Why?
She often wondered this. Why? Why was she the way she was? Why did she let herself do this? Why did she let him do what he did to her? Why did she love him too much to make it stop?
Oko Naki collapsed on top of Wufei Chang with a sigh. Wufei wrapped his arm around her damp shoulders and held her there. These were the moments that made it all worth it. The times when they weren't trying to control or run away from each other. The times when all she could do was lay her cheek on his chest and catch her breath.
But, as always, the moment quickly passed. Lifting herself up onto her elbows, Oko looked down at the Shenlong pilot. She didn't say anything, only continued to stare at him as if she wasn't sure as to how she gotten there. In his bed. Wufei sighed. "Stay with me?"
She did not reply for a moment. "I need to go."
It was a lie and he could see right through it. She did not really NEED to go. She just wanted to. "Go then," he said turning his head to the side. Oko dressed quickly, barely glancing back at him as she pulled on her clothes. She ran a hand through her sweaty hair and started for the door. "Snap is on duty tonight. Call her if you want anything." He didn't reply.
It didn't bother her. She left, silently closing the door behind her. The moonlight outside bathed her sweaty skin with soft pale light. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in one of the mirrors of her motorcycle. Tousled black hair hung down, spilling over her shoulders; which were still sore from his rough touch. She looked lower, to her abdomen. How could he have not seen its roundness? Seen how she was now curved in a place where she had once been flat? Why didn't he know her body well enough to know when it changed? Five months had passed from when he had first come to her, drunk on Jack Daniels and his own repressed lust. Five months since she had let him possess her.
Somewhere in that first month of late night meetings, which not even the other pilots knew about, they had created a new life. She mourned that fact. She pitied their child who would be born into the world with none of the love it deserved.
Underneath her hand, she could feel motion, as though the child was demanding her attention. Or maybe it was just protesting her thoughts towards it. A very tiny spark of warmth flared up inside her heart as the baby kicked. Was it love? Of course not, how could she love the baby inside her who belonged to him?
She straddled her motorcycle and tried not to think of his scent, which clung heavily to her clothes. Her fingers found their way to the place where his child grew once again.
He had to know. She had to tell him. Didn't he have the right to know? Even if she could not bring herself to really love him, could she at least attempt to love her own flesh and blood? She would damn well try. She drove off into the night not giving Wufei or their child another thought.
****
"Okay, here's what we have to do," Snap Bracken squinted at the stapled pages in her hands, lifting them into the early morning light that streamed into Oko's living room. "There's an OZ base being built in Arabia. It's your mission, if you want it. Otherwise, you could just go and blow up some Mobile Suit factory."
Oko looked up from her breakfast of coffee and half a bagel. "OZ," she said simply.
"Do you want someone to go with you?"
"No," she replied. The bagel in her hand was slowly making her nauseous. She put it down and took a tiny sip of her coffee to calm her stomach.
"All righty then..." Snap said helping herself to Oko's abandoned bagel. "You have lunch with..." She held the bagel between her teeth and flipped through the stack of papers. "...with someone...I don't know. It wasn't written down."
"Fine." Oko said, massaging her temples.
Detecting the exhaustion in Oko's voice, she swallowed the last of the bagel and said, "I think it might be Sally, but I'm not sure. I'll know before then."
"I said fine," Oko replied.
"I'd go with you, but Duo wants to lock me in a room and have sex." Snap shook her head sadly. Her ponytail swung back and forth. "I keep telling him: missions BEFORE sex, but does he listen to me? Nooooooooo."
Oko couldn't resist smiling. "It's good that he decided to come to Earth for a few days." Her smile was quickly replaced by a scowl. "Wufei isn't going to be there is he?" she asked.
"I think he said something about picking you up from the restaurant. Anyway, after that, you have to go be Relena's bodyguard at a conference." Oko's stomach turned. "Excuse me," she said. Without explanation, she ran for the bathroom.
****
Lunch with Sally went about the same way. After explaining that she hadn't been feeling well lately, Oko spent most of her time throwing up in the bathroom.
After about her fourth trip to the bathroom, Sally gave up and suggested that they just end this early and talk later. Oko didn't even hesitate before agreeing. She could already see Wufei leaning against his motorcycle. Oko knew, from experience, that Wufei had a knife in his pants pocket and a small gun in his jacket pocket.
