Even Angels Make Mistakes!
Chapter 6
By bunny chan & Ginny :)
insert the usual time-taken appology here :) We own Melissa, Professor Matherwik, Professor du Temps, Narinda, and the Angels With Incurable Manners school.
Keep a look out for an all-new story we're working on... we're not 100% sure of the title yet, but it'll be something along the lines of 'Earth= 98.5% Useless'... yes, it's another of our very surreal ideas, this time an MWPP/ L story, about, er, well, you'll have to wait and see! [But don't bet your money that Melissa and co won't ever be back. They're quite fun to torment... lol]
ENJOY [or else... ;)]!
Bunny Chan & Ginny :)
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Melissa was in a foul temper. This was perfectly natural, and, had anyone who knew her been around to witness her recently, unsurprising. What wasn't perfectly natural or at all unsurprising was that her leather jacket, silver nail polish, short sparkly skirt and hooped earrings had been forcibly removed.
To add embaressment, and lashings metophorical butter to the burn, she had been kidnapped! Kidnapped by Angels, no less! It didn't even bear thinking about...
The expression on her face and gone beyond it's normal fury and dislike, into something new and frankly terrifying. It would need a whole new word to describe it, but 'bloody angry' will have to do for now.
The Incurable And Criminal Manners in Angels school took cases like Melissa Johnns very seriously. The whole spider incident had been too much. Although it was generally felt by the teachers that they'd far rather Melissa was being inflicted on some innocent person then them, they didn't have a choice.
The Angel music tutor, Professor Matherwik had tryed to teach her to play the mandolin. It had not been a success. She broken it. When made to act as Page Turner for another student, a delightful child called Narinda Losswell who looked as though she was made from frills, bows, ribbons and curls, Melissa had wandered off, singing about someone called Slim Shady.
In something bordering on desperate fear, Professor Matherwik had ordered her to the herb gardens. She'd been only too glad to go, and was now eating stawberries, and contentedly ignoring the angel in charge of the fruit patch, who was screeching words that should never pass an Angels' lips.
Melissa, ammused by the whole Angel swearing thing, decided to annoy him still further. She threw a stawberry up in the air and caught it in her mouth.
Hahahahaha.
~*~
"Oof!" Harry yelped, as Neville fell on him. He yelped another two more times, when Hermione and Ron tumbled over. "Watch it!"
Hermione picked herself up, straightening her robes. She stared around. "What happened to that colourful hole? I don't quite--"
"This place looks a lot like candyfloss... yum..." Ron said dreamily.
"Where is this place?" Neville asked blankly, looking around.
"Would you all be kind enough to get off me like Hermione?" Harry yelled, obviously still squashed by his friends. Ron and Neville climbed off. "Whew! Thank you!"
"Are we all here?" a lady's voice asked.
"Huh?" Harry, Ron and Hermione said, turning to the source of the voice. "Who're you?"
"Harry, that's your mum! Your mum!" Neville said happily. "See! I wasn't seeing things!"
"M...um?" Harry echoed, staring at the Lily's seemingly solid form. His mind refused to let him take it in. His insides seemed to be filled with air. His mother...
"Hello Harry!" Lily greeted cheerfully, smiling at her son, obviously deciding that this was the best policy, "Where's James?"
"Right here!"
"Where?"
"In the rose bush!"
Everyone turned to find James Potter, busily stuffing himself with the pink roses that were growing on the bush. Harry edged away carefully to the back of his friends. His father seemed a little mad, to eat flowers.
"Hey, Harry! Come and have some!" James called.
"Um, thanks, dad, but no thanks," Harry said.
"Go on," Lily said, pushing Harry towards James. "It's not a real flower. It's sherbert roses, made especially for ... Angels and people and ghosts and poltergeists." GROWWWL . "And speaking of food, perhaps my stomach's speaking up for some?" Lily added sheepishly.
