Matt and the others emerged from the theatre to see Tai standing next to the Jingle-B-Gone once more, the helmet fitted securely on his noggin. Izzy was crouching beside the device, making some last-minute adjustments, while Kari, Sora, and Agumon peered worriedly up at Tai.
"Think it'll work?" Biyomon asked, blinking at Izzy.
"It should," the boy genius replied, sitting back and wiping his brow. He glanced up at the three theatre-escapees. "You're just in time, guys! I've made some modifications to the machine, so as soon as I hit the switch, Tai ought to be back to normal."
Mimi started forward eagerly, but Joe placed a restraining hand on her shoulder. "Stay, Mimi."
"Awwww..." Mimi pouted.
Izzy's hand hovered over the switch; Sora smiled at him encouragingly as the other children gave him expectant looks. Taking a deep breath, the boy flipped the device on, once more filling the room with smoke and flashing lights.
When the smoke cleared, Tai was still rooted to the spot, his face blank and expressionless.
"It didn't work!" Kari cried in despair. She flung herself at Tai and threw her arms about his waist. "Now I'm stuck forever with a cheese-loving vegetable for a brother!"
At the sudden contact, Tai blinked. He glanced down at Kari and then at his disappointed-looking teammates. "Geez, you guys, why the long faces? The fanfic isn't that bad, is it?"
"Tai! You're okay!" Sora cried gleefully, as the brown-haired boy pried the helmet off of his hair.
"Sure am. And this thing works great, too! You oughta get a patent or something!" Tai added to Izzy. The younger boy only blinked bemusedly as he took the helmet from Tai's hands.
Matt, meanwhile, turned to Gabumon. "Look, this is turning out to be even more dangerous than I thought. Myotismon might keep forcing us into these stupid invention exchanges until one of us winds up dead or something. You guys have got to find a way out of here."
Gabumon furrowed his brow. "But shouldn't we stay here to protect you?"
"Matt's got a point," Sora agreed. "I think we'll be okay for now, and Myotismon might get suspicious if we all just up and disappear. We trust you guys to find an escape route. Especially since you've got Gatomon to help you. She used to work for him, after all; she ought to know her way around."
"Right," the feline agreed with a nod. "Once we get out of this room, finding a tunnel out of the castle should be no problem."
"Of course, that just leaves the first part," Tentomon said dryly. "How *do* we get out of this room, anyway?"
"We came in over here..." Palmon wandered over to the wall from whence she and the other digimon had entered the main room, running her claw-hand-feeler-things over it experimentally. "I can't feel a door, though."
"Then maybe we'll have to make our own!" said Agumon excitedly. "C'mon, guys! Pepper Breath!"
"Super Shocker!" Tentomon added his attack.
"Blue Blaster!" Gabumon threw in his two cents' worth.
"Marching Fishes!" Gomamon tried, even though his attack, as usual, simply wasn't much good in this particular situation.
Flying fish notwithstanding, the combined attacks made a sizable hole in the stone wall amidst a terrific thundering noise and big puff of dust, revealing a dark and musty tunnel. The kids and digimon peered into it uncertainly.
Abruptly, the overhead screen crackled to life, causing the group entire to jump in fright. Myotismon leered at the apparently empty room, clearly wondering where his prisoners had got to.
"Go!" Tai commanded the digimon in a whisper. "We'll distract him!"
The eight children rushed in front of the screen, trying to look innocent, while their digital companions climbed carefully through the hole into the shadowy passage.
"What in the name of Apoclymon is going on in here?" Myotismon snarled.
Shrugs and wide-eyed stares met his question.
"What was that ruckus?" he demanded.
"What ruckus?" Tai asked, trying to sound casual.
Myotismon scowled. "I was in my chambers and I heard a ruckus!"
Joe raised a hand tentatively. "Could you describe the ruckus, sir?"
Myotismon pointed a sharp-nailed finger at him. "Watch your tongue, young man, just you watch it."
