I hope you enjoy my story. The characters are borrowed for fictional purposes. The story plot is mine and it is copyrighted.
Day 1
Jerry and Elaine are walking down the street towards Jerry's apartment after picking up some lunch from the Soup Nazi.
Jerry: Have you ever wondered about those habits that nuns wear?
Elaine: Oh yeah!
Elaine walks over and throws her cup in the garbage.
Elaine: God, I love that new turkey stroganoff with chives.
Jerry: This garlic lobster and mushroom isn't too bad either. So anyway, do you think the nuns are naked under those things or what?
Elaine: I would be! And, do they have any hair? Those would be great to have when you're having a bad hair day! I should get one.
Jerry: We should get one for George. Then no one would know he's balding.
Elaine and Jerry laugh as they walk into Jerry's apartment.
Elaine: So, what are you up to tonight?
Jerry: I have a date.
Elaine: With who?
Jerry: A woman I met at the cleaners last week.
Elaine: Ah, a new girl. Whatever happened to the last one? "The Counter."
Jerry: Oh yes. "The Counter." I told her she could count on not having another date with me. She was counting everything, the cherry tomatoes in her salad, the number of previews before the movie, even the number of eyelets in my shoes. It was creeping me out!
Elaine chuckles.
Elaine: She was a winner Jerry.
Jerry: So, what are you doing?
Elaine: Not much. Probably renting a movie.
Jerry: Interesting. Is Rochelle Rochelle on video now?
Elaine: I don't know.
Jerry: All right, I'll see you later.
Elaine: See ya.
Elaine leaves and Jerry starts heading towards the bathroom when the phone rings. Jerry goes and answers it.
Jerry: Hello?
George: Jerry, its George.
Jerry: Hi George. What's going on?
George: I have to drive out to Queens for my mom and pick up a cake for my aunt's birthday.
Jerry: Why Queens?
George: Well, we had to switch bakeries because I accused the baker of shorting us on cake. They said a sheet cake served 20, but oh no! It only served 14 Jerry! 20 little people maybe. Maybe those people can get 20 servings out of that sheet cake but not my family.
Jerry: Oh I see, those people. So, anyway George?
Jerry wonders if there's a point to this conversation.
George: Anyway, do you want to go with me? You can hold the cake.
Jerry: No thanks George.
George: You sure you don't want to go? Come on, it'll be fun. A little road trip and some male bonding.
Jerry: No thanks George. I plan on doing a little female bonding tonight.
George: All right then. See you later.
Evening One
Elaine is walking towards the video store when she passes a window reading FORTUNETELLER. WALK-INS WELCOME. READINGS BY MADAME ZOLANDA. She decides to go in.
Elaine: Oh what the heck. Let's see what Madame Zolanda has to say. I don't have anything better to do.
She goes in and sits across from Madame Zolanda and the crystal ball. The room is dark and smoky. Crystals and candles are everywhere. Elaine smiles and tries not to laugh. Jerry would love this.
Madame Z: Ah, such a beautiful lady.
Elaine blushes and thinks to herself "Maybe she isn't such a phony." Madame Zolanda continues to rub the crystal ball unaware of Elaine's approval.
Madame Z: I see you surrounded by many friends. You are well liked.
Elaine really likes this lady. Madame Zolanda sees something else suddenly.
Madame Z: I also see there have been many men in your life. There is one man I am seeing over and over again. Does the number 8 mean anything to you?
The smile on Elaine's face quickly disappears. She thinks to herself "Number eight? Hmm. Puddy! And that stupid coat." She didn't need to be reminded of him.
Elaine: Yeah, yeah. Are we getting back together?
Madame Z: No, I don't think so. Actually I see a new man in your life.
Elaine: Oh, is he cute?
Madame: Yes, he is quite handsome. And it looks like he knows your friends too. The tall odd looking guy.
Elaine: Kramer!
Madame: Yes.
Elaine: Oh great!
George is driving back from Queens with the cake. He has the cake seat belted in next to him. He pulls into the tollbooth on the off ramp. Coming to a stop, George rolls down the window. He hasn't pulled up close enough so he is leaning out the window to make sure he doesn't miss. Then he makes a great discovery. There are coins all over the ground.
George: Ho hooh! Will you look at that! This is great!
George puts the car in park and makes sure no one has pulled up behind him. He steps out of the car and begins picking up all the change around the toll both that didn't make it into the bin. It is lucky for George that others were too lazy to get out and pick up the change they dropped.
George: It's my lucky day!
