helpwanted

Title: 'Help Wanted' (Sixth in the 'And Life Goes on Series')
Author: Spikelicious
Disclaimer: You know the drill, right?
Feedback: Por favor, mis amigos.
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It wasn't until Spike's fourth week of unsuccessful jobhunting that it occurred to him to go where he usually went for information. He didn't know why he hadn't thought of it earlier, and he would have slapped palm to forehead if cool, British vampires did that sort of thing. As it was, he grumbled about wasting four weeks of his unlife all the way to Willy's bar.

Willy stopped cleaning the bar midswipe when Spike entered and immediately began babbling his usual litany. "I haven't heard anything, I haven't seen anything, I woulda called ya if I had, Spike, I-"

Spike silenced him with a pleasant smile, which chilled Willy's blood more effectively than the vampire's game face. Taking a seat at the bar, Spike folded his arms and leaned over, nodding his head conspiratorially.

"You must need a new bartender for the night shift, right, Willy?"

Willy blinked in confusion. "Wah? I...I'm the bartender, Spike. The only one. I don't open until noon, and I don't got much else to do."

Spike shrugged. "I'm thinking that needs to change, Willy. A man such as yourself needs to stop and smell the roses, and such rot, enjoy his pathetically short and unfulfilling life while he can." Hmmm, Spike reflected, that sounded a lot better in my head than the way it came out. Oh, well.

"I'm going to be your new night bartender, Willy, and you're going to pay me decent wages. We are going to establish right off that there is a 'no fighting' policy and if anyone attacks me, my witchy friend will exact vengeance."

Willy knew Spike meant Willow Rosenberg. He also knew that any demon that was likely to come into here might try and pick a fight with Spike but certainly wouldn't want to incur the redhead's wrath; especially since it was widely known that she could kill things from a distance, as had been witnessed on numerous occasions of late.

Fairly certain that Willy would cave in as he always did, Spike rejoiced in his eventually gainful employment. Sure, demons and other vampires would initially come to harass him. But he was sure that Willow wouldn't mind being on hand for a few nights, to dispel any doubts about his claims of her exacting vengeance on his behalf should he be harmed in anyway. Plus, he could kick some major ass himself, thank you very bloody much, at least against anything non-human. And eventually, they would steer clear of Willy's unless they were after nothing more than a damn good drink. Spike was nothing if not good at what he set his mind to, and over the years he had become friendly with all forms of alcohol and most of the mixed drinks known to man or demon. He also knew some concoctions that weren't widely served but would most likely become very popular. Hmmm, he thought enterprisingly, maybe he could convince Willy to add that marvelous Onion Blossom thing that had been written off the menu at the Bronze, and some Buffalo wings while he was at it. Might as well have something worth snacking on during his breaks.

Turning to Willy, who was waiting somewhat impatiently for Spike to finish his mental wanderings, Spike shrugged as if getting the job meant little to him.

"So, we got a deal?"

"Well, Spike, see, the idea of a vacation sounds mighty tempting, but I don't see as I can afford your salary, we don't really take in much--"

Spike growled and let his eyes flash gold, which should have meant little to Willy because he knew Spike had the chip. But old habits were hard to break and Willy flinched, backing away.

"Okay, okay, it's not such a bad idea...what if you come in and do the nine to closing shift?"

Spike eyed him consideringly. Nine p.m. to two a.m. amounted to little more than a part time job, but he would make tips, hopefully, especially if he pushed the drinks that he knew would become instant crowd-pleasers. Yeah, that would work out great...a quick patrol, make sure Nibblet's tucked in nice and safe for the night or at least accounted for with the LoverWiccas, and off to work. He'd get out, do another round of patrolling, and be safely home by dawn.

Spike grinned predatorially at Willy, who wilted a little. 'Oops, better not scare my new boss into a heart attack' he thought, then grimaced. Willy as his boss? Hmmm...better establish some ground rules, here.

"Willy, you got a deal, but I'd like to establish some non-negotiable terms."

