CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga
Chapter 011 – Consequences
Giles was worried when Buffy didn't come back to the
mansion. Which isn't to say that he wasn't worried when Buffy had her little
outburst and stormed out in the first place. The group had become very sullen
and quiet and had all buried their noses into books if only to take their mind
off what had happened. Well all except Xander who was floating in and out of
consciousness and Angel who was in his room trying to deal with his grief.
No one knew where it was that Buffy had gone. Spike had
tracked her as far as the Bronze but she had managed to slip away from him in
the wake of her battle with one of Ha Nachash's minions. So it was a rather
large shock to every one when Buffy walked into the mansion mid-afternoon.
"Buffy I uh I'm glad you're here." Giles stammered
looking up from the stake he was carving.
"Are we ready?"
"Ready?"
"For battle Giles or did you forget about the mist demon
that is trying to see the birth of a new Slayer not that it would happen before
it could decimate the city of course but…you see what I'm getting at here?"
Of course the gang had done nothing but diligently
prepare for the impending battle and now they were all tired and Buffy's
attitude was not appreciated. Giles pulled his glasses off and stood to his
full height resting one hand on his hip.
"Now see here. Your friends have been here all night
researching and preparing while you have been god knows where and you waltz in
here with not an apology for your behavior but rather a condescending attitude.
If you don't appreciate what we do then do it yourself." Giles spat out
thrusting the partially carved stake into Buffy's hand and walked away.
Buffy looked at the piece of wood in her hand and then
towards the kitchen in the direction of her Watcher. Buffy, slumping her
shoulders in weary resignation followed Giles. She hadn't expected today to be
easy but she didn't think it would be this hard either.
"Look Giles I'm sorry okay. I am major stressed, big time
wigged and I just want this to be over. You know plunge and move on. This is
all getting to be too much and now the whole Angel thing. I have faith in you
guys, I may not always show that I do but I know that without a doubt each
person under this roof is a reason while I'm still breathing. I couldn't fathom
doing this without you. Please forgive me I'm…I'm just so…I'm scared Giles."
Buffy slumped against the counter and buried her face in
her hands trying to overcome the intensifying urge to scream for all she was
worth. It wasn't a moment later that she felt Giles put his arms around her and
pull her forward into his embrace. She readily nuzzled into the safety of his
arms like a child being comforted by her father.
"We'll get through this Buffy. We always do. We have a
good team here. Things will work themselves out in the end. I…I promise."
As Giles placed a chaste kiss to Buffy's head she allowed
herself to believe in fairytales and happy endings just one last time.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Buffy having made peace with Giles still needed to mend a
few more fences. She walked into the room where Xander was laid out and she
cautiously made her approach. Anya however stepped in between her and Xander a
look of pure hatred on her face.
"Haven't you done him enough damage?"
"I uh I wanted to apologize."
"You really believe that you can take away his pain with
words?"
(Insert B/A theme here because it's a sad tune and this a
sappy moment)
Anya let Buffy pass although she was muttering about
wishing she had her powers back and Buffy walked over to the bed where Xander
was laying down. She sat down on the bed beside him and reached out for his
hand. She slipped her fingers along his, her thumb rubbing circles on his palm.
His eyes were closed and he showed no signs that he knew she was even there.
Buffy looked over at his face and saw the mottled blue
and purple bruises that surrounded his eye and cheek and she cringed. She
reached her hand out and gently touched his face.
"Oh Xander did I really do this to you? I…I am so sorry.
I never ever meant to hurt you. God I am such a shit. You all would have been
so much better off if you had never met me. My life is nothing but shadows and
darkness. You should know a world that shines. I wish you never had to know
that the monsters under your bed really do exist and they really will eat you.
All I ever do is hurt you no matter how hard I try not to. I love you Xander
and oh fuck I am just now getting Angel's leaving you for your own good speech.
Ironic huh? I need you Xander no matter what I have ever said. I hope you can
find it in your heart to forgive me."
Buffy leaned over a kissed Xander softly on the mouth and
lightly caressed the side of his face, her tears splashing softly on his
cheeks.
"I may be the Slayer but I'm nothing without my friends."
