NOTE: The conversations that take place between Luka and his family should obviously be in Croatian. I'm going to take a wild guess though and say that most of you don't know Croatian, and since I defiantly do not know that language everything will be written in English. So, as you read try real hard to pretend that they are speaking another language that isn't actually English. -- I created Luka's family for this chapter and future chapters and they will no doubt be put to shame when in some future episode NBC decides to let us know more about Luka. :)
W h a t T h e H e a r t L e a v e s B e h i n d
B y A b i l e n e K e e g a n
~ 6 ~
- - - - - - - - -
You put pressure on me
Anyway you wanted me
I was there for you undeniably
Time over and time again
You shut me out
I thought I was your man
I kept it real with you
But you was fake with me
- - - - - - - - -
Luka was beginning to realize how predictable life truly was, at least for him. The pages kept on turning, one turmoil after another. One heartache ends just in time for another to begin. His family was finally behind him, a distant memory of a life gone horribly wrong, but behind him nonetheless. He had hoped that he'd finally be able to move on. To start a new life, someday a new family. He had hoped, with all his heart, to do that with Abby. It was clear now that was not what she wanted.
Did she love Carter? If she did then Luka knew that somehow he'd be able to forgive her. He'd even attempt to remain friends with her. After all he knew better then anybody that you can't help who you fall in love with. Yet the sting of her betrayal would always be there. A constant ache at the back of his heart. If she were in love with Carter, then she most certainly should have gone about this all in a totally different fashion. Instead of cheating on him she could have simply explained her predicament. He certainly would have understood any explanation more then he understood this, her sudden betrayal of his love and his trust.
He'd always been there for her. Maybe not at first, but recently he had always been there ready to support her and comfort her in any way she needed. At first though he had had so many monsters of his own that desperately needed to be taken care of. He hadn't paid her much attention and maybe that fact would always remain to haunt him. She'd learned to go to Carter in those times and now it was like she just couldn't go to him. She continued to shut him out on every level emotional.
She had told him that she loved him. He'd almost missed it as he walked off of the roof that day but she'd said the words and he had heard them clearly. If she had been truthful, if she truly loved him, then why would she have slept with Carter? It just didn't make sense to Luka. He couldn't understand it. It was confusing to the point that he almost wished she'd never said those three words to him. Things would make a lot more sense if she hadn't. His justification of her being in love with Carter just didn't add up in light to the fact that she'd claimed to love him.
Was this love? Were they in love? Luka just didn't know anymore.
Luka felt the atmosphere around him change and recognized the feeling immediately. He looked over and watched as a dark haired woman sat down on the bench beside him. He smiled at her and she smiled back. He had known, ever since his arrival in Croatia two weeks ago, that this moment would eventually come. Still, he hadn't managed to come up with an explanation for anything.
"So, who was she?" Luka looked back out over the ocean before him. A peaceful view and much more beautiful then the polluted lake he was used to seeing back in Chicago.
"Doesn't matter, it's over. I'm over her." Luka knew that his sister-in-law would not believe this lie. Still he decided to try it anyhow, hoping perhaps she'd at least drop the subject. She did not.
"If that were true then you wouldn't be as miserable as you've obviously been these past few weeks. In fact, I have a feeling, you wouldn't even be in Croatia at all." Luka stayed silent. Neither confirming nor denying anything.
"Look Luka, you show up here unannounced claiming just to have come as a visit but you've barley been spending time with anyone. And when you do it's like you're not really there but off in space somewhere. I think it's time you talk to somebody about why you're really here."
"Valerija, it's... complicated." He knew that wouldn't work either.
"So tell me anyways. We've always been good friends Luka, you can tell me anything." And that was true. Before he'd met Danijela and before his brother had been introduced to Valerija he'd been dating her. A romance that would end quickly leaving them as good friends and eventually in-laws.
"Her name's Abby."
"She's American?"
"Yeah," Luka half-laughed. "You don't meet very many Croatian woman in America."
"Do you love her?" Valerija asked him softly.
"More then I thought possible."
"Did she dump you?" She questioned.
"Not really." He answered.
"Then why aren't you with her?" Luka looked over at Valerija and found that he really did want to share this with somebody.
"She cheated on me." He watched understanding quickly enter Valerija's eyes and then turned back to the ocean, not wanting to see her next emotion. Pity.
"I'm sorry Luka. I had no idea." Her voice had softened, taking on a sympathetic tone.
