CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga
Chapter 013 – Saying Goodbye
Buffy moved away from the destroyed building and ignored the
ripping pain that consumed her. Smoke burned her lungs and dust and debris
strung her eyes and blood poured in little rivulets from various cuts and
abrasions. It seemed like an eternity had passed before she finally reached
Xander's side.
"Xander! Xander can you hear me?"
Xander was sitting on the ground in what Buffy could only
imagine to be shock. Tears spilled down his cheeks and Buffy kneeled in front
of him taking his face between her hands.
"Xander listen to me. I need you to help me find the others.
Xander!"
Buffy shook him trying to get a response from him and
when that wasn't working she muttered an apology under her breath and closed
her eyes before bringing her open palm down across Xander's cheek.
Thankfully that got a reaction when Xander startled and
then looked up into Buffy's face a moment before launching himself into her
swollen embrace. Buffy stumbled backwards unable to balance herself and the two
friends tumbled to the ground in a graceless heap.
"Oh god Buffy you're okay." He sobbed.
Xander repeated it like a mantra over and over.
"Xander get a hold of yourself or I'll be forced to slap
you again." Buffy half joked and was half serious. She knew Xander was
bordering on shock and hysteria from the explosion and battle but she needed
his help to try and find everyone else.
"Xander we need to find the others."
"Yea right the others."
Buffy and Xander got to their feet and they began looking
for the rest of their friends, their family, praying they would find them all
alive.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Xander looked around the debris for signs of Anya or
Cordelia who were close to him when the explosions went off. He carefully
picked through wreckage and foliage calling out to them hoping against hope
that they were safe. He desperately wanted to find every one and go home to
sleep for a month.
Pain throbbed intensely in his left shoulder as he tried
to move a large piece of siding in hopes that one of the girls had used it for
shelter. He burst into tears when he saw Cordelia's hunched form trembling
beneath it.
"Cor?" He spoke gently.
Cordelia opened her eyes and looked up into Xander's face
before bursting into tears herself. She was broken and bleeding and grungy as
all hell but she was alive. Xander extended his hand out to her and helped her
out of her hiding spot and it didn't phase him one bit that when they stood
facing one another she ended up in his arms sobbing desperately into his
shoulder.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Buffy headed back to where she had left Willow, Tara, Oz,
Giles and Spike. She could see bodies on the ground and she made her way over
to them as fast as her injuries would allow. When she got close enough she only
saw four bodies on the ground. Spike was missing.
The first person she got to was Giles. She knelt down
beside him and placed her fingers against the pulse point in his neck and
released the breath she'd been holding when she determined that he was indeed
still alive. His heartbeat was strong and he was breathing on his own. It would
appear that he had just been knocked out. Buffy should have expected to find
him like that since every battle seemed to at some point render the poor man
unconscious.
Buffy gently roused him before moving on to Willow. A
brief check proved that Willow was breathing and had a strong heartbeat as
well. Buffy sighed in relief, as so far she was two for two in the 'alive'
department. She smiled when Willow's big eyes stared up at her in response to
her gentle prodding.
"Did…did we…win?" She asked quietly.
"Yeah Wills we did."
Buffy looked behind her to see that Giles was up and he
had gone over to check Oz so that left her to check Tara.
Tara had been thrown further away from the group and
Buffy glanced back only to see Willow clutching to Oz and Giles watching her
concern etched into his face and then something else, something she couldn't
read.
She stepped closer to her and that's when she knew. It
took everything in her not to scream or vomit from the unnatural angle of Tara's
neck or the congealing puddle of blood that surrounded Tara's head like a
morbid halo. Buffy didn't have to check for a pulse to know that Tara's heart
had stopped beating. Buffy could see death in the cold unseeing glare of her
vacant eyes. She didn't have to check to see if Tara was breathing. The
sickening bluish purple tinge to Tara's skin was enough to tell her otherwise
but still Buffy leaned down beside her. She took a deep breath and willed her
voice to be even as she called out to Giles.
"Giles can you come here a moment."
Giles didn't question it. He didn't ask what was wrong.
He didn't do anything but walk solemnly to where Buffy was crouched over Tara's
still form. He knew, somehow he just knew that Tara was dead.
"It looks like her neck broke on impact and her skull
cracked open from the rock that's beneath her." He observed quietly.
"What are we going to tell Willow?"