George kneels down to grab the quarter he sees under his car. Just then someone pulls up behind him and begins to honk.
George: Ok. Sorry. Just dropped my change.
With a pocket full of change George gets back in his car after paying the toll and drives away. When he gets home he counts his winnings.
George: Jackpot baby! $4.26. This is great.
Day 2
Elaine has just finished her workout and is headed for the locker room. She is thinking about the hot guy on the treadmill. She was sure he was smiling at her until the aerobics instructor came over and invited him to her class. Bimbo. Not paying attention she bumped right into a man getting a drink from the water fountain. When she bumped into him it caused him to hit his lip on the faucet. As he turns around to see who has bumped him he notices a beautiful woman.
Elaine: I'm so sorry.
She stopped when she noticed two very evident things. The first is that this guy is gorgeous and second his lip is bleeding.
Elaine: Oh no, I'm so sorry. Your lip is bleeding. Here take my towel. It's clean, really.
He takes the towel and starts patting his lip.
Elaine: I'm really sorry.
Man: It's ok. What happened?
Elaine: I was thinking about something and wasn't paying attention.
Man: What were you thinking about?
Elaine: Actually, I was thinking about asking you out and making it up to you since I made you hit your lip.
Elaine hopes he's buying this and attempts to seal the deal with her bashful girl look.
Man: Is that so? Sure. How about tomorrow night? I am working tonight.
Elaine: Great.
Later, Jerry and Elaine are walking into Monks. George is just finishing up paying for his lunch.
George: Jerry, Elaine. Come sit down.
Elaine: Hey George.
Jerry: Oh George, you've just finished up. That's too bad. I was going to buy you lunch.
Elaine smiles at Jerry's sarcasm.
George: Thanks for the offer Jerry but I've got it under control.
Jerry: Really? So, how was the cake run last night?
George: It was great. That's why I bought my own lunch today. I've got some extra money.
Elaine: Let me guess. You complained about the cake. You lied and told them they spelled the name wrong so that you got it for free.
George: No. But that's a great idea Elaine. No, as I was paying the toll last night I noticed all sorts of change on the ground so I got out and picked it all up. You know you pay when you get on the toll way and you pay when you get off. I just make one big circle and hit four tollbooths. I made seven bucks this morning!
Jerry and Elaine are speechless for a minute. George will go to any length to save money.
Jerry: Well that's great George.
George: And the best part is I don't even have to pay the tolls out of my own pocket. I just use the change that people have dropped. It's great.
Jerry: That's nice George.
Jerry has had enough of this conversation. He turns and starts talking to Elaine.
Jerry: So, I went on a date last night with Connie.
Elaine: Oh yeah. How did that go?
The waitress comes by and takes their orders. They return to their conversation.
Jerry: Good, good. It was fun. And she didn't count anything.
Elaine: Well that's a plus.
Jerry: What did you end up doing?
Elaine: Oh, I almost forgot. I was on my way to the video store when I decided to check out this fortuneteller, Madame Zolanda or something.
Jerry: A fortuneteller? I thought you didn't believe in that stuff? It gives me the creeps.
Elaine: I know, but I thought I would test her. She saw Puddy reoccurring in my past.
Jerry: See, I told you. Bad luck!
Elaine: But, then she said I was going to meet someone new.
Jerry: Of course! Happens everyday.
Elaine: But I did. Well, actually I bumped into him first. Gave him a bloody lip!
Jerry is amazed.
Elaine: Yeah, don't ask. Anyway we're suppose to go out tomorrow night.
Jerry: He agreed to go out with you after you gave him a bloody lip?
Elaine: Of course! I'm irresistible.
Jerry: Right.
Just then Kramer comes in and sits down next to George. He picks the scraps of food off everyone's plates that they haven't eaten.
Jerry: Kramer.
Elaine: Hey Kramer.
Kramer: Yo! Guess what?
Jerry: What? You got a job driving that little car that picks up the golf balls at the driving range?
Kramer: Nope, but I used to do that. Very dangerous Jerry! You need to wear catcher's gear to work there.
Jerry: The cars do have protection on them.
Kramer: I know, but sometimes the balls would get jammed and I had to get out and fix it Jerry! Here, feel this!
Kramer gets up and turns around. He points to a spot on his butt. Jerry slides closer to Elaine. Kramer is rubbing the spot.
Jerry: Eeww! No!
Kramer: I have a permanent lump here from being hit by a golf ball in 93'.
Elaine: So, anyway. What's the news Kramer?