She whispered and then slipped out of the room.
She never noticed the tear that slipped down Xander's
cheek to mix with hers as he watched her walk away.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Buffy had made amends with everyone except Angel. She
knew that eventually she was going to have to face him but she had absolutely
no idea how she was going to cope with that. She was grateful that so far he
had kept his distance. However the time was fast approaching that he would come
to her. She could feel it in her like a sense of foreboding.
~
All I do
I can still feel you
Numb all through
I can still feel you
Hear your call
Underneath it all
Kill my brain
Yet you still remain
Crucified
After all I've died
After all I've tried
You are still inside
All I do
I can still feel you
You remain
I am stained *Underneath
it All by Nine Inch Nails
~
Buffy was out in the garden when he finally came to her.
She was watching the moonlight shining brightly in the clear midnight sky. She
had felt his decision to talk to her and she had been expecting him although it
did nothing to quell the emotions of anger and disgust and fear that rose in
her throat like bile. She had questions but she was terrified of the answers.
She had her back to him when he stepped into the
courtyard but the fact that she visibly tensed was not lost on Angel. He
decided not to bother her and was going to turn and leave when she spoke to
him.
"You have to face me sooner or later Angel."
Her voice was quiet and filled with so many emotions that
he was having a hard time determining just exactly what her mood was. Angel
stopped and waited for her to say something else. She did not disappoint.
"So are you going to stand there all night staring at the
back of me or are you going to face me like the man you pretend to be?"
If Buffy had been looking at Angel she would have seen
him reel back from her as if she had slapped him, her words like a physical
blow. The soul crushing pain coursing through him was weighing heavily on Buffy
but she resisted the urge to go to him.
"I uh…I." Angel was fighting to get the words past the
tears in his throat.
"Buffy I am so…"
"If you say you're sorry I will stake you myself." Buffy
snapped.
"Then what do you want me to say?"
Buffy turned on him and again he reeled back except this
time it was from the soul deep agony he could see reflected in her eyes and
etched on her face.
"You could tell me why? You could explain to me how you
could take the precious gift we were given and throw it away? Do you really
like this broody self-defeatist self-flagellating bullshit existence of yours
that much? Are you telling me that you would rather spend an eternity without
me than spend more than one day in my arms as a human man?"
Angel was struggling, trying to find the words to make
Buffy understand why he had to do it and he could feel Buffy trying to read his
thoughts. Angel was so flustered with the whole thing that he hadn't the
control over his mind he usually had. This wasn't the same as when Buffy had
the aspect of the demon and had temporarily possessed the power of telepathy.
No Buffy held a piece of Angel firmly inside of her, which apparently gave her
an all access backstage pass to his heart, his mind and his soul.
"You would have died Buffy." Angel said solemnly.
"Yeah well I'm dying inside anyway or does that not
matter? Huh? As long as physically she's okay who the fuck cares what it does
to her mentally and yeah a mentally imbalanced Slayer is exactly what the
Hellmouth needs. I would have thought one psycho Slayer was enough. You do
remember Faith right? Dark hair, my height, slayer by trade but hooked up with
the mayor and tried to destroy the city and kill us both."
"Buffy I did what I thought was right. I wasn't going to
sacrifice your life for mine."
"Why couldn't you have at least talked to
me…something…anything instead of running off half cocked and making such a huge
decision on your own?"
Angel could hear the frustration in her voice but he was
starting to get a little annoyed here. He gave up everything for her and she
didn't want to see the big picture here at all.
"You aren't being fair Buffy. You expect that I should
have come to you so you could do just exactly this to me. You wouldn't have
been rational about it."
"Yea cuz I forgot about how much of a child I am. I can
kill vamps and destroy demons. I can be trusted to make the right decisions to
stop apocalyptic prophesies from destroying the world but I can't be trusted to
at least be kept in the loop where we're concerned. That's balanced." Buffy
snapped.
Angel was beginning to loose his temper as Buffy paced at
the far end of the garden.
"Buffy the point is that they said you would have died. I
couldn't be there for you, to protect you. I didn't want to loose you." Angel
said angrily and a little loudly. He was pretty much shouting at her.