"Sweets? You really mean it? Ediable flowers?" Ron said, eyeing the roses. They looked quite real to him.
"Don't be silly! They don't exist!" Hermione scoffed, "It wouldn't work. Science and Magic is what's real, not--"
"Well, as you can see, they do work here!"
Ron popped one into his mouth happily.
"I thought we were here to find Melissa? She's probably alone somewhere in Heaven now..." Neville mused.
"Oh well, we can feel sorry for Heaven later," Lily said cheerfully.
"Yes, yes, we'll find her in good time," James said, and stopped pushing the leaves into his mouth.
"She can't be that bad," said Ron philosophically, "if she's from Heaven."
"So are rain, thunder and lightening," pointed out James, "and trust me, she is."
"Where do we go? And where are we?" Hermione said.
"In Heaven, Section 563, Puffy Rainbow-Cloud Stream, directly opposite the Angels With Mentally Abused Minds and Attitudes and Incurable Manners School, which is where I suspect Melissa Johnns is," Lily said knowledgebly, pointing at a rather jolly looking building which seemed a lot like the sweet house taken from the Hansel and Gretel story. Melissa would have hated it. "It doesn't take a mastermind to guess that she was heading there, with language and behaviour like that!" She glanced at her husband, "James... that grass is real. You can't eat it."
"Oh. Well, it doesn't taste that bad, actually."
"Um. Are you sure that's even a school?" Harry said uncertainly. It looked more like a bakery to him.
"Yes, and Melissa's probably watering pot- plants now," James said, grinning at the idea.
"Er, Neville? I recall you saying once that this Melissa girl isn't that sort of person to do graceful work, right? Or did I hear wrong?" Ron said to Neville.
"You heard right. She's probably destroying the entire hierachy of Heaven now." Somehow, Neville couldn't help feeling a little pompous.
"So, how are we going to get her out?" Lily said.
"You're asking us? You brought us here and you're asking us???" James yelled.
"ME?! What about ME bringing us here??? YOU were the idiot who wanted to go to Heaven at all expense!" Lily screeched.
"We're at a very impressionable age, you know," Hermione said darkly.
"I thought it was bad for parents to argue before their kids," Harry whispered to Ron. "I heard the Dursleys say so."
Lily and James must have heard him, because they fell silent.
"Er, how about we look for your friend? I mean, angels supposedly have councils, right? Like our place? And I'm itching to find out the History of Earth and Sky and--"
"Cut it out, Hermione. We're doing nothing of that sort here," Ron hissed. "We're on holiday!!!"
"How can we be in holiday when it isn't even a holiday day?" Hermione snapped. "Don't speak nonsense!"
"I'm not speaking nonsense! You were the one! What about holiday's day, huh?" Ron yelled.
"It's a holiday day!!!"
"There!! See? You admit that today's a holiday!" Ron cried triumphantly.
"I did not!"
"Did!"
"Not!"
"You know, Neville, we're in one of the worst comedy fights in the world," Harry moaned to his friend. Neville nodded dumbly, thinking about his parents and, oddly, Melissa.
"Wonder how's Melissa now. It's really boring without her," Neville said dully. He never thought he'd think that. But then, she did make an impact on your life. Even if it was a similar- feeling impact to that of a 10 tonne wieght dropping on you.
"With the all the swearing, huh?" James said. "That girl hasn't much manners. She hasn't much decency. She hasn't much anything."
"You can say that again," Lily said. "But we have to find a way to get Melissa out of here and let her finish whatever she's supposed to do!"
"What is she suppose to do?" Harry inquired.
"Make life a living Hell for me," Neville said at once. It was kind of true.
"I never knew you used swear words," Hermione said, "Must have been the influence. I'd better stay away from your language."
"Well, she's an Angel sent from Hell! Whoever heard of an Angel swearing at her clients? And destroying my potions? And pulling cockroach legs to help me get the detention done? And setting spiders on--"
"She pulled cockroach legs? Wow, I'm impressed. She can help me get my detention done, then," Harry grinned. Having a Guardian Angel sounds fun to him. "Mum, who's my Guardian Angel? Do I have one?"