Kramer: Oh, well I ran into this guy down at the Dunk and Dip Donut Shoppe and we started talking. Well, come to find out he's a cop.
George: Yeah, so?
Kramer: Well, he invited me to ride along with him tonight.
Jerry: Uh oh. Is he going to let you play with the lights and sirens?
Kramer: Maybe.
Elaine: The city is definitely not safe tonight.
Kramer: Giddy up!
Evening Two
Jerry and his date are walking into La Hacienda restaurant. They talk as they are waiting to be seated. Things are going well so far.
Jerry: So Connie, have you ever wondered about plastic surgery? I mean what's the deal? They aren't putting plastic in your body, and your body isn't made of plastic! I don't get it.
Connie: Oh Jerry. You are so funny. I never thought of that. I have to come to one of your shows sometime.
Jerry: Sure, anytime.
Jerry is excited she is laughing at his jokes. They are shown to their table. Jerry pushes in Connie's chair for her as she sits down. He takes off his jacket and sits down across from her. Connie decides to remove her jacket too. Jerry is happy to see that she has on a nice white blouse. But then he notices it. He can't believe his eyes. He looks around to see if anyone else has noticed it as well. Pit stains! Huge yellow pit stains! Jerry quickly looks away.
Kramer is riding around town with Officer Mike.
Kramer: So, Mike you ever shoot anyone?
Mike: Oh yeah. Of course. Only once though.
Kramer: That's great. Bang! Maybe you'll get to shoot someone tonight.
Mike: Maybe.
The police radio comes on. Seven Adam twelve. We have a call from the highway patrol about a suspicious vehicle that has been seen entering and leaving the highway several times today. Last seen 5 minutes ago picking up change at the Washington Street off ramp.
Mike: Ten-four. All right Kramer, here we go. Probably a drug runner.
Kramer: Oh, this could be dangerous.
Mike: Could be. Hit the sirens Kramer.
Kramer flips on the lights and sirens. He pauses afterwards to check out the shotgun mounted to the dashboard.
Kramer: Hey Mike, you might need this.
BANG! While messing with the gun he somehow manages to fire it. He shoots a hole through the roof of the police car. Mike is startled and screeches to a stop on the side of the road. Kramer doesn't know what to do.
Mike: Kramer! What the hell are you doing?
Kramer: Uh, uh. Sorry Mike. You must not have had the safety on. See what can happen Mike when you don't put on the safety. That could have killed me Mike!
Mike: Well, there's no time for this. We have a drug smuggler to catch!
Mike takes off again and catches up to the suspicious car. The drive pulls over right away.
Mike: Gee, he's not even going to try and run. Smart idea.
Mike and Kramer step out of the police car. They are staring at the back of a short bald headed man. Mike places his hand on his gun.
Mike: Kramer, you stay here.
Kramer: Uh, ok. Call me if you need back-up Mike!
Mike: Just stay here Kramer, and don't touch anything!
Mike starts walking up to George's car slowly. He pushes on the trunk and looks in the back seat for any hidden drug smugglers waiting to shoot him. He stops next to the driver's door and looks inside. George is sitting inside catatonic. He has his hands at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel. He is afraid if he moves he'll get shot. He stares straight ahead.
George: Goo..good evening officer...Is there a problem?
Mike: License and registration sir.
George: Sure, sure. I am going to reach in my pocket for my wallet now.
George pulls his huge wallet out of his pocket and hands his license to the officer. He grabs his registration and hands him that also.
Mike: Step out of the car sir.
George: What? Why?
Mike: Please step out of the car sir.
George: Ok, ok.
George steps out of the car slowly. He looks back towards the cop car and sees Kramer standing there.
George: Kramer?!
Kramer is surprised to see that it is George. He looks away quickly.
Mike: Quiet. Lean up against the car.
George: Sir, please. Kramer, help me.
Mike: Quiet.
Mike pushes George up against the car and frisks him quickly before releasing him.
George: What is going on here?
Mike: You tell me! What are you doing out here? You've been seen entering and exiting the highway several times today. Are you a drug runner?
George: Drug runner! No! No! Of course not. Kramer, tell him I'm not a drug runner.
Kramer pretends to not hear him.
George: Kramer!
Mike: Then what are you doing out here?
George: Ok, I'll tell you. I was picking up change. People are so lazy. They throw the change and it misses and they don't even pick it up. So, I do. It's extra. They still pay the toll and so do I. There's nothing wrong with that. I mean, I make three rounds a day. That's 12 times I pay the toll. It works out for everyone!