Willy paled, only imagining what Spike might demand. "First, you may not treat me like an 'employee' in any sense other than that you provide me with a weekly paycheck in exchange for my coming to work and serving drinks every night. That means, no trying to give me orders or treating me like I wouldn't endure the headache to twist your greasy head off of that scrawny neck of yours."

Satisfied that he'd gotten his point across as Willy blanched, he continued. "Second, you will add this thing called the 'Onion Blossom' to your menu, and also spicy hot Buffalo wings. Third, by 'paycheck' I actually mean that you will pay me under the table. As I am obviously a vampire I am therefore not in current possession of a social security number or harboring any desire to pay taxes to your bloody government."

He seemed to take stock of his stated demands, then nodded in satisfaction.

As Willy started to speak, Spike held up a peremptory hand. "Oh, and Willy the Snitch? If you backstab me or give me false or misleading information, as you have done with the Slayer, I will not only kill you, I will make you beg for death. Got it?" He hadn't vamped, but the gleam in his eye was unmistakable and Willy nervously adjusted his collar.

"Uh, okay, Spike. So, uh, when you wanna start?"

"Tomorrow night. Nine p.m., I'll be here and you'll have my first week's pay up front so I can stock up on blood and smokes. Problem with that, mate?"

Willy shook his head, wondering how much he was going to have to pay Spike in order to keep his new employee from killing him.

Spike could see the little gears turning in Willy's head and knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Five hundred a week, mate. Under the table, on time every Friday night when I come in. That's a bargain, especially given the business you'll be getting from my additions to the menu and my own special drinks."

Willy considered this. Although he was dismayed at having to pay Spike that much when he hadn't wanted the expense of an employee, he knew that the vampire's confidence at his ability to bring in more business was most likely well-founded. Plus, there was the added benefit of actually getting out from behind the bar and...well, he didn't know what he would do with his time but having no life was wearing on him, he had to admit.

"Okay, Spike. You got a deal. See you tomorrow night at nine." Not knowing how to end their conversation gracefully, Willy simply turned his back on the vampire and began polishing glasses. It was then that he realized another potential problem to Spike's new position as bartender; Spike didn't have a reflection, and anyone ordering a drink was sure to notice that minor fact given that the entire length of the wall behind the bar was mirrored.

Not one to dwell on things, Willie shrugged. Most if not all of his patrons were demons or vampires anyway. Those who weren't and were spooked by Spike's lack of reflection could drink somewhere else.

* * * * *

The next morning, Willow, Tara and Dawn waited expectantly for Spike to spill his 'news'. He'd insisted on waiting until Dawn came downstairs for breakfast before informing his cohabitants of his newly-employed status. Now that she'd just come down, he grinned at the girls around him proudly.

"Well, pets, I got a job! William the Bloody is now Willy the Snitch's only bartender!"

Dawn beamed. "Ooh, Spike, that's so cool! You mean you'll like, be making money and stuff?"

Smiling in satisfaction, he nodded. "Yup, and under the table of course. Five hundred bucks a week."

As Dawn squealed her excitement at Spike's news, Willow grinned.

"Is that what you needed me to 'be on hand for' tonight? In case anyone comes in and gives you a hard time? I'm there, all 'witch-fu' for ya." She smiled at her friend, glad that he would have something to fill his time beyond patrolling and watching Dawn. Suddenly her grin faded; Buffy had been in the same position once, but she hadn't had the time to get a job.

Noticing Willow's eyes tearing up, Tara cleared her throat. "Um, Spike, can you do that Tom Cruise thing? You know, with the bottles? All throwing and catching and not spilling?"

All heads swiveled towards the normally quiet girl, who blushed. "Well, that was really cool," she added quietly as her head dipped so her hair fell across her face.

Spike chuckled. "Well, luv, I imagine that if that wanker Cruise can do it for the camera, I can manage it with my vampire reflexes."

Dawn giggled at the image, and Willow and Tara soon joined her. Feelling incredibly gratified at finally being able to contribute to the household finances, he grabbed his girls in a hug.

"So, what say we all go out to eat tonight? My treat? We can go out before I go to work."

Willow bit her lip. She understood Spike's desire to celebrate and share his good fortune with his family, but he shouldn't spend a good chunk of his first paycheck on an expensive meal.

