.
"Hey!" she exclaimed. "Where did those three newbies come from and where the heck is Nin?! I'm going to KILL her! She forgot to pay the bills and the power company shut down everything! Thank GOD Duo had all those canned goods stored in his braid! If he didn't, we all would've STARVED!"
The new boy grimaced. "You ate stuff that came out of THAT idiot's hair?!"
Mizyuki turned toward the boy with a glare. "Who are you, and how DARE you call Duo an idiot?!"
Duo and Hilde, who were about to defend himself/her boyfriend, closed their mouths with an audiable click.
The boy smirked. "I am Taichi, and I dare to call Duo an idiot because he IS."
Recovering from his momentary shock, Duo yelled, "HEY!"
Both Taichi and Mizyuki ignored him.
"What gives you the right to insult my crush?" Mizyuki demanded.
"Well, you insulted Relena, so why can't I insult Duo?" Taichi replied.
Relena smiled. Mizyuki had told her that she didn't have any fans, and since Nin had abandoned them, she had started to believe her. But, now she DID have a fan!
Heero started to look a little distressed, like he was having a bad dream. Relena, too happy to remember that she was angry with him, held him close and kissed his nose. (Aww...)
"Because...because...You can't insult Duo because Nin isn't here to punish you!" Mizyuki exclaimed. "It's just not FAIR!"
Taichi shrugged.
Trowa, looking EXTREMELY bored, separated Dorothy and Katie, then stood between Taichi and Mizyuki.
"I think," he began, "we should end our petty arguments and get this next scene over with. I don't know about you guys, but I have a feeling that the readers aren't laughing."
Wufei and Sally peered off into the distance, then exclaimed, in sync, "Yeah, you're right! One of 'em even fell asleep!"
Both of them turned to glare at each other, and replied, still in sync:
"What the hell?!"
"Hey, stop saying what I'm saying!!!"
"No, YOU stop!!!"
"Shut UP!!!"
"No, YOU shut up!!!"
"MAKE ME!!!"
"FINE!!!"
They started making out, effectively shutting each other up.
"Aww..." said Nin's disembodied voice.
"BWAHHH!!!" everyone conscious and able screamed.
"Nyeh heh heh heh..." the disembodied voice of Nin cackled before disappearing completely.
"...That was freaky," Hilde said. Even Mizyuki had to agree there.
"Hurry!" Noin exclaimed. "Let's finish this chapter before anything else weird happens!"
Everyone (able) nodded and set to work. Taichi (who is hereby in charge of lights) used his demonic powers to reach into an alternate dimension and pulled out a whole bunch of lighting instruments. After finding enough batteries to last fifty years, he began to strategically place them around the room to illuminate the stage. Katie (the stage manager) expertly recreated several scenes from the Ranma 1/2 manga. Trowa poured cold water on Heero and Zechs to wake them up. Trieze lovingly tucked Une into a stage bed. Mizyuki grabbed all the costumes she'd made in her spare time and handed them out.
Anonymous Reader groaned and held a piece of paper in the air:
~~~
Duo: Ranma Saotome
Master O: Genma Saotome
Noin: Nabiki Tendo
Hilde: Akane Tendo
Doktor S: The Little Old Lady Across The Street
Professor G: Dr. Tofu's Little Helper
Trieze: Dr. Tofu
Heero: First Boy In Mob
Trowa: Second Boy In Mob
Quatre: Third Boy In Mob
Wufei: Fourth Boy In Mob
Catherine: First Spectator
Relena: Second Spectator
Sally: Third Spectator
Zechs: Tatewaki Kuno
NOTE: Zechs' proper stage name is Milliardo Kuno. However, since the real Tatewaki Kuno is widely known by his last name, Zechs will mostly be refered to as Zechs. (Just smile and nod, smile and nod...)
~~~
Duo and Master were seated in the Tendo's tea room, having a conversation. Duo was about to say something...when all the lights turned off.
All eyes focused on Relena, who was illuminated in a heavenly glow.
"Uh..." she said, not exactly having a speech ready for the occasion.
Seeing that Relena wasn't the culprit, all eyes focused on the form of a boy laughing maniacally in the rafters.
"TAICHI!" Mizyuki screamed, "HOW DARE YOU TAKE THE SPOTLIGHT AWAY FROM DUO AND GIVE IT TO _HER_?!"
The pitter-patter of stomping feet upon a metallic stairwell could be heard, followed by an immense battle. Then there was silence.
