A/N: Ok, Mystique was pretty hard, at least harder then Lance and Todd and Pietro, since they're pretty easy to read once you've got the idea. Mystique was hard though.
I'm really sorry if this doesn't turn out very good, but I've tried to get some passion into it and it doesn't seem to have worked. Also, sorry for dissing Xavier. (It's what you'd see him like if he took your children!)
I forgot to add a disclaimer for the other parts, so once and for all, concerning all my works, I don't own X Men Evolution!!
My daughter, Rogue. My daughter…the one I betrayed. Such a harsh word, harsh, inconsiderate word.
After looking at her through a window for years, staring, pretending that she was my lost child, the baby Erik took from me.
And now she hates me, because I tried to keep her for myself, she's wrong though. I tried to keep her for myself, for the brotherhood because she's that precious. She's *my* baby. And I love her.
And now I've lost both my children, one thanks to Erik, and one thanks to Xavier. And what's the difference? I could have kept her.
They're friends now. They're brother and sister without their mother, and Erik says it's my fault in the first place, but I know it's his, because he kept his own son away from him in favor of his war, and now he's taken my children from me as well.
They might come back to me though.
I wish Erik could know what it's like to lose a child, see them and not be able to touch them, they're there, right behind that plastic prison that they put me in, and I could reach them, if they take a step forward.
I wish Pietro would die, then Erik would know what I've suffered, and yet he wouldn't, because a dead child is still there to love, but mine look at me with repulse. Disgust.
I wish I could take Pietro from Erik and make him beg me for his son. But, sadly…
He doesn't care for children much.
My life's been this way for too long, fighting for something I've never touched and still want so badly it hurts. I'm fighting the man who saved me, and I hate him so much it hurts, but not as much as I hate Xavier.
He took my babies from me. He raises them as his own and dared to deny them who their mother is; he dared to deny them the knowledge of their birth! The bastard!!
He knew, he knew all along who I was, read my thoughts and manipulated my children, I wish him dead and his institute buried, because he's even worse the Erik.
Erik is cruel, but fair, he fights for freedom so that mutants like us wouldn't have to hide. What does it matter who dies in the process?
But Xavier…he hides in his mansion, laughing as he preaches of better paths that he will never walk himself. He hides my children from me because they have more power and life in them then he could imagine, and he needs them to trust him to keep himself sane, to pretend that he is right.
He hides them from the world, he spoils and ruins my children while the Brotherhood lives their life like normal people, seeing life outside the rose colored glasses that Xavier gives out to all his students.
The Brotherhood, they're just children, Erik doesn't see it though, he sees an army and he sees his way to power through these misunderstood, misused children that are more pathetic then any I've seen so far.
They've been used and used again and yet they flock to us because we are mutants and we understand them. I understand them.
I hate them!
Lance, the idiot! He's had too much freedom and too little love and the world has left him beaten and broken every day since his unfortunate birth. And he still believes that Erik will save the world, simply because he knows that if Erik doesn't, they will all be hunted down and killed, so he hangs on to this small string of hope Erik is tempting him with.
He's scared though, he's scared that Erik would fail and they'd have to run, and he's scared that if he lets go too soon we'll leave him. So he holds on tightly but readies himself to run, just in case.
The little one, Todd, he's been scared and abandoned, and he wants a family so badly he came to the Brotherhood even though he saw we would hurt him and use him. Perceptive little brat, he sees what we are, he sees what we will do to him and the other miserable little brats and yet he doesn't warn them, if simply because before they all perish they will be a family, and he is way too selfish to care what happens afterwards.
Fred Dukes. The big blob who needs a home and doesn't care who he lives with. Who cares what you get, as long as you're still alive, right?
Pietro…little Pietro Maximoff who's father is only a step away, but he still can't see this. He can't, he sees a man who broke him out of jail because he needed a mutant. Little Pietro has no idea what a man his father is, no idea who his father is…what a bastard! He throws my children away and keeps his own little one by his side, but he is coward, he dares not tell his child why he watches him every night. I will though.