To the group's right, just out of sight of the viewscreen, Agumon stumbled climbing into the hole, landing with a *thud* on the floor of the tunnel and jostling Patamon, who squealed in protest. It would have been impossible for Myotismon to not have heard the commotion.
Thinking fast, Tai sought to distract the bloodsucking fiend with the first thing that popped into his mind: he feigned coughing. Loudly. Soon the other children had picked up on his ploy and added their hacking and wheezing to the cacophony.
"Was that the noise you heard, sir?" Sora asked the scowling and suspicious vampire. Beyond her, the eight digimon had righted themselves and disappeared down the tunnel, out of sight of the kids and Myotismon.
"No. No, it was not." Myotismon narrowed his already squinty eyes at them. "Now I may not have caught you in the act this time, but I will, eventually." Mimi giggled nervously. Myotismon shot her a penetrating gaze. "You can bet on that, missy!"
He regarded the group once more with barely-contained fury and thundered, "I will not be made a fool of!"
With that, he turned on his heel and stalked off to some other part of the castle, allowing the Digi-Destined to see that the eternally-dignified vampire had somehow tucked his cape into the back of his pants.
The group burst out in relieved laughter, glad that their friends had gotten away unnoticed. No sooner had they regained their composure and begun to wonder what would happen next than Myotismon had swooped back into view, grinning evilly.
"Oh, I almost forgot. BEHOLD MY POWER!" He pressed The Button with fiendish glee, and chaos reigned in the main room once more.
"Oh man, we got FANFIC SIIIIIIIGN!" yelped Joe, running after the others into the theatre.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(The kids file in and take their seats.)
Sora: Hey, Tai, you sure you're up to this?
Tai: Absolutely. Give me everything you've got, fanfic! I stand fearless before you!
Mimi: Actually, you're sitting.
Kari: True, sitting fearlessly doesn't sound quite as imposing.
Tai: Nuts.
Digimon: The Tsunonrimon Saga-Part Five: Heart of Crystal
Sora: Liver of Quartz.
Izzy: Amygdala of Ruby.
Matt: Spleen of Cubic Zirconium.
Chapter One
Tsunonrimon pointed a long slender finger at the Digidestined. "Attack!" she commanded.
Tai: (turns and shoulder-punches Joe)
Joe: Ow! Hey!
Tai: Well, she said to attack; she never specified who.
Her henchmen leapt into action. Leprechaunmon turned towards Sora and Garudamon. He smirked. "Charmer!"
TK: Charmander?
Sora: Silence!
The short Digimon raised his hands, and a beam of light washed over the two. Leprechaunmon jerked his hands upwards, and Sora and Garudamon hit the ceiling hard.
Matt: (Irish accent) That's fer tryin' to steal me Lucky Charms!
Then, he proceeded to smash the duo around from wall to wall. When he, finally, released them, they were bruised and battered. "Charming, isn't it?"
Tai: Well, sure, if you like to play rough.
Sora: Ick.
He didn't have time to do anything else, though, before Lillymon blasted him into the wall with a Flower Cannon attack. The leprechaun fell to the ground.
Matt: (Irish accent) Oh, fait' n' begorrah!
Mimi: What's that mean?
Matt: Beats me.
Matt dove to the ground as Goblinmon's axe sliced right through the spot where his head had been a moment ago. He brought his legs around in a sweep kick, tripping the monster. However, the Ultimate-stage Digimon climbed right back to his feet again.
TK: Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down!
WarGreymon swiped at Tsunonrimon, but the Dark Queen was too agile for him. Again and again, she evaded his attacks. This was getting to be a nuisance.
Kari: (WarGreymon, pointing) "Look! Elvis!"
Sora: (Tsunonrimon) "Where? Where?"
Kari: *KABOOM*
WarGreymon raised his hands high over his head. "Mega Claw! He started to spin faster and faster until he was a rotating column of energy.
Matt: Whoa, wait, how come he's describing his actions to Tsunonrimon?
Joe: Step-by-step instructions on one's doom. That's a neat concept.
He sped towards the spot where Tsunonrimon was watching him with something in between mild interest and contempt
Izzy: Mild Interest, Vermont and Contempt, Iowa.
