Author's Notes: This is the first actual fic I've ever done that wasn't one of my original animes, I would just like everyone to know that I do NOT OWN TENCHI MUYO OR IT'S CHARACTERS NOR DO I OWN MYSTICAL NINJA: GOEMON'S. Now have fun, and enjoy reading!
Series Titles: Tenchi Muyo / Mystical Ninja: Goemon (Crossover)
Specially written for the Tenchi OVA series
Title: No Need for Cameos!
Prologue to Main Story.
Written by: Inra
I do not own Tenchi Muyo, Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon or it's characters.
Goemon theme plays
Camera pans in on Odeo town's rooves
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Fight on… Fight on…
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Never giving up
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Let's start our journey as we whistle along,
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Going now Mysical Ninja starring Alfonzo, the Dunkin Doughuts Buddy sign appears
Camera pans in on Goemon falling off a roof, onto Ebismaru's rice cake
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Well look at the sky,
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Peeping through the clouds
Japenese dude singing: *translated* You can see, just how big the sky really is
Camera pans in on Yae, standing on a bar in Odeo Town with the big words: STRIPPERS WANTED written on the sign she's standing next to
Japenese dude singing: *translated* But even if the harsh winds were to take you away..
Camera pans in on Sasuke, reading a playboy while walking straight off a roof top*
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Live your life the way YOU want it that is the destiny for many
Camera pans in on pictures of Sasuke with a strap-on, Goemon and Omitsu in their undies, Ebismaru with a censor bar on, and Yae in her showgirl outfit
Camera pans in on Impact's machine parts, mostly rusty paper clips
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Fight on.. Fight on….
Japenese dude singing: *translated* There is more than one dream..
Camera pans in on Impact and Big Robot Boss #1 on Jerry Springer with Baron
Japenese dude singing: *translated* If we reach for it hard enough…
Camera records Baron and Impact duking it out on the set
Japenese dude singing: *translated* TAKE A CHANCE!
Camera pans in on Yae, Goemon, Ebismaru, and Sasuke on a treadmill
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Fight on.. Fight on…
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Never giving up…
Camera shows all the characters doing cheesy smiles and peace signs in pig suits
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Let's start our journey as whistle along
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Going now!
BEAT BEAT BEAT!
*White flash occurs and everyone has seizures, and falls dead.*
~~~~~~~~Story Begins~~~~~~~~~~
Camera pans in on a big chestnut shaped and colored space ship
*The Chestnut Ship flies high over Odeo Town, all the people in town pause look up, and keep shopping*
=In Town=
*A young woman glances over at a blonde, spiky haired, blue eyed young man. She walks over casually, and bends over to look at the market's fresh tomatoes*
Young Woman: *bumps into young man on getting up* Oh, I'm sorry, please excuse me. *looks up* Do you think that weird chestnut ship holds a bunch of wierdos from some remote mountain that want to take over Japan? I think so…. And are you available Friday?
Young Man: You know, seems awfully familiar, like in one of those crappy, cheap Nintendo 64 polygonal games with a bad plot and a spiky-haired hero but I don't think so.
*Before the Young Man attempts to flirt with the Young Woman who couldn't get a date in her life, Goemon and Ebismaru run out of the market, Ebismaru completely naked, and Goemon in a business suit?*
Goemon & Ebismaru: *run out of the market, with bug eyes , leaving a trail of dust behind them and all over the people who are shopping*
Goemon: I TOLD YOU THE "HYPNOTIC DANCE OF DIRTY DISCOUNT" DOSEN'T WORK! *running*
Market Owner: *holding and throwing milk and bread* *yelling* GET YOUR RICE BALLS OUTTA HERE!! *looks around, with multiple clusters of people staring at him* UH OK SO THAT DIDN'T SOUND RIGHT, BLAME IT ON THE NARRATOR!!!
Crowd of people: *looks around for the "narrator"* Didn't they just STEAL HIS rice balls?
Ebismaru: *huffing and puffing* Well, I'm sure he liked that sweet lap dance I gave him, I'm just too sexy!!! And did he just say he wanted my balls?
