Title: Countdown to Pain
Rating: PG-13
Original Size: 6kb
First Published: 2/23/01
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Premise: Aeris discovers that she is pregnant...
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A Countdown To Pain
"Morning everyone!" Aeris smiled, as she walked into Tifa's bar, Seventh Heaven.
"Morning Aeris, did you sleep wel-"
Tifa's jaw dropped in horror. She stared at Aeris and gave Cloud a tap on the shoulder.
"What?! I'm trying to read the 'Shinra Times'!" Cloud groaned.
Tifa grabbed Cloud's head and pointed it towards Aeris. His newspaper fell to the floor.
"Oh... my... God!" Cloud stuttered.
Aeris stood before them. She had gained a lot of weight, and was as big as a house (not literally).
"Is something wrong, you two?" Aeris asked.
"How much did *you* have to eat last night? You been on the munchies again?" Tifa giggled.
"Huh?" Aeris looked down at her stomach. "Ergh!"
The ancient fainted onto the floor.
"Oh my God! They killed..."
"No, not yet, Cloud," Tifa belowed. "She's still breathing. She's just fainted. Here, give me a hand."
Cloud and Tifa pulled Aeris up onto a table, and crowded round.
"Geez! I've only seen one person who's as fat as this! She must've ate like an 'S' class Chocobo!"
"No... it's not that, Cloud," Tifa said, as she pressed her ear against Aeris's belly. "She-She's pregnant!"
"What?!" Cloud exclaimed.
Later that day, the whole party had gathered at Seventh Heaven to witness this small miracle.
"But-But how?!" Barrett yelled.
"Sigh!" Tifa grumbled. "I knew we'd have to explain this to you someday, Barrett. Y'see, when a man and a woman have se-"
"Yeah! I know all that! I'm not stupid!" Barrett retorted. "What I mean is: when did all this happen?! She was fine yesterday! Not fat or anythin'! These things don't jus' crop up over night!"
"Barrett's right," Cloud agreed. "Aeris, can you explain?"
"Um... I don't know either, Cloud! This is all a mystery to me aswell!"
"Maybe we should call a doctor?" Red XIII suggested.
"I'll get on the phone to Dr. Imahidiot!" Tifa shouted.
Tifa walked off towards the telephone, while Yuffie inspected Aeris.
"Holy crap! You must have some big baby in there!"
"If it is a baby," Barrett mumbled. "Perhaps it's somethin' else."
"Like what?!" Cid wondered. "A double cheese burger with extra ham?!"
"Hey, that's not funny, Cid!" Aeris snapped. "Ow! I think I felt a kick!"
"Ya did!" Yuffie flinched. "It was me! You need to calm down, sister! This isn't doing any good for the kid!"
Just then, Tifa walked back into the bar.
"Is Dr. Imahidiot coming?" Cloud questioned.
"No, he's out on call. But they're sending over someone else. Hold on, Aeris."
"Hold on?! Seriously, my water just broke!" the ancient gasped.
"Ergh!" the group squirmed, as they all moved away from her.
Suddenly, Professor Hojo entered the building. He gave a sneaky smile as he moved towards Aeris.
"Hmmm, looks like the reproduction of the ancients is imminent."
"Professor Hojo?! What are you doing here?!" Cloud panicked.
"I was informed that someone here needed a doctor. I assume that person is you, m'dear?"
"Hey! She needed a *doctor*! We don't want no service from a criminal!" Barrett growled.
"Criminal?! I'm hurt!" Hojo cried. "I'm a reformed man now!"
"Reformed? More like deformed!" Cait Sith whispered.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" Aeris groaned.
"People! We have a baby on the way!" Hojo yelled. "Now do you want me to deliver it or not?!"
"Knock yourself out!" Cid coughed, as he sipped on his beer.
Hojo moved closer to Aeris. He inspected her, um, y'know, and gave a sad look.
"Is everything alright, Professor?" Vincent asked.
"No. This is no ordinary pregnancy."
"Yeah, like we figured that one out ten minutes ago!" Yuffie mumbled.
"I have to move fast!" Hojo thought. "I've decided! I'm going in!"
"What?!" the party exclaimed.