He stood up when she exited the restaurant. She was dressed in the same outfit she always wore, black jeans, black tank top, black long-sleeved shirt over her tank top, and black tennis shoes. Her long black hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail, as usual, and she wore no makeup. There were dark circles under her eyes. Any other man might have been concerned. Wufei Chang, however, didn't even seem to notice.
"You're out early," he commented, before straddling his motorcycle.
"I wasn't hungry," she replied indifferently as they drove off.
They were quiet for several long minutes. Oko bit her lip as their baby kicked while its father drove, unaware of its existence. She decided that now would be the best time to tell him. "Wufei..." she began.
"Tell me later, woman."
"Wufei, I need to tell you that I'm--"
"I said tell me later."
"Fine," she replied.
He knew something had to be wrong. She never agreed to do what he said. Usually, she would have ignored his orders and said whatever she wanted.
They sat silently for the rest of the trip.
Reporters and photographers were already gathered around the conference hall by the dozens. They were all awaiting Relena Peacecraft-Yuy's appearance. Wufei drove around to the back entrance and scanned the area for Relena and Heero. He soon found them and he and Oko went to join them. Once inside, Oko found a water fountain and took a long, soothing drink of water. It was the only thing her stomach seemed to keep down.
Wufei approached her as she stood up and licked the remaining liquid from her lips. The sight of her tongue running over her lip momentarily distracted him. Scowling, he shoved her gun into her hands. "You left this in your office."
As she took the gun, her fingers brushed against his. Unwilling to pull back, Oko just left her hand there. Wufei stared down at their hands and then back at her. She looked into his eyes. Even thought it was neither the place, nor the time, she had to tell him then or never. "Wufei," she said quietly, "I'm pregnant."
"Oko," Heero called for her. "It's time to go in."
"Understood," she called back. Looking back at Wufei's shell-shocked expression, she nodded. "Talk to you later?" Before he could answer, she left without looking back.
**** "...and so, in conclusion, may I thank you for your support and your time." There was a brief round of clapping before the questions began.
"Vice Foreign Minister, are you planning to run for president at the next election?"
Relena looked at the reporter. "Yes, I am planning on running." Another hand shot up. "Yes?"
"Do you expect any opposition if you run for president?"
Relena frowned. "I don't expect there to be too much upheaval. But, it would be foolish to say that everyone would be happy with my platform."
That's when Oko saw it. She saw the glint of a metal gun in the shadowed man's hand. Instinctively, she tightened her grip on her gun and searched for Wufei out of the corner of her eye. He wasn't there.
The world was in slow motion. Oko watched the gun being pulled from a pocket and aimed at Relena. The other reporters scattered, but Relena did not move. Oko could see the fear in her eyes. The gun fired just as Oko shoved Relena out of the way.
The first bullet embedded itself in Oko's shoulder. The second shot landed in her abdomen, passing clean through her body and lodging itself in wall behind her. There were screams, but Oko barely heard them. She collapsed.
Blinking, she stared up at the ceiling. There was a familiar warmth covering her. Her hand was resting on her stomach. She brought her hand up to where she could see it. Wet crimson dripped from her fingers. Suddenly, there was a face hovering above her own. Was it his? No...it was Relena. The girl was crying and shaking Oko's shoulders. Another face soon joined Relena's high above her head. A young man...he looked like Wufei, but it couldn't be him. This man seemed to care about her. His lips mouthed her name over and over, but Oko didn't hear anything. Her eyelids were becoming heavier and heavier by the minute. With her last bit of energy, Oko forced out a sentence before slipping into the blissful black of unconsciousness. "Oh, SHIT!"
****
"What have we got?"
"Female, 19 years old, gun shot wound to the left shoulder and lower abdomen...blood pressure 70 over 100..." the EMS paused. "It's possible she's pregnant."
The doctor began throwing orders. "Call for surgical consult and give OB a call too. Just in case." The doctor looked down at the broken, bleeding body of the Gundam pilot. "Come on people..."
****
"Where are they?"
Snap lifted her head and blinked several times. After staring at the white tile of the hospital floor, she should have been happy to see a different color, but the pain, fear, and anger barely visible in the deep blue eyes of Heero was the last color she wanted to see at that moment. "She's in surgery," she replied, numbly. "They took her in just as I got here...three hours ago."