Goemon: *running with ease* Ebismaru, Girls lap dance. Like, Omitsu!! That girl is sweeeeeeeet…. *gets a big dorky look on his face* uhhh but I think he was very sexually pleased so never DO THAT AGAIN, at least not in my presence.
*The two run by a small four year old girl holding an orange*
Four year old Girl: *points to Ebismaru* Mommy, is the zoo in town again? I tink dey let da hippos out for a walk!
Mommy of Four year old Girl: *covers her little Girl's eyes in disgust*
Ebismaru: They love me. They really love me. *panting*
Goemon: This time, you actually worry me. *gives Ebismaru an odd look, and his usual crooked V smile*
*A hawk flies overhead in a circle, Ebismaru and Goemon look up at it, as they stop to a take a breath*
Goemon: You know, seeing the same opening sequence gets boring after a while, think we should shoot the bird?
Ebismaru: *gives Goemon the finger*
Goemon: NOT THAT BIRD YOU BAKA!
Ebismaru: *sees the chestnut mech ship fly very loudly overhead, making a vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr noise* Hey, Goemon?
Goemon: Yea, Ebismaru?
Ebismaru: What's that big ole thing up there? It looks like a chestnut ship thing, but I don't think it's fall yet, and I don't think we have trees that grow acorns here in Japan, so what do you think that is?
Goemon: Probably the start of another zainy mad capped story about a naked sumo wrestler and a spiky haired freak that run off trying to save Japan to make another retarded plot point in an attempt to make people laugh as a result of a plot to a humorous fiction someone labored over for hours figuring out what we were going to say and do right now which wont make any sense.
Ebismaru: But you forgot about the Brittney Spears wanna-be with green hair and a robot that takes two double D batteries that we bought from Kay-B Toys! Where do THEY fit into the story?
Goemon: THAT'S LATER IN THE STORY YOU HIPPO ON CRACK!
Ebismaru: So.. Aw never mind.
Goemon: Ebismaru?
Ebismaru: YES GOEMON?!
Goemon: Look, your hung like a German Shepard and I'm pretty sure people don't want to see your grotesque body either way, so let's get on with this and go home so I can see the score on the Mets and the Dodgers game while you get changed.
Ebismaru: BUT EVERYONE LOVES THIS BODY!!
All the people in Odeo Town: *Pause*
Crickets: *chirp, chirp chirp*
Ebismaru: Ok, you win Goemon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Narrator: So Ebismaru and Goemon ventured home, which was a doorway from where they were standing, so it wasn't a venture and we just wanted to make it seem adventurous so we put this crappy narrator sentence in to make the story look professional. But, Oh my! It looks as if radio active squirrels are to attack Odeo Castle! Or is it……. ANOTHER GANG OF WIERDOS FROM YET ANOTHER MOUNTIAN LIKE IN THE LAST GAME?!!! Well, find out for yourself , I'm not getting paid to tell you. Your probably wondering where Tenchi and the gang come in by now, well IM STILL NOT TELLING YOU! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
= At Goemon's (still) Bachelor Pad =
camera pans in on Goemon watching Mega Man on T.V.
Goemon: *eyes get to be the size of saucers as he stares and drools at Roll running across the screen* She looks better than Yae….. Mmm…. *he says with a moan, oh brother.*
*While Goemon's jacking off to Roll's legs on T.V. Ebismaru is getting changed in Yae's room, Yae has conveniently "stepped out" for the day, and left the guys in the house. Sasuke is sitting downstairs in the basement doing yoga, and making counterfeit money.*
Ebismaru: *steps into the living room, dressed like a pimp, in purple, tons of bling-bling (jewelry for you normal people), and furs.* Well, I changed my outfit a little, but what do you think Goemon? *spins around like a Japanese schoolgirl.
Goemon: *taking his hand out of his pants, flips the channel to the Mets and Dodgers game on ESPN* EBISMARU!!!! I TOLD you not to interrupt my baseball game!!
