Disclaimer: I own nothing…I'm serious nothing.
Spoiler's: Nope…okay maybe a few…possibly…oh I don't know
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to "Teenage
Sensation" for all her positive feedback and really kind words! I have to say
it you are the best.
AUTHORS NOTE: WHILE FANFICTION.NET WAS DOWN THIS STORY HAS BEEN UPDATED FROM
CHAPTER ONE TO CHAPTER SEVEN. YOU MIGHT WANT TO START AT THE BEGINNING.
CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga
Chapter 4 – The Fight
Buffy slowly came back to herself. She heard voices
chanting and her eyes struggled to focus. She pushed the blanket that covered
her off and tried to sit up. She immediately regretted it as her head pounded
ferociously making her stomach clench. Buffy tried to understand and focus in
on the voices that spoke around her.
It took her a few minutes but when she was able to take
in her surroundings she saw that Angel was still in the far corner chained to
the wall. He looked like he was asleep but he could have been unconscious.
Xander, Dawn and Anya were sitting to one side of the room amidst a pile of
books and Giles, Wesley, Tara and Willow were chanting and waving herbs and
sprinkling powders around the mansion.
Buffy got to her feet quietly and wandered over to where
Angel lay on the floor mindless to the pain that wracked her body. He was only
dressed in a pair of torn sweat pants, he was bruised and bloody and she could
see from the way that he was vibrating that he was cold. Not wanting to disturb
anyone Buffy went in search of a blanket for him. Xander caught her movement
out of the corner of his eye. He quietly rose and walked up beside her. Sensing
someone behind her Buffy turned.
"Whatcha doin Buff?"
"I need a blanket for Angel."
"Do you need help looking for one?"
"No I know where Angel keeps his stuff. Thank you though
Xander. I appreciate it."
"Are you sure Buffy cuz you don't look so good right
now?"
"Yea Xander I'm sure."
Buffy headed upstairs to Angel's bedroom. She stopped in
the hallway and pulled a couple of blankets out she then went into the bedroom
to his cupboard and pulled out a change of clothes for him. She turned to leave
the room when she felt a cold chill surround her. She dropped the clothes on
the floor and made herself ready for an attack.
"I know you're here." Buffy said quietly.
"They think they can keep me out with their spells? I
will triumph."
"No I will triumph."
"What makes you think you and a bunch of mortals can stop
me?"
"Simple…I am the Slayer."
Suddenly and without thought Buffy swung out and
connected with something solid. She heard it stifle a cry of pain so she closed
her eyes and concentrated. Buffy heard a sound to the left of her and she ducked
down feeling a gust of wind pass over her head. Immediately she responded with
an upward thrust. Again she felt that she connected. It sounded like a good
shot too.
"See I can still defeat you. Corporeal or not I will
still take you down."
"Lucky shot Slayer, means nothing more than what it was.
Victory will be mine. I will destroy your warrior. He will suffer an eternity
of torture never to know a moment's peace. He will be begging for the
opportunity to make it end. He will beg to die or to kill you whatever will
make it stop."
"Yeah let's test that theory shall we?"
Again Buffy closed her eyes in concentration and at the
slightest sound she moved like a well-oiled spring. Each blow delivered had
amazing strength and deadly accuracy. It was amazing to see. Buffy was a
testament to her calling. No matter the foe she fought with conviction.
Buffy stood still a moment and then lashed out with a
final back kick, which sent her entity sprawling into the wall hard enough to
make it crack. She knew she had injured it and she was thrilled but her face
revealed nothing. She simply spoke in the direction of the cracked wall as she
gathered the clothing and blankets.
"Rule number one: never piss off the Slayer."
"Rule number two: check the history babe." Buffy moved in front of it. She could tell
by the change of temperature in the air. "Nobody and I mean nobody messes with
my man, my friends, my family or the innocents I protect."
"Rule number three: break rules number one and two and I
wipe the floor with your supernatural ass." As if to prove once again that
Buffy could, she grabbed what she thought would be its throat and squeezed.
She could feel it clawing at her trying to get away.
"I will know what it takes to banish you. Trust in that."
The entity faded from her grasp and Buffy headed back
downstairs. She walked straight over to the still unconscious vampire and set
about getting him cleaned. The others in the room watched in silenced awe as
Buffy walked into the kitchen and returned with a basin and a towel and she set
about washing the dried blood from their fight off of his face.
Unbeknownst to Buffy, Riley had come to the mansion after
speaking to Willow on the phone. He had been sitting in the corner helping with
the research when Buffy returned to Angel's side. They all watched how Buffy
dipped the towel in the water and then carefully and lovingly brought the towel
across his face. Each touch was the caress of a lover.
