couchtrip

Title: "Couch Trip" (Seventh in "And Life Goes On" series)
Author: Spikelicious
Disclaimer: Not mine. Lalala. New clothes!
Feedback: Certainly.
Note: This takes place the same day as Help Wanted'.
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That evening at around five-thirty, there was a knock on the door. From his place on the couch, Spike yelled, "C'mon in!"

Dawn glanced over at the vampire next to her. Not moving from her seat either, she looked at the door and then turned a half-hearted glare onto the languid vampire slouched comfortably on his side of the couch.

"What if that was...a vampire or something, and you just invited it in?" She didn't seem overly concerned, merely curious, and Spike lifted an eyebrow.

"Naw, vampire senses, remember, pet? I can smell Xander and Anya." Off her look, he nodded. "You really don't want to know."

Dawn shuddered. "I know I don't. I really, really don't. Unfortunately, Anya hasn't figured that out yet, and has no idea that most of what comes out of her mouth is totally gross. She needs one of those V-chip things."

Spike chuckled and both their gazes shifted to the door as Xander opened it, having momentarily been held up by Anya's insistent reminders that they had to leave by nine p.m. so that they could have 'adequate orgasm time before bed'.

Xander set the bag he was carrying on the landing and turned to Dawn and Spike. Noting that they were not moving in any fashion what so ever, Xander came over and stood in front of them.

"Uh, so, whatcha doin'?"

Dawn yawned. "Not moving."

Xander waited, and when no further explanation was forthcoming he joined them, claiming the cushion next to Dawn's.

"Yeah, not moving is of the good. You guys been here long?"

Spike shrugged slightly. "Since Nibblet got home from school."

Xander's eyes widened. "Wasn't that like three hours ago?"

Dawn's head tipped in the barest of nods. "I made a bet with Vamped Wonder over here that he couldn't sit in one place for any length of time. And, here we are."

Xander nodded, impressed. "Yup. Here you are. Up for a movie? You guys can order the pizza...hey, where are Wills and Tara?"

"Loverwiccas had errands to do. Went to pick up my pay for me early so I could take care of Scooby snacks for a change. They're picking the pizza up on the way home, so no need to call."

Even as he spoke, the two women pulled into the driveway in Willow's mom's car, which had been 'borrowed' indeterminably seeing as how the DeSoto got about a mile to the gallon. As the car doors slammed, Spike detected the faint scent of the pizza and grinned. "Good girls! Got the Meatlover's Special, no garlic."

Anya went into the kitchen to get paper plates and napkins as Xander rubbed his hands together in anticipation, then turned to Spike and Dawn.

"You guys moving any time soon?"

Dawn sighed and got up, and Spike jumped up as well, dancing a surprisingly Xander-like dance while chortling, "I win! I win! Breakfast in bed for a week! Ha bloody ha on you, Nibblet!"

Dawn rounded on Spike with a smirk. "Big win, Spike. You eat breakfast same time I do and all I gotta do is dump it into a mug and nuke it."

Slightly deflated, Spike frowned. "Well...so what! I won, that's what counts."

If Xander didn't know better, he'd swear Dawn had just made Spike pout. Geez, this was one Summers-women whupped vamp if ever there was one.

Humming Wizard of Oz style, 'if ever there ever a vamp there was, lalalalalalala', he moved over to let the witches in just as they reached the front door. Sweeping the door open wide with an exaggerated flourish, he ushered the ladies in.

Dawn moved up behind Xander to dig through the bag he'd left on the landing and pulled out the evening's movie.

"Ooh, cool! I've been wanting to see this movie!"

Xander smiled proudly. "Perfect choice for our little ensemble cast. Romancy-love story crap for the ladies, babes dancing wet on top of the bar for the men..." he shot a look at Willow and Tara, who were unloading their boxes of pizza onto the coffee table. "Er, and maybe some of the ladies, too."

Spike grinned as Dawn rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Just pop it in and start sending the pizza over. Spike's got work in a couple hours."

All eyes suddenly fixed on the vampire, who shifted uncomfortably. "What?"

Willow smiled reassuringly. "It's just, you know, the only job you ever had was being paid by Buffy to give us information."

Spike examined the scuff in his boot at that, until Tara added, "But we haven't paid you for a long time, now, so...that's nice." She bit her lip and let her hair fall back across her face as she busied herself over pulling apart slices of pizza.

Willow glanced at Spike. Hey, you still want me to come with you?

Spike shook his head. I really don't think there will be trouble, at least not right away. Nobody knows I'm working there yet.

As Willow shrugged amicably, Anya came back in and hovered over Xander from behind. "It took forever to find the paper plates and napkins! You use them all the time, why don't you just leave them on the counter?"

Spike didn't bother mentioning that it had to do with his and Nibblet's tendencies to use the paper plates as frisbees, and instead reached over to receive his pizza from Willow.

