Images begin to swirl.


Images begin to swirl. Six friends dancing and laughing in and around a fountain area. The theme song for the hit NBC show "Friends" is playing in the background. Instead of the usual bunch, we see a group of late twenty early thirty gang that is Lizzie, Gordo, Miranda, Kate, Matt, and Ethan. FYI: Lizzie is Monica, Gordo is Chandler, Miranda is Rachel, Ethan is Joey, Phoebe is Kate, Matt is Ross, and Ugly Naked Guy is replaced by Ugly Naked Tudgeman.

[Scene: Ugly Naked Tudgeman's apartment, Matt, Miranda, and Kate are checking out the place. Luckily, Ugly Naked Tudgeman is nowhere to be seen.]
Matt: Oh my God! I love this apartment! Isn't it perfect?! I can't believe I never realized how great it is!
Miranda: Well that is because your eye immediately goes to the skinny naked man.
Kate: It's amazing! You better hurry up and fill out an application or I'm gonna beat you to it.
Matt: (laughing) Ohh. (Kate takes a couple of steps to the door and Matt quickly hurries out.)
Miranda: Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm gonna go use Ugly Naked Tudgeman's bathroom. (Does so.)
Kate: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Lizzie and Gordo! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Gordo and Lizzie start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!
Miranda: What?!
Kate: (screaming) Ahhh!! Gordo and Lizzie!! Gordo and Lizzie!!
Miranda: Oh my God!
Kate: GORDO AND LIZZIE!!!!
Miranda: OH MY GOD!!!
Kate: OH!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!
Miranda: Kate!! Kate!! It's okay!! It's okay!!
Kate: NO! THEY'RE DOING IT!!!
Miranda: I KNOW!! I KNOW!! I KNOW!
Kate: YOU KNOW?!!!
Miranda: Yes, I know! And Ethan knows! But Matt doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!!
Matt: (entering) What's going on?
Kate and Miranda: Ohhh!!!
Miranda: (trying to divert his attention from the window by jumping up and down) HI!! Hi!
Matt: What?! What?!
Miranda: Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this apartment!
Matt: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Kate starts jumping to divert his attention.)
Kate: (Screaming incoherently.) Get in here!!! (Motions to join her and Miranda.)
(Matt starts jumping and screaming incoherently and hops over and joins in on the group hug.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Kate and Miranda are there talking about Gordo and Lizzie.]
Kate: You mean whenever Lizzie and Gordo where like y'know doing laundry or going grocery shopping or—Oh! All that time Lizzie spent on the phone with sad Linda from camp!
Miranda: Uh-huh, doing it. Doing it. Phone doing it.
Kate: Oh! Oh, I can't believe it! I mean I think it's great! For him. She might be able to do better.
Ethan: (entering) Hey guys!
Miranda: Ethan! Come here! Come here!
Ethan: What? What?
Miranda: Kate just found out about Lizzie and Gordo.
Ethan: You mean how they're friends and nothing more? (Glares at Miranda.)
Miranda: No. Ethan, she knows! We were at Ugly Naked Tudgeman's apartment and we saw them doing it through the window. (Ethan gasps) Actually, we saw them doing it up against the window.
Kate: Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Miranda knows?
Ethan: Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over!
Kate: Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own.
Miranda: Wh-what do you mean?
Kate: Well y'know every time that they say that like they're doing laundry we'll just give them a bunch of laundry to do.
Miranda: Ohhh, I-I would enjoy that!
Ethan: No-no-no! No-no wait Miranda, you know what would even be more fun? Telling them.
Miranda: Ehhh, no, I wanna do Kate's thing.
Ethan: I can't take any
Kate: No! You don't have to do anything! Just don't tell them that we know!
Ethan: Noo! I can't take any more secrets! (To Miranda) I've got your secrets. I've got their secrets. I got secrets of my own y'know!
Miranda: You don't have any secrets!
Ethan: Oh yeah? Well, you don't know about Hugsy, my bedtime penguin pal. (Ethan shies away.)
Miranda: (To Kate) So umm, how-how are we gonna mess with them?
Ethan: Ugh.
Kate: Well, you could use your position y'know as the roommate.
Miranda: Okay.
Kate: And then. I would use y'know the strongest tool at my disposal. My sexuality.
Gordo: (entering) Hello children!
All: Hey!
Kate: Okay, watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie.
(She gets up and goes over to Gordo who's ordering some coffee from Sam McGuire.)
Gordo: Hey.
Kate: Hey! Ooh, wow that jacket looks great on you!
Gordo: Really?
Kate: (feels his arm) Yeah the material feels so soft—hello Mr. Bicep! Have you been working out?
Gordo: Well, I try to y'know, squeeze things. (Kate giggles uncontrollably.) Are you okay?
Kate: Well, if you really wanna know, I'm—Oh! I can't tell you this.
Gordo: Kate, it's me. You can tell me anything.
Kate: Well actually you're the one person I can't tell this too. And the one person I want to the most.
Gordo: What's going on?
Kate: I think it's just y'know that I haven't been with a guy in so long and how sometimes you're looking for something and you just don't even see that it's right there in front of you sipping coffee—Oh no, have I said to much? Well it's just something to think about. I know I will.
(She makes a show of bending over to get her coat and showing off her bum. She then walks out, leaving no one to eat her cookie.)

