Warnings: Heero POV. AU. Shounen-ai. Slight 1+2, definite 3+4, mentioned 5+M and 5+S. Koi-abuse. Slight Relena sympathy. (Should that even be a warning?) I tried to keep them as IC as possible. Except for the fact that Heero's thoughts make it look like he has a personality. Oh, but he's still himself when he speaks.
Objective: To make fun of the word 'koi.' (Or A.K.A words that have double meanings.)
WHY KOI? Because that word is abused in nearly every fanfic I've ever read. The over-use of that certain word draws attention away from the fiction. I mean, who wants to see the word koi in every line? (i.e: "I snuggled closer to my koi. He is my koi, I am his koi, and the whole world knows that, too. I love my koi. We are just koi-riffic. Koi koi koi. Koi in a shoe, Koi with a shrew and koi in peru!") ..See what I mean?
Now did you know that it *also* means something *very* different?
By ANG (ELA)
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Forget the English pronunciation. Now say it after me. Ah, e, eu, eh, o.
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Duo Maxwell. I hate to admit it, but I don't know where to start off on this particular subject. He has horrible eating habits, he's talkative, annoying and not the brightest student -- but he is an interesting fellow. Not to mention utterly charming. I'll give him that. But there's another side to Duo Maxwell that I cannot even begin to comprehend. But he is an American after all.
And he cannot speak Japanese to save his life.
We -- that is Quatre, Trowa, Wu Fei and I -- all knew that he was desperately trying to learn how to speak Japanese. If he wanted to in the first place, he should have signed up for an easier course. That was my gut reaction to that matter. I didn't know the reason at the time, and I don't think I wanted to know, but Quatre would always give me subtle hints before he would smile and entwine one of his arms with Trowa's. They would walk off together, and I would be left shrouded in mystery. I do not like mysteries.
My life might be a mystery to others, but it is not to me. I will not even touch that subject. But if you have forgotten, I am Heero Yuy, and I interpreted that mystery as a mission. No matter the circumstances -- whether life or death (death never having to be a probable outcome) -- I always accomplish my missions. But in no way was I prepared for this.
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Some words can mean the same thing. It's written differently in Kanji, though.
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"Aa.. euw, uh, eh, oo!"
I quickly tapped away at a few buttons of the classroom's only computer. We had just completed another successful class, and I was putting the finishing touches on my History report on The life of Relena Peacecraft. For some reason, I still feel bad for that girl. Having to serve Dorothy Catalonia hand-and-foot, every single day of her life must have been hell. She doesn't seem all that bad. I'm putting a foot note about myself down right now, if you don't mind. I rather enjoy being engrossed in my work, me being the 'perfect grade point average' student. The perfect student, the perfect soldier, the guy with the perfect poker face, the perfect perfect, the perfect blue-eyed space monkey from the planet J! For God's sake, it's not a nickname I'm actually fond of. There is no perfect, there is no normal.. I may be somewhat silent, but I'm just me.
And by now you've realized you don't care, and you're probably wondering why I was still in class.
Well, smart-ass, we were (keyword were) trying to help Duo catch up to the rest of us. None of us thought it was possible to get anything less than an F, but if there was something less, we all knew that one Duo Maxwell would be the first to achieve it.
To put it bluntly, he was failing this class. Badly, too.
Occasionally I would pause, letting my stomach simply cringe at the foul pronunciation of the basic vowels. He never was able to pronounce that right, and it's bad enough he can't speak perfect English. Well he can, but his accent really kicks in the longer he speaks. He's just so horrible at it! I desperately tried to block out the groans that came from Duo's mouth, not to mention his damned pronunciation. I saw from out of the corner of my eye that Quatre had now covered his ears with his hands, mumbled something about masking tape, and snuggled even closer to Trowa. Trowa's face was unreadable.. but I could tell that he couldn't take it anymore, too.
Oh. Trowa and Quatre. Don't mind those two. The entire school knows that their relationship has gone way beyond the point of "oh, we're just friends!"
...The whole school minus Duo.
Well, back to my story. Wu Fei, on the other hand, could be read like a book. His hand firmly clenched a nearby object, (which suspicially looked like a pair of scissors) and a dead man could tell that that certain object would have became a projectile if it weren't for Trowa's nasty glare. I would have rather had Wu Fei just thrown the damned thing at Duo's head -- at least that encounter would have shut him up. His headache must have been growing by the second.
Let me rephrase that -- ALL of our headaches.