"What the hell happened, Snap?"
"I..." Snap bit her lip. "I wish I could tell you. I only know that she was shot during the press conference." She looked back down at the floor, guilt flooding her blue eyes. "I wasn't there. Fuck!! I wasn't there!"
"Relena?" Heero asked.
"She's fine."
Heero looked around. "What about Wufei? Did he get hurt?"
Snap raised her eyes again. The guilt had been replaced with the beginning strains of hatred. "He was there. He didn't do anything."
"Where is he now?" Heero was dangerously calm.
"Um..." Snap shook her head. "Your guess is as good as--"
"I'm right here."
Two heads swung around to see Wufei Chang standing in the hospital hallway. His white pants and blue tank top were stained with the unmistakable marks of blood. His eyes were empty and lifeless.
Heero looked from Snap to Wufei silently making a bet with himself as to how long it would take the young woman to attack the solitary dragon. To his surprise, she ignored him, for now. "Did they say how long she'd be in surgery?" Heero asked.
Snap shrugged. "They were really vague: mumbling medical shit. I didn't catch much of it. Gods, you should have seen her..." she thought for a moment. "No, you probably shouldn't have."
"I did," Wufei said coldly.
"Yes, we know," Snap yelled. "Watched the whole damn thing didn't you?"
"It wasn't my job to protect her," the Chinese man replied.
A scowl descended onto Snap's usually cheerful face. "Like hell it wasn't your--"
"Quiet," Heero called for silence. "Did you get the assassin?"
Wufei's expression went blank. "Between the eyes."
"Good," Snap said.
Heero took a seat next to Snap. Only Wufei remained standing, his arms folded over Oko's bloodstains. There was silence until a surgical scrub-clad doctor appeared from the swinging doors. "Are you all here for Oko Naki?" the doctor asked.
Snap jumped to her feet. "Yes. How is she?"
The doctor sighed. "The wound to her shoulder wasn't a problem to fix, but the one to her abdomen..." he paused. "Were you aware she was pregnant?"
Snap blinked and tried to lift her fallen jaw. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Wufei's body stiffen. "Wait," she blinked again. "WAS pregnant?"
"Yes." The doctor cleared his throat. "The bullet passed straight through the child. There wasn't anything we could do for it."
Relena and Duo showed up then. The doctor was kind enough to explain everything over again. Relena gripped Heero's arm. "When can we see her?" she asked.
"Soon." The doctor wearily rubbed his forehead. "She'll be moved from recovery into the ICU, but only family members are allowed in there, I'm afraid."
Duo made a face. "She doesn't have any." His words were ignored. The doctor placed a hand on Snap's shoulder. "If her shoulder wound had been a few inches over, she would have died instantly. She is really very lucky."
Snap glared at Wufei. "How long have you been fucking my best friend!?"
She was about to leap at him, but Heero grabbed her by the shirt.
"Snap..." Heero looked her in the eye. "Don't do this!"
"Five months," Duo answered for Wufei. Wufei stared at him with an unreadable expression. "C'mon...you didn't really think you two were foolin' me, did ya?"
"How long have you known she was pregnant?" Relena asked.
Wufei, seeing no reason to lie, replied, "I found out today."
"Why the hell didn't you think of protecting her?" Snap yelled, breaking free of Heero's grip and leaping on Wufei. She scratched, clawed, and hit him repeatedly, until Duo managed to pull her off him. Even as she was being pulled off of Wufei, she continued to claw and scream at him.
"She is not my responsibility. I did my job to the best of my abilities, it's not my fault that that woman was sloppy. Not to mention that there were some unforeseen factors that hindered my duties."
"One of those unforeseen factors wouldn't have happened to be a baby would it?" Duo suggested quietly.
Snap glared at both men. "If you had really done your fucking job, Oko wouldn't be here." Wufei ignored her.
**** Oko wasn't quite in this world, yet, she hadn't quite left this world either. She was somewhere in between. There, in the warm light, she felt...for the first time in her life...completely safe. Even Wufei's arms weren't as comforting as the light. She knew she could be happy here and that no person could ever hurt her, and because of this, she knew it couldn't be real. She wasn't meant to be happy and she was meant to feel pain; both physical and psychological.