"You know it's not even about the sex. If it were then it wouldn't hurt this much. But she went to him for comfort. She always goes to him for comfort. Never me, just him. I just don't understand that. Why can't she turn to me? Have I been that terrible to her?" Luka didn't know why he was suddenly being so open but he just didn't want to hold it back anymore. He needed to get these feeling out of him or he feared they'd totally consume him.
"I take it you know this man that she had the affair with?" Valerija asked.
"Yeah, I know him. Had a little run in with him at the hospital right after she told me about... I hit him and got suspended for three weeks."
"So that's why you're really here."
"Yep, turns out you're not allowed to beat up co-workers no matter the situation." He smiled at her softly, though he didn't feel at all cheerful.
"Does she love him?" There was that question again. The one he desperately wanted an answer for.
"I really don't know."
"But you love her." It wasn't a question just a confirmation of his earlier statement. Still Luka nodded his head. "Then go back to Chicago and find her. Tell her you love her and try and work things out. If it's making you this unhappy then you've got to try and do something about it. You can't just ignore it. Who knows maybe she's feeling just as miserable as you are."
"I doubt that." Luka answered scornfully.
"But maybe she is. Maybe she cheated on you because..." As Valerija's voice trailed Luka looked at her sarcastically waiting for her explanation of why Abby would possibly cheat on him. "I'm sure she had her reasons Luka, wrong as they may be, I'm sure they're there. And if she does love you then she's probably feeling very scared right now. Scared that she's destroyed her whole world." Luka stood up and walked closer to the water.
"Well whatever part I had to do in that world she has destroyed. I'm not going back there. I'm can't forgive her. She just hurt me too much this time."
"Well you'll have to go back in a week right. I mean you start work again in one week and then you'll have to see her eventually." Luka turned around and faced Valerija. The look on his face told her everything.
"You are going back aren't you Luka?"
"I don't know."
- - - - - - - - -
As I close my eyes
I start thinking things
Is this love real love
And all that it brings
When I close my eyes
Only you I see
With another man
This is killing me
- - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
End of Chapter 5
Author's Note: Please, if you are still reading this series then let me know. If you are then I promise I'll try and get more chapters up and, hopefully, more quickly.
Important: I need reviews! :( If I don't get them then I don't have as much ambition to continue writing. So, please review.
Disclaimer: The above was a story of fiction based on characters created and owned by Michael Crichton, NBC and Warner Bros.
Disclaimer Two: Lyrics are from the song "Only When Ur Lonely" by Ginuwine. The entire song is not used above, obviously.
W h a t T h e H e a r t L e a v e s B e h i n d
B y A b i l e n e K e e g a n
~ 6 ~
- - - - - - - - -
You put pressure on me
Anyway you wanted me
I was there for you undeniably
Time over and time again
You shut me out
I thought I was your man
I kept it real with you
But you was fake with me
- - - - - - - - -
Luka was beginning to realize how predictable life truly was, at least for him. The pages kept on turning, one turmoil after another. One heartache ends just in time for another to begin. His family was finally behind him, a distant memory of a life gone horribly wrong, but behind him nonetheless. He had hoped that he'd finally be able to move on. To start a new life, someday a new family. He had hoped, with all his heart, to do that with Abby. It was clear now that was not what she wanted.
Did she love Carter? If she did then Luka knew that somehow he'd be able to forgive her. He'd even attempt to remain friends with her. After all he knew better then anybody that you can't help who you fall in love with. Yet the sting of her betrayal would always be there. A constant ache at the back of his heart. If she were in love with Carter, then she most certainly should have gone about this all in a totally different fashion. Instead of cheating on him she could have simply explained her predicament. He certainly would have understood any explanation more then he understood this, her sudden betrayal of his love and his trust.
He'd always been there for her. Maybe not at first, but recently he had always been there ready to support her and comfort her in any way she needed. At first though he had had so many monsters of his own that desperately needed to be taken care of. He hadn't paid her much attention and maybe that fact would always remain to haunt him. She'd learned to go to Carter in those times and now it was like she just couldn't go to him. She continued to shut him out on every level emotional.
She had told him that she loved him. He'd almost missed it as he walked off of the roof that day but she'd said the words and he had heard them clearly. If she had been truthful, if she truly loved him, then why would she have slept with Carter? It just didn't make sense to Luka. He couldn't understand it. It was confusing to the point that he almost wished she'd never said those three words to him. Things would make a lot more sense if she hadn't. His justification of her being in love with Carter just didn't add up in light to the fact that she'd claimed to love him.
Was this love? Were they in love? Luka just didn't know anymore.