"Aa.. euw, uh, eh, oo!"
"...."
"Aa, euw, uh, eh, oo!"
"He's gonna fail," Quatre muttered, looking up at Trowa. He nodded in response.
"Aa.. euw, uh--oh yeah! Hiragana table." Duo paused, took a big breath, and began yet another set of awful mispronunciations. "Kah, kiiee, kuuh, kehh, k--"
"NO!"
I could see the look on everyone's faces. Shocked as they were, I just had to do it. I couldn't take it anymore! All of that crap that came out of his mouth!
"The shrouded one speaks!" [2]
"Duo, if you're so persistent on not listening to us, for God's sake, please! At least listen to me before I go crazy!" I paused, sighed heavily, and turned around to face him. "Repeat after me. Ah, e, eu, eh, o."
The look on Duo's face was priceless. After thirty, thirty-five, forty, no, forty-five seconds or so, Duo nodded and repeated. "Ah, e, u, eh, o."
I nodded, and went back to my work.
As for the guys, they were, well, pre-occupied on trying to figure out what the hell happened.
"Thanks Heero! You're a great help." Duo replied with one of his best smiles.
His smile. His best feature. It lights up his face, and certainly all of the people around him. It makes me feel, well, happy. I still don't understand why it triggers that irrational emotion, but I try my best not to fight it off. People seem to think that I do -- but hell -- I just don't show it.
Five minutes of nothing but sheer silence, and then hell came back to greet us.
"Aa.. euw, uh, eh, oo!"
"Auuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhh!"
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Whatever you do, know what it means and how to use it. Or else it's interpreted wrong.
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Somehow, over the weeks we spent after school each day taking time out of our own days to help Duo catch up, he was actually succeeding. From that day when I started helping out, everything went uphill. Principal Kushrenada was happy, Miss Une was happy, Duo was happy, we were happy.. I was happy. I'm not sure if it was my help, or if it was because I tried so hard not to loose my temper (I did a couple of times -- I'm glad Trowa stopped me from beating him into a wall) or if it was merely because he was trying so hard. But he was asking a lot of questions lately.
All thanks to the influence of that nifty dictionary Quatre had bought for Duo.
"Hey, Quat!" Duo near yelled, his face nearly touching the pages of the new book, as he was so intrigued by the contents. His voice obviously demanded a quick response. Quatre mumbled, being awaken from his peaceful slumber. He lifted his head up only to find himself staring into a pair of eyes of a deep emerald hue. I'm pretty sure his cheeks were burning then, because they looked pretty damn red. Well, instead of responding to Duo, he licked his lips. (Well, why I was watching I don't know, I'll just say I didn't notice and I'll call it an educational experience). Trowa edged closer to Quatre, his eyes obviously staring straight at his lips.
"Hey Quaaat, earth to Quatre! Hey! Quatre Rabera Winner! Q-man! Sandrock, little one, or whatever the hell Trowa calls you! Uhm, QRW, Mr. Winner, the mack-daddy of the desert, The Q-ster.." Duo was running out of nicknames, but not once did he turn his head to acknowledge his friend. My mind was surely laughing at all the nicknames Duo came up with, but in reality, I was not. That book must have been pretty damn interesting! Then I remembered it was a dictionary, and snorted at the though. As for our two lovebirds.. they kept edging closer to each other. Closer and closer.. until they could practically breathe for each other.
That is, until Wu Fei and his horrible temper shoved himself into the scene.
"God!" Wu Fei hissed in the direction of both Quatre and Trowa. "For Christ's sake, not here! We're trying to teach!"
Quatre blushed an even deeper red. Trowa smirked. Duo just wouldn't shut up.
"Look who's talking, Wuffie! You haven't helped me one bit! But since you're so interested in Tro n' Quat," a quick pause to recollect thoughts, "You're the one who's been all over Sal lately! Or hasn't your wife bickered at you yet?"
"Fuck!" Wu Fei cried out, He immeaditally stood up, sending his chair into the floor. He was horrified -- mortified -- whatever word you want use, but nevertheless, he was angry. "Where the hell did you get that from?!"
This grabbed the attention of everyone. Including myself, even though I should be working on my extra credit essay for Miss Noin's class. It's not like I need it, but hell, I had nothing better to do. Dr. J (my guardian) suggested -- no no, that doesn't sound right -- he babbled on about how it's vital to do such things even if it's not necessary.