-but she wasn't there! As he came out of the spin, he was knocked forwards by her Black Magic attack.
Tsunonrimon aimed a kick at the larger, steel-plated WarGreymon, and connected, making a refreshing 'thump' sound.
Sora: The sound effect that refreshes.
All: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
The Mega-Digimon was thrown back across the room and crashed through the wall, leaving a vaguely human-shaped hole. She smiled. This was too easy. Why was she worrying about these Digidestined at all?
Tai: Because we've been beating every other show in our time slot in the nine-to-twelve age group?
(Without warning, a huge chunk of rock crashes to the floor near the kids. Everyone jumps in alarm.)
Tai: Gah! What was that?
Joe: Part of the Fourth Wall. Watch what you say from now on, huh?
Jake dodged the razor-edged shamrock that came hurtling his way, only to have his arm nearly cut off by another. He started to run. As he was looking behind him at the pursuing Leprechaunmon, Jake didn't see that he was sprinting towards the hole made in the wall by WarGreymon. Too late did he realize this, and he tripped over the bottom edge.
Joe: ...despite his senses honed from years of living in the wild. Right.
Somehow, Jake managed to turn his body in mid-air, and he clasped onto the broken concrete with the tips of his fingers. As he scrambled to find a better hold, he looked down. They were suspended in the air, somehow.
Tai: Because in the Digiworld, Things Just...*Happen*.
If he fell, he would fall for a long time before meeting the ground in a not-too-pleasant crash.
Kari: Just think happy thoughts. That'll make it seem more pleasant.
He turned his face upward to see Leprechaunmon, his trademark sadistic grin on his face,
Joe: That smudge everyone thought was a mole? It's really one of those little "TM" things.
looking down at Jake. Leprechaunmon rested his foot on Jake's right hand, and started to apply pressure.
Sora: (Leprechaunmon) "C'mon, hand, that term paper's due first
thing tomorrow and it's worth half your grade! Start typing!"
His expression suddenly changed to one of horror. A war cry pierced the air, and WarGreymon picked the little man up with one hand. "Not so lucky, are we?"
Matt: (Leprechaunmon) "Well, I've got my lucky rabbit's...oops, where'd it go?...ah, my magic horseshoe...crud, must've left it in my other pants...golden nail blessed by the Pope...aw, *nuts*!"
The Mega brought his gleaming claw back. He swung forwards again, decapitating Tsunonrimon's henchman with a single blow. Leprechaunmon dissolved into dust.
Sora: Whoa!
Tai: When did this get from a TV-Y7 to a TV-14?
Joe: *hurp!*
WarGreymon reached down and offered his hand to Jake, who took it gladly. Seemingly with no effort at all, he pulled the Digidestined up. "Be more careful next time," the Mega admonished. "I might not be able to protect you."
Tai: (WarGreymon, muttering) "Dork."
Chapter Two
With MegaKabuterimon out of the way, Cerebrusmon turned to the pair of Digidestined in front of him-Kari and Tai. Licking his lips, the Digimon proceeded to them slowly.
Sora: Hey, I heard that at some companies, if you look at a woman and lick your lips you can be written up for sexual harrassment.
Izzy: Apparently Cerebrusmon hasn't read the company handbook.
"Tai! Kari! Watch out!" Zudomon bellowed, causing the two to jump in surprise. The large walrus-type Digimon brought his hammer down.
Matt: - right on top of 'em.
Joe: Whoopsie.
Cerebrusmon barely managed to jump out of the way in time. "So, you want to fight, huh?
Kari: (Vitani from "Simba's Pride") Hey, Kovu, wanna fight?
Let's go!" Agilely bounding across the floor, Cerebrusmon was behind the slower Ultimate in nanoseconds. He pounced onto Zudomon's back, and climbed up to his neck.
Tai: (Zudomon) "Ahh! Ooh! Down and just a little to the left - aaaaahhhh, that feels great."
All three of Cerebrusmon's heads started to tear into Zudomon's flesh.
Tai: Yow! Maybe not.