When everyone was comfortably squished into the couch or on the floor, they started the movie and soon became absorbed in 'Coyote Ugly'.

* * * * *

As the movie ended, Xander and Spike were of one mind: Gorgeous, buxom, leatherclad women who wielded water hoses and danced on a bar as if it were only lacking a stipper's pole held definite appeal. Willow and Tara seemed to agree, although they hadn't been quite as vocal about their approval and recommendations on how the girls in the movie should have gone about removing their clothing. Anya merely commented on what a good business woman the bar owner was, and Dawn was content to swoon over the lead male.

As Spike moved to get his duster, Xander eyed him suspiciously.

"Uh, Spike? You getting ready this early? It's only eight thirty."

Spike straightened the collar and smoothed out his sleeves before turning to face the other man.

"Yeah? So?"

Xander shrugged. "You got plenty of time, it's only a five minute walk. What say we get a little death match Scooby-style going? We still have that game we rented."

Spike shook his head firmly as he went to the door. "Nope. First night on the job, gotta show up a bit early and get familiarized with the layout of the bar."

Xander raised an eyebrow at the vampire. "It's Willy's, what's to know? Besides, it's not like Willy's gonna dock your pay if you show up two minutes late. Geez."

Spike noted that Dawn had watched the exchange with interest, and more for her benefit than any real sense of work ethic replied firmly, "Nope, gotta be serious about my first job. Will, Tara, Lil' Bit, I'll see you gals in the morning."

As he left the house, Willow called out encouragingly, "Go get 'em, tiger!"

* * * * *

Willy immediately spotted Spike--his new employee, he disbelievingly reminded himself again--as he entered through the side entrance. Ten minutes early, no less. As Spike neared the bar, Willy held up a newly printed bar menu.

"See, Spike? I got the onion thing you wanted, and them chicken wings. All nice and printed up, cook out back's been bitchin' about adding them but I remembered our deal and he's made room around his Zarvok slop and Romnulf demon swill for them!"

Spike nodded without expression, although he was fervently hoping that the cook could actually manage some decent blossoms and wings.

Willy gestured to the bar. "Well, here ya are. Feels a bit strange and all, giving it over. I'm just gonna go out back in case there's a drink you need to know how to make or something."

Spike stared at him for a moment until Willy squirmed. "Uh, on second thought, maybe I'll just go home for the night. Let Jasper close up, huh? He's got the key and all."

Praying to some god that he would have a business to open the next day, Willy scurried out of his bar, wondering what the hell he was going to do for the rest of the night. He'd never not been behind the bar, and the fact that Spike was now there did nothing to alleve the anxiety.

Spike stripped off his duster and shoved it under the bar, noting that the standard sawed-off shotgun was there, although the silent alarm button was not. 'Bloody Sunnydale PD wouldn't come here anyway,' he reflected as he began familiarizing himself with the layout of his new nightly domain.

* * * * *

"Hey, Dead Man Walking, hold up another mug!"

Xander giggled as he watched the beer mug in the mirror behind the bar raise up as if it was being levitated, rather than being clutched by an annoyed vampire bartender who was seriously debating whether the pain from the chip might be worth bringing the mug down on Xander's head.

"That's it, mate. I'm cutting you off."

Xander frowned. "Spike, I've only had one drink."

"Yeah, but you're already bugging the hell out of me. I don't want to know you in three more drinks."

Xander pouted. "You know, I was a bartender on campus for awhile. I could give you some pointers."

Spike shrugged. "You know, I was a drinker for over a century. I could give you some pointers."

"Oh. Well then, point taken."

Sighing, Spike placed the mug back on the bar rather than in Xander's skull and wondered if Giles had developed his nervous tic/cleaning glasses habit in response to wanting to do violent things whenever the boy was near. Xander was actually fun to have around in small doses, but Spike had already filled his quota for the evening.

"Mate, why are you here again? I got other stuff to do, you know...and shouldn't you be home shagging Anya by now?"

Xander slouched over the bar. "Hey, it was on the way home...sort of. We just wanted to see you in action." Pausing, he reconsidered his own words. "Did that sound as nasty as I think it did?"

"Oh, shut your soddin' trap, you monkey-spanker."

Just as Xander was about to ask why somebody would spank a monkey, Anya stalked over to them from the Ladies' Room, not looking pleased.

"Spike, there is a dead rat in one of the toilets. And that was the best thing I could think of to say about your bathrooms." She pursed her lips in disgust and Spike shrugged, continuing to mix table three's drinks.

"Sorry pet, but that's not my job and I don't go in there. I suggest you don't go in there either and voila! No problems."

Anya turned to Xander and eyed him, as if gauging whether he'd had another drink while she'd been gone. "Are you drunk?"

Xander sighed. "No. Spike wouldn't let me."