"Mama."
She turned and saw a child standing a few feet away from her in the light. He was dressed in white. He had piercing black eyes and black hair.
"Mama..." the little boy repeated. "Can you see me, mama?"
"I can see you..." she responded automatically. "I'm sorry I did this to you..."
"You did your job mama. I just got in the way. It's not your fault," the child said.
"That's not why I'm sorry." She was speaking in monotone.
"Then why, mama?"
Oko was stoic. "I didn't love you. Neither did your father."
The little boy shook his head. "Daddy loved me; that's why he didn't do anything. Daddy didn't want me in the world without your love."
"I have to go," Oko said, ignoring the child.
"Promise me somethin' mama."
"What is it?" Oko asked skeptically.
"Promise me that you won't be mad at daddy."
"I'm not mad at him. I could never be."
**** Oko opened her eyes. All she could see was white. She blinked her eyes several times to focus her vision.
"Oko."
She knew who it was, and she refused to look at him. "What the hell are you doing here?" she asked icily.
"Duo made Snap go home for awhile. They'll be back." Wufei carefully rested his hand on the bed next to her. She turned and looked at his hand and then up at him. On the table next to him, sat her gun. She quickly reached for it and pointed it at him. Her glare almost made him cringe.
"Calm down. I'm not going to hurt you, woman." Wufei said.
Slowly, she lowered the gun and held it in her lap. After several minutes, she awkwardly put her hand onto his. Her fingers were so cold on top of his.
She had so many questions, but she didn't dare to ask them aloud. 'Why?'
He stared into her eyes as if he could read her thoughts. They had always had this connection to each other. It was only lately that this connection seemed to almost disappear. "I'm not supposed to be here," he confided in her.
"Then why are you?"
"I had to talk to you." He gently ran his index finger over the back of her hand. "Before I left."
Oko didn't say anything for several minutes. "Weakling," she hissed.
"First you go and create a new life, then it dies and you plan on just walking out. Well, that's fine, but do me a favor," she paused, "help me break out of here."
He shook his head. "You need to stay here, woman."
"I wanted the baby to die..." she confessed. "I destroyed it. It's good that you're leaving because I'll probably end up destroying you too." She squeezed her eyes shut. "I can deal with your hate. I just don't know about your love." A tear slipped down her cheek. "Now, go."
Wufei bent over her and kissed her forehead. "Goodbye, Oko."
The hospital room was quiet, but in Oko's mind, all she could hear was herself screaming.
****
"Okay, Oko...I've got you. Take little baby steps...that is NOT a baby step."
"Duo, I do not need, or want, your help," she said. After seeing the hurt in his eyes, she said, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I wasn't trying to scold you. I just don't want you to pull any of those stitches."
Oko couldn't even bring herself to give him her usual fake smile. "I'm fine, Duo. I can do this on my own."
"Well..." he thought for a second. "No." He picked her up and carried her into her apartment. She kicked and struggled, making the trip to her apartment hell for Duo.
"Snap," he yelled, "get the door, will ya?"
Once inside, he carefully laid her on the bed. "I'll be back in a minute," Duo said. As soon as he was gone, Oko closed her eyes. After a month in the hospital, constantly surrounded by people, no matter how much she yelled or screamed at them, she just wanted to be left alone.
She wasn't sure how long she lay there with Snap watching her, making sure she didn't try to jump out the window or something, but all too soon, Duo came back. "How ya feelin'?" he asked her.
"I'm fine. How many times do I have to tell you that?" she said icily.
The minute the words left her mouth she regretted them. Duo and Snap were true friends. They only wanted to help.
"I understand. We'll go."
One of his hands was on the doorknob, the other was on Snap's arm. "Wait." Oko quickly sat up, ignoring the sharp pain in her lower abdomen. "Snap, stay."
Snap looked at Duo and he nodded. She lowered herself onto the small sofa in the room. "Okay...so, what did you want to talk to me about?"
"How did you know I wanted to talk?" Oko asked skeptically.
"That's the only reason you ever ask me to stay."
Oko thought for a moment. "Tell me about you and Duo."
The smile on Snap's face was the brightest thing she'd seen in a really long time. "He gave me a ring," she said, showing Oko the small gold band.
