Disclaimer: I own nothing…I'm serious nothing. Okay I own
a handful of Buffy videos happy now.
Spoilers: Nope…okay maybe a few…possibly…oh I don't know
Dedication: To anyone who sent me a review
AUTHORS NOTE: WHILE FANFICTION.NET WAS DOWN THIS STORY HAS BEEN UPDATED FROM CHAPTER
ONE TO CHAPTER SEVEN. YOU MIGHT WANT TO START AT THE BEGINNING.
CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga
Chapter 5 - Spike
Spike offered his arm in Buffy's direction and after a
moment's thought she accepted it and headed out into the cool California night.
Buffy was a little bit wary about being out alone with him especially after
what happened the last time. Besides she was still reeling from her outburst
with Riley and she knew when she got back she would have to answer to the
others. They had heard her and they undoubtedly have something to say. Suddenly
the idea of being out alone with Spike didn't seem to be the wisest of choices.
"So is this a regular patrol or do we have a purpose here
tonight?"
Buffy didn't answer. She barely nodded or was it a shake
of the head? Spike lit a cigarette and tried a different angle.
"You know Buffy about the other night?"
Buffy flinched. She had been feeling guilty about what
she had done to Spike, more than guilty in fact she felt sick about it. She had
been under an enormous amount of stress before any of this went down and
now…well now it was damn near unbearable and she had snapped. Although Spike
deserved something for the way he had shared what he knew with Riley
standing there, he didn't deserve what she had done. A slayer was supposed to
kill not torture and humiliate. Buffy was suddenly feeling very sullen and
depressed.
"I should drain you for what you did to me. I should see
you dead, gutted…I…are you even listening to me?"
Buffy was trying to bite back the tears that were burning
her eyes. Spike had now stopped walking and stood in front of her. He grabbed
her by her shoulders and shook her making her jerk her head up and look into
his fiery ice blue eyes. She felt her will to fight, to live, to exist draining
away from her. Let someone else deal; let another Slayer be called. She
thought wearily to herself.
Buffy watched with seemingly vacant eyes as Spikes Blue
turned to a blazing golden yellow. Spike had morphed into his demon visage; his
true face and he pulled Buffy close. She could feel the scrape of his fangs on
her throat but she didn't fight, she didn't struggle, she just didn't do
anything but stand there. At best Buffy tipped her head to allow him unimpeded
access to her throat.
This should have been Spike's defining moment. He should
have been smug with satisfaction that the Slayer was willingly offering herself
to him instead he found himself repulsed.
"Bloody hell Buffy what's the matter with you?"
He pushed her away in disgust. He was like that close to
sinking his fangs into her throat and devouring that thick rich and powerful
ambrosia that was Slayer's blood. It would have been worth the mind numbing
headache he would have gotten for his troubles but Buffy just stood there
passively her eyes brimming with unshed tears.
"What's the matter with me?" She snorted. "Everything,
everything is wrong. I should have killed you. I should have staked you long
ago but I didn't. I should have staked Angel that night in the Bronze. You all
think I'm this strong person, this force to be reckoned with but I'm not. I'm
not strong at all. I'm nothing but a girl."
"What are you saying Buffy?"
"You told me once that you were able to kill two slayers
because every slayer has a death wish. I never believed you; I never believed
that it was anything more than being bested in a fight. I never believed it
until now."
Spike paled, if that was possible, and he wasn't sure
what to say for a moment. He was a demon and here he had the slayer wanting to
die. He should be reveling in this knowledge but he wasn't. In fact he was
terrified at what her words were implying.
"Buffy you can't mean that. You need to fight."
"Why Spike? Why should I fight and defeat this demon only
to have another one come after me. They never stop. It's like I have a beacon
flashing over my head announcing that I am the slayer please take your best
shot. I'm tired. I'm done. I don't want to fight anymore."
"But you have to fight. You are strong, stronger that
anyone I have ever known."
Spike grabbed her once again making her look into his
eyes. All he could see in them was despair and insurmountable pain. He needed
to do something and do it fast. If Buffy was giving up on herself then the rest
of them were done for.
"You have to fight Buffy."
He punched her and reeled back from the pain that ripped
through his skull. Buffy looked at him in shock. Spike waited for a reaction
from her and when he got nothing he wound up and punched her again and then promptly
staggered into a nearby tree, the crippling pain crushing him.
"Fight damn you." He shouted at her with angry tears
stinging his eyes.
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to die."
Before Buffy could respond or Spike could react a cold
wind swept her up in a crushing embrace. It felt like the life was being
squeezed out of her. She knew what it was she knew that it was Ha Nachash. He
had sensed her weakness, he had been the cause of it be now he was able to
attack. Buffy was being tossed around like a rag doll and for the briefest of
moments she gave in to it. She wanted death. She wanted peace. Spike could feel
her resignation. His eyes went wild with fear.
"Buffy Noooo. Fight damn you. Fight."