Mike: Sit back in your car sir. I will be right back.
Mike walks back to his car. George continues to stand there confused. Kramer gets back in the car with Mike without saying a thing. Mike runs George's name and then writes him out a ticket. He walks back and hands George a ticket. George is stunned. Why isn't Kramer helping him?
Day Three
George and Jerry are at Jerry's apartment.
George: So, then he gives me a ticket for $150. Can you believe this Jerry! I didn't even collect that much in change and now they want me to pay that? I have to talk to Kramer. He's got to get me out of this.
Jerry: Speaking of cops and tickets. I went to dinner with Connie last night and it was horrible. She took off her jacket and there they were George! The biggest pit stains I've ever seen. It was disgusting. I couldn't even eat. I told her I didn't think it was going to work out and she threatened me with her brother-in-law. Said he was some big tough cop and I would be up to my eyeballs in tickets.
George: Great, just great. Wonder if Kramer's guy knows him.
Just then Kramer comes flying in.
Jerry: Oh good, Kramer. We were just talking about you.
Kramer: What's up boys?
George: You've got to get me out of that ticket Kramer! I don't have $150. Can you help me out?
Kramer: Ah, no can do buddy.
George: What? Why not?
Kramer: Well, because I accidentally shot a hole is the roof of his cop car.
Jerry: Just great. How did that happen?
Kramer: Well, it wasn't my fault Jerry. He didn't have the safety on. So, I can't help you George.
George: Of course not. Jerry, did Connie say what the name of that cop was? Maybe Kramer knows him.
Kramer: What cop?
Jerry: Oh, Connie got mad at me and threatened to send her brother-in-law after me. He's a cop too. I think his name was Michael Quinn.
Kramer: Quinn?
Jerry: Yeah, you know him.
Kramer: Yeah that's the guy.
Jerry: What guy?
Kramer: The guy I rode with, that I shot his roof.
George: No way. What are the odds of that? Well, we're all screwed then.
All three stand there thinking what to do now, hands on their hips. Just then Elaine buzzes. Jerry lets her in. She walks through the door.
Elaine: Hey, what's going on here?
Jerry: Oh nothing fun. Kramer shot a hole in the roof of a cop car. George got a ticket for stealing toll change.
George: I didn't steal it. It was on the ground!
Jerry: And Connie threatened me with her super cop brother-in-law.
Elaine: Wow, sounds like you guys have been busy. That's too bad. I have that date tonight. Can't wait. I have a good feeling about this guy. He's a cop too. Maybe he knows who this guy is Jerry. Maybe he can get him to back off.
George: And get rid of my ticket.
Elaine: I don't want to ask him for too much George. It's only our first date. What's his name Jerry?
Jerry: It's Michael, Michael Quinn.
Elaine's jaw drops.
Elaine: What? That can't be. That's my guy! He's Connie's brother-in-law?
Jerry: I'm afraid so. Connie's sister's husband.
Elaine: He's married? I'm not going out with him. Just my luck. I finally meet a cute one and he's married. I should have known not to trust Madame Zolanda.
Jerry: You have to! You have to go out with him and threaten to tell his wife if he doesn't leave me alone.
George: And get rid of my ticket! He's got to get rid of my ticket Jerry!
Jerry: Yeah, yeah. All right, and get rid of George's ticket.
Elaine: What? I'm not going to do that?
George: Elaine, please?
Jerry: Come on Elaine. He deserves is for not telling you he's married.
Elaine: Yeah, ok. Fine. I'll go out with him. But he's going to buy me a very expensive dinner and wine too!
Day Four
Jerry, George and Kramer are sitting at Monks anxiously waiting for Elaine. Finally she walks in. She comes over and sits down.
George: So, how did it go? Is he going to get rid of my ticket?
Elaine: Calm down George. I took care of it.
Jerry: You did? Mine too?
Elaine: Yes, yours too Jerry. You guys owe me.
Jerry: So, I guess Madame Zolanda was kind of right. You did meet someone new.
Elaine: Yes, I did. But she was off on one thing.
Jerry: What's that?
Elaine: Puddy!
George: What about Puddy?
Elaine: I ran into him last night outside the restaurant.
She pauses for a second and picks at her silverware. The others wait for her to finish.
Elaine: He was a good way to get away from Michael after I threatened to tell his wife.
Kramer: Uh-oh.
George: What's wrong with that?