"I'm not going to the wedding," Oko said harshly.
"Why not?" Snap almost sounded like a small child.
She ignored the question. She knew that Snap knew exactly why she wasn't going to go. Oko was distant and not really listening as Snap was rambling on and on about Duo.
It took a few moments for Snap to realize that Oko wasn't listening. She paused, "Oko...you know you can still talk to me about anything...or anyone."
"He left just like I wanted, life goes on."
"Oh, reeeeeally?" Snap knew she was hiding something.
"Yes." Staring into Snap's blue eyes, Oko realized something. Snap knew something was wrong, and if she knew Snap, Snap wouldn't give up until she got the information that she wanted.
"Hey Snap, I'm really tired. You can go now, or do I have to call your boyfriend in here to drag you out."
"Fine...I'll be back in a few weeks."
****
"He left her!? Why didn't you tell me!?" Snap burrowed her cheek further into Duo's shoulder. "That's...STUPID of him!"
Her braided boyfriend nodded. "Yeah. The saddest thing is...I think she really loves him." His arm tightened around Snap's shoulders. "That heartless little--"
"Hey." She put her finger against Duo's lips. "Don't be mean."
"Why?" Duo kissed her finger. "I never, ever thought he would do something like that to her."
"Why? It's not like she hasn't done the same thing to him. If, and when, she wanted to leave, she always did..." Snap played with the end of his braid. "He only did what he felt was right." She didn't know why she was defending him.
Duo said nothing. He didn't have to. Snap raised her head. "I win."
Laughing in defeat, Duo kissed the top of her head. "I love you. You know that, right."
"Hmm...no you don't."
"I'll prove it to you." His lips found the right spot on her neck, the spot that made her melt in his hands.
****
He was drunk, really, really drunk. Wufei was in his apartment with a girl he had met at the bar. He knew her, but couldn't think of who she was at the moment. His shaking fingers pulled at her shirt. She wasn't really drunk, but he wanted her to help him forget. He had told her everything about the woman warrior that he'd left behind on Earth. The shirt opened and his cold hands ran up her chest.
She made a grab for his wrists. "It's not me you need."
"Don't tell me what I need, woman." He wrenched out of her weak grip. 'Shit!' her mind screamed as his hands slid down her sides and dipped into the front of her pants. 'Why are you letting him do this? What the hell are you thinking, Relena!? Stop him...stop this right now!!'
"WUFEI!" Exerting more force, she pulled his hands away from her pants. "I can't do this. You'd hate yourself in morning." She touched the side of his cheek. "You'd hate me, too."
"No." His voice was solemn; his stare scared her. "I couldn't hate something I need." She said nothing. There was nothing to say. Her brain contained to protest, but she couldn't control the feelings he aroused in her. Giving in, she undid his belt. She was on autopilot, successfully detaching her mind from her body. He pulled at her clothes until they were all in a pile on the floor. Her body was beautiful, but it wasn't what he was used to.
Did he think about Oko as she undressed him? He had no idea. Did she think about anything besides the feeling of his icy fingers arousing her body to a point of no return? It didn't matter. Before she could stop herself, she was on top of him in his bed. Her hair fell over his pale body as they moved.
His release came hard and fast. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. She got up and lay alongside him. He didn't hear her. Her body was full of him, just like he had wanted. Why, then did he still feel like he needed something. It wasn't long until Relena, exhausted and guilt racked, fell asleep.
Wufei stared at the ceiling and listened to the sound of her breathing. The few times Oko had let herself fall asleep next to him, he had cherished those moments. It had calmed him into a sleep like nothing else he had ever had. The girl's breathing was a reminder of what he'd just done. He got up and went into the bathroom, not quite sure as to what he was looking for. He opened the medicine cabinet, looking for anything that would help him suicide. He found a small pair of scissors sitting on top of the medical tape. He grabbed them without giving anything another thought. It would be so easy...a quick slice up each wrist. Very little pain, and no one would know. He could be with Meiran again.
He wasn't even aware of the blade piercing the soft flesh of his wrist. His eyes closed as he brought the blade a few inches through his skin; towards his elbow. He repeated the process on the other wrist. He carefully cleaned the scissors and put them away. Wufei smiled and waited for his release from this world.
****
"...We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you breaking news from Earth..."