"Of course. It's me and your dad. That makes one Angel and one poltergiest for your guardians. Oh, and Sirius, if you count living people. Wonder where he is...?" Lily said, "Anyway, that means one Angel, one ghost and one godfather. A lot, I must say, for a teenaged wizard."
"I have an idea!" Neville cried out. Ron and Hermione stop arguing (with "Did!" and "Not!") and stared at him. "Melissa has always told me how alike this Angel - Crover or Glover, whatever - is to Harry's mother!"
"It's Clover and she's my stupid twin sister that deserves nothing better than a harp on her head," Lily said.
"Okay. So how about if we get Harry's mother to impersonate this Clover, and get Melissa out of that school? I mean, this Clover's supposed to be one of the best Angels, right? She's important, isn't she?"
"Quite so..." James said, thinking. "She's in the Angel Registry Department, last time I remembered."
"So you want ME to impersonate my sister???" Lily screeched. "You have got to be kidding!"
"No, I'm not! It just might work, y'know!" Neville said. "I know my plans aren't always good--"
"He's got that right," Ron muttered. Neville ignored him.
"--but it just might work! Please? Pretty pretty please? With a huge, uh, cloud sundae and, uh, sherbert rose bushes on top?"
Lily glared at him before turning to James to discuss. After a short while, Lily flew into temper and began yelling. In five seconds, she was quiet again and walked towards the four teenagers, announcing that she would do it. James emerged a second later with a large red hand-print on his face. Lily must have slapped him for something he said.
Harry was beginning to wonder about his parents' sanity.
~*~
Professor du Temps, headmaster of the School For Disrupted Angels, flicked through his papers, signing his name at the bottom of each one. It occurred to him that he might like to go for lunch soon. That was one reson why he had disliked Earth, and decided to settle down in Heaven. You couldn't eat down there. Thank goodness for Angel foods!
His musings were interrupted by a knock on the door, followed by hurried mutterings. As he opened his mouth to invite the knocker in, the door burst open.
Clover Evans strode in. Everyone knew Clover. She was very high up in the Angel Ministry, only just below the Lord Angel Raphael, who was only bettered by God Himself-- not that God ever involved himself with such unimportant matters as went on at the School.
"Miss... Clover Evans? Delighted to see you again!" Professor de Temps was determined to show that everything was Just Fine.
"What?" Lily-- for it was, of course, she-- looked startled, but soon recovered herself, "Oh...! I mean, yes. Same to you. Erm. Nice day, isn't it?"
"Indeed, it is. Can I help you?" He was hungry, but was determined not to show now much he wanted to leave.
"I'm sure you can. I mean yes. I mean, I'm looking for an Angel who arrived here last night?"
"But of course. One moment please. I will look through the files..." He paused, and turned to the filing cabenet behind him, and began sorting though the name lists, "... Blake, Suzannah?"
"N...o..."
"... Edjwell, Thomas?"
"No. Look, I know the name. It's Melissa Johnns. She's... probably something of a problem case."
"Hmmm... Ah, yes, here are her details!" he drew out a large file, with an extremely unflattering photo of Melissa scowling blackly attached to it, surrounded by writing. Lily could make out a few words... '... disruptive behaviour... unacceptable... daddy long legs... havoc... language... no discipline...'
"Yep, that's her all right!" said Lily, happily. It could hardly have been anyone else.
"May I ask, why do you wish to speak to her? I'm afraid I could not advise it. She can destroy a person's nearves in seconds."
"Don't I know it! Er, I mean, she has to be removed from this place, because there is an important job for her on Earth." Seeing obvious doubt that Melissa could be any use at 'important jbs' lingering the Proffessor's eyes, Lily added, "Lord Angel Rapheal said so."