Ebismaru: Ok, this is getting weirder than my grandmother's oatmeal cookies…since when did we have ESPN?
= At *Amethyst's Purple Haze- Bar/Strip Club, right next to Odeo Castle, heh heh =
camera pans in on the bar, showing Yae in her mermaid transformation, stripping…..ok too much info…let's just skip to later…
=Later, on the Odeo Streets, 6 P.M.=
*The Chestnut Ship FINALLY makes it to Odeo Castle, it just…well sits there and procrastinates for the plot*
*Yae walks out of the bar, and onto the streets, carrying bags and boxes of money in hand, she sits down on the Inn sign, and counts her money*
Yae: One, two, three, damn pennies!!! You think I'd make better money from those ignoramuses,..
*Yae begins to prominade home, showing off her playboy bunny suit when,……*
We are on low budget. Please insert Big sound effect here.
*Ground shakes, an enormous blue beam of light hits Oedo Castle and cheap disco music plays with tons of disco lights blazing in the sky.*
Yae: AHHHH!!!! They could at least put on Ludacris!! Or some rap music!!! Those idiots,…men…*sigh* Wait, that horrible music isn't coming from those shit shacks they call tenements.. *looks to Odeo Castle* Oh shit.
~~~~~~~
Censors: We here at ESRB Ratings system find the last quote highly rude and crude. We also find this story to be perverted and socially unacceptable. We will disavow any stronge language and pervertedness, and get rid of it right away.
Narrator: Oh no, you won't! *barrages the censor with "stronge language"* %&$*)%$)!%@#_*%#!!
Censor: NOOO!!!!!!! *blows up, pieces and material fly everywhere*
Narrator: Sorry for the incontinence, now back to the story.
~~~~~~~~
Yae: *seeming paralyzed by the awesome disco party at Odeo Caste, a forty year old pervert runs up to her, pinces her ass, and steals all her money bags*
*Yae turns around and sees the bald, short elderly man in a purple kimono*
Yae: HEY!!!! COME BACK HERE!! I WORKED HARD FOR THAT MONEY!! *she turned and chased him up and down the town, leaving only a blur behind the two*
=Meanwhile onboard the 'Chestnut Ship' =
Mystery Man: *is watching Tenchi Muyo: Episode 8: No Need for Babies!, off of an all anime channel, sitting in a purple leather chair in the control room.* Aww I wish I lived with all those hotties…. *drool* especially Ryoko!! WOO HOO!
Baron, Sharon, and Colon: *pop their heads in the large arched electrical doorway with laser light thingys* HEY KEEP IN DOWN IN THERE!!! *they all march back into their room and watch Loony Toons on Cartoon Network*
Baron: Mystery Man is such a child.
Sharon: Um, Baron, doesn't he have a name?
Colon: Hey, we forgot to turn on the theme music….
Sharon: *pushes a pink button with a gloved finger* there we go. *The Barney Song blasts on the speakers* Whoops, wrong one… *presses a big button marked: THEME FOR WIERDOS: Elvis music plays*
Colon: I think we need to stop wasting text.
Baron: Good idea.
=In the pink, fuzzy bedroom onboard the 'Chestnut Ship'=
Mystery Woman: *listens to Madonna- Like a Virgin* *singing* LIKE A VIRGIN! *jumps and twists in the air* OW! *comes down and does a split* TOUCHED FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME!! *does a pushing motion and jumps up and dances around* LIKE A VIIIIIRRRRRRRRGIN! *head bangs* WITH YOUR HEARTBEAT, NEXT TO… *hears a knock on the door*
*Door handle shakes a bit*
Mystery Woman: *Puts away all her Gwen Stefani, Janet Jackson, Madonna, and Christina Aguilara posters. She puts her hair up in her headdress of feathers, beads, and a big peacock, and struts to the door* *She puts a dainty hand on the handle and twists it open, putting on a bright white smile* YESSSS?
