(AN:
Episode 3, back by popular demand. This one may be a bit different from my
others but bare with me. I'll be writing more episodes soon!)
Cooking
With Seifer and Squall – Episode 3
A short story by: Shiva
Diva
*Opening music plays*
Welcome to Seifer and Squall's Grandeur Cooking Cuisine
Show That'll Teach You That You Can Do It Too With 76 Simple Steps!
Scene is Seifer and Squall
dressed in aprons and chef's hats, sitting on a small rowboat in a calm
peaceful lake and what seems to be very early in the morning. Both are holding
fishing poles and are at opposite ends of the boat.
Seifer: Wow hey look Squall! It's our adoring fans! *waves
to camera*
Squall: Ay yi yi. *slaps
forehead*
Seifer: How are y'all doing out there in the real world?
*pauses because he thinks millions of his 'fans' are answering*
Squall: Will you please
just SHUT UP?! For the love of GOD!
Seifer: Why, what's wrong, Squall? You're not at all chipper
this morning.
Squall: Maybe because I was
hauled out of my warm, comfy bed at 3:00 in the MORNING to come sit in a boat
on a desolate lake in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE filming this f***ing show with YOU!
Seifer: *humming* Oh, I'm sorry, were you talking?
Squall: GOD DAMMIT. *stands
up and raises his hand to smack Seifer on the head, but Seifer just bends his
head over in time and Squall loses his balance and falls into the water*
Seifer: *surprised* Squall you should have told me you
planned to go swimming! I could have brought my bathing suit and been prepared.
*pouts*
Squall: *breaks the
surface, gasping for breath* Why in the hell is this water so COLD? *splashes
around for a few minutes before submerging again*
Seifer: *waits and watches the water for about a minute,
then his face turns pale as he notices bubbles coming to the surface*
Seifer: *turns to camera* Um… commercial break?
Scene is now Squall and
Seifer sitting around a campfire with a tent in the background at night. Squall
is wrapped in a blanket and his hair is very disheveled. Seifer has his guitar
out and is strumming a very off-key version of Kum-ba-ya.
Squall: *rocks back and
forth, slowly* must… keep… body… warm…. *shivers*
Seifer: *off-key, strained voice* Kum-ba-YA my LORD,
Kum-ba-YA… Kum-ba-YA my LORD, Kum-ba-YA—
Squall: Will you just
please SHUT THE HELL UP?!?!?!
Seifer: *abruptly stops* Well, If I never… *puts guitar
aside* Hmph.
Squall: Thank God!
Seifer: … hey Squall, I thought this was supposed to be a
cooking show?
Squall: Well it WOULD HAVE
BEEN if we had caught some FISH. But now all we have is beans and applesauce.
Seifer: Oh…. Um, hey Squall, I meant to apologize to you.
Squall: What?
Seifer: Yeah… cause I know I can be a real jerk sometimes. I
guess I should be more sensitive to the fact that some people are just slower
and dumber than me.
Squall: ….right.
Seifer: No offense or anything, but I know that I am WAY
smarter than you. It's just the Almasy
genes. We finish everything we begin at the top of our class. *grins stupidly*
Squall: Haha that's a good
one.
Seifer: Oh Squall I know you're bitter. But don't worry. I'm
sure your day in the rainbow will come soon.
Squall: Whatever. Just be
quiet so I can hear myself plot about how to kill you.
Seifer: Okay! Don't have to tell me twice. *sits in silence
for 2 seconds* Hey Squall! I just had one of those things again!
Squall: …an idea?
Seifer: Yeah! I think we should make some cooking stuff out
of the beans and applesauce!
Squall: Hey that's a great
idea! And while we're at it, I'll just walk into a bear's den and shout, "EAT
ME!"
Seifer: Oh Squall you're so silly! That's why I love you.
Squall: WHAT?!?!?!?!
Seifer: Did I say that? Who? When? How?
Squall: That's it I'm GONE.
Seifer: Squally don't leave me! Ack! I know you'll just run
off into that bitch Rinoa's arms and say, "Oh I love you Rinny!" Well I scoff
at her and laugh and point because you deserve better! You deserve me!
Squall: NO! Get the f**k
away from me you freak! *runs off into the night, screaming*
Seifer: You can run but you can't hide! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*camera
turns to director, who looses his tie and perspires a bit* Um, we'd like to
remind you that the company does not endorse any of the material shown on it's
shows and takes no responsibility for the actor's actions. Heh heh…
Well well, that was
chucklesome. It differed a bit from my others but I still think it's pretty
funny. Please r+r. ^_^ Hope you enjoyed it!