Oko Naki stopped practicing her katas and looked at the TV for the first time since she had turned it on. She hadn't really cared about the program that had been on; all she wanted was the background noise. After living with Snap and Duo for four years, she had kind of gotten used to continual talking. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she missed it. On the tiny screen, the L12 news anchor cleared her throat and began to speak in a low, solemn tone.
"Good morning. I'm Kiome Sung with the latest, breaking news story from Earth. Vice Foreign Minister Relena Peacecraft-Yuy is visiting one of her Preventer bodyguards in the hospital today after his apparent suicide attempt. The Preventer was found early in his apartment. We have reports that both of his wrists were slashed. He was rushed to the medical bay at Preventer Headquarters before being transferred to Johns Hopkins Hospital and Medical Center where he remains in critical, but stable condition." Her body stiffened.
"The Preventers did begin a formal investigation after receiving reports that their colleague had been sexually assaulted, but closed the matter for unknown reasons, declaring the incident a suicide attempt. As we receive more information, we will keep you updated. I am Kiome Sung for L11 news, returning you now to the program already in progress..."
The anchor faded out and the soap opera resumed. "I didn't want to leave you, Jim. Don't you understand that? I love you and I'm sorry I hurt you. What can I do to make it up to you?"
Oko continued to stare at the screen as her mind processed the information she had just received.
"There's nothing you can do, Mary. It's over." On the screen, Jim opened the door to his apartment. "Now get out. Just leave. I never want to see you again."
Oko numbly turned off the TV. Her world was frozen and she was helpless to do anything about it.
For the first time in her life, Oko wanted to cry. The tears did not come. Instead, she did what her instincts told her to do. Gather more information and decide on a course of action. She went over to her communicator, punching in the number she knew from memory.
She was still as she waited for her call to be answered. When a familiar face filled the screen, she was almost screaming. "Quatre..."
Quatre Winner blinked his aqua colored eyes. "Oko? Is that you? Where are you? Where have you been?"
The image that Quatre saw disturbed him. Oko's hair was dirty, like she hadn't washed it in a week or so. Her eyes seemed more lifeless and distant. Her clothes hung limply to her body.
"Wufei...Quatre..." She braced herself against the desk and dropped her chin to her chest. "What happened?"
The blonde Arabian was silent for a long time. "Why do you care, Oko?"
Instantly he covered his mouth with his hand. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have said that. I've never doubted that you care about him. Much more than I think you will ever know."
Oko tried, but failed to block out his words. She looked up at the communicator screen. "Why did he try to..." Oko trailed off.
"Kill himself?" Quatre supplied. "What makes anyone try to kill themselves, Oko? Having nothing left to look forward to? Thinking you are all alone in the world? You and Heero know all the reasons." Quatre shook his head. "I can't tell you what he was thinking or what, if anything, he was feeling. All I can tell you is what's been leading up to this."
"What?"
The blonde thought for a moment as he searched for the easiest way to say it. "Alone."
It was troubling to watch Oko struggle with her emotions, yet fascinating at the same time. Quatre had never given up on anyone, but over the years, even HIS belief in Oko's humanity had wavered from time to time. Now, however, he could see it...plainly and clearly. Oko loved. Oko grieved. Oko WAS human.
"Alone?" Oko asked. "Because I killed his child?"
"Not completely. I think he wouldn't have felt so alone if you had stayed." Quatre bit his tongue before he could say another word. 'Or given some tiny sign that you give a damn.'
"It was my fault...I made him do this."
Quatre shrugged. "Oko, I don't know. I just..."
Oko interrupted him. "Where the hell was he? Why was it..." She forced the next few words out of her mouth. "Relena who found him?"
Lying to Oko was pointless. If she really wanted to, she could find everything out entirely on her own. Taking a deep breath, Quatre told her. "Relena was already there when we arrived and he was...naked on the floor of his apartment."
"Why the hell was she in his apartment?" Her voice was low and dangerous. "I'm not sure I should tell you."
The female warrior wore a mask of confusion. "You said Relena found him naked and the report mentioned something about sexual assault. She doesn't have a key to his apartment, so..." she stopped short. Quatre looked away from the screen to avoid meeting the Onyx black glare. "You said she was there before you? Why?" The Arabian didn't answer. He didn't have to. "Thank you for the information, Quatre." She had to force out the words. "Oko..." Quatre's voice carried a note of desperation. "Don't do anything you will regret later! Listen to all sides of..." Oko shut off the communicator. Without blinking, she reached for her gun.