"Yeah!" Duo snickered, lifting his head up. "Anyone can see that! I'm surprised Merian doesn't. Hell, a blind man could see it clear as day. Now will you kindly shut up? I'm TRYING to get Quat to answer me! Isn't that right, Quat?"
Wu Fei didn't press the conversation any further. Instead, he sat back down slowly and leaned back in his chair, mumbling something about injustice.
"Uhm," Quatre coughed, managing to get the rest of the sentence out of his dry throat. "Right, Duo. Uh, what did you want again?"
A pause. The next couple of ..sentences, I think, were a jumble of words that nobody really felt they needed to listen to except for Quatre. He didn't have a choice, now did he?
"This dictionary really helps! I mean, thanks a lot, man! Look at this thing! There's a word, n' a'nother word, and they tell you what it means! I mean, I never knew such a thing existed! N' they give you th' symbol for it, too. This can really help me out, y'know? Look a'this, Quat. Kesu.."
"Erase."
"Esa.."
"Pet food."
I think I heard Wu Fei and Trowa snicker as Quatre told Duo the definition to that word. At least I thought I did. It might have just been Trowa.
"This is an interesting word! Koi.."
Trowa looked at Quatre and smiled.
"Duo, I like that word, too. You know, it means--"
"Hell, I like it, too! Man, I should use this word every single day! I think it's my favorite word now! Better than 'shinigami!' or 'deathscythe,' it's even better than 'spandex!' "
"Uh, Duo.." Quatre coughed, as if his throat was beginning to dry up. "Duo, you know what that word means, right?"
"Hell! Of course I do! It says it right here, Quat!"
Wu Fei eyed Duo very carefully. "Maxwell. Are you absolutely sure whatever you just read is right?"
"It's Duo, and yes! I know you guys don't want it to be my favorite word for reasons I don't know, but it is now! And there's nothing you can do to stop me! Nah nah nah nah nah!" Duo stood up, grabbed his dictionary, and ran out the door, leaving Quatre and Wu Fei in awe. I don't think Trowa was paying attention after being so rudely interrupted, now being too pre-occupied with watching Quatre very carefully, and as for me--
Suddenly the door slammed open, and in ran Duo again.
It seemed like he had forgotten his backpack.
"Ha ha, silly me! Forgetting his backpack.." he gulped, picked up his backpack, looked straight into my eyes, and ran back out. I could tell he knew that something was down right wrong about that situation, but some matters just shouldn't be pressed.
Trowa looked at each and every one of us before he came up with some witty comment on the previous scene.
"Pardon my language, but what the fuck just happened?"
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Some people will understand what you're talking about, but the others ....
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Duo's Japanese was improving every day we spend together after school in this tiny room from hell. I guess, it wasn't just him that has changed, it was all of us. Quatre had now become Duo's best friend (Trowa obviously not being too happy about that) and they both have a great time together. Quatre and Trowa have grown closer to each other, too. Too close, in fact! For God's sake, every day they were practically on each other right. Okay okay, so the only reason I know is because I'm a good friend of Trowa's, and he just tells me these sorts of things.. It's not like I didn't want to know or that I didn't want to remember -- you can stop staring now.
Wu Fei took a liking to Duo whether he liked it or not. Duo, when we decided to take breaks, would always end up calling Wu Fei one of his home-made nicknames, and Wu Fei would go into a hissy fit. It was the funniest thing to see, Wu Fei getting angry like that and all. But there's one more important thing I should mention about changes.
I changed.
Drastically.
I talked a bit more -- still not enough according to both Duo and Quatre -- but I talked. My work was not the only important thing in my life, and I was still serious about everything. I didn't have a sense of humor still -- that's what Duo told me -- but I was interested in helping Duo out with his Japanese, considering the fact that he actually listened to me. He always did have problems with pronouncing the "R" sound. [1] It's weird, even though we went through exercises over that every day (one being trying to pronounce Quatre's full name, Quatre Rabera Winner) he just couldn't get it! According to Quatre, he didn't want to get it, because a) everyone knew his name was hard to pronounce in the first place b) Duo will never master Japanese and c) Duo liked it when I tried too hard and then got angry. Now that would probably give any normal guy the chills, but I think I was happy.
I'm not going to go into vivid details, but I can tell you after a couple of late-night lessons at my place and tons and tons of caffeine, Duo told me the reasoning behind why he signed up for this "stupid class." He said it wasn't because he liked the language, it was because it was the only way he could be close to a certain someone. He was edgy every night, and I think after a while I finally realized that the reason why he had signed up for this particular class was, in some sense, for me.