[Scene: Lizzie and Miranda's, Matt is looking at Ugly Naked Tudgeman's apartment through binoculars.]
Matt: Noooo.
Miranda: Oh Matt, honey you gotta stop torturing yourself!
Kate: Yeah, why don't you just find another apartment?
Matt: Look I've already looked at like a thousand apartments this month and none of them even compares to that one!
Miranda: Y'know what you should do?
Matt: Huh?
Miranda: You should find out what his hobbies are and then use that to bond with him. Yeah! Like if I would strike up a conversation to Ethan about say umm, sandwiches. Or uh, or my underwear.
Ethan: I'm listening.
Miranda: (To Matt) See?
Matt: That is a great idea! And! I know Ugly Naked Tudgeman because we've been watching him for like five years so that gives me back my edge! Oh, let's see now he had the trampoline.
Kate: He broke that.
Matt: Well, he had gravity boots.
Miranda: Yeah, he broke those too.
Ethan: So he likes to break stuff.
Matt: Okay, I've got to go pick up Ben but I-I will figure something out. (He opens the door and stops.) Hey, didn't he used to have a cat?
Kate: I wouldn't bring that up, it would probably just bum him out.
Ethan: Yeah, poor cat, never saw that big butt coming.
Matt: Right. (Exits.)
(The phone rings and Miranda answers it.)
Miranda: Hello! (Listens) Oh yeah! Hey! Hold on a second she's right here! (To Kate) It's Gordo.
Kate: (in a sexy voice) Oh? (Takes the phone from Miranda.) Hello you.
Gordo: Hello Kate, I've been thinking about you all day. (He's holding the phone so that Lizzie can hear it as well.)
Kate: Eh?
Gordo: Well you know that thing you said before, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued.
Kate: Really?
Gordo: Yeah, listen, Ethan isn't gonna be here tonight so why don't you come over and I'll let you uh, feel my bicep. Or maybe more.
Kate: I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! (Hangs up.) Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!
Miranda: Are you kidding?!
Kate: No!
Miranda: I can not believe he would do that to Liz—Whoa! (She stops suddenly and slowly turns to point at Ethan. Ethan is avoiding her eyes.) Ethan, do they know that we know?
Ethan: No.
Miranda: Ethan!
Ethan: They know you know.
Miranda: Ugh, I knew it! Oh I cannot believe those two!
Kate: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Ethan just shakes his head.) Ethan, you can't say anything!
Ethan: I couldn't even if I wanted too.

[Scene: Lizzie and Miranda's, Gordo and Lizzie and Miranda and Kate are planning their respective strategies to break the other pairing. Ethan is not amused.
Lizzie: (in the kitchen with Gordo) Look at them, they're-they're panicked!
Gordo: Oh yeah, they're totally gonna back down!
Lizzie: Oh yeah!
[Cut to Kate and Miranda sitting on the couch.]
Kate: All right. All right! If he wants a date? He's gonna get a date. All right, I'm gonna go in.
Miranda: All right. Be sexy.
Kate: (laughs) Please.
(She saunters over to Gordo with a mean pair of 'Come hither' eyes and she glares at Lizzie.)
Kate: So Gordo, I-I'd love to come by tonight.
Gordo: (initially worried, but gets over it) Really?
Kate: Oh absolutely. Shall we say, around seven?
Gordo: Yes.
Kate: Good. I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse.
(As she walks away, Gordo mouths a scream to Lizzie. How motions and mouths, "It's okay, it's okay.")
Ethan: (looking out the window) Hey-hey, check it out! Check it out! Ugly Naked Tudgeman has a naked friend!
(They all run over to the window.)
Miranda: Oh yeah! (She gasps.) Oh my God! That is our friend! (Lizzie covers her face.) It's Naked Matt! (Lizzie turns and buries her face in Gordo's shoulder.)
All: Yeah, it is! Naked Matt!!