Elaine: He spent the night. Madame Zolanda said we weren't getting back together. Well, she was wrong!
Day 1
Jerry and Elaine are walking down the street towards Jerry's apartment after picking up some lunch from the Soup Nazi.
Jerry: Have you ever wondered about those habits that nuns wear?
Elaine: Oh yeah!
Elaine walks over and throws her cup in the garbage.
Elaine: God, I love that new turkey stroganoff with chives.
Jerry: This garlic lobster and mushroom isn't too bad either. So anyway, do you think the nuns are naked under those things or what?
Elaine: I would be! And, do they have any hair? Those would be great to have when you're having a bad hair day! I should get one.
Jerry: We should get one for George. Then no one would know he's balding.
Elaine and Jerry laugh as they walk into Jerry's apartment.
Elaine: So, what are you up to tonight?
Jerry: I have a date.
Elaine: With who?
Jerry: A woman I met at the cleaners last week.
Elaine: Ah, a new girl. Whatever happened to the last one? "The Counter."
Jerry: Oh yes. "The Counter." I told her she could count on not having another date with me. She was counting everything, the cherry tomatoes in her salad, the number of previews before the movie, even the number of eyelets in my shoes. It was creeping me out!
Elaine chuckles.
Elaine: She was a winner Jerry.
Jerry: So, what are you doing?
Elaine: Not much. Probably renting a movie.
Jerry: Interesting. Is Rochelle Rochelle on video now?
Elaine: I don't know.
Jerry: All right, I'll see you later.
Elaine: See ya.
Elaine leaves and Jerry starts heading towards the bathroom when the phone rings. Jerry goes and answers it.
Jerry: Hello?
George: Jerry, its George.
Jerry: Hi George. What's going on?
George: I have to drive out to Queens for my mom and pick up a cake for my aunt's birthday.
Jerry: Why Queens?
George: Well, we had to switch bakeries because I accused the baker of shorting us on cake. They said a sheet cake served 20, but oh no! It only served 14 Jerry! 20 little people maybe. Maybe those people can get 20 servings out of that sheet cake but not my family.
Jerry: Oh I see, those people. So, anyway George?
Jerry wonders if there's a point to this conversation.
George: Anyway, do you want to go with me? You can hold the cake.
Jerry: No thanks George.
George: You sure you don't want to go? Come on, it'll be fun. A little road trip and some male bonding.
Jerry: No thanks George. I plan on doing a little female bonding tonight.
George: All right then. See you later.
Evening One
Elaine is walking towards the video store when she passes a window reading FORTUNETELLER. WALK-INS WELCOME. READINGS BY MADAME ZOLANDA. She decides to go in.
Elaine: Oh what the heck. Let's see what Madame Zolanda has to say. I don't have anything better to do.
She goes in and sits across from Madame Zolanda and the crystal ball. The room is dark and smoky. Crystals and candles are everywhere. Elaine smiles and tries not to laugh. Jerry would love this.
Madame Z: Ah, such a beautiful lady.
Elaine blushes and thinks to herself "Maybe she isn't such a phony." Madame Zolanda continues to rub the crystal ball unaware of Elaine's approval.
Madame Z: I see you surrounded by many friends. You are well liked.
Elaine really likes this lady. Madame Zolanda sees something else suddenly.
Madame Z: I also see there have been many men in your life. There is one man I am seeing over and over again. Does the number 8 mean anything to you?
The smile on Elaine's face quickly disappears. She thinks to herself "Number eight? Hmm. Puddy! And that stupid coat." She didn't need to be reminded of him.
Elaine: Yeah, yeah. Are we getting back together?
Madame Z: No, I don't think so. Actually I see a new man in your life.
Elaine: Oh, is he cute?
Madame: Yes, he is quite handsome. And it looks like he knows your friends too. The tall odd looking guy.
Elaine: Kramer!
Madame: Yes.
Elaine: Oh great!
George is driving back from Queens with the cake. He has the cake seat belted in next to him. He pulls into the tollbooth on the off ramp. Coming to a stop, George rolls down the window. He hasn't pulled up close enough so he is leaning out the window to make sure he doesn't miss. Then he makes a great discovery. There are coins all over the ground.
George: Ho hooh! Will you look at that! This is great!
George puts the car in park and makes sure no one has pulled up behind him. He steps out of the car and begins picking up all the change around the toll both that didn't make it into the bin. It is lucky for George that others were too lazy to get out and pick up the change they dropped.
George: It's my lucky day!
