New images begin to appear…

New images begin to appear Images from the movie "Good Will Hunting" but instead of the title character played by Matt Damon, we see young Lizzie McGuire.

Soon we're at this place that is a monster indoor funpark. Lizzie, Miranda, Matt,
and Tudgeman are in adjoining batting cages. Lizzie has disabled the pitching machine in his and pitches to Miranda. The gang
have been drinking. Lizzie throws one to Miranda, high and tight.
Several empty beer cans sit by the cage.

MIRANDA
Lizzie!

Another pitch, inside.

MIRANDA (cont'd)
You're gonna get charged!

LIZZIE
You think I'm afraid of you, you fuckin' bitch? You're crowdin' the plate.

Lizzie guns another one, way inside.

MIRANDA
Stop brushin' me back!

LIZZIE
Stop crowdin the plate!

Miranda laughs and steps back.

MIRANDA
Casey's bouncin' at a bar up Harvard.
We should go there sometime.

LIZZIE
What are we gonna do up there?

MIRANDA
I don't know, we'll fuck up some smart kids.
(stepping back in)
You'd prob'ly fit right in.

LIZZIE
Fuck you.

Lizzie fires a pitch at Miranda's head. Miranda dives to avoid being hit. She gets up and whips her batting helmet at Lizzie. They start to mock rumble.

*********************

Next scene fades into
A crowded Harvard Bar. Lizzie and our gang walk by a line of
several Harvard students, waiting to be carded.

MATT
What happened?
(beat)
You got fired, huh?

LIZZIE
Yeah, Matt. I got fired.

MATT
(starts laughing)
How fuckin' retarded do you have to be
to get shit-canned from that job? How
hard is it to push a fuckin' broom?

MIRANDA
You got fired from pushing a broom,
you little bitch.

MATT
Yah, that was different. Management
was restructurin'--

TUDGEMAN
--Yah, restructurin' the amount of
retards they had workin' for them.

MATT
Fuck you, you fat fuck.

TUDGEMAN
Least I work for a livin'.
(to Lizzie)
Why'd you get fired?

LIZZIE
Management was restructurin'.

Laughter.

MIRANDA
My uncle can probably get you on my
demo team.

MATT
What the fuck? I just asked you for a
job yesterday!

MIRANDA
I told you "no" yesterday!

After two students flash their ID's to the doorman (CASEY)
our gang file past him.

ALL
(one after another)
What's up Case.

With an imperceptible nod, Casey waves our gang through. A
fifth kid, a HARVARD STUDENT, tries to follow. He is stopped
by Casey's massive, outstretched arm:

CASEY
ID?

INSIDE THE BAR...

Miranda is collecting money from the guys to buy a pitcher,
all but Matt cough up some crumpled dollars.

MIRANDA
So, this is a Harvard bar, huh? I
thought there'd be equations and shit
on the wall.

MOMENTS LATER

Miranda returns to a table where Lizzie, Matt and Tudgeman have
made themselves comfortable. She [Miranda] spots two ATTRACTIVE YOUNG HARVARD MEN sitting together at the end of the bar. Miranda
struts her way toward the men and pulls up a chair. She
flashes a smile and tries to submerge her thick Boston accent.

MIRANDA
Hey, how's it goin'?

ETHAN
Fine.

GORDO
Okay.

MIRANDA
So, you gents ah, go to school here?

ETHAN
Yes.

MIRANDA
Yeah, cause I think I had a class with
you.

At this point, several interested parties materialize. Matt,
Tudgeman and Lizzie try, as inconspicuously as possible, to situate
themselves within listening distance. A rather blond student
in a HARVARD TENNIS sweatshirt, KATE (22) notices Miranda.
She [Kate] walks over to Gordo and Ethan, nobly hovering over them as
protector. This gets Lizzie, Matt, and Tudgeman's attention.

GORDO
What class?

MIRANDA
Ah, history I think.

GORDO
Oh...

MIRANDA
Yah, it's not a bad school...

At this point, Kate can't resist and steps in.

KATE
What class did you say that was?

MIRANDA
History.

KATE
How'd you like that course?

MIRANDA
Good, it was all right.

KATE
History? Just "history?" It must
have been a survey course then.

Miranda nods. Kate notices Miranda's clothes. Lizzie and Tudgeman
exchange a look and move subtly closer.

KATE (cont'd)
Pretty broad. "History of the World?"

MIRANDA
Hey, come on, we're in classes all
day. That's one thing about Harvard never
seizes to amaze me, everybody's talkin'
about school all the time.

KATE
Hey, I'm the last girl to want to talk
about school at the bar. But as long
as you're here I want to "seize" the
opportunity to ask you a question.

Tudgeman shifts his beer into his left hand. Lizzie and Matt see
this. Matt rolls his eyes as if to say "not again..."

KATE (cont'd)
Oh, I'm sure you covered it in your
history class.

Kate looks to see if the guys are impressed. They are not.
When Kate looks back to Miranda, Gordo turns to Ethan and
rolls his [own] eyes. They laugh. Lizzie sees this and smiles.

MIRANDA
To tell you the truth, I wasn't there
much. The class was rather elementary.