"Relax, I've done this many times during my career." Hojo plugged his nose and pulled his top half up into Aeris's dress.
"Ew!"
Aeris began to sweat badly. The party tried to comfort her in her time of need.
"Okay! Pant Aeris! Whoof whoof whoof! Deep, slow breaths!" Tifa bloated.
"Whoof whoof whoof!" Aeris panted. "Whoof whoof whoof!"
"Who let the dogs out..." Yuffie sang quietly.
"Success!" Hojo yelled, as he pulled himself out of Aeris.
"Hurray!" Cloud cheered. "But, uh, Professor? Where is the baby?"
"Oh, um, the child refuses to come out. In fact, he's stuck."
"Stuck?! Then why success?!" Cloud wailed.
"Success... because I got out of there just in time. This is no ordinary child. It is some sort of demon, which has been implanted into this young woman during a period of which she was not aware. And he is very, very pissed off. He also stole my ten inch needle."
"Oh boy!" Aeris gurgled.
All of a sudden, a large needle end pierced through Aeris's stomach. It ripped her apart as a demon child emerged.
"Oh my God! It killed Aeris!" Tifa screamed.
"You beast!" Cloud yelled.
The demon jumped onto the floor, swinging Professor Hojo's needle around in front of the party. It giggled in an evil way.
"Quick Professor! Do something!" Yuffie belowed. "Professor?"
"Bye-bye losers!" Hojo laughed, as he ran off outside.
"That bastard!" Cid growled. "Uh, nice baby... nice baby!"
The demon leapt upon Cid and lifted the needle above his head. It prepared to inject Cid, which would kill him instantly.
"Cloud! Barrett! Tifa! Yuffie! Cait Sith! Red XIII! And the other guy! Help me!"
"I'll save you, Cid!" Cloud ran at the demon with his Ultimate Weapon held high. He took a swipe at the demon, and sliced it into two halves. Its limp body crumbled to the floor.
"Phew!" Cid sighed, while he felt his head. "Now that's what I call a close shave!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" the party laughed.
"I love you guys!" Cloud smiled.
THE END__________
Rating: PG-13
Original Size: 6kb
First Published: 2/23/01
=======================================================================
Premise: Aeris discovers that she is pregnant...
=======================================================================
A Countdown To Pain
"Morning everyone!" Aeris smiled, as she walked into Tifa's bar, Seventh Heaven.
"Morning Aeris, did you sleep wel-"
Tifa's jaw dropped in horror. She stared at Aeris and gave Cloud a tap on the shoulder.
"What?! I'm trying to read the 'Shinra Times'!" Cloud groaned.
Tifa grabbed Cloud's head and pointed it towards Aeris. His newspaper fell to the floor.
"Oh... my... God!" Cloud stuttered.
Aeris stood before them. She had gained a lot of weight, and was as big as a house (not literally).
"Is something wrong, you two?" Aeris asked.
"How much did *you* have to eat last night? You been on the munchies again?" Tifa giggled.
"Huh?" Aeris looked down at her stomach. "Ergh!"
The ancient fainted onto the floor.
"Oh my God! They killed..."
"No, not yet, Cloud," Tifa belowed. "She's still breathing. She's just fainted. Here, give me a hand."
Cloud and Tifa pulled Aeris up onto a table, and crowded round.
"Geez! I've only seen one person who's as fat as this! She must've ate like an 'S' class Chocobo!"
"No... it's not that, Cloud," Tifa said, as she pressed her ear against Aeris's belly. "She-She's pregnant!"
"What?!" Cloud exclaimed.
Later that day, the whole party had gathered at Seventh Heaven to witness this small miracle.
"But-But how?!" Barrett yelled.
"Sigh!" Tifa grumbled. "I knew we'd have to explain this to you someday, Barrett. Y'see, when a man and a woman have se-"
"Yeah! I know all that! I'm not stupid!" Barrett retorted. "What I mean is: when did all this happen?! She was fine yesterday! Not fat or anythin'! These things don't jus' crop up over night!"
"Barrett's right," Cloud agreed. "Aeris, can you explain?"
"Um... I don't know either, Cloud! This is all a mystery to me aswell!"