Buffy stopped pacing and spun to face him.
"No you just opted to throw me away." Buffy yelled.
Buffy turned and punched the wall in frustration. She
then slid down the wall to sit in a heap on the cold stone floor.
"You think I don't get this that I only see things in
black and white but you're wrong. I can see the in between shades of gray."
"Buffy…"
"No listen to me Angel. You walked away from me in my
best interest but have you ever given any thought to what I want, to what you
want? The Mohra said together we are strong apart we are dead doesn't that
carry any weight with you?"
"DAMN IT BUFFY. I DID THIS, ALL OF THIS TO PROTECT YOU.
DOES THAT NOT MEAN ANYTHING?" Angel raged in frustration.
"You used to protect me just fine here in Sunnydale. In
fact you used to make it a habit of almost stalking me on my patrols just in
case."
"That's before we got…before…damn it why are you being so
difficult."
"Fine you did it to protect me. You broke up with me and
walked away without a word to protect me. You went off to god knows where
leaving me with no way to contact you to protect me. You stay out of my life
because it hurts too much to protect me. You gave up our happily ever after to
protect me."
Buffy got up and walked right up to Angel and standing
inches away from him, feeling his breath on her face she looked into his eyes
and asked…
"Answer me this Angel, if you live in LA and you keep me at
arms length and you can't bare to be in the same city as me let alone the same
room then how exactly are you protecting me? Or should I ask who are you
protecting me from?"
Buffy then headed out of the garden but stopped in the
doorway.
"You gave it all up because they said I would die. Angel
I could die tonight…"
"Don't say that. Don't you ever say that."
"I'm the Slayer I could die tonight. You didn't want to
fight for us, for our happiness." She paused a moment. "I guess you can't fight
what you no longer believe in."
Buffy stood in the doorway long enough for Angel to see
the first tear slip down her cheek and then she was gone.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"She's right you know."
Angel whipped around to see who had spoken to him but
there was nobody there.
"She could die tonight, next week or 60-70 years from
now. No one knows for sure. The Powers like to think they are omnipotent and
for the most part they are but this…this they have no control over."
Angel could barely control his emotions as Whistler
stepped out of the shadows.
"So they duped me? Is that what you're telling me?"
"Not exactly. I'm just saying that maybe they lead you to
believe that you were worthless to her as a man. Kind of like a test to see
what you would give up for her."
Whistler stepped past Angel and stood in the doorway
where he could see Buffy, her tears glistening brightly in the light that
reflected off of her face.
"But look at her man. Sure you could protect her in the
I'm gonna rip your arm off and beat you with it if you touch her kind of way
but who's going to protect her from you or better yet herself?"
"What do you mean?" Angel asked.
"Everyone has been going on about what's good for Buffy and
everyone has jumped on the Angel's bad for Buffy bandwagon including your
broody self but when they look at you and her they only see what's on the
surface. They see it as Angel – vampire Buffy – vampire Slayer therefore Angel
is no good for Buffy. Angel hurt Buffy therefore Angel is bad. What nobody is
paying any attention to is what's beneath the surface. No one has bothered to
get to the heart of the matter."
"The heart of the matter and that would be?"
"Aren't you listening?" At Angel's confused look Whistler
shook his head and sighed. "Her heart."
He let Angel think about for a minute before continuing.
"See Slayer's are different…"
"Ya think?" Angel sniped.
"Slayer's do everything all the way because they never
know when they will meet the big bad that takes them down. So they fight to
kill, they live each day as if it's their last and if they fall in love it's
for keeps. You have been vacationing on this little guilt trip for so long that
you actually believe in it. Now you got the rest of these hypocrites singing
your song and well the result is a Slayer dealing with some major issues the
least of which is the cosmic mind fuck that "fate" keeps giving her."
"I don't understand."
"When I first showed Buffy to you I told you she was
going to have it hard. Buffy has it harder than any other Slayer ever has with
the possible exception of our Faith. Most Slayers are taken as children by the
Council and raised to believe certain things about themselves like Slayers
don't have friends or family or lovers. A Slayer is all about the kill, primal
like the beast they stalk. Most wouldn't give boys a second thought although
truth be told most Slayers are called in their early teens and don't live a
year past their activation date.