"Key please." Buffy requested without looking up.
"Buffy…"
"KEY please."
Willow brought the key to Angel's manacles over to her.
She squatted down beside her friend.
"Buffy are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"Yes I do. It will be fine."
Willow stepped back and still they watched as Buffy undid
one manacle. She cleaned the wounds that had been caused by his straining
against his restraints. She then took a dry towel and tore it into four strips
one of which she wrapped around his wrist. Buffy put Angel's free arm into the
sleeve of his shirt and then refastened the manacle. She repeated the process
with his other wrist and they watched in amazement as she lifted Angel's bulky
frame to bring the shirt around him and then she refastened the other manacle.
Buffy then moved down to Angel's feet. She undid both feet
and pulled Angel's pants down, praying in the back of her mind that he'd had
the presence of mind to have put boxers on the other night before her arrival.
As the pants slipped past his hips Buffy realized that her prayers had gone
unheeded. Angel lay naked from the waist down so Buffy shifted so she blocked
him from the view of the others. Since her back was to them she couldn't see
how Riley's temper was slowly building with every moment that passed.
Buffy saw to Angel's injuries and then slipped the clean
pair of pants onto him. She again wrapped towel strips around his ankles and
then refastened the manacles. Once she had carefully gotten him cleaned and
dressed in proper clothes she then draped the blanket over him.
She then took up post against the wall near his head
running her fingers through his hair while she tried to figure out what her
next step was.
I believed I could cure it all for you dear
Coax or trick or drive or drag the demon from you
Make it right for you
Sleeping beauty truly for I could magically heal you
Far beyond a visible sign of your awakening
Failing miserably to rescue sleeping beauty
Drunk on ego, truly thought I could make it right
If I kissed you one more time to help you face the
nightmares
But you're too far poison for me
Such a fool to think that I could wake you from your
slumber
That I could actually heal you
Sleeping beauty poisoned and hopeless
Far beyond a visible sign of your awakening
Failing miserably to find a way to comfort
Far beyond a visible sign of your awakening
Hiding from some poisoned memory
Poisoned and hopeless sleeping beauty
Sleeping Beauty by A Perfect Circle
It was only a moment before Angel stirred. Buffy immediately had her attentions focused on him. She watched as he slipped into game face. He was mumbling something inaudible and to everyone's surprise and slight horror Buffy bent down close to his fang filled mouth. He couldn't remember all of what happened but one thing he knew for sure was that Buffy was close to him. He could feel her and he knew she would help him. She would make the pain and confusion and hunger go away.
"Angel baby what is it? What's wrong?"
Angel could smell Buffy's blood coursing just inches away
from his mouth. He was disoriented and the hunger was becoming insatiable. He
moved but found he was restrained and the pain that coursed through him made
speech near impossible. He just knew he needed to eat.
"BUFFY GET BACK AWAY FROM HIM."
Buffy wasn't able to tell who exactly shouted. In fact
she was probably sure that everyone in the room had shouted it simultaneously.
Buffy wasn't afraid of Angel and he was chained to the wall. She knew in her
heart of hearts she was in no danger fro him so she ignored their protests and
shouts.
"Angel are you hungry, nod if you understand."
Angel gave a barely perceptible nod and Buffy turned
towards the group she knew was watching this very carefully. Each one of them
had a weapon in hand ready to strike if necessary.
"Can someone go to the fridge and check to see if there
is any blood in it please?"
Buffy felt her irritation grow as they all stood there in
a stupor. She knew to ask them again would be in vain so she got up from Angel
and half walked half ran into the other room. She searched the fridge but there
was nothing.
Buffy returned to the room where Angel lay and she walked
up to the table where Giles had weapons laid out. She picked up a small dagger
and turned to go back to Angel. As she was walking away she felt a hand close
around her arm.
Buffy turned and found herself looking straight into the
eyes of Riley. Buffy hadn't realized he was here and she suddenly felt awkward.
Recent events had put a real strain on their already tenuous relationship.
"What exactly do you think you are going to do with
that?" He gestured to the small dagger she held in her hand.
"He's hungry."
"You're going to let him drink your blood?" Riley cried
out incredulously.
That caught everybody's attention.
"Buffy you can't possibly be seriously thinking about
letting him feed from you again?" Giles almost hissed. "You don't know what
that demon did to him or what the ramifications may be to you."
"You're right Giles I don't. What I do know is that if my
heart's warrior dies then the big bad has an open shot at me. So unless someone
can produce a quart or two of blood like now then I'm feeding him unless of
course there is someone else who would like to volunteer?"
Silence befell the room as Buffy looked at each and every
one of them and each one of them in turn looked at the floor.