[Scene: Lizzie and Miranda's, Miranda is getting Kate ready for her date.]
Miranda: Show time!
Kate: Okay, Miranda, get me perfume!
Miranda: Okay! (She runs to get some.)
Kate: And Ethan, get me a bottle of wine and glasses? (He begrudgingly does so.)
(In the meantime, Miranda has returned with the perfume and sprays a mist out in front of Kate who walks through the mist and does a little spin.)
[Cut to Gordo, Ethan, and Matt's, Lizzie is getting Gordo ready for his half of the plan.]
Lizzie: All right, it'll be great! You just make her think you wanna have sex with her! It'll totally freak her out!
Gordo: Okay, listen, how far am I gonna have to go with her?
Lizzie: Relax, she-she's gonna give in way before you do!
Gordo: How do you know?!
Lizzie: Because you're on my team! And my team always wins!
Gordo: At this?!
Lizzie: Just go get some! (Kisses him.) Go! (She runs to hide in the bathroom.)
[Cut to the hallway, Kate is outside getting some last minute instructions from Miranda.]
Miranda: (handing her the wine) Okay honey, now I'm gonna try to listen from right here!
Kate: Okay.
Miranda: Okay? Whoa, wait! (She undoes one button on Kate's dress.)
Kate: Good idea!
Miranda: Yeah, oh wait! (She goes for another one.)
Kate: Oh now, don't give away the farm!
(Kate knocks on the door with the wine and Gordo answers it. Miranda hides next to the door.)
Gordo: Kate.
Kate: Gordo.
Gordo: Come on in.
Kate: I was going too. (They go inside and he closes the door.) Umm, I brought some wine. Would you like some?
Gordo: Sure.
(She makes a big show out of pulling out the cork and pours the wine.)
Kate: So, here we are. Nervous?
Gordo: Me? No. You?
Kate: No, I want this to happen.
Gordo: So do I.
(They click their glasses and take a sip. That sip turns into a gulp, which quickly progresses into their mutual draining of their glasses at once.)
Gordo: I'm gonna put on some music.
Kate: Maybe, maybe I'll dance for you. (She starts doing a rather suggestive and seductive dance that's silly at the same time.)
Gordo: You look good.
Kate: Thanks! Y'know, that when you say things like that it makes me wanna rip that sweater vest right off!
Gordo: Well, why don't we move this into the bedroom?
Kate: Really?
Gordo: Oh, do you not want to?
Kate: No. No! It's just y'know first, I wanna take off all my clothes and have you rub lotion on me.
Gordo: (swallowing hard) Well that would be nice. I'll go get the lotion.
[Cut to the bathroom, Gordo is entering.]
Gordo: Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put lotion on her!
Lizzie: She's bluffing!
Gordo: Look, she's not backing down! She went like this! (He does a little mimic of her dance.)
[Cut to the hallway where Kate is conferring with Miranda.]
Kate: He's not backing down. He went to get lotion.
Ethan: (entering the hall) Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?! I wanna sit in my chair!
Miranda: Ethan look, just look at it this way, the sooner Kate breaks Gordo the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Ethan: Ooh!
Miranda: Okay!
Ethan: I like that! (To Kate) Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em! (He swiftly rips open the front of Kate's dress revealing her bra.)
Kate: Ethan! (Examining the dress.) Wow, you didn't rip off any buttons.
Ethan: It's not my first time.
[Cut to the bathroom.]
Lizzie: You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks!
Gordo: Okay, give me a second! (Pause) Did you clean up in here?
Lizzie: Of course.
[Cut back to the living room. Gordo slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Lizzie and sees Kate closing the apartment door.)
Gordo: Oh, you're-you're going?
Kate: Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra.
Gordo: (swallowing hard) It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very were gonna be having all the sex.
Kate: You should be. I'm very bendy. (Pause) I'm gonna kiss you now.
Gordo: Not if I kiss you first.
(They move closer to together and Kate hesitantly puts her hand on Gordo's hip. He puts his hand on her left hip but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Kate then grabs his butt. Gordo goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her shoulder.)
Kate: Ooh.
Gordo: Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but-but kiss.
Kate: Here it comes. Our first kiss.
(They slowly and hesitantly move their lips together and kiss gently. Kate has her eyes wide open in shock and Gordo is squinting. He finally breaks the kiss after only a short while and pushes Kate away.)
Gordo: Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sex with ya!
Kate: And why not?!
Gordo: Because I'm in love with Lizzie!!
Kate: You're-you're what?!
(Lizzie comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Miranda and Ethan both enter.)
Gordo: Love her! That's right, IHER!!! I love her!! (They walk together and hug.) I love you, Lizzie.
Lizzie: I love you too Gordo. (They kiss.)
Kate: I just—I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love!
Ethan: Dude!
Gordo: And hats off to Kate. Quite a competitor. (Pause) And might I say your breasts are still showing.
Kate: God! (She turns and buttons up.)
Ethan: All right! So that's it! It's over! Everybody knows!
Lizzie: Well actually, Matt doesn't.
Gordo: Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.
(Ethan suddenly gets very angry.)
Ending Credits

[Scene: Matt's new apartment, he is showing his boss, Dr. Ledbetter his new place and new outlook on life.]
Matt: A new place for a new Matt. I'm gonna have you and all the guys from work over once it's y'know, furnished.
Dr. Ledbetter: I must say it's nice to see you back on your feet.
Matt: Well I am that. And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.
Dr. Ledbetter: I wonder if its time for you to rejoin our team at the museum?
Matt: Oh Donald that-that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. I—What? (He notices something through the window.) No! Wh What are you doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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