"Oh, but of course!" Professor du Temps practically purred at the mention of Lord Angel Rapheal, "I was not doubting you, Miss. Evans! I shall call for her now," he retuned to his desk, where Lily now noticed the micophone to a PA system. He switched it on. Lily wondered whether Melissa would actually even bother replying to it. She supposed, that it all depended on how bored she was.
"Attention Melissa Daphne Johnns!" boomed the PA system, "Please come immeadiately, repeat, immeadiately, to the headmaster's office. Thankyou."
"Lovely," said Lily, giving a vague smile and trying to act like Clover, "I'm sure she'll be along in a minute. Such a delightful child. Erm."
"You've never actually met her, have you?" the Professor frowned. Lily, seeing nothing else for it, shrugged.
The door shot open. Melissa Daphne Johnns stood scowling in the doorway, the strawberryjuice down the front of her once white silk dress. Professor de Temps winced a little. Melissa's face cleared as she saw Lily.
"Lily! What are you--?" Lily made a violent hand signal for Melissa to shut up. She was rather surprised when she got the message.
"I am not Lily Potter," entoned Lily, trying to sound severe, "I am her twin sister, Clover Evans."
"Yeah, right, I--"
"If you dissagree with me again," Lily was having trouble keeping this up, "I will have to hit you with my harp. And I'm sure you wouldn't want that, dearie. Erm."
Lily hoped that Melissa wouldn't take being called 'dearie' personally. By the look on her face, she would.
"Well, whaddya want anyway?" Melissa scowled at her.
"If it's all right with... Mr... Mr... Mister, here, I want to take you back to Earth. I believe that there are some people who need your help."
"All right. Hogwarts is better then this dump."
"Thankyou, Melissa. So long then, Mister, erm, well, bye!" Lily smiled as though her teeth had been stuck together with glue, grabbed Melissa's arm, and hurried her out of the room.
Professor du Temps leaned back on his chair. Well, that was one less pupil to worry about. Now, time for lunch...
~*~
"Thank goodness that's over!" Lily breathed a sigh of relief as the door to Professor du Temps' office closed beind them.
"You do a rotten job of impersonating your psycho sister," Melissa said, matter- of- factly, "I'm surprised that bloke believed a word you said. She'd've hit me with her harp within five minutes, she would have, she's violent, not like what you are... well, what'll we do now I'm out?"
Lily sighed. Helping Melissa was a thankless task. Well, what had she expected? "You could be a little more greatful," she said remosefully.
"Oh, I'd have left anyway, soon as it got boring," Melissa informed her cheerfully.
"I mean, James, Neville, Harry, Hermione, Ron and I came all this way, just to help you..."
"I didn't make you. You did that, 'cause you felt like it."
"Actually, we did that because you're needed."
"Really? Oh well."
"You Know Who is after Harry again--"
"Who is You Know Who? I don't Know Who, but You do Know Who..."
"Har har, very witty. I'll inform Jack Dee that there's a new comedienne too look out for."
"Whatever. Who is You Know Who?"
"Well..." Lily frowed a little, making effort, "You Know Who... he's a very powerful wizard. Very powerful."
"Cool. If I could do magic, I'd make myself up a nice Limmo and mansion, with servents and a chauffeur and my own private Jacuz--"
"For one thing, magic doesn't work like that, for another, I doubt that You Know Who would be seen dead in a Limmo."
"Well, no, 'cause people can't see you once you've copped it," Melissa thought for a moment, "Except Neville."
"Listen, will you?! You Know Who doesn't want a Limmo or a mansion or--"
"Why not?"
"I don't know!"
"Maybe a Ford Prefect would be more his style... or a BMW... and he could have a gym, instead of a jacuzzi..."
"Melissa!"
"What?!"
"Will you listen a second, and I'm not
kidding! You Know Who wants to kill all the Muggle Borns and Muggles!
He wants to take over the world!"
This did not have the effect Lily had hoped for.