"Yeah that's what I thought so if you'll excuse me."
Buffy pulled out of Riley's grasp and walked over to
Angel. She sat down on the floor and pulled Angel's head into her lap. She made
a small incision on her forearm and then held her arm to Angel's mouth.
Immediately she felt Angel's tongue lave the wound and then the familiar
burning sensation as his fangs sunk into her flesh and he began to nurse the
blood from her arm. After a few moments Buffy began to pull her arm away. Angel
understanding immediately withdrew his fangs but he continued to lave the
wound. Buffy pulled her arm completely away and Angel his hunger now sated
contentedly nestled his head into her lap falling into a much-needed slumber.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Buffy carefully eased herself out from underneath Angel's
head and she walked outside onto the patio. The cool night air felt good as it
wrapped around her. She was staring at the wound on her arm, watching in
fascination as her skin knitted together before her eyes. Giles came out and
stood beside her.
"Look Giles about earlier, I know you are concerned about
me and you wouldn't do anything that would jeopardize me but where Angel's
concerned I take no chances. I couldn't take it if he died especially if I
could have done something to prevent it."
"I know Buffy. It's just that we are all under a lot of
stress trying to find a way to fight this well mist demon. The only way you can
destroy it is if it is solid and…"
"No."
"What?"
"When I was upstairs it came to me, wanting to taunt me
or unnerve me and I hit it. Several times."
"You're sure?"
"Yes, I hurt it?"
"If you can't see it how could you tell?"
"I heard it. It cried out in pain and it retreated. Just
find out what it takes to banish its essence and I'll worry about the fighting
part."
"Very well Buffy."
Giles put his hand on Buffy's shoulders before leaving.
"I know you'll defeat this thing Buffy. I have faith in you, in you both."
Buffy put her hand atop of Giles and squeezed.
"Thank you Giles."
Buffy remained outside a moment longer enjoying the quiet
of the night. When she turned to go back inside however she saw that Riley was
standing against the partially closed doors of the patio entrance.
"Riley."
"Buffy, looks like you been having quite a week huh?"
"Riley I didn't ask for this."
"No but it's a funny thing fate. It lets you in on things
you might never have otherwise known."
"Riley…"
"No Buffy let me finish. You know I really thought you
and I would one day get past him. I thought you just needed time but that one
day you would look at me the way you look at him but I can see that I was just
a dreaming fool."
"Riley that's not fair. The circumstances here are a
little bit out of my control."
"Yeah okay I can understand that but did you have
to dress him, did you have to let him feed off of you? Does your first
thought have to be about him?"
"Who else is going to do it? Huh? If I don't do it who
would? You, Xander, Giles? Everyone else here is either afraid of him or would
rather see him suffer so tell me Riley, if I don't tend to Angel who would?"
Buffy brushed away the tears that were forming in her
eyes. She couldn't do this now; she couldn't have this fight with him now. Most
of all she couldn't answer the questions she knew were coming because she
wasn't entirely sure she had the answers. At least not the answers he wanted to
hear.
"Buffy I love you. Don't you get that?"
"I lo-ove you t-to." Buffy said quietly stumbling over the
words. Maybe she said it a little too quietly.
"Do you? I mean do you really Buffy because from where
I'm sitting I wouldn't have guessed it." Riley snapped.
"I'm not doing
this not now."
"Then tell me when Buffy? When are we going to deal with
what is not happening between us?"
Something in Buffy just snapped. She was tired of
everyone telling her how she should act and be and whom she could have in her
life. She was tired of putting everything off for the sake of everyone else.
She was tired of having her life taken out of her control since the day she had
found out about her bloody sacred calling.
"You just don't get this do you? None of you do. I am
trying so hard to deal with everything. It's all closing in on me, it has been
for years and I feel like I can't breathe but still you all keep pushing a
little more. Buffy's the Slayer, Buffy has responsibilities to everybody else
but never to herself. Slayers don't have friends, Slayers don't have lovers,
and Slayer's don't have lives outside of slaying.
I was ripped out of my normal life at 15 years old and I
was told that I had this sacred duty to kill what I never even knew existed
outside of books that I never read until that night when I met and killed my
first vampire. I have been trying to get past Angel and to love you but it's
hard. We had …well its not as easy for me to walk away from what we had as I
have led people to believe. You all have me perched atop an impossibly high
pedestal and yet you're all surprised and disappointed when I fall off. "
"Buffy…"
"No, no you wanted to deal so we're dealing. Do you think
I wanted this? Do you think I asked to have my first love be a creature I was
destined to destroy? Do you all think I am doing this just to be a little
rebellious to the council? Gee how can I unnerve everyone today? Oh I know I
will fall helplessly in love with a vampire that'll do it. I'll pick the most
vicious and unstable critter of the lot; the one with the most sadistic and
demented bloodline and it'll be a good time, great big ole angst fest cuz hey
what's a little murder, torture and mayhem between friends.