I don't care who I'm destroying, I don't care that little Pietro might get hurt, I don't care. He's just a child after all.
Stupid, stupid boy. Little rascal's been playing in the mud for so long he's forgotten what clean skin looks like!
Rogue and Kurt. Marie and Kurt. Brother and sister and my two most precious gifts from god. That is if god still looks at me and sees a human. We are, after all, demons.
I wish I'd gotten the chance to explain, I wish I'd gotten a chance to tell them how much I love them! My children, my Kurt and Marie. Their names sound good together. Raven and Kurt and Marie Darkholme...no, Wagner, Kurt Wagner and his bastard father who's name should be cursed for crossing the path of my son! As he so dared to banish me, call my child demon while he sits in his castle and broods of life and death and the stupidity that is Germany!
I wish they'd come back to me. I've dreamed for so long to have a family with my children, so I wouldn't have to watch them through a window.
I'll keep my window open for them.
When Kurt was little, I read a story to him. We lived in the same room. The same guest room Erik offered us, and while he experimented on my baby by day, I read to him at night time.
There were books, old things that Erik had somehow gotten, now that I think about it, he must have gotten them for a son he never bothered to find…I read them to Kurt.
His favorite was always Peter Pan.
The flying fairy child that was abandoned by his mother, how becoming of him…I
read to him about Peter every few days, before our escape, I read to him yet
again, and stopped at that part…
The open window.
Peter Pan landed in a room full of darkness, with the three children sleeping in their beds, and he fell in love with a little girl who loved him back enough to come with him to Never Never Land.
So becoming, isn't it Erik? That I should love a book, which describes my life in a fairy tale? I never did have the courage to creep in through that window…the candle was always on; little Rogue was scared of the dark…Kurt wasn't though.
He loved the dark, a little child that sat on the roof and stared at the stars and wondered why his parents looked nothing like him.
I looked like him, could look like him even more should he ask it. I could be the perfect parent to them.
I've tried to forget it, ignore it, hate it, but they still haunt me as a ghost of my past that I want so badly to forget, remake, anything to still the voices of my lost children.
Every time I see the brotherhood, I think back and wonder if Rogue would have turned out better had I been there for her, if Kurt would have stayed with me had I been with him before. I wonder, sometimes, what Lance's and Todd's and Fred's parents had thought about their children. Whether they would have been better if I had found them earlier, whether I hurt them more by staying or by leaving them be.
I wonder what it would have been like for Pietro's childhood? Had he even remembered his father at all? Does he know who Erik is? Would he care should he be told? Would he hate his father? Like Kurt hates me…?
Would he run back to his family…?
I wish I could pretend that these children are my family, I wish I could happily raise them as my own and forget what they will become when Erik's war is done. I wish I could save them, I wish I could stop caring all together, I wish I was dead.
But if I were, then who would raise the Brotherhood? Who would remain to stop Erik from foolishly killing us all with his ambitions? Who would remain to know the true horror of Xavier?
Who would wait by my window for my children to come home?
I think I'll live.
I think I'll keep my window open…
Maybe Peter Pan will come, bringing my Marie and Kurt.
END
A/N: ok, a little angsty, and like I said, sorry for all the Xavier bashing, no offence to his fan club!
Any way, Canada is finally getting Evolution! It's premiering tomorrow and the series starts on the 15th, so I'll be watching and hopefully learning more about the characters, so expect a delay on the next musing. I think I might redo them if it looks like I need to.
About this thing, if any one has an opinion and a comment or a complain, I really hope you guys either email me or put a review in, I don't get the series and this is a blind writing process based on fanfics for me, I really need advice!
Also, thanks for all the great reviews! They are the ones that kept me going when my brain finally broke down and left me in search of a better body and maybe a cleaner soul.
THANK YOU!!!
Expect the next one next week at the earliest! (I'm thinking about Rogue)
LW