Luka felt the atmosphere around him change and recognized the feeling immediately. He looked over and watched as a dark haired woman sat down on the bench beside him. He smiled at her and she smiled back. He had known, ever since his arrival in Croatia two weeks ago, that this moment would eventually come. Still, he hadn't managed to come up with an explanation for anything.
"So, who was she?" Luka looked back out over the ocean before him. A peaceful view and much more beautiful then the polluted lake he was used to seeing back in Chicago.
"Doesn't matter, it's over. I'm over her." Luka knew that his sister-in-law would not believe this lie. Still he decided to try it anyhow, hoping perhaps she'd at least drop the subject. She did not.
"If that were true then you wouldn't be as miserable as you've obviously been these past few weeks. In fact, I have a feeling, you wouldn't even be in Croatia at all." Luka stayed silent. Neither confirming nor denying anything.
"Look Luka, you show up here unannounced claiming just to have come as a visit but you've barley been spending time with anyone. And when you do it's like you're not really there but off in space somewhere. I think it's time you talk to somebody about why you're really here."
"Valerija, it's... complicated." He knew that wouldn't work either.
"So tell me anyways. We've always been good friends Luka, you can tell me anything." And that was true. Before he'd met Danijela and before his brother had been introduced to Valerija he'd been dating her. A romance that would end quickly leaving them as good friends and eventually in-laws.
"Her name's Abby."
"She's American?"
"Yeah," Luka half-laughed. "You don't meet very many Croatian woman in America."
"Do you love her?" Valerija asked him softly.
"More then I thought possible."
"Did she dump you?" She questioned.
"Not really." He answered.
"Then why aren't you with her?" Luka looked over at Valerija and found that he really did want to share this with somebody.
"She cheated on me." He watched understanding quickly enter Valerija's eyes and then turned back to the ocean, not wanting to see her next emotion. Pity.
"I'm sorry Luka. I had no idea." Her voice had softened, taking on a sympathetic tone.
"You know it's not even about the sex. If it were then it wouldn't hurt this much. But she went to him for comfort. She always goes to him for comfort. Never me, just him. I just don't understand that. Why can't she turn to me? Have I been that terrible to her?" Luka didn't know why he was suddenly being so open but he just didn't want to hold it back anymore. He needed to get these feeling out of him or he feared they'd totally consume him.
"I take it you know this man that she had the affair with?" Valerija asked.
"Yeah, I know him. Had a little run in with him at the hospital right after she told me about... I hit him and got suspended for three weeks."
"So that's why you're really here."
"Yep, turns out you're not allowed to beat up co-workers no matter the situation." He smiled at her softly, though he didn't feel at all cheerful.
"Does she love him?" There was that question again. The one he desperately wanted an answer for.
"I really don't know."
"But you love her." It wasn't a question just a confirmation of his earlier statement. Still Luka nodded his head. "Then go back to Chicago and find her. Tell her you love her and try and work things out. If it's making you this unhappy then you've got to try and do something about it. You can't just ignore it. Who knows maybe she's feeling just as miserable as you are."
"I doubt that." Luka answered scornfully.
"But maybe she is. Maybe she cheated on you because..." As Valerija's voice trailed Luka looked at her sarcastically waiting for her explanation of why Abby would possibly cheat on him. "I'm sure she had her reasons Luka, wrong as they may be, I'm sure they're there. And if she does love you then she's probably feeling very scared right now. Scared that she's destroyed her whole world." Luka stood up and walked closer to the water.
"Well whatever part I had to do in that world she has destroyed. I'm not going back there. I'm can't forgive her. She just hurt me too much this time."
"Well you'll have to go back in a week right. I mean you start work again in one week and then you'll have to see her eventually." Luka turned around and faced Valerija. The look on his face told her everything.
"You are going back aren't you Luka?"
"I don't know."
- - - - - - - - -
As I close my eyes
I start thinking things
Is this love real love
And all that it brings
When I close my eyes
Only you I see
With another man
This is killing me
- - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
End of Chapter 5
Author's Note: Please, if you are still reading this series then let me know. If you are then I promise I'll try and get more chapters up and, hopefully, more quickly.
Important: I need reviews! :( If I don't get them then I don't have as much ambition to continue writing. So, please review.
Disclaimer: The above was a story of fiction based on characters created and owned by Michael Crichton, NBC and Warner Bros.
Disclaimer Two: Lyrics are from the song "Only When Ur Lonely" by Ginuwine. The entire song is not used above, obviously.