"OK. Well, goodie for him."
"It's no laughing matter!" Lily thought that, if not even death could shut people like Melissa up, there was no hope for life on earth.
"Am I even smiling?"
"Look, to sum it up, we need all the Angels we can get, to look after all the people on Earth! You've got Neville, right? You've also got to help us with Harry, and--"
"Harry already has half the bally world looking over his shoulder for him. Why me as well? What about the others? Neville doesn't have no-one, except me, and he buggers up his life far more often then Harry does."
"Fine! You look after Neville! Just you do that! Let Harry be unprotected and the world be destroyed--"
"I bloody well will, don't worry."
Melissa was not one of those people with conciences, Lily decided. There was less then no point in calling her names or arguing.
"This is all nuts anyway," Melissa continued. Lily thought that maybe there was a suicide gene somewhere along the girl's family line, and then remembered that Melissa was already dead. The idea irritated her, "I mean, magic and some bloke called You Know Who-- that's worse then being called Too Late For Dinner, almost-- and this geezer with a daft name, wants to take over the world and people are actually scaired?"
"Of course they are! This is serious, the whole world could end! Everyone will be killed!"
"Dying isn't that bad, actually. It's been interesting, in a stupid kinda way, and--"
Melissa stopped complaining as a loud, deeply viabrating, nearve- shivvering noise boomed it's way accross Heaven.
"What's that?" She glanced at Lily.
"I think," said Lily, "That that is the escape signal. I think," she added, "that now would be a good idea to run."
"Right."
They ran for it. Melissa wondered why the heck Angels had wings if they couldn't use them.
~*~
The two Angels caught up with the others a moment later.
"Fly, fly, fly!!! Fly, I said!" Melissa yelled, trying to flap her tiny grubby wings. They wouldn't even budge, even when she moved her shoulders vigorously.
"It won't fly just like that!" Lily shrieked. "Don't be an idiot and let them catch you! Run there! There!!!"
"I think you should give me the bloody directions and not just friggin' well yell like Hell's falling!" Melissa scowled.
"Well, I couldn't care less, Melissa Johnns!" Lily said, scowling irritably. "I rescued you from that school and brought you all the way here and--"
"Correction. You bloody well wanted me to save this bloody world from it's bloody hell of a terrible fate," Melissa said.
"That's your angel?" Ron said to Neville.
"Erm. Yeah," Neville muttered.
"She's quite cute..."
Neville choked and coughed.
"Excuse me?!"
"Er... nothing."
"She's NOT cute," James said flatly, "She's as close to Demonic as an Angel can get." He was lucky Melissa didn't hear him, or he'd have been planted right under the rose bush as he ate his sugar flowers.
"Where are we supposed to go?" Hermione asked. "Do we have to phone ourselves back? I mean, there's no telephone in Heaven, is there?"
"No, I don't quite suppose so," Harry said, looking around the white clouds of Heaven grounds, the flower gardens, stray rose bushes and a few clump of grass here and there on the fluffy cotton wool. He said firmly again, "No. There's no telephone in Heaven."
"How the heck do Angels get down, then?" Ron asked.
"This Tristam guy who sent me to Hogwarts snapped his fingers and I found myself there," Melissa said helpfully. At this, all of them began snapping their fingers, with an exception of Hermione who could only clap her hands as she don't know how to snap her fingers.
"This is no use! The Angels will be here in no time!" Lily said desperately. "We have to get back to Earth!"
Just as the words left her lips, four snow white pegasus flew over them, a grand gold chariot drawn behind them. A young man with ivy leaves decorated on his flying brown hair was sitting in it. The sun seemed to follow him.
"Apollo! Goodness gracious, we're saved!" James cried.
"That's Apollo? As in the Sun God?" Melissa said incredously. She did a double take at him. "For once, those bleedin' books were right about him. Only they left out the part that he was dressed in flowing garments of flowers."
"You call that flowers?" Harry said. "I call them girlie dresses."
