Title: Countdown to Vasectomy
Rating: PG-13
Original Size: 5kb
First Published: 3/18/01
=======================================================================
Premise: Another future tale, which will probably make the male generation squeal in horror.
=======================================================================
A Countdown To Vasectomy
"Phew! That was fun!" Aerith shrieked. "Let's go again!"
"Again?! Whoa!" Cloud tried to get his breath back. "I don't think I can go again! I mean, I'm not some kinda machine!"
"Aw, you're no fun, Cloud!" Aerith grumbled. "You'll do it with me again, won't you Barrett?"
"Uh... I dunno. I sorta got a weak stomach from the last time too. It really took a lot out o' me!" Barrett gasped.
"So neither of you are up for it?!" Aerith groaned. "Okay, what about you, Tifa?"
"I-I don't think so. I didn't really like it much. I'd never done anything like that before and it scared me a little," Tifa explained. "You hear all sorts of horrible stories about all the things that could go wrong."
"Sigh! So what am I gonna do?! I can't go it alone!"
"Why don't you go ask Vincent or Cid? I think they're around here somewhere," Cloud suggested.
"Alright! I'll go and find one of the others. I bet they're up for it!" Aerith walked off leaving Cloud, Tifa and Barrett huffing and wheezing.
"Now what we gonna do?" Barrett wondered.
"Barrett, could you let me and Cloud have some time alone for a while?" Tifa asked.
"Sure! I'll see ya later!" Barrett left his friends alone.
"Okay Cloud, now it's just you and me! Show me what kind of a man you are!" Tifa cheered.
"You got it! Get ready cause I'm gonna make you sweat, baby!" Cloud smiled. "I'm taking you... to Wonder Square!"
The whole party were spending the day at the Gold Saucer. (What?! What did you think they were doing exactly?!) They had just ridden the rollercoaster in Speed Square for the seventh time and now they wanted to relax and try something a bit less stomach-churning.
"How much GP do you think we'll win?" Tifa questioned.
"4000 GP!" Cloud screamed.
"Well, well, well! If it isn't my favourite buddies in the whole wide world! Cloud Strife and Tifa Lockheart!"
"Oh, Cait Sith. It's you," Cloud moaned.
"How ya doing?! You know what? You guys are my fifth customers today! I'm gonna tell your fortune on the house!" Cait Sith smirked.
"No, we're not here for our fort-"
Tifa quickly put her hand over Cloud's mouth, which silenced him immediately. "Go ahead! I always wanted to know what the future held for Cloud and I."
"Okeedokee!" Cait Sith flinched. "It's 25 years into the future. I see... I see a large villa in the sunny Costa del Sol... which isn't yours. Hmmm, now I see... a small house in the run down town of North Corel..."
A middle aged man with balding, blonde hair walked towards a dirty beat-up old shack. Upon entering, he was greeted by a woman cooking near a stove. She had brown hair, and was wearing a white T-shirt and a very short skirt.
"Cloud dear, where on earth have you been? Your dinner has been ready for three hours!"
"I'm sorry, Tifa," the man replied. "I was just eyeing up the new weapon selection over at the market stall."
"Oh Cloud, you're 46 years old now! Your adventuring days are over!" Tifa sighed.
"My adventuring days will never be over!" Cloud slurred. "Tifa, I'm horny. Let's have sex."
"No Cloud! Not until you agree to have that vasectomy!"
"What?! I told you last night: there's no way I'm having one of them!" Cloud bloated.
"But Cloud, we've already had six children together. I can't cope with anymore!"
"I don't care! I'd rather have another kid dangling off your teats, than have my weiner tampered with by some poor excuse for a doctor!"
"Well, you know the rules: no vasectomy, no sah-sex with me!" Tifa crossed her arms and turned away.
"You're so sexy when you get mad!" Cloud laughed. "C'mere baby!"
"No!" Tifa yelled.
"D'ah! I'm going out!" Cloud stormed out the front door in frustration. Tifa then heard his voice echo from outside. "Hey there, can I take a look at that new sword? Oh, that's just superb! Can I touch it? No, just let me hold it! I-I... give it to me! You little... there, got it! One, two, three... argh!!"
"What the...?" Tifa paused.
"Tifa?!" Cloud shouted. "I... I did it! I had a vasectomy! Ca-Can we have sex now?"
"Oh my..." Tifa fainted to the floor.
"Ergh! I actually perform the operation myself?!" Cloud panicked.
"I guess. I don't get it right all the time. But I do know this for sure: you guys are destined to be together!"
"Hmmm, I suppose that is good news," Tifa gurgled. "Th-Thanks Cait Sith."
Cloud and Tifa wandered off to play Mog House. Aerith poked her head out from behind a thick pillar.
"I'm... so... mad... right... now!" she moaned.
She hit the stone pillar with her fist in anger. The vibration caused a piece of the pillar to come crashing down on her head. She was killed instantly.
"Geez!" Cait Sith belowed, as he turned round to face the crushed ancient. "I've told Dio about a million times to knock down that stony old pillar!"