Helplessly, Zudomon thrashed about. No matter what he did, however, he couldn't seem to dislodge Cerebrusmon. "Wrath of Hades!" Cerebrusmon's attack appeared around him, and the pressure on the back of his neck was gone suddenly. But before Zudomon could do anything, the fire was upon him.
Matt: 'Cause he'd died and gone straight to you-know-where.
Tai: That's what he gets for having impure thoughts about Lynn-Minmei!
"Zudomon!" shouted Joe. An axe flashed in front of him. "Eep!" Joe squeaked, as Goblinmon leapt into view.
Izzy: Speaking of which, I've been meaning to spend my EP's on more Finance Influences.
Joe: Nah, go with out-of-clan Disciplines. Influences are disappearing left and right these days.
Tai: (muttering) Gamers.
"Axe Smash!"
Matt: Goblinmon *is* the Incredible Hulk.
Goblinmon leapt into the air, his axe raised high above his head. He brought it down, and it sliced deep into Joe's arm.
Sora: Wouldn't it slice his arm *off*, the axe being so big and all?
Joe: Gah.
Blood spurted out from the gaping wound, and Joe fell to his knees, clutching his arm in pain.
Matt: (Mortal Kombat-esque) Finish him!
A pink blur smashed into Goblinmon, preventing him from delivering the final blow to Joe. "You big meanie!" shouted Mimi as she repeatedly slapped Goblinmon in the face.
Tai: (Mimi) "Fresh!"
Izzy: How's she expect to do any damage to an Ultimate-stage digimon?
Mimi: (smugly) Girl power.
"Don't you ever hurt my Joe again! Do you hear me? Never, ever, ever, touch him!" Joe's face turned a shade of red almost as bright as the blood gushing from his arm.
Mimi: Tee-hee! Joe's cute when he's all wounded and blushy.
Matt: Oooooooooh! Now *Joe's* got a honey!
Joe: Oh, come on, like this is the *slightest* bit indicative of what goes on in our real lives!
Tai: Not so funny when you're on the receiving end, is it?
"Here." Mimi got up from the dazed Goblinmon and tore a shred from the sleeve of her dress. She tied it tightly around Joe's shoulder, halting the blood flow. "This should hold for a while." She was blushing too, Joe noted.
Tai: And what *else* did Joe notice about lovely Mimi? Hmmmmmmmm??
Joe: All right, that's it!
(He leaps from his chair and tackles Tai to the floor. Again, various pummeling noises can be heard, interspersed with sounds of pain. Finally, Tai climbs unscathed back into his seat.)
Tai: Joe, buddy, you gotta learn when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.
Joe: (raggedly, as he gets back into his chair) I *let* you win.
Mimi: Aww, were you boys fighting over me? That's so...I dunno, brutish and stuff.
Joe: My kidneys hurt.
Lillymon dodged Cerebrusmon's slash by inches.
Matt: She was *this* close to being written into a yuri with Angewomon.
Tai: Saaaaaaaayyy...
This Digimon was becoming a real annoyance.
TK: Quick, smack him on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper!
Kari: Which nose? He's got three, remember.
He had taken out two of their number already. He had to be stopped.
Sora: The next day, Tsunonrimon received a notice from Animal Control warning her to keep her pet chained up before he did any more damage.
"Wrath of Hades!" the three-headed Digimon dog growled.
"Not this time!" Lillymon responded, the petal she held in her hands blossoming to reveal a gun barrel. "Flower Cannon!" the blast caught Cerebrusmon dead on,
Mimi: - beheading him.
Sora: Whoa! When did you become so grim?
knocking him backwards. Backward through the gaping hole in the wall WarGreymon had caused earlier. Yelping, Cerebrusmon fell to his doom.
Izzy: - and then to his Quake, and his Diablo, and his Duke Nukem, and all his other ultra-gory first-person shooters.
Dragomon formed a beam of energy. "Hurricane Beam!" the blast picked Tsunonrimon up and tossed her into the air, but she merely shook her head
Tai: *bbbbbblllbbbllbbbllbblllbbbbll*
and was back in the fight.