I fell in love with Angel the moment I looked into his
eyes. I loved him before I knew about anything else. By the time I knew
what he was, who he had been it was too late cause I was already gone. I was
sixteen years old but nobody seemed to remember that Slayer aside I was still
just a girl, a girl Riley. Things happened and Angelus came back. I have had to
deal with not only having Angel's murder on my conscious but Jenny's too and
what happened to Xander and Willow and god Giles."
Buffy choked back a sob. She hadn't noticed that she was
talking so loudly that everyone in the mansion including Angel, who had since
awakened, was hearing what she had to say.
"I have had to live with my friends feelings of betrayal
because I couldn't kill him when I should have. I did though I ran that sword
through him. I condemned my Angel not Angelus to hell. I wasn't even allowed to
grieve him. Although they didn't say it in so many words I know they felt like
I shouldn't have broke down, I shouldn't have left them alone. I should have
been their Slayer, their protector. Do you know what's it's like to have
everything stripped away from you? Xander and Willow had been attacked and hurt,
Giles had been kidnapped and brutally tortured, Kendra had been murdered and I
was being blamed for it all, literally. My mother just found out I was the
Slayer and had told me that if I was too walk out of her house that night not
to come back. I had to trust that Spike was going to be true to his word and
help me to stop Angelus and then I alone had to fight the demon that wore my
lover's face. It was more than I could bare to look at Angel who had gotten his
soul restored too late, too look him in the eyes, kiss him and then send him to
hell on the end of my sword.
I have been trying so hard to live up to what everyone
thinks I should be but since you all have very different opinions it's getting
kind of hard. I would just like to get through one god damned day without
someone questioning my every move, my every decision. One day without someone
reading more into what I am doing than what's really there."
"Buffy it's not that we question you it's just…" Riley
said sounding a little subdued by Buffy's outburst.
"It's just what Riley. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned
if I don't. I can't care for Angel
because you and Xander and Giles get your precious feelings hurt and on the
other hand if I show indifference then people like Cordelia get all huffy and in
my face and Angel gets hurt so I can't make anyone happy here least of all me
but that doesn't matter to any of you does it? No see because as long as each
of you is secure and content with your pathetic little lives then screw Buffy."
Buffy started to walk away from Riley and in to the
mansion when she stopped again.
"I won't stop loving him just because all of you say I
should, it just never meant that I couldn't love you too. Until this is over I
can't deal with this, us. Right now my top concern is getting me out of this
situation alive and that means keeping Angel alive. I don't know what the
future holds for us Riley. Just because I've accepted my life as it is it
doesn't mean I'm any further ahead in the game than the rest of you. If you can't
accept that then you should just go."
Buffy turned and walked back into the mansion and found
everyone quietly sitting around. Even Angel was awake and looking in her
direction. Buffy knew that they had heard her and she couldn't deal with the
wake of her explosion. She saw Xander and Willow approach her and she flinched
away. She couldn't do this now as she fought against the burning of tears
behind her eyes.
"I'm going out. I'll be back in an hour or so." She
stated in a tone that said it wasn't up for debate.
"You shouldn't go alone." Giles said.
"I'll go with her." Spike offered.
Everyone turned in surprise to see Spike standing in the
doorway to the mansion's great room.
"Before anyone argues I see it two ways. First off
besides Peaches here I'm the strongest ally she's got. I am her best bet if
trouble goes down. Secondly Blondie and I need to have us a little heart to
heart. So that being said…shall we?"
Spike offered his arm in Buffy's direction and after a
moment's thought she accepted it and headed out into the cool California night.
Wouldn't it be great to say what's really on your mind
I've always said all the rules are made for bending
And if I let my hair down would that be such a crime
I wanna be consequence free
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter
I wanna be consequence fee
I could really use to lose my Catholic conscience
Cause I'm getting tired of feeling guilty all the time
I won't abuse it yeah I've got the best of intentions
For a little bit of anarchy but not the hurting kind
I wanna be consequence free
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter
I wanna be consequence fee
I couldn't sleep at all last night cause I had too much
on my mind
I'd like to leave it all behind but you know its really
not that easy
Oh just for one night
Wouldn't it be great if the band just never ended
We could stay out late and we would never hear last call
We wouldn't need to worry about approval or permission
We could slip off the edge never worry bout the fall
I wanna be consequence free
I wanna be where nothing seems to matter
I wanna be consequence free
Consequence Free by Great Big Sea