"Maybe we should call a doctor?" Red XIII suggested.
"I'll get on the phone to Dr. Imahidiot!" Tifa shouted.
Tifa walked off towards the telephone, while Yuffie inspected Aeris.
"Holy crap! You must have some big baby in there!"
"If it is a baby," Barrett mumbled. "Perhaps it's somethin' else."
"Like what?!" Cid wondered. "A double cheese burger with extra ham?!"
"Hey, that's not funny, Cid!" Aeris snapped. "Ow! I think I felt a kick!"
"Ya did!" Yuffie flinched. "It was me! You need to calm down, sister! This isn't doing any good for the kid!"
Just then, Tifa walked back into the bar.
"Is Dr. Imahidiot coming?" Cloud questioned.
"No, he's out on call. But they're sending over someone else. Hold on, Aeris."
"Hold on?! Seriously, my water just broke!" the ancient gasped.
"Ergh!" the group squirmed, as they all moved away from her.
Suddenly, Professor Hojo entered the building. He gave a sneaky smile as he moved towards Aeris.
"Hmmm, looks like the reproduction of the ancients is imminent."
"Professor Hojo?! What are you doing here?!" Cloud panicked.
"I was informed that someone here needed a doctor. I assume that person is you, m'dear?"
"Hey! She needed a *doctor*! We don't want no service from a criminal!" Barrett growled.
"Criminal?! I'm hurt!" Hojo cried. "I'm a reformed man now!"
"Reformed? More like deformed!" Cait Sith whispered.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" Aeris groaned.
"People! We have a baby on the way!" Hojo yelled. "Now do you want me to deliver it or not?!"
"Knock yourself out!" Cid coughed, as he sipped on his beer.
Hojo moved closer to Aeris. He inspected her, um, y'know, and gave a sad look.
"Is everything alright, Professor?" Vincent asked.
"No. This is no ordinary pregnancy."
"Yeah, like we figured that one out ten minutes ago!" Yuffie mumbled.
"I have to move fast!" Hojo thought. "I've decided! I'm going in!"
"What?!" the party exclaimed.
"Relax, I've done this many times during my career." Hojo plugged his nose and pulled his top half up into Aeris's dress.
"Ew!"
Aeris began to sweat badly. The party tried to comfort her in her time of need.
"Okay! Pant Aeris! Whoof whoof whoof! Deep, slow breaths!" Tifa bloated.
"Whoof whoof whoof!" Aeris panted. "Whoof whoof whoof!"
"Who let the dogs out..." Yuffie sang quietly.
"Success!" Hojo yelled, as he pulled himself out of Aeris.
"Hurray!" Cloud cheered. "But, uh, Professor? Where is the baby?"
"Oh, um, the child refuses to come out. In fact, he's stuck."
"Stuck?! Then why success?!" Cloud wailed.
"Success... because I got out of there just in time. This is no ordinary child. It is some sort of demon, which has been implanted into this young woman during a period of which she was not aware. And he is very, very pissed off. He also stole my ten inch needle."
"Oh boy!" Aeris gurgled.
All of a sudden, a large needle end pierced through Aeris's stomach. It ripped her apart as a demon child emerged.
"Oh my God! It killed Aeris!" Tifa screamed.
"You beast!" Cloud yelled.
The demon jumped onto the floor, swinging Professor Hojo's needle around in front of the party. It giggled in an evil way.
"Quick Professor! Do something!" Yuffie belowed. "Professor?"
"Bye-bye losers!" Hojo laughed, as he ran off outside.
"That bastard!" Cid growled. "Uh, nice baby... nice baby!"
The demon leapt upon Cid and lifted the needle above his head. It prepared to inject Cid, which would kill him instantly.
"Cloud! Barrett! Tifa! Yuffie! Cait Sith! Red XIII! And the other guy! Help me!"
"I'll save you, Cid!" Cloud ran at the demon with his Ultimate Weapon held high. He took a swipe at the demon, and sliced it into two halves. Its limp body crumbled to the floor.
"Phew!" Cid sighed, while he felt his head. "Now that's what I call a close shave!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" the party laughed.
"I love you guys!" Cloud smiled.
THE END__________