Trowa, sighing in TOTAL boredom, walked over to the lighting panel and turned all the lights back on.
Mizyuki and Taichi were both unconscious. Mizyuki was burnt to a crisp and Taichi looked like he'd been mauled by a wild animal.
"Let's try this again, shall we?" Trowa mumbled, annoyed.
=============================================================================
Duo and Master were seated in the Tendo's tea room, having a conversation.
"School?" Duo asked, wearing his usual drawstring pants and a tanktop with his name inscribed on it.
"Well, we ARE going to be staying a while," Master replied, wearing his usual gi.
Walking by in a school uniform consisting of a white blouse and blue dress, Noin interrupted, holding her school bag over her shoulder. "It's the same school me and Hilde go to! We'll see you there!"
She started to walk across the porch, but Hilde, dressed in a similar uniform, ran up to her, shouting, "Noin, wait! I'll go with you!"
Turning back to look at her little sister, Noin asked, "What are you talking about? Duo is your FIANCE, remember? You should walk HIM to school!"
Noin left, leaving Duo and Hilde to glare at each other.
Master smirked at the 'couple' and handed his son a sleeveless shirt and backpack.
In silence, Duo and Hilde started walking to school. Hilde used the sidewalk, but Duo prefered to walk across the canal's safety fence.
"We're not going to get MARRIED, you know!" Hilde grumbled, boring of the uncompanionable silence.
"You're tellin' ME?" Duo retorted.
"So don't hang around me in school!" Hilde continued.
"Don't WORRY!" Duo exclaimed. "I can't STAND macho chicks like you!"
Hilde growled and was about to throw her school bag at him when Master (who had obviously been spying on them) beat her to the punch...literally.
Recovering from the blow to his head, Duo shouted, "POP! What're you--"
Interrupting, Genma shouted, "You're in no position to be choosy about women! Listen, Ranma--I'll tell you only ONCE--"
Duo kicked his father into the canal.
SPLASH
Looking down at the soaked O-panda, Duo asked, smirking, "What's wrong, Pop? Weren't you going to SAY something?"
Growling, O-panda lept at his son.
"YEOW!!" Duo shouted, jumping off the fence. He didn't want to be a victim of the infamous 'bear hug' attack and spend his first day of school as a girl!
O-panda followed up on his attack, swiping at Duo.
Flipping away from the attack, Duo gracefully landed on the other side of the street, then, with a superior attitude, he shouted, "Ha! Check THIS out!"
However, whatever Duo had been planning to do will never be known, for an old lady (who looked suspiciously like Doktor S...) accidently splashed him while she was washing the sidewalk.
"Something wrong?" Hilde asked, eyes narrowed in boredom, as Duo-onna caught her pants before they fell down.
".........." answered Duo-onna. She turned back toward the Tendo home and said, "Think I'll go take a bath."
"You'll be LATE," Hilde argued, stopping Duo-onna in her tracks.
Turning back to her 'fiancee', Duo-onna said, "Think I want to start school as a GIRL?"
But if we just pour hot water on you, you'll turn BACK, right?" Hilde replied.
Duo-onna hesitantly agreed, and so, Hilde led her to a doctor's clinic. Telling Duo-onna to wait outside, Hilde walked up to a nurse (who looked suspiciously like Professor G...) and asked for some hot water.
"Hot water?" the nurse repeated. "Just a moment, Hilde, dear."
"Thank you," Hilde replied, bowing.
".........." Duo-onna commented, eavesdropping from behind a pillar. She sighed and thought, "Hoooo boy. What a way to start the--"
A hand appeared on her shoulder. Duo-onna whirled around to face... A SKELETON?! With a 'GYAAA!' Duo-onna flew straight out of her shoes and up the pillar.
From the higher vantage point, Duo-onna saw that the skeleton wasn't alive, after all. A man wearing a black gi and glasses was simply carrying it.
"Oh. Pardon me," the man said. "Nothing to worry about, dear! This is just Epyon, my skeleton."
".........." replied Duo-onna as she slid back down the pillar.
Walking around the corner with a steaming kettle, Hilde said, "Duo, here's the hot..." She trailed off when she saw the man.
"Well, Hilde!" the man greeted.
"Oh! Doctor!" Hilde replied. She bowed, placing the kettle atop Duo-onna's head in the process. "Um...good morning!"
The doctor bowed, making it so Epyon bowed along with him. "Good morning to YOU!" he exclaimed, cheerfully.