George kneels down to grab the quarter he sees under his car. Just then someone pulls up behind him and begins to honk.
George: Ok. Sorry. Just dropped my change.
With a pocket full of change George gets back in his car after paying the toll and drives away. When he gets home he counts his winnings.
George: Jackpot baby! $4.26. This is great.
Day 2
Elaine has just finished her workout and is headed for the locker room. She is thinking about the hot guy on the treadmill. She was sure he was smiling at her until the aerobics instructor came over and invited him to her class. Bimbo. Not paying attention she bumped right into a man getting a drink from the water fountain. When she bumped into him it caused him to hit his lip on the faucet. As he turns around to see who has bumped him he notices a beautiful woman.
Elaine: I'm so sorry.
She stopped when she noticed two very evident things. The first is that this guy is gorgeous and second his lip is bleeding.
Elaine: Oh no, I'm so sorry. Your lip is bleeding. Here take my towel. It's clean, really.
He takes the towel and starts patting his lip.
Elaine: I'm really sorry.
Man: It's ok. What happened?
Elaine: I was thinking about something and wasn't paying attention.
Man: What were you thinking about?
Elaine: Actually, I was thinking about asking you out and making it up to you since I made you hit your lip.
Elaine hopes he's buying this and attempts to seal the deal with her bashful girl look.
Man: Is that so? Sure. How about tomorrow night? I am working tonight.
Elaine: Great.
Later, Jerry and Elaine are walking into Monks. George is just finishing up paying for his lunch.
George: Jerry, Elaine. Come sit down.
Elaine: Hey George.
Jerry: Oh George, you've just finished up. That's too bad. I was going to buy you lunch.
Elaine smiles at Jerry's sarcasm.
George: Thanks for the offer Jerry but I've got it under control.
Jerry: Really? So, how was the cake run last night?
George: It was great. That's why I bought my own lunch today. I've got some extra money.
Elaine: Let me guess. You complained about the cake. You lied and told them they spelled the name wrong so that you got it for free.
George: No. But that's a great idea Elaine. No, as I was paying the toll last night I noticed all sorts of change on the ground so I got out and picked it all up. You know you pay when you get on the toll way and you pay when you get off. I just make one big circle and hit four tollbooths. I made seven bucks this morning!
Jerry and Elaine are speechless for a minute. George will go to any length to save money.
Jerry: Well that's great George.
George: And the best part is I don't even have to pay the tolls out of my own pocket. I just use the change that people have dropped. It's great.
Jerry: That's nice George.
Jerry has had enough of this conversation. He turns and starts talking to Elaine.
Jerry: So, I went on a date last night with Connie.
Elaine: Oh yeah. How did that go?
The waitress comes by and takes their orders. They return to their conversation.
Jerry: Good, good. It was fun. And she didn't count anything.
Elaine: Well that's a plus.
Jerry: What did you end up doing?
Elaine: Oh, I almost forgot. I was on my way to the video store when I decided to check out this fortuneteller, Madame Zolanda or something.
Jerry: A fortuneteller? I thought you didn't believe in that stuff? It gives me the creeps.
Elaine: I know, but I thought I would test her. She saw Puddy reoccurring in my past.
Jerry: See, I told you. Bad luck!
Elaine: But, then she said I was going to meet someone new.
Jerry: Of course! Happens everyday.
Elaine: But I did. Well, actually I bumped into him first. Gave him a bloody lip!
Jerry is amazed.
Elaine: Yeah, don't ask. Anyway we're suppose to go out tomorrow night.
Jerry: He agreed to go out with you after you gave him a bloody lip?
Elaine: Of course! I'm irresistible.
Jerry: Right.
Just then Kramer comes in and sits down next to George. He picks the scraps of food off everyone's plates that they haven't eaten.
Jerry: Kramer.
Elaine: Hey Kramer.
Kramer: Yo! Guess what?
Jerry: What? You got a job driving that little car that picks up the golf balls at the driving range?
Kramer: Nope, but I used to do that. Very dangerous Jerry! You need to wear catcher's gear to work there.
Jerry: The cars do have protection on them.
Kramer: I know, but sometimes the balls would get jammed and I had to get out and fix it Jerry! Here, feel this!
Kramer gets up and turns around. He points to a spot on his butt. Jerry slides closer to Elaine. Kramer is rubbing the spot.
Jerry: Eeww! No!
Kramer: I have a permanent lump here from being hit by a golf ball in 93'.
Elaine: So, anyway. What's the news Kramer?