Mystery Man: Well dearest its time for our enormous lovely superb ma-va-lous plan to take over Japan to go into action! Now where are the lovely dovely plans? *said in a feminine voice*
Mystery Woman: *looks down at Mystery Man's pants, his crotch in other words* Um,… did you wet yourself again or were you watching some hentai on the Anime channel again. No don't tell me… YOU WATCHED LOONY TOONS WITH THE WIERDOS AGAIN DIDN'T YOU?!
Mystery Man: No dear, Bugs Bunny isn't appealing to me anymore.
*The two walk to a small table that they call the "Meeting Room" which is exactly 2 feet down the hall*
Mystery Woman: *sits down with a 'Mr. Coffee is God' coffee mug* Good. Now, onto the plan to take over Japan. I have figured that, if we try to take over Japan we will lose because that is the way Nintendo makes their sucky ass games SO we'll simply take over….A COFFEE SHOP!
Mystery Man: *sits* …. Let's just lose like we always do. Besides we still get paid! Or…
Mystery Woman: Or what?
Mystery Man: LET'S TAKE OVER KONAMI!
Mystery Woman: How about some random anime that the psychotic author makes us take over in yet another attempt to make humor?
Mystery Man: Do you think I look fat?
Mystery Woman:…. *sweat drop*
Mystery Man: *just stares at Mystery Woman*
Mystery Woman: *just stares at Mystery Man*
Mystery Man: *blinks*
Mystery Woman: *blinks*
*Romantic music blossoms onto the scene, the two come close to each other's lips and…*
Mystery Man: *backs away* TENCHI MUYO IT IS!
Mystery Woman: *whispers* dammit…
Mystery Man: What was that?
Mystery Woman: I said "Blam it that's such a good idea!"
Mystery Man: Oh.
~~~~~~~~~~
Narrator: Well, you get the point so let's skip to the next part, since these two are so bright they can light a match
~~~~~~~~~~
Camera pans in on the Goemon Tenements, light flashing through Goemon's apartment windows, Yae tromping, exhausted to the apartment complex
Yae: *clutching her money bag, dragging herself to the door* you….know…I…really….shouldn't….stay….out….so….long….next….time… *busts down the door, revealing a party with crack whores and Goemon playing nude twister with prostitutes…(ewww )*
Yae: WTH?! GET OUTTA HERE!!!!!
All the Whores and whatnot: *they all get big bug eyes when they see Yae standing in the door with a bazooka and black eye, and they run straight past her*
Yae: GOEMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The next day: 12 p.m. at Goemon's apartment
Yae: …..And that's when the…
Sasuke, Ebismaru, and Goemon: *asleep*
Yae: *shouting and banging the guys on the head with mallets* THE DAMN WIERDOS PLAYED FUNKY DISCO MUSIC AND PARTIED WHILE YOU LAZY SKUNKYMONKEYS PLAYED AROUND WITH ALL THOSE HOS!
Goemon: …..we'll save Edo tomorrow, Yae…..zzzz….
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Narrator: And the morons set out on a quest to save Odeo Town, but little did THEY know the weirdos had already left and…..*has a gag on mouth and is tied up* MMMF!!!
Mystery Man: That should keep him quiet HO HO HO HO HO HO!!!
Mystery Woman: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! HO HO HO HO ….I made a funny! HO HO HO!
Narrator: Mmmmff…
Mystery Man: …..and now that you know what happned because BLABBER MOUTH here opened her piehole, we'll move on to PROLOGUE PART 2: NO NEED FOR CAMEOS!
Mystery Woman: You don't wanna miss this!
Mystery Man:……because we NOW HAVE THE SCRIPT! MUAHHHAHA…I mean HO HO HO HO!
Wierdos (Colon, Baron, Sharon): *Elvis music plays* yeah and we…..um….are gonna win this time? audience laughs
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goemon action music plays as the camera scans in on the heros getting pepped up for their new adventure…..and as they all go to the bathroom?
=
Well that's it for part 1, the Goemon opening. Be here for the next exciting, stupendous, fabulous, rockin, kickin, great, good, not bad, semi wonderful, spectaular, and a whole lot more adjectives for good NO NEED FOR CAMEOS PART 2: the Tenchi opening!