****
Numb, blue eyes watched the blood being pumped from her arm and into the pouch labeled with her blood type. It had been a long time since Relena had given blood. She wouldn't have done it now if Wufei weren't here in this hospital...because of her. Even though the blood she was giving wouldn't go to him, they didn't have the same blood type, it gave it her to do. Anything was better than seeing his almost lifeless body in a hospital bed. "All right, Mrs. Peacecraft-Yuy." The nurse removed the needle from Relena's arm. "That should do it." The nurse bandaged her arm and gave her some juice. "Drink this and then you may go." She took the pouch of blood and disappeared behind the curtain.
As Relena drank the juice, she tried thinking of ways she could have prevented being here. If she had woken up and found him sooner. If she hadn't fallen asleep.
If she hadn't given in to Wufei Chang.
The last one made her close her eyes in pain. She threw the empty cup across the room. Of all the dangerous and stupid things she had done in her life, not saying no to Wufei was the worst by far. What she done was NOT a secret. The Preventers knew all about it. She had been forced to because she couldn't lie. Heero knew; the man she loved and was married to had been avoiding her ever since. There was only one person that she could think of who might not know.
And she hoped to God that one person would never find out.
She stood up and picked up her coat. She had been avoiding Wufei's room for too long. It was time to face what she had done.
Snap and Duo stood guard just outside the door. Snap looked Relena up and down as she approached. "Relena," Duo greeted her.
"How is he?"
The American pilots both shrugged. "I just watch the door. I DON'T get personally involved," Snap said bitterly. She raised an eyebrow, but stopped herself from continuing. Duo looked at his girlfriend in amazement. He didn't know how she could say such a thing.
Relena gave her a sad, deformed smile. "Are you trying to tell me that I should take a lesson from you two?" Snap didn't answer. "All right, teach me not to care about my friends. Teach me how to say no."
Snap snorted. "All right. Lesson one, if you're married DON'T sleep with other people." Before Relena could do or say anything, Snap kicked the door open with the back of her shoe.
"Don't wake him up," Duo said quietly.
She came to his bedside with more guilt than she had ever felt before. It was technically her fault that he was here...in this hospital...cut and bandaged. His chest was still rising and falling, at least. She hadn't killed him. Her weakness hadn't killed him.
Relena covered her mouth with her hand. "I am so sorry, Wufei." Her apologies went unheard as Wufei continued to sleep soundly. She draped her coat across the side of his bed.
She looked down of the peaceful face of her old friend. Yes, she considered him a friend. Relena had gone through this phase, not too long ago, when she had thought Wufei was cute, but that was before she and Heero had gotten married. Even now, she felt something towards him. The few minutes that he had spent inside her body had been about something much deeper than physical attraction.
"It wasn't romantic love, but it was love," she said aloud. "I'm not in love with you. I'm in love with Heero..."she trailed off. The thought of her husband made tears come to her eyes. Absently, she touched his arm. "I do love you, though. And what I...no, what WE did last night...it was I thought you needed and what you wanted." Her hand brushed across the thick bandages on his wrists. "I guess I was wrong."
"Good guess."
The voice was unmistakable. Relena looked up. "I thought Duo and Snap were supposed to keep out the," she paused, "undesirables."
Oko snorted. "You can report them when they regain consciousness."
"Have you come here to kill me, Oko?"
"Maybe." The click of metal against metal echoed in the quiet room.
"Before I do anything...tell me why."
"Why, what?"
"Him." Oko gestured with her gun towards Wufei. "Why him?"
Relena could see that Oko was serious. She wished now, more than ever, that Heero was there. She looked the woman warrior in the eye. "Tell me why you made him do this. Tell me why you left and didn't come back."
"Get your facts straight, woman." Oko lowered her gun, but didn't take her finger off the trigger. "He decided to leave me, first. Then, I left."
"That isn't answering the question of why you left and didn't come back."
"He put me in a hospital bed, I'm just repaying the favor," Oko said bitterly.
"You don't know why you left, do you?" Relena asked, trying not to infuriate the woman any further.