"Black Magic!" The ball of energy met another one of Dragomon's Hurricane Beams.
Kari: They just seemed to "click", so they went out to a movie the next Friday night and decided to take it from there.
The beam was halted in midair, and the ball sent jolts of energy through it back into Dragomon, who cried in pain and collapsed weakly.
Matt: As opposed to collapsing powerfully?
MetalGarurumon, WarGreymon, Lillymon, Angemon,
Izzy: Chief...
Joe: McCloud...
and Angewomon stood in front of Tsunonrimon and Goblinmon. "It's over." Angemon shouted in his reverberating voice. "No longer shall you reign over this section of the Digital World."
Sora: (Angemon) "You shall be exiled to lower New Jersey!"
Tsunonrimon looked at him like he was crazy.
Tai: (Tsunonrimon) "How the heck do you see through that helmet-thing?"
"Oh, please." She waved the comment away. "You cannot defeat me. I am the Dark Queen Tsunonrimon! Nothing shall ever defeat me ex..." she caught herself in time.
"Except what?" MetalGarurumon growled. "So you DO have a weakness!"
Mimi: Cherry cheesecake?
Matt: Hugh Grant movies?
Izzy: Azaleas?
"Hardly! You are annoying me, so I will just have to destroy you now.
Matt: Sometimes I wish I could just annihilate every person who annoyed me.
Sora: So Tai would've been vaporised, like, four thousand times over by this point in time.
Matt: Pretty much.
Unholy Slash!" the crescent of black energy appeared in her hands, and she swept it on a horizontal arc, knocking the five that opposed her out of the sky.
"No! Angemon!" shouted T.K., and he rushed to his fallen friend. Tsunonrimon saw this, and smirked evilly.
Sora: (Tsunonrimon) "Ooohh, I've got such a *naughty* plan in my head! Naughty, naughty, *naughty*!"
"T.K.!" Matt cried, and ran over to his brother, putting himself in between T.K. and Tsunonrimon. "If you want to get to T.K. you've got to destroy me first!"
"Oh, with pleasure!" Tsunonrimon crossed her arms. "The destruction of the Digidestined shall begin with you! Rain of Blades!"
Joe: (Matt) "D'oh! Maybe that wasn't such a good idea."
She flung her hands out again, and a shower of steel accompanied them. Matt closed his eyes and waited for the blades to hit him.
Matt: Blade the vampire hunter? That *would* hurt.
Mimi: MMmmmmm...Wesley Snipes...
"No!!!" There were many 'thwacks' in front of Matt, and someone grunted softly.
Mimi: Aww, all those thwacks took the hits for Matt! That was so brave of them!
Matt opened his eyes to see Jake standing there. There were what seemed to be hundreds of pieces of metal lodged in his body.
All: Ouch!
The largest was a full-sized sword running through his chest. Blotches of scarlet started to slowly spread from around the glittering steel.
Tai: That'll teach him to make cloudy eyes at my sister.
Chapter Three
Jake looked up at the horror-struck Digidestined, who were totally stunned by this. The boy fell to his knees, then to his side. There, he gazed at the people who had been his companions for the past week.
"I gave you a gift,"
Matt: A paisley necktie?
Sora: It's the thought that counts.
he whispered, almost too quiet to hear. "Use it.
Joe: (Jake) "Don't return it for store credit..."
Make me proud. You guys were...
Izzy: (Jake) "Kind of goofy and annoying, really."
my friends...thank...you..." then he breathed his last.
All: (silent for a beat)
Tai: (Jake) "Just kidding! Ha ha! I'm alive!"
Others: Yaaaaaahh!
As Jake rolled over onto his back, the life gone, something small and glittering fell out of his pocket. It was a crystal,
Mimi: Well, a can of Crystal Light, actually.
a quite beautiful one as well. His Digivice and Crest fell to the ground beside it.
Tsunonrimon looked at the crystal beside the empty husk that had once been human, absolute terror on her face. "The Crystal of Power!"