Series Titles: Tenchi Muyo / Mystical Ninja: Goemon (Crossover)
Specially written for the Tenchi OVA series
Title: No Need for Cameos!
Prologue to Main Story.
Written by: Inra
I do not own Tenchi Muyo, Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon or it's characters.
Goemon theme plays
Camera pans in on Odeo town's rooves
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Fight on… Fight on…
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Never giving up
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Let's start our journey as we whistle along,
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Going now Mysical Ninja starring Alfonzo, the Dunkin Doughuts Buddy sign appears
Camera pans in on Goemon falling off a roof, onto Ebismaru's rice cake
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Well look at the sky,
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Peeping through the clouds
Japenese dude singing: *translated* You can see, just how big the sky really is
Camera pans in on Yae, standing on a bar in Odeo Town with the big words: STRIPPERS WANTED written on the sign she's standing next to
Japenese dude singing: *translated* But even if the harsh winds were to take you away..
Camera pans in on Sasuke, reading a playboy while walking straight off a roof top*
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Live your life the way YOU want it that is the destiny for many
Camera pans in on pictures of Sasuke with a strap-on, Goemon and Omitsu in their undies, Ebismaru with a censor bar on, and Yae in her showgirl outfit
Camera pans in on Impact's machine parts, mostly rusty paper clips
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Fight on.. Fight on….
Japenese dude singing: *translated* There is more than one dream..
Camera pans in on Impact and Big Robot Boss #1 on Jerry Springer with Baron
Japenese dude singing: *translated* If we reach for it hard enough…
Camera records Baron and Impact duking it out on the set
Japenese dude singing: *translated* TAKE A CHANCE!
Camera pans in on Yae, Goemon, Ebismaru, and Sasuke on a treadmill
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Fight on.. Fight on…
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Never giving up…
Camera shows all the characters doing cheesy smiles and peace signs in pig suits
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Let's start our journey as whistle along
Japenese dude singing: *translated* Going now!
BEAT BEAT BEAT!
*White flash occurs and everyone has seizures, and falls dead.*
~~~~~~~~Story Begins~~~~~~~~~~
Camera pans in on a big chestnut shaped and colored space ship
*The Chestnut Ship flies high over Odeo Town, all the people in town pause look up, and keep shopping*
=In Town=
*A young woman glances over at a blonde, spiky haired, blue eyed young man. She walks over casually, and bends over to look at the market's fresh tomatoes*
Young Woman: *bumps into young man on getting up* Oh, I'm sorry, please excuse me. *looks up* Do you think that weird chestnut ship holds a bunch of wierdos from some remote mountain that want to take over Japan? I think so…. And are you available Friday?
Young Man: You know, seems awfully familiar, like in one of those crappy, cheap Nintendo 64 polygonal games with a bad plot and a spiky-haired hero but I don't think so.
*Before the Young Man attempts to flirt with the Young Woman who couldn't get a date in her life, Goemon and Ebismaru run out of the market, Ebismaru completely naked, and Goemon in a business suit?*
Goemon & Ebismaru: *run out of the market, with bug eyes , leaving a trail of dust behind them and all over the people who are shopping*
Goemon: I TOLD YOU THE "HYPNOTIC DANCE OF DIRTY DISCOUNT" DOSEN'T WORK! *running*
Market Owner: *holding and throwing milk and bread* *yelling* GET YOUR RICE BALLS OUTTA HERE!! *looks around, with multiple clusters of people staring at him* UH OK SO THAT DIDN'T SOUND RIGHT, BLAME IT ON THE NARRATOR!!!
Crowd of people: *looks around for the "narrator"* Didn't they just STEAL HIS rice balls?
Ebismaru: *huffing and puffing* Well, I'm sure he liked that sweet lap dance I gave him, I'm just too sexy!!! And did he just say he wanted my balls?
