Author: gotmilk
Category: Humor
Spoilers/Season: Ah… one of those episodes way back in season 1/2ish. Also the season 7 April Fools Day eppy.
Disclaimer: I don't own ER. Like I could afford to pay Noah Wyle that much money. I'd have his babies, sure, but he can forget the money.
Notes: The reason for this quick one was because I was remembering a very old episode of ER- probably back in season 1 or 2- and I thought about how fun this would be to try again.
You'll probably have to have seen this "joke" way back then to totally understand this …but the opportunity was too good to pass up.
UPDATED 07-29-03: I originally posted this on 09-27-01 as an insecure 15-year-old writer. I'm two years older now and well… okay, I'm still insecure. But it got 24 reviews, which isn't too shabby. Go me. Anyway, I just tweaked the story a bit, nothing else. It's still as bad or good as it was in '01.
~*~*~*~*~
Repeat Performance
Dave Malucci groaned sleepily and ran a lone hand over his face, trying to shield his eyes from a strange brightness illuminating the dim room. Opening an eyelid slightly, he felt like he was standing in a dark tunnel with a train heading right for him. He blinked owlishly at the small light coming from the foot of the bed, trying to bring it into to focus. Unable to concentrate on even this simple task, Dave tried to drift away again, muttering, "Stupid, loose trains."
Another light unexpectedly appeared by his feet and he opened his sleep filled eyelids again, looking at them. He could swear one of the trains had just giggled at him.
'Must be having some kind of Thomas the Tank Engine dream,' he thought drowsily.
Again Dave focused on the light, this time managing to make out a dark nose from under the shine. Train people? He blinked again, this time realizing two individuals were standing at the bottom of his bed, each wearing something on their heads that contained a tiny light…
"Huh… wha' goin' on?" he mumbled and heard a male voice answer back, "Nothing Malucci… just stocking up some shelves… go back to sleep."
"'Kay…" he groaned, trying vainly to roll over onto his belly. His feet felt mysteriously heavy but Dave was too tired to care…. or to argue with gravity. Now dozing on his back, he began to snore.
As soon as the man in the bed began to make more sleeping noises, John Carter removed the hand he'd placed over Abby Lockhart's mouth to keep her from laughing.
"Shhh," he whispered softly, laying their supplies down at the foot of the bed. He was being exceedingly careful not to disturb Malucci's beauty rest.
"That was close," Abby commented quietly towards her partner in crime. John just barely managed to hold in his own snort of amusement.
"If you would stop laughing maybe we'd have better chances. Where the heck is Deb anyway? She should be here by now," John whispered back, causing Abby to put a hand up to cover her own mouth again.
Without giggling she managed to mutter, "I still can't believe we're doing this… are you sure it'll work, Carter?"
"I remember all too well," he said, his face curving into a playful smile.
The door to suture room two slowly opened and a faint light surrounded a lone figure entering the room. Both Abby and Carter shined their lights towards the newcomer.
"Got it," Dr. Chen said softly, lifting the bucket she'd been carrying up and onto the equipment tray. It hit the metal with a clang and the man in the bed groaned something about, "Shining Time Station". Abby had to once again hold in her snickers.
"Are you sure about this?" Deb asked Carter, her question mirroring Abby's. John began to drip strips of cloth into the concoction presented before them, not really paying attention to her inquiry. Looking down into the bucket herself, Dr. Chen frowned. They hadn't used plaster to cast a broken bone in years. "Won't it be hard to come off, especially with his clothes on?"
"What? Using a fiberglass one wouldn't have nearly the same affect. Plus, he's only wearing scrubs," Carter added in a whisper. "I had on expensive, designer pants. He'll live."
Nearly an hour and a half later, three of Cook County's finest staff members exited the suture room, slightly splattered with white, pasty plaster. Removing their lighted adornments, each smiled as they picked gunk out of their hair.
"I've got to ask," Deb said, scraping white flakes off of her dark, navy turtleneck. "Why exactly did we do this again?"
"Because sticking his hand in warm water would be juvenile," Carter replied evenly but then smiled mischievously. "We better get going... it's almost time for the fun to begin."
~*~*~*~*~
The ER was quiet, causing everyone to feel a bit restless. Not that a little peace and quite was a bad thing. Sometimes. When things were too quite, people tended to get bored. Being apathetic in the ER typically caused trouble. Today the trouble had everyone involved.
At the admit desk a horde of staff members now milled about, waiting for the show to start. John Carter, Abby Lockhart, and Deb Chen all stood around the microphone located at the counter, holding back for the right moment.
Nearby, Halah called out to Carter, "Nothing like a repeat performance, eh Carter?"
The entire group laughed, a few of them understanding first hand what the joke meant. Many had been witness to a similar incident several years before.
Finally ready, Carter turned to Abby and asked, "Would you like to do the honors? This can be your belated April Fools joke… retribution? Payback? What do you say?"
Merely smiling, Abby grabbed the microphone and cleared her throat. Then, putting on the most professional and serious voice she could muster, the young woman screamed:
"Dr. Malucci, Dr. Malucci! We have a code blue, Dr. Malucci report to admit NOW!"
There was a moment of silence as the whole group leaned over together to look into the hall. Right on cue, the door to suture room two burst open. A blue clad figure stumbled its way out the door and towards the desk, not seeming at first notice the extra weight of a plaster cast covering his left leg. By the time he realized what was happening, Dave Malucci tripped and went sliding forward, coming to a stop right before the admit desk. For a moment he could only blinked. When Dave raised his head he found himself gazing up at twenty faces, all of which were laughing hysterically.
Malucci rolled onto his back and covered his face in embarrassment, unable to think of a quick enough come back line. After a moment he removed his hands from his red face just in time to catch a quick glimpse of a new figure walking around him, having just come through the ambulance bay doors. A pair of brown clogs came to a stop in front of his head and Dave managed to catch a quick upside down view of Dr. Mark Green.
After staring at the fallen man, the balding doctor looked towards the group around the desk. He let his eyes settle on a certain smug individual before saying, "Well… that was mean."
Leaning slightly forward over the side of the counter, Carter merely shrugged and smiled. "I learned from the best."
~*~*~*~*~
Dedicated to Dave because…. well, he's gone. :D
UPDATE: Dedicated to Mark because… well, he's gone too. :(
Okay, for any of you who are just a little confused, this was done to Carter a long time ago by Susan and Mark as a joke on a very slow, winter day. Poor Carter had to walk around all day until it dried. When it was ready though, a kindly biker with his own broken bones helped John out by getting the saw and showing the young doctor how it was done….. Bzzzzzzzzz… the scream and look on Carter's face when that man came at him was unforgettable. Good times.
I'd really like some kind of feedback if you're willing to take those thirty extra long seconds to type in a few words… If you're too busy to do that… then what the heck are you doing reading fanfiction when you should be working?! :D