Joe: Anyone else think that sounds like something from "She-Ra"?
she shouted. "This cannot be!"
From where he was lying on the ground, virtually motionless, Dragomon saw these events. As the full meaning of this hit him,
Tai: *bonk*
TK: (Dragomon) "Ow!"
a tear started to trickle down his face. "No..." he whispered.
The crystal, the Digivice, and the Crest all started to clatter on the ground.
"No..." Dragomon was stunned. How could his partner be dead? This wasn't right. "Jake..."
The three objects started to move more rapidly.
TK: They were all hyped up on Mountain Dew.
"No!" Dragomon started to climb to his feet, his mind not in control anymore, so great was his grief. "NOOOOO!!! JAKE!!!!!!!"
Izzy: Looks like somebody bought exclamation points in bulk at Costco.
The crystal leapt into the air, and stayed there floating. Suddenly, a bright red beam hit it. Everyone looked to see Tai's crest shooting the light.
Tai: Kapow! Kapow!
Joe: Hold on, son, you got a license to shoot that light?
Sora: Light season ain't for three more weeks.
Kari looked down to see her own crest activate.
TK & Kari: Wonder Twin Powers, activate!
Matt's crest started to glow.
Joe, still kneeling, looked on in wonder as light spouted from his crest into the crystal.
One by one,
Tai: Ngeke ba lunge!
(Another chunk of the fourth wall plummets to the ground.)
Joe: (warningly) Tai...
Tai: Oops.
the Digidestined's crests started to activate and lend power to the crystal, which was beginning to shine with all the colors of the rainbow.
Mimi: (singing) Can you paint with all the colours of the wind...
Tsunonrimon looked at Goblinmon.
Kari: (Tsunonrimon) "This is your fault."
"Goblinmon!" she commanded "Destroy that crystal, now!"
"At once, your highness!" Goblinmon jumped into the air. "AXE SMASH!" He brought the battle-axe down, intending to slice the crystal in half,
Joe: What the heck is that axe made of, anyway, adamantium? You can't cut through a gem with an ordinary steel blade.
but he froze in midair, unable to move. The powers of the crests were strong enough to permit no evil presence to exist around them.
Matt: Wow! Guys, just think of all the stuff our Crests have been protecting us from without our even knowing. Politicians...
Kari: Teletubbies...
Sora: David Gonterman...
Goblinmon showed a look of incredible pain on his face before he vaporized into dust.
Dragomon turned to Tsunonrimon, tears spilling from his eyes. "YOU MURDERER!!!" he bellowed, and even she was struck by the rage and sorrow in his voice. "YOU KILLED JAKE!!!!"
Tai: Omygod! They killed Jake! Those -
Sora: AH-hem.
The Digivice and Crest by Jake's side shot up into the air, coming in line with the crystal. Jake's Digivice activated, shooting a beam of light into the Crest of Nobility. The light carried onward, finally striking the crystal.
TK: (crystal) "Ow! Hey! I'm tellin' Mom!"
The symbol of Jake's crest shone for a long second and then two gigantic beams of rainbow light projected from the crystal-one into the air, and one into Jake's chest.
Dragomon seemed to gather strength from the beam. "YOU WILL PAY!!" he screamed at Tsunonrimon.
Izzy: (Dragomon, still screaming) "CASH OR CREDIT?!"
Suddenly he started to change. "Dragomon digivolve to..." crystal armor plating started to encase him from the feet up, melding around his tail,
TK: (Dragomon) "I'm melding! MELLLLLLDIIIIIINNNGG!"
which also shrunk somewhat. The dragon-like form changed into a much smaller, human-shaped one, except for his tail, wings, and long, elegant, serpentine neck. The crystal glittered as it completely covered his head, and he turned around, his eyes burning brightly. "CRYSTALDRAGOMON!!!!!"
Tai: ShinyCrystalMegaSupremeBoffoUberDragomon!
Sora: "Boffo"?
Izzy shielded his eyes from the glare of the crystal armor and looked at his analyzer program. "Huh?" he asked, confused. "CrystalDragomon doesn't have an entry...oh wait, here we go,"
Izzy: Stupid internet connection was lagging.