"I know why he left and his reasons are similar to my own."
Relena looked at the ceiling. "He left so you would be safe. He didn't want to hurt you." She dropped her gaze back to meet Oko's. "Why did you come here?"
"I think you know." Oko reached into her back pocket and pulled out a second gun. She tossed it to Relena, who missed it. The sound of the gun hitting the floor echoed in the room. "It's loaded with one bullet. Just like this one." She raised her gun again.
The other woman turned the gun over in her hands, trying to figure out how she could get out of this. "You can't be serious, Oko. You want to duel? I don't even know how to use this."
"No...I want to kill you. I just don't think it's just not to give you a fighting chance."
Relena could see that Oko was dead serious. "You are going to kill me? Do you know what Heero will do to you? Have you forgotten that it was YOU who was shot before...not the other way around?"
Oko aimed her gun directly at Relena's heart. "That can be easily remedied."
Out of instinct, Relena raised her own weapon. She remembered what Heero had said about being caught off guard and that it could cost her her life.
"This is ridiculous, Oko, and you know it. You don't really want to kill me."
"I don't?"
"No." Relena tried to keep the gun steady and pointed at Oko. "The only person you want to hurt is you. You hate yourself for what you did to him, and your child. And you want to punish me for it."
Oko tilted her head to the side, as if she was processing this. "I did what I did for his sake."
"So did I." Relena smiled sadly.
"If you do...anything to her, Oko, I...will kill you." The voice was soft, but strong.
Keeping her gun trained on Relena, Oko turned her head to look at Wufei.
Somehow, she had failed to notice him wake up and struggle to sit up. They both watched as Wufei painstakingly reached under his pillow and pulled out a gun. He looked at it for a moment, running his fingers over the silencer. He pulled out the clip, unloaded it, counted the bullets, reloaded it, and snapped it back into place. He ignored the pain in his wrist as he raised the gun. "I have five bullets and you both have one. You won't win."
"This is between Relena and me, Wufei. Don't get involved," Oko said fiercely.
"No, this is between you and me, woman."
"I don't think so," Oko's voice was calm.
Relena looked from one Chinese pilot to the other. "Oko, put the gun down, You aren't going to kill either of us."
"Really?"
"Woman, you don't have the strength."
Oko turned the gun on Wufei. "Why shouldn't I at least shoot you? After all you've done to me, you deserve to die." She fired a warning shot, it went right past his ear. "Next time, I won't miss."
"Do you really want to take another life? You killed your child and, now, you want to take Wufei's life. Why?" Relena was scared; the fear was present in her voice.
Oko's eyes narrowed. "Shut up, Relena. Can't you see I'm talking to Wufei?" She glared at the man in question. "So, why shouldn't I kill you, Wufei?"
Wufei closed his eyes for a moment. "You love me."
Oko quickly replaced the empty clip in her gun. The second bullet flew dangerously close to his other ear. "Try again," she said calmly.
Relena blinked, This could be her only chance for escape, and she knew it. "Relena," Wufei said calmly. "Go check on Snap and Duo."
She bypassed Oko by a mile and opened the door. Before she left, she turned around. "Wufei, I'm sorry."
"I know, Relena."
"You should be," Oko spat.
"WOMAN!" Wufei yelled at her.
Oko didn't move. "What?"
"It's not her fault."
"I know...it's mine. I should have told you I was pregnant. I shouldn't have been weak. I should have stayed...A normal woman would have. A normal woman..." she took a breath. "...would have wanted her child." Oko didn't know why she was telling him all this. Usually, she would have remained silent, but something, unseen, had pushed her to express emotion.
"You could never be a normal woman. I wouldn't want a normal woman."
Oko looked down at her hands. "I don't understand."
For the first time, in a REALLY long time, Wufei laughed. "It's not worth explaining."
"Why?"
"Give it up, woman. Life is short."
She looked at him darkly. "It's even shorter when you take scissors to your wrists."
"I'm getting a lecture on suicide from you?" Wufei said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
The smile that appeared on her lips surprised even Oko herself. "Quit making me feel human."
"Weakling."
"INJUSTICE!" she yelled back and then she smiled again. It took her several minutes, but she finally managed to say it; for the first time.
"Aishiteru, Wufei."
****
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