'Hmmmm?' Duo-onna thought, peering at Hilde, who had a slight blush on her face.
"You haven't been by lately. No new injuries?" the doctor asked.
Staring at the ground, Hilde said, "No, sir. I mean...I haven't been doing anything that would..."
Eavesdropping from behind the pillar (again), Duo-onna poured the hot water over her head and murmered, "Interesting."
A few moments later, Duo and Hilde were on their way to school again.
"Who was THAT guy?" Duo asked.
"Dr. Trieze, the chiropractor," Hilde replied.
"Martial arts master, too, isn't he?" Duo continued.
"Huh? How could you TELL?" Hilde answered, amazed.
'Sneaking up on me that way...' Duo pondered, '...he erased all sense of his presence.'
Not taking Duo's silence as a bad thing, Hilde continued. "True, he's very good. But he doesn't LOOK like he'd be, does he? Ever since I was little...he's taken care of my injuries."
Jumping down from the fence, Duo said, "So...isn't he a MAN?"
"Yes. So?"
"I thought you said you HATE men!" Duo answered.
".........." Hilde replied, staring at the ground. With a growl she said, "That's right!"
The school came into view.
"I..."
They drew ever closer. The gates were only a few meters away...
"...DESPISE..."
Suddenly, a mob of young men appeared, shouting, "Hilde Tendo's here!"
"...MEN!" Hilde screamed.
"Huh?" Duo wondered, staring at the mob.
"HILDE!" Heero shouted. "Don't come any closer! They all want to BEAT you!"
"Out of my way! I'm LATE!" Hilde shouted as she and Duo jumped out of reach of the first wave.
"WAIT!" Trowa called out to the airborne girl.
As Hilde started beating the living hell out of her attackers, Quatre exclaimed, "NO, Hilde! I'LL stop you!!"
"I won't LET another guy beat you!" Wufei hollered. "I'll do it MYSELF!"
From atop his perch on the school's outer wall, Duo said, ".........."
On the second floor of the school, Noin and a group of her friends gathered at the windows.
"Your poor sister," Catherine said, in pity. "Every single day..."
Noticing Duo on the wall, Noin exclaimed, "Oh! Duo! DUO! Get in this school! NOW!"
"But...but..." he answered, pointing to his 'fiancee'.
"Don't worry about Hilde!" she shouted.
Duo looked down at Hilde, who had successfully pummeled all the boys. Heero, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei were a boneless heap. Katie and Dorothy rushed from the audience to help Quatre, but they just got into another argument. A bored, beaten Trowa grumbled as he pulled them apart, proceeding to collapse again.
Sweating and breathing hard, Hilde exclaimed, "For Pete's sake! Every morning! What a DRAG!"
"Truely. Such a boorish lot," a voice agreed. Duo and Hilde looked toward the orgin. Dark clouds began to gather, signaling the beginning of a storm, but none of them noticed.
A young man dressed in samarai-like garb was holding a bokken and sniffing a rose. "Evidently, each of them intends to ask you out, Hilde...on the dawn that he finally DEFEATS you."
Hilde sighed, unimpressed. "Oh, Upperclassman. Good morning."
Tossing the rose into Hilde's hand, he readied his bokken and said, "And now...Hilde Tendo...might you fight with ME?"
Duo jumped off the wall to land beside Hilde. "Man. You're POPULAR, aren't you?"
"Stay out of the way," Hilde warned. "You'll get hurt."
"What's going on?" asked Duo.
"You'll see," replied Hilde.
Suddenly, the kendoist pointed his bokken at Duo and shouted, "You, there!"
Turning to the guy, Duo asked, "What?"
"You are being quite familiar with Hilde!" he accused.
Duo looked to Hilde and said, "Tell him, Hilde." When he saw that Hilde was blatenly ignoring him, he asked, "Hilde?"
"Tell him WHAT?" Hilde growled.
Enraged, the kendoist shouted, "Who ARE you, boor? Ah! But it is the custom to give one's OWN name first! Fine then! MINE I shall GIVE!"
Confused by the kendoists one-sided conversation, Duo could only say, "Huh?!" then, "If you want..."
Striking a pose, the upperclassman said, "My name...is Upperclassman Zechs. Junior. Group E. Captain of the kendo club. Undefeated new star of the high school fencing world. But my peers call me...the LIGHTNING COUNT of Furinkan High!" An obedient bolt of lightning struck the ground behind him.
(Meanwhile, back on the second floor..."
"'Lightning count'?" Relena wondered.