Izzy read from the screen. "The legendary Crystal of Power was said to have the ability to give any Digimon a power boost
Tai: It's way better than anything from GNC!
-and the ancient prophecies said that it was the only thing which could defeat the future Queen of Darkness."
Joe: How conveeeeeeeeenient.
CrystalDragomon sprang into the air, his wings whistling,
All: (begin whistling "Turkey in the Straw")
and came down at Tsunonrimon. He started to shine
Matt: (singing) Shine! Make 'em wonder what ya got...
and he grabbed onto her. "Crystal Meld!" energy from her body seemed to flow into his own body, and he threw her into a wall.
"The technique Crystal Meld is said to give the Digimon who uses it access to their opponent's powers." Izzy discovered with his computer.
Izzy: - that most "Lois and Clark" fanfics start looking pretty much the same after a while.
Tsunonrimon climbed to her feet. "So, you've Digivolved to a new level. It doesn't matter! I'll still defeat you! Black Magic!" the ball of energy sped towards CrystalDragomon. He was tossed backwards, but managed to flip in midair so he landed on his feet.
TK: So dragons always land on their feet?
Kari: They don't look nearly as cute when they're playing with balls of yarn as cats do, though.
"Rain of Blades!" the sword shower hit Tsunonrimon directly, pinning her to the wall. CrystalDragomon seemed to glow with even more energy.
"Crystal Imprisonment!" he shot a beam right at Tsunonrimon, who was transformed into a small little crystal, which lay on the floor.
Mimi: Oh, how pretty. I think I'll have it made into a suncatcher.
Kari: Cats like to play with those, too.
"Is she...gone?" asked Kari, unsure of herself.
The crystal shook, and shattered, revealing Tsunonrimon once again.
All: Yaaaahh!
Kari: What *is* it with all our arch-enemies revealing themselves?!
Izzy: They really need to seek some sort of therapy.
Joe: So should we, by this point.
And she was mad. "You cannot defeat me! I am the Dark Queen Tsunonrimon! YOU SHALL DIE!"
Matt: Yeah, whatever. How many times have we heard *that*?
she started to prepare for her Havoc attack. "Darkness shall now triumph!"
A shout from behind Tsunonrimon caused everyone to look. "Not in our world, Tsunonrimon!"
Joe: Y'know, this story could've taken a really sick turn and become a Star Trek crossover or somesuch.
Others: (shudder)
She turned, and gasped. "No...I don't believe it!"
Tai: (Fabio) I cahn't believe it's not buttah!
"Believe it!" Jake was standing, his injuries nearly healed, the Crystal of Power held out in front of him like a cross to ward off vampires.
Sora: Whoa. Does Sarah Michelle Gellar know about this little trinket?
Izzy: There's a World of Darkness joke in here somewhere, I just know it...
"The Crystal has powers you can never dream about, Tsunonrimon-and that you cannot stop. Your terrorizing of the people will end now. CRYSTAL BEAM!" The legendary Crystal of Power emanated bright waves of light, shooting a beam right at Tsunonrimon, who cried with pain as the goodness in the beam hit her.
Kari: The Crystal of Power, filled with wheaty goodness. Look for it in your grocer's cereal aisle.
Jake turned to look at his partner, CrystalDragomon. "Now!" he shouted.
CrystalDragomon raised his hand over his head.
TK: (CrystalDragomon) "Teacher, may I use the bathroom?"
"Crystal..." a ball of pure crystal energy started to take place. He brought his hand down and started to spin around. "Dragon..." With every spin, the ball grew more powerful, larger. When it was about the size of a beach ball, CrystalDragomon stopped spinning.
Tai: He tossed the ball into a crowd of concertgoers, who had a great time bouncing it around amongst themselves.
He stood there, silent. Then he fell to one knee and tossed the ball. "FINALE!"
The ball, sparkling with many colors,
Matt: Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Digimon Attack.
sped towards the incapacitated Tsunonrimon. It hit her, and started to spread out along her body. Every inch of her started to turn to crystal.