"I agree," James said.
"Like father like son," Lily said, shaking her head sadly. "They're called bathrobes, actually."
"Whatever it is called isn't quite my problem," Neville said squirmily. He glanced at a cloud-mountain, where a large crowd of Angels stood. He gulped. "I, er, think the other Angels are here. Shouldn't we, erm, run?"
"Right. A lousy mess of Angels they all are," Melissa said. "Hey you! Wossname! Apollo! Get outta that frikkin' chariot and give it to us!"
Apollo stared at her in shock.
"Some language to use against a Sun God," Hermione muttered.
"No. I think it's a good idea that we hi-jack his transportation," James said. He ran towards Apollo suddenly, war-crying at him savagely.
"Help! Help! I'm being attacked!!!" Apollo yelped, squirming like a girl. He shrieked and squealed, "I'm being molested! Aaah! I'm getting raped! Help!!!"
Harry, Ron and Neville, seeing his cowardice, rushed after him like James, yelling out loudly about eating meat, drinking blood, gaining immortality and being super smart to ace their exams.
Apollo, who had been holidaying in Heaven for a few hours, decided that it had definitely changed since his last visit 35,6595 years ago. The angels are getting savage, foul mouth and more cannibal-like. As if cannibalism had been practiced in Heaven by the deceased cannibals. If cannibals EVER get to Heaven, that is.
The boys and James attacked Apollo with a few strengthless punches, missing kicks and a few kungfu moves Ron's Muggle comics had displayed. But stupid as their harmless attacks and war-cries were, Apollo was frightened to death. He fainted.
"Smart," Lily muttered as James and Ron pushed Apollo's fainted form out. The girls clambered into the huge and spacious chariot, just as the Angels arrived on the scene of the crime, squealing at the sight of the knocked-out Apollo. They forgot about Melissa and Clover Evans' impersonator for a short moment as they tended the Sun God's scratches. It was long enough for the others to escape.
"That was quite a good idea, as much as I hate to admit it," Melissa said.
"This is not right. We shouldn't have beaten him up. He's a God! He might decide to burn us to crisp when we get back to Earth! This is not right!" Hermione muttered.
"Now... how d'you work this thing?" James said, looking at the display of coloured buttons and flshing knobs and spinning dials on the control panel. Ron, was still playing some kungfu stunts to impress Melissa, who was looking at him as though he was barmy. Occaisionally, Ron let out a cry of "Hiyaaaaa!"
The horses jumped. And before the chariot occupants knew it, they were zooming on their way towards the moon.
"Turn! Turn!" Lily shrieked, pulling the stering wheel as James grabbed at it. James turned violently, crashing into the Moon Goddess Diana's castle. The Goddess ran out hurriedly, angry at being disturbed, holding a bow in hand.
"Who goest yonder?" she cried savagely.
"A ghost and two Angels along with a triplet of humans," Hermione said. "And for a Goddess, you're pretty snappy."
"Sssh!!!! Do you honestly wanna die?!" Melissa hissed. "She can bow you and kill you right now! And I don't friggin' want to put up with you any longer then I have to!"
"Honestly, dad, haven't you learnt to drive?" Harry said.
"Shut up," James muttered, colouring a little.
"He failed," Lily said, glaring at the blushing James.
James, with Lily and Harry's aid, spun the stering wheel to turn it back to Earth. They hit a few passing chariots in which Mother Earth and Goddess Demete were in, which resulted in a few zaps of thunder and cried of agony. Soon, two Angels, one poltergeist, three boys and one girl and on their way to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Hogsmeade, Britian, Earth.
Or so they thought.
James was back on the track to Heaven.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Dun dun duuuunnn!
Please take a few seconds to read and review? We love getting feedback on our stories! The next part shouldbe the last, but don't forget us, 'cause, since this has been so much fun, WE WILL BE BACK! MWAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAAA ::cough::
Bunny chan & Ginny :)