THE END__________
Rating: PG-13
Original Size: 5kb
First Published: 3/18/01
=======================================================================
Premise: Another future tale, which will probably make the male generation squeal in horror.
=======================================================================
A Countdown To Vasectomy
"Phew! That was fun!" Aerith shrieked. "Let's go again!"
"Again?! Whoa!" Cloud tried to get his breath back. "I don't think I can go again! I mean, I'm not some kinda machine!"
"Aw, you're no fun, Cloud!" Aerith grumbled. "You'll do it with me again, won't you Barrett?"
"Uh... I dunno. I sorta got a weak stomach from the last time too. It really took a lot out o' me!" Barrett gasped.
"So neither of you are up for it?!" Aerith groaned. "Okay, what about you, Tifa?"
"I-I don't think so. I didn't really like it much. I'd never done anything like that before and it scared me a little," Tifa explained. "You hear all sorts of horrible stories about all the things that could go wrong."
"Sigh! So what am I gonna do?! I can't go it alone!"
"Why don't you go ask Vincent or Cid? I think they're around here somewhere," Cloud suggested.
"Alright! I'll go and find one of the others. I bet they're up for it!" Aerith walked off leaving Cloud, Tifa and Barrett huffing and wheezing.
"Now what we gonna do?" Barrett wondered.
"Barrett, could you let me and Cloud have some time alone for a while?" Tifa asked.
"Sure! I'll see ya later!" Barrett left his friends alone.
"Okay Cloud, now it's just you and me! Show me what kind of a man you are!" Tifa cheered.
"You got it! Get ready cause I'm gonna make you sweat, baby!" Cloud smiled. "I'm taking you... to Wonder Square!"
The whole party were spending the day at the Gold Saucer. (What?! What did you think they were doing exactly?!) They had just ridden the rollercoaster in Speed Square for the seventh time and now they wanted to relax and try something a bit less stomach-churning.
"How much GP do you think we'll win?" Tifa questioned.
"4000 GP!" Cloud screamed.
"Well, well, well! If it isn't my favourite buddies in the whole wide world! Cloud Strife and Tifa Lockheart!"
"Oh, Cait Sith. It's you," Cloud moaned.
"How ya doing?! You know what? You guys are my fifth customers today! I'm gonna tell your fortune on the house!" Cait Sith smirked.
"No, we're not here for our fort-"
Tifa quickly put her hand over Cloud's mouth, which silenced him immediately. "Go ahead! I always wanted to know what the future held for Cloud and I."
"Okeedokee!" Cait Sith flinched. "It's 25 years into the future. I see... I see a large villa in the sunny Costa del Sol... which isn't yours. Hmmm, now I see... a small house in the run down town of North Corel..."
A middle aged man with balding, blonde hair walked towards a dirty beat-up old shack. Upon entering, he was greeted by a woman cooking near a stove. She had brown hair, and was wearing a white T-shirt and a very short skirt.
"Cloud dear, where on earth have you been? Your dinner has been ready for three hours!"
"I'm sorry, Tifa," the man replied. "I was just eyeing up the new weapon selection over at the market stall."
"Oh Cloud, you're 46 years old now! Your adventuring days are over!" Tifa sighed.
"My adventuring days will never be over!" Cloud slurred. "Tifa, I'm horny. Let's have sex."
"No Cloud! Not until you agree to have that vasectomy!"
"What?! I told you last night: there's no way I'm having one of them!" Cloud bloated.
"But Cloud, we've already had six children together. I can't cope with anymore!"
"I don't care! I'd rather have another kid dangling off your teats, than have my weiner tampered with by some poor excuse for a doctor!"
"Well, you know the rules: no vasectomy, no sah-sex with me!" Tifa crossed her arms and turned away.
"You're so sexy when you get mad!" Cloud laughed. "C'mere baby!"
"No!" Tifa yelled.
"D'ah! I'm going out!" Cloud stormed out the front door in frustration. Tifa then heard his voice echo from outside. "Hey there, can I take a look at that new sword? Oh, that's just superb! Can I touch it? No, just let me hold it! I-I... give it to me! You little... there, got it! One, two, three... argh!!"
"What the...?" Tifa paused.
"Tifa?!" Cloud shouted. "I... I did it! I had a vasectomy! Ca-Can we have sex now?"
"Oh my..." Tifa fainted to the floor.
"Ergh! I actually perform the operation myself?!" Cloud panicked.
"I guess. I don't get it right all the time. But I do know this for sure: you guys are destined to be together!"
"Hmmm, I suppose that is good news," Tifa gurgled. "Th-Thanks Cait Sith."
Cloud and Tifa wandered off to play Mog House. Aerith poked her head out from behind a thick pillar.
"I'm... so... mad... right... now!" she moaned.
She hit the stone pillar with her fist in anger. The vibration caused a piece of the pillar to come crashing down on her head. She was killed instantly.
"Geez!" Cait Sith belowed, as he turned round to face the crushed ancient. "I've told Dio about a million times to knock down that stony old pillar!"
THE END__________