Tai: Hey, isn't that what happened to Sally's father when he tried to leave the Void on that "Sonic the Hedgehog" cartoon?
Others: (stare at Tai)
Tai: (muttering) Nevermind.
The multicolored light shone too brightly for anyone to look at. She screamed, and the energy stopped expanding. Time seemed to stop as the crystal glowed brightly.
Kari: Well, of course! Time stops during any transformation sequence! It's one of the primary rules of anime!
Then everything collapsed inwards in a gigantic explosion of power.
Izzy: Uh-uh. If it collapses on itself, it's an *im*plosion.
"Huh...where am I?" Sora weakly sat up. They were back in the jungle
Tai: Which accounts for, what, half of the Digiworld?
Izzy: No, only thirty-seven percent. I counted.
where they had confronted Tsunonrimon for T.K. and Kari. Yokomon was at her side. She looked around. There were Tai and Koromon, Kari and Nyasomon,
TK: Who?
Kari: Nyaromon, I think.
Matt and Tsunomon, Izzy and Motimon, T.K. with Koromon beside him,
Sora: Huh? Two Koromon?
Matt: Well, remember when the Gazimon kidnapped Tokomon and hid him with all those other Koromon? Maybe we grabbed the wrong digimon.
Joe and Bukamon, Mimi and Tanemon...
Izzy: Chief and McCloudmon...
and there were Jake and Liquamon. Of Tsunonrimon, Sora saw nothing. As the rest of the group started to stir, Sora turned her head to the sky. The sun was coming out.
Sora: Just so long as it's not that horrible baby-face sun from Teletubbies.
THE END...(or is it?)
Joe: Well, if *you* don't know...
Epilogue
Tai: So I guess it's *not* the end.
Sora: I love it when the authors answer their own questions.
She had nothing. Her henchmen...gone. Her palace...gone. Her power...gone.
Izzy: Her crocheted lap robes...gone.
Sora: Her stash of Oreos...gone.
Matt: Her collection of Barbra Streisand records...gone.
Everything was gone. She had no hope. Wait-there was something.
Tai: Her cupboard full of pudding!
She had herself. As long as she was alive, as long as she had her spirit, they could never defeat her. Not even the mythical Crystal of Power. She would survive.
Sora: Now, see, this story has a really nice moral to it. Nothing can defeat you if you have faith in yourself. If you just call upon the goodness of your heart...
Because her hate was still here.
Sora: Oh. Scratch that.
She hated the Digidestined. And she could feed off of that hate.
Tai: But it just didn't taste as good as pudding.
Matt: Would you just shut up about the pudding?
Her father would be revenged. She would have her revenge. As long as she was still here, she WOULD have her revenge...
Tai: (singing) Re-VENGE! Re-VENGE!
Izzy: Hey...is it over?
Kari: By golly, I think it is.
All: Huzza!
(The children stand up and file out of the theatre as the Blinky Light Thingy (TM) starts to flash.)
Matt: I knew we'd get through it alive.
Joe: Nope. No doubts at all.
Mimi: Won't Myotismon be disappointed?
Sora: Huh...we should probably at least pretend to be horrified, or something.
TK: He did try awful hard to scare us.
DISCLAIMER: Does anybody read these? I kinda hope so, because sometimes I come up with something witty and thought-provoking to put in down here. Today is not one of those occasions, but you never know. Anyhoo, I don't own Digimon; if I had any sort of control over the show, I would never have let Nimpy give Apoclymon that line about "hot and cold running water." Curse you, Nimpy! Curse you!!!
Eleventy-million bonus points to whoever can name the John Hughes flick to which I was referring in the host segment. If you've never seen this movie...man, you're missing out.
To 7 of 11: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! There, that was an insult. (Not really.) The MiSTing, on the other hand, was never intended as such. 7 is an awesome writer whom I greatly respect, and I appreciate his tolerance of my silliness. Here, have an ice cream cone!
stinger
You are annoying me, so I will just have to destroy you now.
/stinger