Author's Notes: Quotes from IWRY found at Sunlight and
Shadow. Song lyrics by Incubus and Pink Floyd.
CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga
Chapter 10 – Oh What A Tangled Web We Weave Part 2
Buffy woke mid-afternoon. She was grateful for the rest
as she was near completely emotionally drained. She stretched languidly and her
hand bumped against something solid. She looked over and found herself
immensely relieved to see that it was Angel's sleeping form stretched out
beside her. She couldn't help but smile at the way Angel had most of his face
buried inside of the pillow. Not a problem for him considering the whole not
having to breathe thing.
He looked so peaceful and Buffy couldn't help but gently
run her fingertips lightly over the smooth muscular contours of his back. She
traced the lines of his tattoo and then reached up to run her fingers thru his
thick soft hair. Using her nails she absentmindedly massaged his scalp.
Buffy was almost in a trance like state, her mind lost in
thought. So lost in fact that she didn't hear Angel begin to purr beneath her
ministrations. Buffy was thinking about what had happened with Riley. She knew
she was going to have to face him again and she was probably going to regret
letting him go much as she had when she first come up against Angelus and that
move had cost her Jenny Calendar's life and her friends had been attacked. She
wondered what the cost for her would be this time round. Buffy was so busy berating
herself over Riley that she jumped when Angel had thrown his arm around her.
"Jesus Angel you scared me." She exclaimed as she smacked
his shoulder.
Of course that earned her a little snarl and found Buffy
pulled down and underneath Angel on the bed. Buffy gazed up into Angel's almost
hypnotic chocolate-y depths. She reached up and caressed Angel's cheek and
after a moment Angel lowered his head and gently captured Buffy's lips with his
own.
The kiss was sweet and soft and full of the naïve
innocence that they had both lost with Buffy's virginity and Angel's soul and
inside they both wept with the pure bliss of it. Moments like this is what made
Buffy keep fighting. Angel deepened the kiss coaxing a response from Buffy.
Their tongues melded together a moment and then Angel pulled back and kissed
Buffy's forehead before sitting up.
"You hungry?"
"Mmmm food."
Angel couldn't help the chuckle that slipped past his
lips at the goofy look Buffy suddenly got on her face.
"Alright you stay here and I'll be right back."
Angel was still chuckling as he headed out of his
bedchamber and into the kitchen. He rooted through his cupboards to see what
the others had brought for them to eat. He was concentrating so hard on his
task that he didn't hear Willow come in behind him. Willow watched amusingly as
Angel was trying to put together a tray of goodies for Buffy.
"Chocolate, peanut butter and cookie dough fudge mint
chip ice cream. Wow that's a healthy balanced meal." Willow observed with a wry
grin.
"The perfect yum." Angel mused to himself.
Angel had picked up the tray and was about to head back
to the room when Willow's words stopped him.
"How did you know?"
"Know what?" Angel asks hoping he can find a way out of
this.
"About what Buffy considers a 'perfect yum'? She only
shared this with me Angel. It was our brood food when we were upset about Oz
and…and well you. So I don't see how you could know this."
Willow was looking at Angel in bewilderment but she also
had her resolve face on. He'd seen it before he knew what it meant.
"Willow." Angel near pleaded with a pained look in his
eyes.
"Alright I'll let it go for now but don't think this is
the end of this conversation."
With that Angel nodded and walked back into the bedroom.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As Buffy watches Angel bring the food to her in bed she
couldn't help the sensation of deja-vu that settled over her. Angel sat on the
bed with her and she surveyed the loot smiling.
"The perfect yum." She says as Angel cracks open the
container of ice cream. "I can't believe you have cookie dough fudge mint chip
ice cream."
Buffy picks up a spoon and scoops out some ice cream and
she closes her eyes as she savors the taste. Because her eyes are closed she
doesn't see the pained look of remembrance that flashes across Angel's face.
Even though as a vampire he has no taste buds he knows exactly what cookie
dough fudge mint chip ice cream tastes like. The memory of it is firmly
engrained into his mind.
Buffy opens her eyes again and looks at Angel. She looks
so happy and relaxed in this moment as she dips her spoon into the container
again.
"Want some?" She asks as she holds the spoon out in his
direction. Angel gently shakes his head no. "You don't know what you're
missing."
'Oh if you only knew just how well I really do know
exactly what I am missing and it's so much more than shared container's of
sticky sweet ice cream.' Angel thought morosely as he took the spoon from her
so he could feed her the decadent dessert.