And I was happy.
But there was one problem.
He still didn't have a clue to what the word 'koi' meant. At least Duo thought he did, but he was using it in the wrong situations. Very wrong.
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... won't have a damned clue. And that is a major problem.
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Duo was saying the basic vowels out loud as we walked. Duo would always look over at me, stick his tongue out and would go back to pronouncing them. Of course I knew he was teasing me, but I'm not the type of person who would just grab him and kiss him passionately to shut him up.
Okay, so I probably would do that if I had to.
Anyway, Quatre had his arm locked with Trowa's, who was chewing on a piece of gum. Wu Fei was falling behind, because he could "not take anymore of the abominable gibberish he called vowels." It's a good thing that he told everyone BUT Duo that, because I believe that he would have started pestering Wu Fei with a question of whether that had anything to do with the snowman or not. Like I said, or at least wanted to say, it was a beautiful day..
"Ah, ee, eu, eh.. o."
Oh, bite me. I'll take that back.
"....."
"Kaa, kee, kuu, keh, ko."
"....."
"Ah, ee, eu, eh.. o."
"....."
"Kaa, kee, kuu, keh, ko."
"Duo, what's your favorite food?"
"Ah, ee, eu, eh.. oOOOOO!"
Quatre always liked to bring up subjects that nobody wanted to touch. Namely.. food and Duo Maxwell -- two things that should not be mentioned in the same conversation. It was, at least, something relevant to the situation we were in. Considering the fact that we were all going out to eat.
"Aw, well Quat, there's a lot of things I like to eat!"
"We already know that." Wu Fei commented, folding his arms.
"Well if you must know, Wuffers," he paused, waiting for Wu Fei to cringe (which he did) "It's ..koi."
It must have been a gut reaction, or something like that, because instantly Trowa started choking on his gum.
"Oh, crap, he's choking! Heero! Help!" Quatre looked panicked as he desperately tried to help Trowa.
"It's so tasty and big, did I mention it was big?"
"Oh God, somebody help!"
"YUY, WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN TEACHING HIM?"
My throat started to feel a little dry at that moment, the most probable cause because my mouth was wide open. I stood there, looking straight at Duo with the most quizzical look, before words started to sputter out of my mouth. I felt my face burning.. but why was that so?
"I.. I.. uh.."
Quatre had helped Trowa at least swallow the gum, which was probably not one of the things Trowa had in mind. He looked down at the panicked Quatre and smiled, letting him know that he was at least okay. But Oh, God, when he turned to Duo and I he looked like he was going to murder the both of us on the spot. Quatre gave him a nasty look, though, but anyone could tell that Quatre wouldn't mind if Duo were to keel over.
"Oh look!" exclaimed Duo. "A sea food restaurant, let's go there! We all know Quat can afford it! I wanna go there, Heero!"
Duo didn't care about Trowa's situation..
..while I barely maintained to keep a cool attitude.
"That's great, Duo," Trowa muttered as he started to walk again. "Just great."
"..Because seafood is just the best stuff in the world. I mean, I don't think you guys mind if we go anywhere else, right?" Duo took my hand, smiling. "I like sea food. It's good! I mean, s'not like I don't like hamburgers, because I do like them, but seafood--"
"Duo?"
"Yes, Heero?" His face lit up as my voice filled the air..
"Shut up."
Duo fell silent.
"Gotcha."
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Know the language, know the word, and be proud to know that..
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Trowa was slowly recovering from the earlier incident even as they were escorted to their respective table. Physically he was fine, but I think that his mind was still in shock from Duo's little comment. Every so often he'll steal a quick glance at me with a look that says "You Dog!" or "You've got to be kidding me!" I tried to tell them time after time.. (or for the past four or five minutes) that we haven't done anything. Nothing! It's down right cruel. People these days are just so damned cruel. As for Duo, ever since we sat down he's been talking about how he loves 'koi.' He rambles on about how he loves koi, how it really gets him going, how tasty and big and round it is..
..Oh, God, I think I'm going to be sick.
It occurred to me that what he was talking about, in fact, was not me. That maybe what Duo was talking about was not what everyone perceived it to be, but it was something else. Unfortunately, I had absolutely no idea what he was trying to say by repetition of the word "koi" even though I am able to maintain a perfect "A+" grade. Hmph. It's completely possible -- and nothing is impossible in my opinion. That's just how it is.