Goemon: *running with ease* Ebismaru, Girls lap dance. Like, Omitsu!! That girl is sweeeeeeeet…. *gets a big dorky look on his face* uhhh but I think he was very sexually pleased so never DO THAT AGAIN, at least not in my presence.
*The two run by a small four year old girl holding an orange*
Four year old Girl: *points to Ebismaru* Mommy, is the zoo in town again? I tink dey let da hippos out for a walk!
Mommy of Four year old Girl: *covers her little Girl's eyes in disgust*
Ebismaru: They love me. They really love me. *panting*
Goemon: This time, you actually worry me. *gives Ebismaru an odd look, and his usual crooked V smile*
*A hawk flies overhead in a circle, Ebismaru and Goemon look up at it, as they stop to a take a breath*
Goemon: You know, seeing the same opening sequence gets boring after a while, think we should shoot the bird?
Ebismaru: *gives Goemon the finger*
Goemon: NOT THAT BIRD YOU BAKA!
Ebismaru: *sees the chestnut mech ship fly very loudly overhead, making a vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr noise* Hey, Goemon?
Goemon: Yea, Ebismaru?
Ebismaru: What's that big ole thing up there? It looks like a chestnut ship thing, but I don't think it's fall yet, and I don't think we have trees that grow acorns here in Japan, so what do you think that is?
Goemon: Probably the start of another zainy mad capped story about a naked sumo wrestler and a spiky haired freak that run off trying to save Japan to make another retarded plot point in an attempt to make people laugh as a result of a plot to a humorous fiction someone labored over for hours figuring out what we were going to say and do right now which wont make any sense.
Ebismaru: But you forgot about the Brittney Spears wanna-be with green hair and a robot that takes two double D batteries that we bought from Kay-B Toys! Where do THEY fit into the story?
Goemon: THAT'S LATER IN THE STORY YOU HIPPO ON CRACK!
Ebismaru: So.. Aw never mind.
Goemon: Ebismaru?
Ebismaru: YES GOEMON?!
Goemon: Look, your hung like a German Shepard and I'm pretty sure people don't want to see your grotesque body either way, so let's get on with this and go home so I can see the score on the Mets and the Dodgers game while you get changed.
Ebismaru: BUT EVERYONE LOVES THIS BODY!!
All the people in Odeo Town: *Pause*
Crickets: *chirp, chirp chirp*
Ebismaru: Ok, you win Goemon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Narrator: So Ebismaru and Goemon ventured home, which was a doorway from where they were standing, so it wasn't a venture and we just wanted to make it seem adventurous so we put this crappy narrator sentence in to make the story look professional. But, Oh my! It looks as if radio active squirrels are to attack Odeo Castle! Or is it……. ANOTHER GANG OF WIERDOS FROM YET ANOTHER MOUNTIAN LIKE IN THE LAST GAME?!!! Well, find out for yourself , I'm not getting paid to tell you. Your probably wondering where Tenchi and the gang come in by now, well IM STILL NOT TELLING YOU! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
= At Goemon's (still) Bachelor Pad =
camera pans in on Goemon watching Mega Man on T.V.
Goemon: *eyes get to be the size of saucers as he stares and drools at Roll running across the screen* She looks better than Yae….. Mmm…. *he says with a moan, oh brother.*
*While Goemon's jacking off to Roll's legs on T.V. Ebismaru is getting changed in Yae's room, Yae has conveniently "stepped out" for the day, and left the guys in the house. Sasuke is sitting downstairs in the basement doing yoga, and making counterfeit money.*
Ebismaru: *steps into the living room, dressed like a pimp, in purple, tons of bling-bling (jewelry for you normal people), and furs.* Well, I changed my outfit a little, but what do you think Goemon? *spins around like a Japanese schoolgirl.
Goemon: *taking his hand out of his pants, flips the channel to the Mets and Dodgers game on ESPN* EBISMARU!!!! I TOLD you not to interrupt my baseball game!!
Ebismaru: Ok, this is getting weirder than my grandmother's oatmeal cookies…since when did we have ESPN?