"What do you mean you know exactly what you're missing
and it's so much more than sharing this ice cream?" Buffy asked.
Angel looked at Buffy in disbelief. He had forgotten
about the bond that was allowing her to see into him. She had read his thoughts.
For the first time since doing the ritual with Buffy Angel realized just how
dangerous this bond could be.
"Well are you going to answer me Angel?"
However before Angel could answer the forgotten spoonful,
which had been hovering over his bare chest, dripped the goopy cold substance
onto his skin and he involuntarily sucked in a breath. Buffy watched with wide
eyes as the ice cream dripped from the spoon again except to her it seemed as
if time had slowed to a snails pace.
Buffy had a vision of herself leaning forward and licking
the ice cream off Angel's chest…
~*
(They kiss and some ice cream drips from his spoon on his chest.)
Angel "Ah, okay, mortal coordination
leaving something to be desired." Buffy: "Wrong. It's just
right." (Angel laughs as she licks up the ice cream then pulls her down
into a kiss.)
~*
Buffy looks at the tray
of food beside Angel. She sees the chocolate and peanut butter and another
memory hits her.
~*
Angel: "God,
I love food."
Buffy (feeds him
some ice cream): "Food is good."
Angel: "Why
didn't you ever tell me about chocolate and peanut butter?"
Buffy: "Well,
I figured if your vamp taste buds couldn't really savor it then it would only
hurt you, you know?"
~*
Buffy has tears in her eyes as she looks up at Angel and
finally becomes aware that he is speaking to her.
"Buffy? Baby are you okay? Buffy talk to me. Buffy you're
scaring me. BUFFY!"
Buffy closed her eyes as more pictures flashed in her
mind.
~*
Buffy (her head on Angel's chest): "It's a good
sound. Thump-thump. Thump-thump."
Angel: "It feels pretty amazing."
Buffy: "And I don't need you skulking around,
trying to protect me. Unless, of course, I'm in some gigantic fight to the
death, which - I was last night. That was you, helping me, wasn't it?"
Angel: "I was in the neighborhood -
skulking." They have an uncomfortable confrontation, which is interrupted
when a demon jumps through the window and attacks them. They manage to injure
it, but it gets away.
Buffy: "Friend of yours?"
Angel: "Never saw it before."
Buffy: "It was rude. We should go kill
it."
Angel: "I'm free."
Angel: "I'm really sorry kissed you like
that."
Buffy: "You are?"
Angel: "Well, not for the kiss itself..."
Buffy: "Good. I mean, 'cause - as far as kisses
go I thought it was well above average." They are determined to take
things slow, not rush back together....
Buffy: "You know it's a good thing I didn't
fantasize about you turning human only about 10 zillion times, because today
would have been a real let down. - So how does the mature plan go? You call me?
I call you? What?"
Angel: "We stay in touch - just not..."
Buffy: "Literally. – Funny." ...but that
is all forgotten when their hands touch. Suddenly they're kissing, and Buffy is
in Angel's arms, *on* the kitchen table...
Buffy: "I'm so glad we didn't logic ourselves
out of this. We'll make it work, right?"
Angel: "We will."
Buffy: "No, I - want to stay awake - so this
day can keep happening."
Angel: "Sleep. We'll make another one like it
tomorrow."
Buffy: "Angel? This is the first time I ever
really felt this way."
Angel: "What way?"
Buffy: "Just like I've always wanted to. Like a
normal girl, falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. It's
perfect."
Angel is getting his butt kicked by the Mohra demon.
Buffy shows up and saves him. He figures out that to kill the demon you have to
smash the jewel in his forehead, and Buffy does so. The demon screams about the
coming of the end of days as it dies and disappears.
Angel returns to Buffy, telling her what will
happen.
Buffy (crying): "How am I supposed to go on
with my life knowing what we had? What we could have had?"
Angel: "You won't. No one will know but
me."
Buffy: "Everything we did."
Angel: "It never happened."
Buffy: "It did. It did. I know it did! I felt
your heart beat."
Angel: "Buffy.."
Buffy: "No! Oh God. It's not enough time."
Angel (crying): "Shh, please. Please. Please,
please."
Buffy: "No. I'll never forget. I'll never
forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget."
~*
The images came faster and faster until finally she knew
what had really happened when she went to LA that fateful Thanksgiving.