We had already ordered our food, but of course Duo whispered what he wanted to the waiter. Did you think I adhere to that kind of behavior even if he is my ..well, that's something that will remain untouched. But of course not! Such behavior, even from Duo, is intolerable. It's just my policy.
And that's probably the reason why I chose to remain silent.
Duo was becoming impatient. Even though he remained lively and continued to talk, I could tell what he was feeling. I don't think I've heard him talk this much, ever. I take that back. He always talks too much, because when you're with Duo, he'll make you feel like you're a horrible conversationalist. He sat next to Quatre (to Trowa's dismay, even though he was sitting on Quatre's other side) talking about everything and anything -- but in some sense, if you thought about it, he was really talking about nothing at all.
"Christ! It shouldn't take this long for them to cook a measly five dinners!"
"Hey Tro-waa, it has been a long time."
"Shh."
"Well, Wu-man, if you failed to notice, let me point it out for ya!"
"Shut up, Maxwell!"
"This is an expensive restaurant and there are a lot of other people sitting around us."
"I'VE been waiting over forty-five minutes for some SHRIMP. I don't know about you but--"
"Yees!" Duo cried out. "Food's here!"
"--I could have caught it myself with ease." Wu Fei said proudly, searching for a fork.
I won't go into the details, but everyone now had rather large dinner plates in front of them with a large amount of food on them. I had crab, Wu Fei had shrimp, Trowa and Quatre both ordered the same thing (which was Lobster) and Duo with..
"KOI! Oh man, I could eat this right up!"
Wu Fei spit out a rather large chunk of shrimp, nearly missing my head. It hit some other customer of course, but even still.
"The hell do you mean?" Wu Fei managed to say, coughing now and then.
"KOI! I love this stuff!" Duo pointed to the plate of food in front of him and forced a sly grin onto his face. "What did you think it was?"
"Duo.." Quatre was stunned, ..being that his jaw was pretty much wide open.
"Koi koi koi!"
"But it means.."
"Carp."
"What?!"
"Koi means carp, doesn't it? I saw it in that dictionary you gave me.. which I might add is a very nifty dictionary. What did you think it meant?"
I noticed that we did not tell Duo what we had thought it meant. We all knew it meant "love," but we were too stunned to say anything.
"Heh! You learn something new everyday, now don't 'cha?"
Duo then took a fork and knife in hand, and cut a piece of the fish off. He started to chew on the piece, and when he had finished it he looked at all of us..
..and smiled.
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..koi might mean "love," but it also means "carp."
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Duo dropped out of our Japanese class a few days later. It's too bad, we went to all that trouble and it backfired on us. I know now that we will never think about him the same way. Nevertheless we still eat lunch together and do nearly everything together, but there is always one empty desk in our Japanese class. Oh, Duo is still taking a language class though, but it's not Japanese.
..It's English.
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You learn something new everyday, now don't you?
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I know Japanese and English are two completely different languages. Not only in writing, but in sentence structure and in speech. But I know now that it's very important to stress a few basic rules:
Forget the English pronunciation. Now say it after me. Ah, e, eu, eh, o.
Some words can mean the same thing. It's written differently in Kanji, though.
Whatever you do, know what it means and how to use it, or else it's interpreted wrong.
Some people will understand what you're talking about, but the others ....
... won't have a damned clue. And that is a major problem.
Know the language, know the word, and be proud to know that..
..koi might mean "love", but it also means "carp."
You learn something new everyday, now don't you?
Published: 07/06/01
Modified: 07/20/01 (spellcheck), 9/26/01 (repost, notes added).
[1] Quatre's middle name pronounced right in Japanese would be La-ba-ba.
[2] (9/26/01) My brother ended up reading this and said in FF6, someone says this to a guy named "Shadow." Kinda weird, huh?
"Koi" is Japanese for carp. It's a type of fish that is actually very tasty and has recently been introduced into U.S waters. "Koi" has a lot of different meanings, some I have yet to come across. This story was originally written to help me understand that not only did I have to forget how to pronounce vowels in English, but a lot of words (and I mean a lot) had double meanings.
Thank you to the people who originally reviewed this before FF.net f'ed it up (names in random order): Shinigamis_gundam_girl, Teira, Lieza, someone named "^_^,"Salon Roquet James, E-Chan, lizzy b, Lara Skywalker, Solo, Ice, trowacko, shinigami girl, ally, all of my friends who I literally forced to read this story, and last but not least..Heavenly Creature (Erika—thank you! :P)