Kramer: Oh, well I ran into this guy down at the Dunk and Dip Donut Shoppe and we started talking. Well, come to find out he's a cop.
George: Yeah, so?
Kramer: Well, he invited me to ride along with him tonight.
Jerry: Uh oh. Is he going to let you play with the lights and sirens?
Kramer: Maybe.
Elaine: The city is definitely not safe tonight.
Kramer: Giddy up!
Evening Two
Jerry and his date are walking into La Hacienda restaurant. They talk as they are waiting to be seated. Things are going well so far.
Jerry: So Connie, have you ever wondered about plastic surgery? I mean what's the deal? They aren't putting plastic in your body, and your body isn't made of plastic! I don't get it.
Connie: Oh Jerry. You are so funny. I never thought of that. I have to come to one of your shows sometime.
Jerry: Sure, anytime.
Jerry is excited she is laughing at his jokes. They are shown to their table. Jerry pushes in Connie's chair for her as she sits down. He takes off his jacket and sits down across from her. Connie decides to remove her jacket too. Jerry is happy to see that she has on a nice white blouse. But then he notices it. He can't believe his eyes. He looks around to see if anyone else has noticed it as well. Pit stains! Huge yellow pit stains! Jerry quickly looks away.
Kramer is riding around town with Officer Mike.
Kramer: So, Mike you ever shoot anyone?
Mike: Oh yeah. Of course. Only once though.
Kramer: That's great. Bang! Maybe you'll get to shoot someone tonight.
Mike: Maybe.
The police radio comes on. Seven Adam twelve. We have a call from the highway patrol about a suspicious vehicle that has been seen entering and leaving the highway several times today. Last seen 5 minutes ago picking up change at the Washington Street off ramp.
Mike: Ten-four. All right Kramer, here we go. Probably a drug runner.
Kramer: Oh, this could be dangerous.
Mike: Could be. Hit the sirens Kramer.
Kramer flips on the lights and sirens. He pauses afterwards to check out the shotgun mounted to the dashboard.
Kramer: Hey Mike, you might need this.
BANG! While messing with the gun he somehow manages to fire it. He shoots a hole through the roof of the police car. Mike is startled and screeches to a stop on the side of the road. Kramer doesn't know what to do.
Mike: Kramer! What the hell are you doing?
Kramer: Uh, uh. Sorry Mike. You must not have had the safety on. See what can happen Mike when you don't put on the safety. That could have killed me Mike!
Mike: Well, there's no time for this. We have a drug smuggler to catch!
Mike takes off again and catches up to the suspicious car. The drive pulls over right away.
Mike: Gee, he's not even going to try and run. Smart idea.
Mike and Kramer step out of the police car. They are staring at the back of a short bald headed man. Mike places his hand on his gun.
Mike: Kramer, you stay here.
Kramer: Uh, ok. Call me if you need back-up Mike!
Mike: Just stay here Kramer, and don't touch anything!
Mike starts walking up to George's car slowly. He pushes on the trunk and looks in the back seat for any hidden drug smugglers waiting to shoot him. He stops next to the driver's door and looks inside. George is sitting inside catatonic. He has his hands at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel. He is afraid if he moves he'll get shot. He stares straight ahead.
George: Goo..good evening officer...Is there a problem?
Mike: License and registration sir.
George: Sure, sure. I am going to reach in my pocket for my wallet now.
George pulls his huge wallet out of his pocket and hands his license to the officer. He grabs his registration and hands him that also.
Mike: Step out of the car sir.
George: What? Why?
Mike: Please step out of the car sir.
George: Ok, ok.
George steps out of the car slowly. He looks back towards the cop car and sees Kramer standing there.
George: Kramer?!
Kramer is surprised to see that it is George. He looks away quickly.
Mike: Quiet. Lean up against the car.
George: Sir, please. Kramer, help me.
Mike: Quiet.
Mike pushes George up against the car and frisks him quickly before releasing him.
George: What is going on here?
Mike: You tell me! What are you doing out here? You've been seen entering and exiting the highway several times today. Are you a drug runner?
George: Drug runner! No! No! Of course not. Kramer, tell him I'm not a drug runner.
Kramer pretends to not hear him.
George: Kramer!
Mike: Then what are you doing out here?
George: Ok, I'll tell you. I was picking up change. People are so lazy. They throw the change and it misses and they don't even pick it up. So, I do. It's extra. They still pay the toll and so do I. There's nothing wrong with that. I mean, I make three rounds a day. That's 12 times I pay the toll. It works out for everyone!