Anya gave Spike an approving smile. "Good. We need to go home and have sex now, and I don't like drunken sex. It's sloppy, and sometimes boring, and I usually don't get the right amount of orgasms, if any."

Moving quickly to the other end of the bar, Spike began chatting up a Larvak demon who was trying to order some kind of motor oil, apparently.

Allowing himself to be pulled out of the bar, Xander shouted, "Good luck, Spike! No dancing on the bar!"

"Stupid bloody git." Turning back to the Larvak demon, Spike smiled affably. "Sorry mate, we don't carry Moyroyle young, but I do make a right decent Wallbanger."

* * * * *

Late the next morning, when Spike finally emerged from the basement still half-asleep, Dawn pounced.

"So! How was it? Were there any barroom brawls? Didja get lots of tips and stuff? Did any skanky hos come on to you?"

Spike regarded her blearily. "Pet. Can I have breakfast 'fore we get all 'Chatty Kathy'?"

Dawn pouted. "I suppose. How 'bout if I pay up and heat it while you talk?"

Without waiting for his response, she turned and bounced into the kitchen, causing Spike to shake his head and make a mental note to hide the sugar from the overly perky teen.

As Spike dutifully recounted his uneventful first night of gainful employment, Dawn began to lose interest in his job description and politely waited until he finished his mug of blood before wandering into the living room.

Slumping onto the couch, she fished the remote out of the couch with practiced ease and began flipping through channels.

After rinsing his mug, Spike joined her on the couch in the living room, noting her now-still form. 'Teenagers', he marvelled. 'Bouncing off the walls one minute, totally quiet the next.' She continued flipping through stations until something caught Spike's eye.

"Ooh, stop there, 'Bit. It's the Count Dracula one where Bugs keeps changing him into a bat by saying 'Abracadabra'."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "And we've only watched this one how many times? Besides, everyone knows the best one is where they find the abominable snowman..."

In unison, they chanted, "And I will love him and pet him and stroke him and keep him and I will call him George..."

Giggling, Dawn tossed the remote onto the floor at her feet then pulled her legs up into lotus position, idly playing with the frayed hole in the knee of her jeans.

Spike noticed after a moment. "Pet, aren't those you favorite jeans?"

Dawn nodded glumly. "Yeah, and they were one of the last pairs I had that fit right. And holey jeans are SO early nineties!"

Spike considered her carefully. "You've grown again, eh, Lil' Bit?"

Dawn sighed. "Yeah, like an inch. Pretty soon, you won't even be able to call me 'Lil' BIt' anymore cause I'll be taller than you." Her voice caught; although she sometimes gave Spike a hard time about all the various and sometimes bizarre names he came up for her, she knew he did it out of affection.

Spike leaned over and nudged her with his shoulder to get her attention.

"Pet, you will always be my Lil' Bit, even if you don't stop stretching 'til you're eight feet tall."

Dawn stifled a pleased grin and nodded. "But I really do need some new clothes. I know we don't have any money really, but..."

Spike eyed her suspiciously. "'Bit, are you trying to be a clothes martyr?"

Dawn thought about that for a second. "Um, no?"

"Pet, you need new clothes, you get new clothes. I'll have one of the girls take you to the mall and outfit you up proper." Spike nodded to himself, missing the gleam of hope that flared in Dawn's eyes only to die down again as reality hit her.

"Spike, you only started your job last night. We don't have the money for mall clothes yet. I could...I could go to Kmart or something."

Spike stared at the girl incredulously.

"Pet, Kmart sucks."

He got up and stood in front of her, hands on hips and disapproving glare pasted on his face. 'God,' Dawn thought distractedly, 'he's doing the same exact thing Buffy used to do when she was about to lecture me'.

"Listen, pet. We have at least enough money to get you a couple pairs of new jeans and a few tops. We can get more next week, okay? I'll ask Willow if she or Tara can take you-" he paused, recalling every outfit he could remember either of the witches wearing.

"Anya. I'll call Anya and have her take you. Not only does she dress normally, she's very good at being thrifty."

As Dawn eyed her vampire guardian doubtfully, Spike was tallying the tips he'd made last night. Surely he could find a way to lure in more customers, especially the well-tipping kind. The more money he made, the less guilty Dawn would feel about needing new clothes. He just had to find the right lure, was all. An enterprising vampire such as himself surely could manage that.

Realizing Dawn was speaking to him, Spike focused his attention on her. "Eh, what?"

Dawn rolled her eyes. 'Probably having another 'chatting with inner-Spike' moment', she thought drily.

"I said, don't forget to return 'Coyote Ugly' to the movie store tonight on the way to Willy's. Xander forgot it in the vcr."

"Coyote Ugly? Oh, that movie where those chits danced on the bar..."

As Spike drifted off into contemplation again, Dawn turned back to the tv and allowed the comfortable silence to settle upon them.