"Hey, I don't really like eating out, and dressing up and stuff. Can we just order in?"

Spike shrugged. "Whatever you ladies fancy, be sure to let the whelp and Anya know. I gotta leave by quarter of nine, don't forget, so we should eat by seven."

Dawn nodded. "Ooh, let's just order lots of pizza with breadsticks and salad and stuff."

Tara nodded shyly. "That sounds good to me, too."

Willow quickly agreed. "Yup, pizza is of the yummy, especially that number nine Greek combo that Mario's just added to the menu."

Spike grinned. "Hey, you'll never guess what I told Willy he had to add to his menu."

Willow snorted. "Let me guess, that 'Awesome Blossom' thing and Buffalo wings."

"Hey, I'll have you know it's 'Onion Blossom', and..." He paused. "Or is it 'Blossoming Onion'? Bloody hell, maybe it is 'Awesome Blossom'? Crap. I'll have to know what to put on the menu."

At the girls' bemused stares, he got returned to his original point. "Okay, anyway. I had him add the oniony thing and Buffalo wings so now I can have them for free any time I want."

Dawn rolled her eyes at him. "That was dashed cunning of you, Spike." His eyes widened at her use of an English phrase and wondered if her own lingo had been slipping into his vocabulary. Worriedly, he made a mental note to keep close tabs on everything he said.

"That's right, Nibblet. Bite the hand that will eventually feed you."

Dawn blew him a kiss. "Okay. Well, I gotta get off to school. See you guys later."

She left throught the kitchen door just as the phone rang.

"Hullo? Eh? Hold on." Spike covered the mouthpiece and turned to Willow. "It's Harris. He wants to know should he pick you up on the way to work. Where you going?"

Willow nodded. "Tell him yeah, I gotta go to the book store across town, and it's near his site." She left to get her sneakers as Tara sat down with a bowl of cereal.

"Harris? She says 'yeah'. Hunh? Oh, about that. We're eating pizza and stuff here instead of going to the Bronze. Well, you pillock, the event is my getting a job. Yes, a job, and shut the bloody hell up! No, you prick, I have not joined the vampire mafia. Hey, wait, is there a vampire mafia? I don't know either, mate. Eh? I know, right? Oh, god, Xander, does your chit want a quickie before you leave for work?"

Spike snorted at Xander's reply and Tara smiled knowingly as she lifted another spoonful of cereal into her mouth.

"Eh? Okay, meat lover's supreme pizza for you and me then. No, I'll rent a game this time." He perked up. "Hey, I can even buy one sometime, eh? No...we've outplayed that one. Okay, I'll talk to you later. Oh, just come after work. Yeah, okay. 'Bye."

Spike hung up and turned to face Tara, the only other person in the kitchen.

After a moment of comfortable silence, Spike sat across the table from the shy witch. "So, pet. What's up for today?"

Tara shrugged, swallowing her cereal. "Classes. Usual stuff. Nothing much," she answered almost apologetically.

"Nope. Wrong. Today is the first day of my new job." He smiled with almost boyish glee, and Willow came in behind him and hugged his waist briefly before moving over behind her lover.

"Yup, today it's Spike, unemployed but generally helpful vampire. Tomorrow, gainfully employed Spike complete with bill-paying and grocery-buying fundage!"

Spike eyed Willow skeptically. "What am I, an action figure?" At that thought, Spike grinned. "Oi, I would have some bloody marvellous accessories, wouldn't I?"

After a few moments discussing what kind of accessories their own action figures would come with, Spike got up and moved to the basement door.

"So, you pets all set for the day? I'm gonna go catch a few hours while Dawn's at school."

"Sure. We'll see you later, Spike. Pleasant dreams."

Spike went downstairs and settled into bed. As he drifted off, he imagined himself pouring drinks and tossing bottles around with practiced flair, while attractive and easily-impressed women surrounded his bar. Unfortunately, as Spike slipped off into slumber, the women's faces all became Buffy's, and his dreams were bogged down by grief and guilt, as they had been every day since the woman he loved had sacrificed herself to save the world, to save Dawn. Pleasant dreams, indeed.