The full reality of the situation sunk in and Buffy
started to loose it.
"Oh God Giles I can't do it. I can't tell Willow. I can't
destroy my best friend like that. I can't I can't I …"
Giles looked down at Buffy. Tears poured down her cheeks
and the fear in her eyes at the idea of having to tell her friend that her
lover was dead. She couldn't imagine it.
"I'll tell her Buffy."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Xander and Cordelia kept looking through the wreckage.
They still needed to find Anya, Dawn and Wesley. It wasn't long before they
heard someone whimpering just ahead of them. They found Anya lying with a piece
of twisted steel protruding from her side.
"Oh God Ahn." Xander cried.
Cordy and Xander helped Anya to her feet and started to
walk towards where he had last seen Buffy when they heard something moving in
the bushes behind them. Cordelia supported Anya while Xander went to
investigate. He grabbed a hold of a shard of broken wood and crept towards the
noise.
The noise was emanating from a pile of rubble and siding
and Xander approached it quietly. He looked back at the girls a moment before
slowly reaching out to move the piece of siding away. As his fingers touched
the still warm material it suddenly burst away from where it lay only seconds
before and something jumped up from beneath it.
"Ahhhh!" Screamed Xander.
"Ahhhh!" Screamed his attacker.
Xander had raised his makeshift stake and was ready to
plunge it into the beast when he realized his beast was none other than Wesley.
He dropped his arm down and glared at the Brit.
"Damn it Wesley you could have been staked." Xander
yelled.
"Oh right like I'm supposed to know that you're not some
evil demon wanting to eat me." Wesley yelled back.
The two of them stood glaring at one another until Dawn
popped up beside Wesley scarring both Xander and Wesley all over again.
"AHHHHHHH …DAWN DON'T DO THAT!" Both Xander and Wesley
screeched simultaneously.
"God you scream like a bunch of little girls." Dawn
chastised and then climbed down to where Cordelia and Anya stood waiting.
After a few moments of Xander and Wesley's male posturing
the girls gave up and started to head towards the others. Seeing that they were
being left behind Xander and Wesley quickly ran after them.
"Wait for us."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Giles walked back towards Willow and she looked up
expectantly at him. Tara hadn't gotten up yet, in fact she hadn't really moved.
Buffy was too far away for her to try and read her face but there was something
about the way she was sitting with her. Willow brought her gaze back up to
Giles who was now crouching in front of her.
"What's wrong with Tara?"
"Willow Tara was thrown quite a distance…"
"Giles how bad is it?"
"The distance she traveled combined with the force of the
explos…"
"GILES?"
Giles removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his
nose a minute before looking Willow in the eye.
"I'm afraid that Tara didn't survive. Her neck is broken
and it would appear that the back of her skull was cut open on a rock. She lost
a lot of blood."
Willow's eyes filled with tears and her face scrunched up
with disbelief. She was just vibrating.
"No she…she can't…NO not my Tara."
Willow bolted to her feet and ran over to where Buffy
still sat beside Tara's lifeless form. Willow dropped to her knees and reached
out for Tara's hand. It was only a moment before she completely dissolved into
tears Buffy sobbing beside her repeating I'm sorry over and over. Willow
couldn't be sure if she was apologizing to her or Tara.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Giles and Oz sat silent while the two girls grieved for
their friend. It wasn't long though before they saw the rest of the crew
straggling in their direction. The two men got to their feet and helped Xander
and Wesley bring Anya, Dawn and Cordelia to the van.
Once they had the girls fastened in they went back to
where Buffy and Willow still sat. Giles and Wesley stood to the side While
Xander leaned down to help Buffy up.
"Come on Buffy we have to get home now."
"But Tara we can't leave Tara." Buffy sobbed.
"We won't leave Tara alone I promise."
Buffy allowed Xander to help her to her feet and guide
her to the car. She saw Anya, Dawn and Cordelia inside and she near flew into
Dawn's arms sobbing.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Willow was hovering over Tara's body, tears still freely
flowing down her swollen cheeks. Oz kneeled down beside her and took her hand into
his own causing her to look up at him.
"Willow we have to go now."
"No I can't leave her. She'll be all alone and frightened
without me."
"Willow we aren't going to leave her."
"Yes you will. You'll leave her out here for the demons
to have their way. You never liked her. You're probably happy she's gone."