= At *Amethyst's Purple Haze- Bar/Strip Club, right next to Odeo Castle, heh heh =
camera pans in on the bar, showing Yae in her mermaid transformation, stripping…..ok too much info…let's just skip to later…
=Later, on the Odeo Streets, 6 P.M.=
*The Chestnut Ship FINALLY makes it to Odeo Castle, it just…well sits there and procrastinates for the plot*
*Yae walks out of the bar, and onto the streets, carrying bags and boxes of money in hand, she sits down on the Inn sign, and counts her money*
Yae: One, two, three, damn pennies!!! You think I'd make better money from those ignoramuses,..
*Yae begins to prominade home, showing off her playboy bunny suit when,……*
We are on low budget. Please insert Big sound effect here.
*Ground shakes, an enormous blue beam of light hits Oedo Castle and cheap disco music plays with tons of disco lights blazing in the sky.*
Yae: AHHHH!!!! They could at least put on Ludacris!! Or some rap music!!! Those idiots,…men…*sigh* Wait, that horrible music isn't coming from those shit shacks they call tenements.. *looks to Odeo Castle* Oh shit.
~~~~~~~
Censors: We here at ESRB Ratings system find the last quote highly rude and crude. We also find this story to be perverted and socially unacceptable. We will disavow any stronge language and pervertedness, and get rid of it right away.
Narrator: Oh no, you won't! *barrages the censor with "stronge language"* %&$*)%$)!%@#_*%#!!
Censor: NOOO!!!!!!! *blows up, pieces and material fly everywhere*
Narrator: Sorry for the incontinence, now back to the story.
~~~~~~~~
Yae: *seeming paralyzed by the awesome disco party at Odeo Caste, a forty year old pervert runs up to her, pinces her ass, and steals all her money bags*
*Yae turns around and sees the bald, short elderly man in a purple kimono*
Yae: HEY!!!! COME BACK HERE!! I WORKED HARD FOR THAT MONEY!! *she turned and chased him up and down the town, leaving only a blur behind the two*
=Meanwhile onboard the 'Chestnut Ship' =
Mystery Man: *is watching Tenchi Muyo: Episode 8: No Need for Babies!, off of an all anime channel, sitting in a purple leather chair in the control room.* Aww I wish I lived with all those hotties…. *drool* especially Ryoko!! WOO HOO!
Baron, Sharon, and Colon: *pop their heads in the large arched electrical doorway with laser light thingys* HEY KEEP IN DOWN IN THERE!!! *they all march back into their room and watch Loony Toons on Cartoon Network*
Baron: Mystery Man is such a child.
Sharon: Um, Baron, doesn't he have a name?
Colon: Hey, we forgot to turn on the theme music….
Sharon: *pushes a pink button with a gloved finger* there we go. *The Barney Song blasts on the speakers* Whoops, wrong one… *presses a big button marked: THEME FOR WIERDOS: Elvis music plays*
Colon: I think we need to stop wasting text.
Baron: Good idea.
=In the pink, fuzzy bedroom onboard the 'Chestnut Ship'=
Mystery Woman: *listens to Madonna- Like a Virgin* *singing* LIKE A VIRGIN! *jumps and twists in the air* OW! *comes down and does a split* TOUCHED FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME!! *does a pushing motion and jumps up and dances around* LIKE A VIIIIIRRRRRRRRGIN! *head bangs* WITH YOUR HEARTBEAT, NEXT TO… *hears a knock on the door*
*Door handle shakes a bit*
Mystery Woman: *Puts away all her Gwen Stefani, Janet Jackson, Madonna, and Christina Aguilara posters. She puts her hair up in her headdress of feathers, beads, and a big peacock, and struts to the door* *She puts a dainty hand on the handle and twists it open, putting on a bright white smile* YESSSS?