Our girl Buffy was lost in the system and by the time
they found her it was too late. She had developed her own personality and
lifestyle and ideas about who and what she was. She was already 15 and she
learned about her destiny the day it fell in her lap attached to a stake. Even
her training was unconventional. Her first Watcher had his own ideas and didn't
follow Council standards so by the time our British Watcher comes along Buffy
well to say she was a headstrong handful would be the understatement of the
year.
Buffy broke all the rules from the very start so why
shouldn't she try to continue having some sort of a life outside of slaying but
having friends and keeping them alive is harder than you think. They all take
it for granted including her Watcher. Buffy has been fooling them for so long
now that they simply expect nothing less now. You simply threw a wrench into
the works.
You like Buffy are the odd one out. A vamp with a soul,
ostracized from the human and demon community. It was set up that the two of
you meet however the Powers did not see you two falling in love. They really
believed they had it all under control and you showed them they don't.
Slayers are strong but there is only some much they can
take and our girl…she's about to collapse under the strain."
Angel was quiet a moment and then he asked a question of
Whistler.
"You said her friends were hypocrites. Why?"
Whistler chuckled. "You have a Witch caught up between
another Witch and a Werewolf, a human dating an ex-demon turned human a Watcher
who allows a vampire to take up residence with him not to mention the affinity
Joyce had with him and in your crew you have a seer who was in love with the
half demon who gave her the visions, a former Watcher who hangs out in demon
karaoke bars and a rogue vamp/demon hunter. They are the very definition of odd
and they are going to look down their noses at a vampire and a slayer being
together.
Think carefully here Angel. This battle you are stepping
into is going to be big and things are going to happen. Things you might not be
able to get past. What you do know could have a major impact later. Think about
it."
Angel thought about that a minute and he realized that
Whistler was right. Willow, Tara, Oz and Xander, Anya and Cordelia all had no
ground to stand on. It was like the proverbial pot calling the proverbial
kettle black. Angel got a look of determination on his face and marched into
the room where Buffy was sitting on the couch trying to collect herself.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Buffy felt him coming in her direction and she looked up
at the doorway to the garden. She saw Angel standing there staring at her a
moment and then he was walking towards her.
"Buffy we need to talk…"
Suddenly Giles burst into the room.
"All right everybody this is the moment of truth. Gather
the weapons and supplies the battle is upon us. Ha Nachash is ready to fight."
"How do you know Giles?" Buffy asked.
"Just a hunch." Was his reply as he held up a note that
had been tacked to Angel's front door with a flaming crossbow bolt that was
still smoldering in Giles' hand.
Buffy got to her feet and looked Angel in the eye.
"Was there something you needed to say to me?" She asked
wearily.
"Nothing that can't wait."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah let's go kick some demon ass back to hell."
Buffy turned away from Angel and he was unable to see the
look of regret marring her delicate features. She grabbed her slay bag and was
heading out the door.
"See cosmic mind fuck courtesy of fate and destiny."
Whistler muttered to himself.
Suddenly Angel grabbed a hold of Buffy's arm and spun her
round to face him. He pulled her close to him and held fast to her arms leaning
his forehead against hers.
"I need you to know before you get out there that…that I
love you. Fight to kill and come back home to me."
Angel then brought his mouth down over Buffy's and kissed
her for all he was worth. When they pulled apart Buffy touched her fingers to
Angel's lips.
"I love you too. I need you to come back to me Angel.
Promise me."
"I promise."
Another quick kiss and he was out the door.
Whistler watched as Buffy stood there, eyes closed, as if
memorizing everything about that moment. Her eyes opened and something flashed
in those Hazel orbs. She then turned and headed out to the battle that awaited her.
"Well who'd a guessed that a vampire could breathe life
into a Slayer." Whistler mussed to himself as he thought about the flash he'd
seen in Buffy's eyes. One kiss from Angel had brought the life back to her
eyes. "Something tells me Fate's in for a big surprise."
And then the mansion was empty and quiet and the streets
were alive with the sounds of the Slayer's battle cry, her Angel at her
back.