(AN: Picture the Buffy/Angel love theme playing, well an
extended version, and if this were an episode it would be in slow motion. If
you have it I recommend playing it. Play it 2 or 3 times though.)
Buffy barely registered Spike's words as she lay limp suspended
midair. Buffy closed her eyes and the tears streamed down her cheeks as
thoughts of Angel, Willow, Giles and Xander filled her mind. She kept thinking
about how sorry she was that she couldn't be strong enough for all of them as
the pain of the entity's grasp became unbearable. She silently prayed that
their deaths would be swift and merciful as everything faded out around her.
Her eyes flickered open and she thought she saw Angel
standing over her hand outstretched. She reached her hand out to him but as she
did he recoiled in pain and his image flickered and then disappeared.
"A-angel…s-sor-ry." Buffy managed to squeeze out as her
face contorted with pain.
Spike was not giving up though. He couldn't see what he
was fighting but as long as Buffy still had breath in her lungs he would fight.
Ha Nachash threw Spike around like he was nothing. Spike was broken and
bleeding but still he fought. He saw the pain on her face and he cried out to
her.
"Buffy, Buffy…hang on…Ahhh bloody hell."
Buffy heard Spike cry out in pain and she looked over to
she him barely recognizable through the blood but still fighting for her. Her
enemy was fighting to save her…her. Something snapped in Buffy lifting the veil
from her eyes and she began to struggle against Ha Nachash. She focused her
energy and what strength she had left to breaking free of the crushing grip
that held her. Ha Nachash dropped Spike to the ground and Buffy noticed he lay
motionless and bloody and something unexplainable happened inside of her.
Maybe it was seeing someone fight for her life or maybe
it was Spike or maybe it was the thought of losing everything she held dear to
her in her life but Buffy began to fight as she felt the Slayer in her come
alive.
Ha Nachash feeling the Slayer's change retreated, this
Slayer was a formidable opponent but he vowed to be back as he swore he would
know victory. Buffy ignored her pain as she rushed to Spike's side and tried to
determine the extent of his injuries. He wasn't dust at least.
"Spike, Spike can you hear me?" She cried out.
Spike groaned in pain as Buffy helped him to his feet.
She supported him as they made their way back to the mansion. When they got
inside the gang was quiet and solemn. Buffy near dropped Spike when she saw
Angel in obvious pain on the floor. Xander barely caught Spike as Buffy ran and
dropped to the floor sliding up beside Angel.
She cradled him into her arms crying. She knew people
were trying to explain what had happened, she could hear their voices but she
wasn't focusing in on anything but Angel. She barely understood Willow's
explanation for Angel's pain. All she did understand was that when she gave up
on life so did he. She pulled him in close and rocked him her tears soaking his
hair.
"Please Angel I need you. Come back to me."
The group couldn't help but watch with heavy hearts as
Buffy and her lover sat broken in the corner. Riley turned away, his heart
constricting, as he watched Buffy lean down and kiss Angel. Buffy could taste
her tears as she desperately tried to get as response from him. Nothing
happened and for the first time since she had known Angel she truly felt like
she was kissing a corpse. Buffy got up and all but ran out of the room.
Giles and Xander were quiet, Spike collapsed to the floor
trying to hold back his tears and Willow was choking on her sobs as they
watched Angel not moving and Buffy be devastated all over again.
In the garden Buffy had fallen to the floor her grief
washing over her as she tried to come to grips with what was happening. She
almost lost herself, she couldn't loose Angel now. She needed him if she was to
survive this.
The winter's here cold and bitter
It's chilled us to the bone
We haven't seen the sun for weeks
To long too far from home
I feel just like I'm sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
(Taken from Full of Grace by Sarah Mclachlan)
It was a good few minutes before Angel started to move.
Willow who was sitting closest to him noticed the movement first.
"Angel? Buffy Angel's moving, Angel's moving!"
Angel sat up with Willow's help as Buffy rushed back into
the room and when she saw Angel sitting up on his own and looking at her she
all but launched herself into his embrace. Buffy held to Angel fiercely as if
letting him go would be to lose him completely. Angel held to Buffy with just
as much intensity.
Tears choked his voice as he tried to speak.
"God Buffy I thought I'd lost you."
"What happened to you?" Buffy asked, her fear evident in
her voice.
"One minute I was sitting here thinking about what you
had said to Riley and the next it was if I was being crushed but I couldn't see
what had me. I was suspended in the air and for a brief moment I could see you.
You reached out to me but before we could touch you faded away. It stopped as
suddenly as it began but I felt you give up. It scared me so much Buffy. I felt
you want to die."
Buffy and Angel stayed huddled in the corner not wanting
to let the other out of their sight for fear of what would happen if they did.
Okay here is where I apologize for how long it has taken
for this chapter. I have been so busy and sick! Well I hope people like what I did
here. I'm still not quite over what I had so if this chapter sucks I'm blaming
the virus! * Author grins evilly *