Mystery Man: Well dearest its time for our enormous lovely superb ma-va-lous plan to take over Japan to go into action! Now where are the lovely dovely plans? *said in a feminine voice*
Mystery Woman: *looks down at Mystery Man's pants, his crotch in other words* Um,… did you wet yourself again or were you watching some hentai on the Anime channel again. No don't tell me… YOU WATCHED LOONY TOONS WITH THE WIERDOS AGAIN DIDN'T YOU?!
Mystery Man: No dear, Bugs Bunny isn't appealing to me anymore.
*The two walk to a small table that they call the "Meeting Room" which is exactly 2 feet down the hall*
Mystery Woman: *sits down with a 'Mr. Coffee is God' coffee mug* Good. Now, onto the plan to take over Japan. I have figured that, if we try to take over Japan we will lose because that is the way Nintendo makes their sucky ass games SO we'll simply take over….A COFFEE SHOP!
Mystery Man: *sits* …. Let's just lose like we always do. Besides we still get paid! Or…
Mystery Woman: Or what?
Mystery Man: LET'S TAKE OVER KONAMI!
Mystery Woman: How about some random anime that the psychotic author makes us take over in yet another attempt to make humor?
Mystery Man: Do you think I look fat?
Mystery Woman:…. *sweat drop*
Mystery Man: *just stares at Mystery Woman*
Mystery Woman: *just stares at Mystery Man*
Mystery Man: *blinks*
Mystery Woman: *blinks*
*Romantic music blossoms onto the scene, the two come close to each other's lips and…*
Mystery Man: *backs away* TENCHI MUYO IT IS!
Mystery Woman: *whispers* dammit…
Mystery Man: What was that?
Mystery Woman: I said "Blam it that's such a good idea!"
Mystery Man: Oh.
~~~~~~~~~~
Narrator: Well, you get the point so let's skip to the next part, since these two are so bright they can light a match
~~~~~~~~~~
Camera pans in on the Goemon Tenements, light flashing through Goemon's apartment windows, Yae tromping, exhausted to the apartment complex
Yae: *clutching her money bag, dragging herself to the door* you….know…I…really….shouldn't….stay….out….so….long….next….time… *busts down the door, revealing a party with crack whores and Goemon playing nude twister with prostitutes…(ewww )*
Yae: WTH?! GET OUTTA HERE!!!!!
All the Whores and whatnot: *they all get big bug eyes when they see Yae standing in the door with a bazooka and black eye, and they run straight past her*
Yae: GOEMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The next day: 12 p.m. at Goemon's apartment
Yae: …..And that's when the…
Sasuke, Ebismaru, and Goemon: *asleep*
Yae: *shouting and banging the guys on the head with mallets* THE DAMN WIERDOS PLAYED FUNKY DISCO MUSIC AND PARTIED WHILE YOU LAZY SKUNKYMONKEYS PLAYED AROUND WITH ALL THOSE HOS!
Goemon: …..we'll save Edo tomorrow, Yae…..zzzz….
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Narrator: And the morons set out on a quest to save Odeo Town, but little did THEY know the weirdos had already left and…..*has a gag on mouth and is tied up* MMMF!!!
Mystery Man: That should keep him quiet HO HO HO HO HO HO!!!
Mystery Woman: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! HO HO HO HO ….I made a funny! HO HO HO!
Narrator: Mmmmff…
Mystery Man: …..and now that you know what happned because BLABBER MOUTH here opened her piehole, we'll move on to PROLOGUE PART 2: NO NEED FOR CAMEOS!
Mystery Woman: You don't wanna miss this!
Mystery Man:……because we NOW HAVE THE SCRIPT! MUAHHHAHA…I mean HO HO HO HO!
Wierdos (Colon, Baron, Sharon): *Elvis music plays* yeah and we…..um….are gonna win this time? audience laughs
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goemon action music plays as the camera scans in on the heros getting pepped up for their new adventure…..and as they all go to the bathroom?
=
Well that's it for part 1, the Goemon opening. Be here for the next exciting, stupendous, fabulous, rockin, kickin, great, good, not bad, semi wonderful, spectaular, and a whole lot more adjectives for good NO NEED FOR CAMEOS PART 2: the Tenchi opening!