by Jeremy Gordon (squalldaman@ameritech.net)
Note: Self explanitory.
Sometime in the early 1980's....
A mother and her child in a stroller walked up to a store entitled "Quick Stop Groceries", as the mother placed the storller bearing child next to the door.
"Okay honey, just wait for a second while Mommy gets her free samples!" The mother said in baby talk to the black haired child, who just sat there looking sharply at the surroundings. "Oh, and don't forget this!" The mother said, placing a hat on the kid's head backwards. "This will help keep the sun out of your eyes!" With that, she walked inside the store.
Meanwhile, a woman in a labcoat that said "Cadmus" walked up to the Quick Stop with her child in a stroller, and left him outside next to the other one as she started to walk inside.
"Hey lady, you just gonna leave your kid out there? Anyone could take him!" a man yelled at her, as she swung around, eyes furious.
"And what the fuck are you gonna do about it fucker? I'm gonna kick your fucking ass! Don't fuck with me! I will shove my foot up your ass! Fucker!" she yelled at him, the man just turning around and leaving, waving his hand. "I swear to god...clone of Superman and shit..." And she went inside.
"Fuck." The little boy exclaimed jubilantly, the one the Cadmus field agent had left there. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"
Flash forward 21 years later...
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"
"Mother motherfuck, mother motherfuck, motherfuck motherfuck, noise noise noise. One, two, one two three four, noise noise noise, shmoking weed, shmoking whiz doing coke drinking beer, drinking beer beer beer, rollin' fatties, smokin' blunts, who smokes the blunts, we smoke the blunts, rollin' blunts, shmokin'.." 22 year old Kon-El chanted as his best friend, Tim Drake, or Silent Rob moved his head in a rhythm as he smoked a cigarette.
"Hey, lemme get a nickel bag." A 15 year old said, walking up to Kon.
"15 bucks, little man! Put that shit, in my hand! If that money doesn't show then you owe me owe me owe." Kon rapped, drawing laughter from his teenage spectators. "My jungle love! Yeah, ow ee ow ee ow, I think I wanna know ya know ya, yeah what?"
"What the hell are you singing?" One of the punk kids said, wiping his nose.
"You don't know Jungle Love?" Kon asked in disbelief, as Rob shook his head. "That shit is the MAD notes! Written by Zauriel himself and handed down to the greatest band in the world. Tha muthafuckin' Time!"
"You mean the guys in that Red Tornado movie?" The kid asked.
"Yeah, Red Wind." The other one said, as Kon nodded.
"That shit was so gay! Fuckin' Superfriends style." The kid exclaimed, laughing. Kon and Rob looked at each other with disbelief on their face. Suddenly, Kon lifted the kid up and slammed him against the wall using his TTK.
"Don't you never say another con word about the Time! Me and Silent Rob based our WHOLE FUCKIN' LIVES off Morris Day and Jerome. I'm a smoooooooth pimp who looooooves the pussy, and Batboy here's my black manservant! What! What!" Kon yelled in the kid's face.
"What did I tell you two loser superheroes about dealin' in front of the store? Now drop the kid, and peddle your wares elsewhere." 30 year Wally West said as he walked out of the RMF Video store. Kon looked at him with an expression of danger. "And for the record, the Time sucked ass!"
"Yo." Kon said in a dangerous tone. "Youse guys wanna hear something fucked up about him and that Quickstop boy?"
"Are you even supposed to be here today?"
"Oh, don't get me started." Dick Grayson rubbed his head in anger, as he dealed out his cigs. His friend Wally West came in and sat next to him, and picked up the newest porno mag. "What's new?"
"Nothin'. I'm trying to watch Clash of the JLA, and all I can here are those two losers screaming about Morris Day." Wally mumbled, as he flipped through the mag.
"Hey! Tim isn't that bad. Besides, he doesn't really talk that much." Dick yelled, defending his little brother.
"What, am I producing an A & E biography about them? Young Justice is a lame group anyways." The two kids who were trying to buy the weed earlier walked in.
"Yo, how was the service?" One of them asked, obviously trying not to laugh.
"What service?" Dick wondered.
"The one at the Unitarian church last week where you two got married to each other!"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Wally said.
"Kon said you guys had a Teen Titans themed marriage, and you tied the knot dressed like Troia and Tempest. He also said you're the bitch," gesturing to Dick, "and you're the butch."
"I'm the bitch!?" Dick yelled in anger.
"Well if we were gay, that's the way I'd see it." Wally said in a low tone.
"Will you shut up?"
"Oh shit dude," The kid laughed. "The honeymoon's over."
"That's it." Wally muttered. I'm going to do something about those two stoner fucks that I should have done a loooooong time ago."
Inside Bartie's Comics....
"No way, Dick and Wally slapped you two with a restraining order?" Bart Allen, known as IMpulse, said in disbelief.
"Ain't that about a bitch?" Kon answered, nodding his head.
"So, will you abide by the court's ruling, or are you gonna go Bandit, Reynolds style?" Bart flashed, a mysterious grin on his face.
"Court says that if we come within a 100 yards of the Quick Stop, we get tossed in County. And you know what they make you do in County," Kon explained. "Toss the salad!" Rob shook his head in a no direction very quickly.
"Well, you could just open up your own convienience store, what, with all the money you guys made."
"Yeah..." Kon said, nodding in thought. "What money?"
Like it? R/R