Chapter 1: Loss
"I'm sorry
Chichi. It's the way he wanted it." Krillin looked at me sadly.
My mind was
numb, and I felt detached from my body. This couldn't be happening, not
again, please let me wake up and know that this has all been a horrible dream.
Gohan
nodded slowly, his face grave. "It's true, mum." He said. "Dad spoke to us from
the other dimension… and he asked us not to wish him back -"
My stomach churned. I couldn't take it.
I turned and ran as far as I could, then dropped to my knees and violently
emptied the contents of my stomach.
Sitting back to catch my breath, my hands rested in my lap, and I raised
my face to the orange sunset sky, hoping that just maybe, I would catch a
glimpse of my love soaring through the heavens. "Goku…?" I whispered.
"Mum?" Gohan's voice startled me. I
turned, and my heart ached. His face looked so much like Goku's. He was so
strong, just like his dad. He took a step toward me, reaching out and taking my
hand. "Are you OK?"
His eyes were beginning to well up with
tears. "Oh, my poor little Gohan…" I snatched him into my arms. Grief overcame
me, tears flowing freely down my cheeks and into Gohan's chest. My body heaved,
wracked with pure anguish.
For how long I wept, I have no idea. By
the time I had finished, my eyes were puffy and sore. I pushed Gohan to arms
length and saw that he was the same. I stood slowly and led the boy inside. I
was vaguely surprised to note that Krillin had remained here, sitting off to
one side. He appeared to be deep in meditation.
I offered Gohan some food, but he refused.
He had not taken this lightly. I knew that he still blamed himself for his
father's death, no matter what anybody had said to try and console him. It was
more burden than a boy his age should have to bear. I followed him to his room,
and tucked him safely into his bed, where he promptly fell asleep.
I stayed with him for a while, silent,
just watching the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. I forgot my own grief
for a moment, thinking about what must have gone through my child's mind today.
He had saved the world from Cell. That invincible monster had finally been
defeated. But his victory was bitter sweet, for in the process, he had lost his
father and mentor. It was not one of those days that Gohan would always
remember, rather one that he could never forget. I wished suddenly that I
hadn't broke down in front of him like I did earlier. What he needs is strength
right now. I'll apologise in the morning.
I stood and walked back into the living
room. A small, framed picture on a bookshelf caught my attention, and I picked
it up. I smiled at it, and plonked heavily into the lounge. "We were so happy
then. We had no idea." I said quietly. The picture was of Goku, Gohan and I,
laughing and enjoying the summer sun. I remember the day we took this photo.
It was so hot that day. I ran my fingers over the picture, memories
flooding back. Our dreams. Our hopes.
And now here I am. Without you.
I clutched the picture to me, holding it
tight. I prized myself off the lounge
and wandered into our bedroom. Lying on the bed was a single red rose. A lump
rose in my throat. That was one of those things that Goku did for me only, and
only I knew about. Every time he left to save the world, or go on some other
foolish quest – whenever we would be apart, he would always leave a red rose on
my pillow. It was his way of saying 'I love you'
One more silver tear rolled down my
cheek as I picked up the rose and inhaled its soft perfume. I can't believe
he's truly gone.
Grief tore at me once more as I realised
that I had never said 'Good bye'
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I was woken the next morning by that
itchy, niggly feeling of someone watching you. I opened my eyes slowly, and saw
Gohan standing in the doorway. His unruly hair was further messed up, a tell
tale sign that he had had a rough night. He smiled at me weakly, and I patted
the bed next to me, gesturing him to take a seat. I realised that I had been
holding Goku's rose and our picture all night. I laid them carefully on the
nightstand as Gohan wedged himself underneath my arm.
Combing my fingers through his hair, I
carefully planned what I could say to him. But when I opened my mouth, it came
out differently. "I'm sorry, Gohan"
He peered up at me. "For what, mum?"
I took a deep breath and sighed. "I
shouldn't have let myself go like that yesterday, I - "
His face took on that softness that
reminded me again of his father. "Mum, I'm glad you did." He left it hanging
for a moment while I took this on board. "I know you think that what I need
right now is strength, but all I have known for the past year is strength – the
strength to beat Cell, and – " He sighed heavily. "Well, you know. But I think
that what I really need right now is…" he paused while he searched for the
word, "…release."
I hugged him tightly. "Well, you just
let it all out Gohan. Mama's here." And he did. He grabbed my clothes in his
fists and he cried into them as I stroked his hair, hoping it might bring him
some comfort.
Some time later when he'd finished, I
sat up and looked at him, my head tilted in concern. "Better?" I asked.
He nodded his head warily. I smiled.
"Breakfast?"
His eyes lit up. He was a Saiyajin all
right. I stood and began making my way into the kitchen. Digging around in the
pantry, nausea began to make my head swirl. I sped into the bathroom, making it
just in time.
"Whew" I
breathed a sigh of relief. "Thought I'd got rid off all that." I mused. I
cleaned myself up and returned to the kitchen finding Gohan waiting patiently
at the counter. "Geez, mum. Are you OK? You look terrible."
"Thanks
Gohan." I said sarcastically. "But really, I'm fine. I think I just caught that
stomach flu that's been going around." Or maybe its just stress, I
thought. But I said nothing more.
I finished a
meagre breakfast, not really feeling much like food at the moment. Gohan didn't
eat quite so poorly, and even demolished what I didn't eat.
The quietness
was deafening.
Out of the
window, I saw Krillin had remained on my lawn all night. It appeared as if he
hadn't moved a muscle. I guessed he was hurting probably as much as me right
now. He and Goku had grown up together, and they were best friends. I stood and
walked slowly outside.
"Have you been
here all night?" Krillin started at my voice. Apparently his mind was so far
away he didn't even sense my approach.
He stood and
turned to face me, shrugging.
"Yeah. I guess
I sorta owed Goku - he did save our lives after all. I couldn't think of
anything else I could do other than sit here and make sure you'd both be OK."
I smiled him,
sighing. "You know, right now I feel like my world has ended. But, I guess,
only time will tell." I changed the subject quickly, "You want some breakfast?"
"No thanks.
I'll be going now, if it's OK. I have some things I have to do today." I nodded understandingly, and watched as he
took to the air and disappeared.
********************************************
End of Chapter 1
C/C welcome, but go easy, this is my first fic ^_^