KATE
Elementary? Oh, I don't doubt that it
was. I remember the class, it was
just between recess and lunch.

Lizzie and Tudgeman come forward, stand behind Miranda.

MIRANDA
All right, are we gonna have a problem?

KATE
There's no problem. I was just hoping
you could give me some insight into
the evolution of the market economy in
the early colonies. My contention is
that prior to the Revolutionary War
the economic modalities especially of
the southern colonies could most aptly
be characterized as agrarian pre-
capitalist and...

Lizzie, who at this point has migrated to Miranda's side and is
completely fed-up, includes herself in the conversation.

LIZZIE
Of course that's your contention.
You're a first year grad student.
You just finished some Marxian
historian, Pete Garrison prob'ly, and
so naturally that's what you believe
until next month when you get to James
Lemon and get convinced that Virginia
and Pennsylvania were strongly
entrepreneurial and capitalist back in
1740. That'll last until sometime in
your second year, then you'll be in
here regurgitating Gordon Wood about
the Pre-revolutionary utopia and the
capital-forming effects of military
mobilization.

KATE
(taken aback)
Well, as a matter of fact, I won't,
because Wood drastically underestimates
the impact of--

LIZZIE
--"Wood drastically underestimates the
impact of social distinctions predicated
upon wealth, especially inheriated
wealth..." You got that from "Work in
Essex County," Page 421, right? Do
you have any thoughts of your own on
the subject or were you just gonna
plagerize the whole book for me?

Kate is stunned.

LIZZIE(cont'd)
Look, don't try to pass yourself off
as some kind of an intellect at the
expense of my friend just to impress
these guys.

Kate is lost now, searching for a graceful exit, any exit.

LIZZIE (cont'd)
The sad thing is, in about 50 years
you might start doin' some thinkin' on
your own and by then you'll realize
there are only two certainties in life.

KATE
Yeah? What're those?

LIZZIE
One, don't do that. Two-- you dropped
a hundred and fifty grand on an
education you coulda' picked up for a
dollar fifty in late charges at the
Public Library.

Lizzie catches Gordo's eye.

KATE
But I'll at least have a degree, and you'll
be serving my kids fries at a drive
through on our way to a skiing trip.

LIZZIE
(smiles)
Maybe. But at least I won't be unoriginal.
(beat)
And if you got a problem with that, I
guess we can step outside and deal
with it that way.

While Lizzie is substantially smaller than Kate, she [Kate] decides not
to take Lizzie up on her [Lizzie's] offer.

LIZZIE (cont'd)
If you change your mind, I'll be
over by the bar.

She turns and walks away. Miranda follows, throwing Kate a
look. Matt turns to the guys.

MATT
My sis's wicked smart.

AT THE BAR --LATER

Lizzie sits with Matt at the bar watching with some amusement
as Miranda and Tudgeman play bar basketball game where the players
shoot miniature balls at a small basket. In the B.G.
Occasionally we hear Miranda shouting "Larry!" When she scores.
Gordo emerges from the crowd and approaches Lizzie.

GORDO
You suck.

LIZZIE
What?

GORDO
I've been sitting over there for forty-
five minutes waiting for you to come
talk to me. But I'm just tired now
and I have to go home and I wasn't
going to keep sitting there waiting
for you.

LIZZIE
I'm Lizzie.

GORDO
Gordo. And by the way.
That chick over there is a real bitch and
I just wanted you to know she didn't
come with us.

LIZZIE
I kind of got that impression.

GORDO
Well, look, I have to go. Gotta' get
up early and waste some more money on
my overpriced education.

LIZZIE
I didn't mean you. Listen, maybe...

GORDO
Here's my number.

Gordo produces a folded piece of paper and offers it to Lizzie.

GORDO (cont'd)
Maybe we could go out for coffee
sometime?

LIZZIE
Great, or maybe we could go somewhere
and just eat a bunch of caramels.

GORDO
What?

LIZZIE
When you think about it, it's just as
arbitrary as drinking coffee.

GORDO
(laughs)
Okay, sounds good.

LATER

Our gang are walking out of the bar teasing one another about
their bar-ball exploits. Across the street is another bar
with a glass front. Matt spots Kate sitting by the window
with some friends.

MATT
There goes that fuckin' Barbie bitch right
now, with her fuckin' "skiin' trip."
We should'a kicked that bitch's ass.

LIZZIE
Hold up.

Lizzie crosses the street and approaches the plate glass window
and stands across from Kate, separated only by the glass. She
POUNDS THE GLASS to get Kate's attention.

LIZZIE (cont'd)
Hey!

Kate turns toward Lizzie.

LIZZIE (cont'd)
DO YOU LIKE APPLES?

Kate doesn't get it.

LIZZIE (cont'd)
DO YOU LIKE APPLES?!

KATE
Yeah?

Lizzie SLAMS GORDO'S PHONE NUMBER against the glass.

LIZZIE
WELL I GOT HIS NUMBER! HOW DO YA LIKE
THEM APPLES?!!

Lizzie's gang erupt into laughter. Angle on Kate, deflated.

*******************