Buffy opens her eyes and looks at Angel and for a minute
she swears she could see the warm flush of blood being pumped beneath his skin.
Angel reaches out for Buffy but she backs away from him with lightening speed.
She is silent a while longer while she pulls on clothes. Angel is pleading with
her to talk to him. He is trying to read her but she has closed herself completely
however there was no mistaking the waves of pain and anger that were just
rolling off of her.
Angel made another advance towards Buffy and before he
could touch her she reacted with deadly precision and had effectively sent
Angel flying across the room and through the wooden door leaving him in a heap
amidst the broken wooden shards of the door.
The noise had brought the others running, afraid that the
battle had been brought to them unexpectedly. What they witnessed instead
almost made them wish it were Ha Nachash.
Buffy advanced on Angel her voice dripping with ice and
her words making Angel want to impale himself.
"You son of a BITCH. You did it again. You fucking did it
again. We had it all in the palm of our hands, everything we have fought so
damn hard for was finally ours and still you walk away. YOU GAVE IT BACK
YOU…YOU…YOU ASSHOLE."
"Buffy what…I don't…"
"I remember Angel. I remember everything. Everything we
said, everything we did, and everything you promised."
"Buffy please." Angel's eyes were filled with tears and
they pleaded with her but Buffy held up her hand as a sign for Angel to stop
talking, turned and stalked out of the room as music from the radio followed
her as she made to head out into the night.
~
I need you to hear, I need you to see that I have had all
I can take
And exploding seems like definite possibility to me
So pardon me while I burst into flames
I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless
games
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me…I'll never be the same
(Pardon Me by Incubus)
~
Buffy pushed through the group of stunned onlookers.
Xander grabbed a hold of her arm and in her blind fury she knocked him off of
her with a vicious backhand that sounded with an audible crack. Xander, just
like Angel found himself in a heap across the room the world having exploded in
his head.
Giles stepped forward. He was outraged at Buffy's
behavior as much as he was shocked by it. He pulled his glasses off of his face
and stood tall. Every bit the man they knew he was.
"Buffy! This behavior is completely unacceptable."
Buffy turned around and the pain and anger that had
blackened her once hazel eyes made Giles waver although only for a minute. He
walked up to his charge and stood directly in her face staring at her a moment
before grabbing her by the arm and dragging her back towards Angel's
bedchamber.
Buffy was so shocked that Giles had done anything let
alone grab her after what she had done to both Angel and Xander that Giles had
actually gotten her down the hall and into the room before she reacted.
"You will stay in this room and figure out your
differences with Angel and you will remain here until you do. Now is not the
time for one of your childish tantrums.
Giles stood defiantly in the doorway daring Buffy to
oppose him. He had expected that Buffy would do something but he wasn't
prepared for the extent to which she'd go. Buffy walked over to her Watcher,
the man she had grown to think of as her father and stood inches away from his
face.
"Move Giles."
Giles held his ground.
"We can either do this the easy way or the hard way."
Giles remained standing in the doorway determined to call
Buffy's bluff. After a moment Buffy lowered her head and Giles thought he had
won.
"Giles I don't want to hurt you." The pain was evident in
her voice, she sounded so small and fragile.
Giles sighed in relief and Buffy looked up at him with
black eyes, her mouth turned up in a smirk that was entirely too reminiscent of
Angelus and she reached out and took Giles' hand in her own.
"But that doesn't mean that I won't."
It wasn't until Buffy was outside and far away from the
mansion that she allowed herself to scream, a scream that echoed in Angel's
soul.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Willow urged the group to leave and go back downstairs
leaving her alone with Angel in the hallway. There were tears flowing down
Angel's cheeks and he had a shocked look on his face and he hadn't moved a
muscle since Buffy had landed him on his ass.
"Angel?"
Willow crouched down on the floor beside him and took his
hand into her own and Angel visibly jumped as if shocked back into reality.
"Wi-ill-ow?" Her name came out as a pained whisper and it
broke Willow's heart to hear it.
With some coaxing Willow managed to get Angel to his
feet. She took him into the room across from his own, simply because it had a
door and she was betting on Angel wanting privacy. She got him over onto the bed
and she was covering him with the blanket.
"Need some help luv?"
Willow turned to see Spike standing in the doorway. She
smiled at him and shook her head.
"Only thing I need is maybe a little snack for Angel."
"Consider it done."