Willow raged
"Willow I am not going to leave you or Tara out here.
Giles and Wesley are going to bring her. We can walk right beside them with her
if that makes you happy."
Willow looked into Oz's face and nodded letting go of
Tara's hand and allowing Oz pull her to her feet. She watched as Giles and
Wesley lifted her from the ground and began to carry to the van. Willow got
inside and with Oz and they helped to guide Tara's body inside, both Buffy and
Willow cradling the girls broken and still bleeding head.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The group headed to the hospital to have the various
injuries addressed and Tara was pronounced dead and sent to the morgue. Willow
and Anya were kept overnight and the rest of them were bandaged up and sent on
their way.
Xander and Oz chose to stay with Willow and Anya and
Giles drove the rest of them to the mansion. Giles had agreed to keep Dawn with
him overnight to allow Buffy time to deal with the gravity of the day's events.
Wesley and Cordelia made their way into the mansion
first, Buffy slowly trudging up the walk behind them. She hadn't even made it
to the front door when Cordelia came out saying Angel wasn't there. Buffy paled
slightly and then turned and ran for Spike's crypt.
It hadn't dawned on her in all the confusion and grief
that neither Spike nor Angel had been accounted for. It was assumed by all that
come the first rays of sunlight over the horizon the two vampires would seek
shelter.
Buffy ran thru the cemetery gates and vaulted over
tombstones before crashing through the front entrance of Spike's lair.
"Angel? Angel?"
Buffy searched the room frantically.
"Bloody hell Slayer. Don't you knock?" Spike fairly
snarled.
Buffy stopped and looked at Spike…well actually she more
like looked blankly in his general direction. Spike saw the tell tail tracks of
the tears that she had already cried and the glistening pools of tears yet to
come. Fear and grief radiated off of her like too much perfume.
"Buffy what is it?" Spike asked warily.
Buffy didn't answer but her legs couldn't bear the strain
of holding her upright and she began to tumble to the floor. She would have
landed in a heap if it weren't for Spike's preternatural speed. He gingerly
lowered her to the floor and pleaded with her to tell him what had happened.
"Buffy what's going on? What happened?"
"I can't find him. I can't loose him. I can't bear to
loose him too."
"What do you mean him too? Buffy talk to me damn it?"
Spike gave Buffy a good shake and she looked up into his
eyes. The first tears slipped over her cheeks as she spoke.
"Oh god Spike she was dead. Tara was dead, there was so
much blood and now I can't find him. I can't find Angel. I can't loose him. I
won't survive it."
"We'll find him luv. I promise we will." Spike soothed as
he pulled Buffy into his embrace.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
When Buffy finally got it together she and Spike headed
back out to the site of the battle and began to sift the rubble looking for
Angel.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
(After the explosion)
Angel raised his hand to his head. It felt like the
explosion had gone off between his ears the ways his head was ringing and
pounding. He looked around and assumed that because of the destruction that
they had been victorious. He could feel the dawn coming in his blood. He pulled
himself out of the wreckage and began running across the field looking for
shelter from the coming sun when a ripping pain consumed him.
He cried out in agony as he felt his muscles contract and
then atrophy as he careened into the ground. He writhed in agony and almost
completely forgot about the sun steadily rising in the sky to the east of him.
He tried to pull himself away from the clearing. He summoned every last ounce
of strength within him and managed to get only a few feet before he was struck
with the pain again.
"BUFFY!!!"
Angel agonized cry echoed through the empty sky receiving
no answer before Angel's world went black beneath the blazing early morning
sun.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Buffy continued her search for her beloved knowing until
she found him she wouldn't rest. She couldn't imagine getting this far only to
loose him now.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I can't imagine, any greater fear
Then waking up, without you here,
And though the sun, will still shine on,
My whole world, would all be gone,
But not for long,
If I had to run, if I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers,
Just to climb a thousand walls,
Always know that I will find a way, to get to where you are,
There's no place that far
It wouldn't matter why we're apart,
Lonely minds or two stubborn hearts
Nothing short of God above
Could turn me away from your love
I need you that much
If I had to run, if I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers,
Just to climb a thousand walls,
Always know that I will find a way, to get to where you are,
There's no place that far
If I had to run, if I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers,
Just to climb a thousand walls,
Always know that I will find a way, to get to where you are,
There's no place that far
Baby there's no place that far
*by Sara Evans