Mike: Sit back in your car sir. I will be right back.
Mike walks back to his car. George continues to stand there confused. Kramer gets back in the car with Mike without saying a thing. Mike runs George's name and then writes him out a ticket. He walks back and hands George a ticket. George is stunned. Why isn't Kramer helping him?
Day Three
George and Jerry are at Jerry's apartment.
George: So, then he gives me a ticket for $150. Can you believe this Jerry! I didn't even collect that much in change and now they want me to pay that? I have to talk to Kramer. He's got to get me out of this.
Jerry: Speaking of cops and tickets. I went to dinner with Connie last night and it was horrible. She took off her jacket and there they were George! The biggest pit stains I've ever seen. It was disgusting. I couldn't even eat. I told her I didn't think it was going to work out and she threatened me with her brother-in-law. Said he was some big tough cop and I would be up to my eyeballs in tickets.
George: Great, just great. Wonder if Kramer's guy knows him.
Just then Kramer comes flying in.
Jerry: Oh good, Kramer. We were just talking about you.
Kramer: What's up boys?
George: You've got to get me out of that ticket Kramer! I don't have $150. Can you help me out?
Kramer: Ah, no can do buddy.
George: What? Why not?
Kramer: Well, because I accidentally shot a hole is the roof of his cop car.
Jerry: Just great. How did that happen?
Kramer: Well, it wasn't my fault Jerry. He didn't have the safety on. So, I can't help you George.
George: Of course not. Jerry, did Connie say what the name of that cop was? Maybe Kramer knows him.
Kramer: What cop?
Jerry: Oh, Connie got mad at me and threatened to send her brother-in-law after me. He's a cop too. I think his name was Michael Quinn.
Kramer: Quinn?
Jerry: Yeah, you know him.
Kramer: Yeah that's the guy.
Jerry: What guy?
Kramer: The guy I rode with, that I shot his roof.
George: No way. What are the odds of that? Well, we're all screwed then.
All three stand there thinking what to do now, hands on their hips. Just then Elaine buzzes. Jerry lets her in. She walks through the door.
Elaine: Hey, what's going on here?
Jerry: Oh nothing fun. Kramer shot a hole in the roof of a cop car. George got a ticket for stealing toll change.
George: I didn't steal it. It was on the ground!
Jerry: And Connie threatened me with her super cop brother-in-law.
Elaine: Wow, sounds like you guys have been busy. That's too bad. I have that date tonight. Can't wait. I have a good feeling about this guy. He's a cop too. Maybe he knows who this guy is Jerry. Maybe he can get him to back off.
George: And get rid of my ticket.
Elaine: I don't want to ask him for too much George. It's only our first date. What's his name Jerry?
Jerry: It's Michael, Michael Quinn.
Elaine's jaw drops.
Elaine: What? That can't be. That's my guy! He's Connie's brother-in-law?
Jerry: I'm afraid so. Connie's sister's husband.
Elaine: He's married? I'm not going out with him. Just my luck. I finally meet a cute one and he's married. I should have known not to trust Madame Zolanda.
Jerry: You have to! You have to go out with him and threaten to tell his wife if he doesn't leave me alone.
George: And get rid of my ticket! He's got to get rid of my ticket Jerry!
Jerry: Yeah, yeah. All right, and get rid of George's ticket.
Elaine: What? I'm not going to do that?
George: Elaine, please?
Jerry: Come on Elaine. He deserves is for not telling you he's married.
Elaine: Yeah, ok. Fine. I'll go out with him. But he's going to buy me a very expensive dinner and wine too!
Day Four
Jerry, George and Kramer are sitting at Monks anxiously waiting for Elaine. Finally she walks in. She comes over and sits down.
George: So, how did it go? Is he going to get rid of my ticket?
Elaine: Calm down George. I took care of it.
Jerry: You did? Mine too?
Elaine: Yes, yours too Jerry. You guys owe me.
Jerry: So, I guess Madame Zolanda was kind of right. You did meet someone new.
Elaine: Yes, I did. But she was off on one thing.
Jerry: What's that?
Elaine: Puddy!
George: What about Puddy?
Elaine: I ran into him last night outside the restaurant.
She pauses for a second and picks at her silverware. The others wait for her to finish.
Elaine: He was a good way to get away from Michael after I threatened to tell his wife.
Kramer: Uh-oh.
George: What's wrong with that?
Elaine: He spent the night. Madame Zolanda said we weren't getting back together. Well, she was wrong!