"Have YOU heard that?" Sally asked Noin.
"News to me," Noin replied.
(And now, back to the show!)
"Okay," Duo said, accepting the speech. "I'm, uh...I'm staying at the Tendo dojo..."
"WHAT?!" Zechs exclaimed. "Under the same roof as HILDE?!" He swiped at Duo with his bokken.
Flipping over the attack and removing his back-pack, Duo continued. "I'm heir to the Saotome school of Anything-Goes martial arts..."
Duo threw his bag at Hilde, pausing his speech long enough to shout, "Here. Hold my bag a sec."
Turning back to Zechs, he concluded, "I am Duo Saotome! And I accept your challenge!"
=============================================================================
"And...that is it for Part 3!" a recovered Anonymous Reader exclaimed in joy.
Heero, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei groaned from their positions on the stage.
Relena and Sally rushed down a flight of stairs to Heero and Wufei. Agreeing to a temporary truce, both Katie and Dorothy helped Quatre to his feet.
Trowa mumbled something about how HE didn't have any girlfriends to help him. Katie laughed at him, 'cause she never did like him that much. Finally, CAtherine rolled her eyes, then walked down the flight of stairs to give her brother a hand.
Mizyuki and Taichi were still unconscious in the rafters. Actually, now that I think of it, someone could take some really funny pictures and make a lot of cash...(bwahahahahahaha...)
"What a weird chapter," Relena stated. Everyone nodded.
Katie laughed. "I find the relationships really entertaining. I mean, all the G-boys and Zechs have a thing for Hilde, and Hilde has a crush on Trieze! Not to mention Doktor S and Professor G dressing up as old ladies!"
Everyone laughed at the flushing Doktor S and Professor G.
"True, true!" Catherie agreed with Katie. "Nin must've been high or something when she assigned characters, huh?"
Duo chuckled. "Nin might as well be on a permanent SUGAR high!"
"Yeah!" Anonymous Reader cackled. "Maybe the psychotherapists'll take care of that!"
Duo glowered at Anonymous Reader. "I told you not to lie!" he shouted.
Anonymous Reader shrunk back and tried to look ashamed of himself.
Suddenly, Une woke up and hugged Trieze, triggering a series of hugs among the Gundam crew. Relena hugged Heero. Taichi woke up and hugged Relena. Duo hugged Hilde. Mizyuki woke up and hugged Duo and glared at Hilde. Quatre hugged Dorothy. Katie hugged Quatre and glared at Dorothy. Sally hugged Wufei. Noin hugged Zechs. The scientists even had a group hug.
Shrugging, Catherine gave Anonymous Reader a great big hug, making him blush 'cause he's so innocent'n'naive'n'all.
Only Trowa was left out. He pouted.
Noticing Trowa's frown, Catherine removed herself from Anonymous Reader and asked, "What's wrong, Trowa?"
"I don't have a girlfriend to hug or be hugged by," Trowa mourned.
Catherine gave him a sisterly hug. "I'll give you hugs, little brother!" she said.
"But it's not the same!" Trowa wailed.
Suddenly, there was a great poof of yellow smoke, and Middie Une appeared. She looked a little disorientated, but her eyes found Trowa's hairdoo immediately.
"No Name...?" she whispered.
"M-Middie...?" Trowa answered, awestruck.
Middie slowly stepped up to Trowa and said, "No Name...do you remember when we were kids?"
Trowa nodded.
Taking a deep breath, Middie continued, "I couldn't say it back then, but I can say it now! I LOVE YOU, NO NAME!!!"
Embracing Middie in his arms with a single tear in his eye, Trowa whispered. "I love...I love you, too, Middie..."
Middie stood on her toes and kissed Trowa on the mouth passionately.
The others were about to comment on the kawaii factor, but a demonic voice prevented them from uttering a single word.
"Aww..." said Nin's disembodied voice.
"BWAHHH!!!"
~ End ~
Author's Notes:
1. Took me long enough, eh? (dodges barrage of blunt objects)
2. I've decided to give offenders a chance to apologize for their heinous crimes. Catseye...Gundanium Dragon...MIZYUKI...apologize or be utterly humiliated!!! :p
3. Taichi, Katie, PLEASE tell me if I'm doing you justice! Don't worry about your lack of involvement, though! This was just your intro! I'll make sure to dedicate an entire chapter to both of you! (Taichi will be first, though, since it was kinda unfair to knock him out for most of the fic. n_n)