Spike left Willow to try and get Angel to drink and he
went out in search of the slayer.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Buffy had wandered around the streets of Sunnydale trying
desperately to get a grip on the emotions that were raging through her. Buffy
not only remembered everything that had happened she had gotten the 3-D
version. It was if her body had relived the day. She remembered the feel of
Angel's heartbeat beneath her fingers; she could taste the ice cream she had
licked off Angel's chest, she remembered the way Angel had looked standing in
the brilliant sunshine and she could still hear the gut wrenching sobs of grief
that ripped through the both of them.
The feelings were so intense that when she stumbled
across a nest of vampires her anger and rage and confusion became her driving
force in decimating the lot in record time, even for her. Buffy crouched and
plunged her stake in the heart of what she thought was her last vampire when
she felt one behind her. She turned and brought herself back up to a standing position
at the same time. She raised her stake to the ready when she saw who was
standing behind her.
"Go away Spike I am so not in the mood."
"Buffy what happened at the mansion?"
"Nothing that concerns you."
"Come on Buffy. You knock Peaches through the wall, which
is always a good time, you been Xander and you threaten to do some major heavy
damage to your Watcher. What gives Pet, what did Angel do that has you wound
tighter than usual."
"Spike I am warning you…"
"Alright pet. When you feel like talking…I'm here okay."
Buffy continued to walk around following her usual patrol
route and eventually found herself at the Bronze. She was still burning with
nervous energy and she thought maybe she could lose herself in the music. The
beat of the music vibrated into her as she made her way to the dance floor.
The tears slipped down her cheeks as she danced as if her
very existence depended on it. No one went near her. Everyone just let the girl
with her torn heart held before her to her solitude. Her soul cried out in
anguish at the intensity of Angel's pain. The bond was allowing her to feel him
as if the raw wounds in his heart were her own and by some right they were.
Buffy paid no mind to the pair of eyes that tracked her
every move. She knew that someone was watching her, someone other than Spike
but she didn't show that she knew or if she did that she cared. She continued
to dance, desperately tried to forget. She closed her eyes and moved with the
rhythm that pulsated through the Bronze.
The minion, sent by Riley/Ha Nachash began to advance on
Buffy. Spike watched carefully ready to make a move.
~
Day after day love turns gray
Like the skin of the dying man
And night after night we pretend it's all right
And I have grown older and you have grown colder
And nothing is very much fun anymore
And I can feel one of my turns coming on
I feel cold as a razor blade
Tight as a tourniquet, dry as a funeral drum
The minion was just
about to grab a hold of Buffy when her eyes pooped open and she began to fight with
everything in her.
Run to the bedroom in the suitcase on the left
You'll find my favorite axe
Buffy spun round and
delivered a perfectly aimed roundhouse to the demons chest. He stumbled back
with fear flashing in his eyes.
Don't look so frightened
This is just a passing phase one of my better days
The demon punched out
towards Buffy and she grabbed his wrist and used his own momentum to propel him
into the nearby wall.
Would you like to watch tv
Or get between the sheets
Or contemplate this silent freeway
Would you like something to eat?
Would you like to learn to fly?
Would ya?
Would you like to see me try?
Buffy continued to rain blows atop of the confused and
stunned vampire. She focused all her emotion, channeling it into the kill. The
minion stopped fighting her and was desperately trying to find a way to escape
with his unlife.
Would you like to call the cops?
Do you think it's time I stopped?
Why are you running away?
*One of my
Turns by Pink Floyd (The Wall)
He finally twisted away from the enraged Slayer and he
bolted across the room but he stopped at the doorway and looked back at her for
just one moment. In that moment he saw the Slayer upend a chair and snap the
leg and with an evil smirk she hurled it across the distance between them to
imbed it deeply into his chest. The minion looked from the chair leg protruding
from his chest to the Slayer before exploding into nothing more than a cloud of
gray ash.
Buffy then silently turned and melted into the crowd. She
slipped out the back door and disappeared into the shadows. Falling away from
Spike's mindful eye.
Not wanting to go to the mansion and knowing that they
would undoubtedly look at her mother's Buffy found herself in front of Angel's
old apartment. She quietly slipped inside the building and discreetly popped
the lock of the door. She could still feel Angel in this room even after all
these years. With a tiredness in her that she had never felt before Buffy made
her way to the bed that she and Angel once shared and collapsed atop of it and
sobbed her way into a fitful sleep wrought with dreams of a day that never
existed except in hers and Angel's minds.