GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS - Chapter Two
by Kayoko (and, moonlighting in this chapter, her crazy best tomodachi Toumatachi)
Disclaimer: DBZ isn't mine. Toumatachi isn't mine. Enough said, ne?
************
(where we last left off...)
"Dad, can you tell me about girls?"
Vegeta choked on a bean and coughed. Sputtering, he sat down as Bulma glared at him.
"Well, aren't you going to answer your son?"
"I...er...I am the Prince of Saiyans! I don't have time to deal with meaningless questions, boy!"
Bulma smiled at Trunks. "That means he'd be happy to."
**********
"I...er...ah, well boy..." Trunks waited for Vegeta's response, swinging his little legs off the chair and smiling innocently. Bulma suddenly remembered she needed to go work on Mr. Saiyaman, the new cleaner Chi-Chi had asked for.
"Trunks, you stay here and let your Dad explain. I'm going to the lab for a while." Trunks waved bye-bye while Vegeta slowly turned a mottled red color, spazzing and foaming at the mouth. The little purple-haired boy waited patiently as Vegeta stabbed the um, life out of a piece of chicken with his fork. After a few minutes of that, Vegeta turned to his son.
"Well, boy, girls are like, er, girls are like...ah, this piece of chicken here." Trunks leaned in, fascinated as Vegeta held up the drumstick and waved it a few times as he contemplated his explanation. He began gnawing at the leg thoughtfully.
"Like chicken, Dad?"
"Yes. Girls are like chicken. They only serve to give us energy and make annoying noises. Ah, see, boy, on Earth, men were created so God wouldn't be embarrassed in front of all the other, uh, God...people of other worlds. Whenever God's other friends came to visit him, he didn't want to show them a bunch of sorry-ass monkeys sniffing themselves, so he evolved them into human men."
"But Dad, Mom always says you've got the intellect of a baboon, except for the hairy red ass-"
"SILENCE, BOY!" Chastised, Trunks stuck out his lip.
"Good. Now as I was saying, God made men so he could show off Earth to all his friends. But after a while, God got bored with only men to watch, since they were naturally perfect -" A strangled cough from the lab emitted from the lab. Vegeta glared at the door with bugged eyes and a vein popping out on his forehead. "-so he decides to give Man a present."
"Like candy?"
"No, not like-"
"A unicorn?'
"No, not-"
"Pretty ribbon?"
"YEAAARGGHH! WOMAN, SINCE WHEN IS THIS BOY A PANSY?" Bulma comes back to the table and sits down next to Trunks, giving Vegeta The Eye.
"Mom, I thought pansies were flowers."
"They are, sweetie."
"So why did Dad call me a flower?"
"Because your father thinks you're such a handsome little boy."
"I most certainly do not!"
((Author Insert. Tasuki-chan gives Vegeta The Finger.))
((Vegeta: "Up yours."))
((*smacks Vegeta upside the head* Hey hey, be nice to your son, you bad man you.))
((*Zechs snickers.*))
((Vegeta: Oh shut up and go play with your gundams, pretty boy.))
((Tasuki-chan: One more word, Vegeta, and I give you back to Koji. You want that Kakarotto lemon? I swear, I'll do it!))
((Vegeta: Hn.))
Meanwhile, back in the story...Vegeta glared up at the ceiling, a confused Trunks following his gaze.
"Hey, Mom, who was Dad arguing with?"
"The author, sweetie."
"What?"
"Oh, you'll understand when you're older." *Dr. and Mrs. Brief come in, give the readers The Wink, and then go back to doing...um...whatever it is they do. Trunks is utterly confused.*
"Vegeta, you're not helping Trunks learn anything by telling him lies!"
"They're not lies! Women were made to serve men!"
"Really?" *Trunks is excited.* "Hey Mom, go get me ice cream!"
"How dare you order me, you little thug!" cried Bulma as she smacked the back of Vegeta's head.
"WHY MUST EVERYONE SMACK ME TODAY?" Bulma ignored her howling husband.
"Trunks, women were created because God couldn't stand watching the stupidity of men. That's why girls are always right."
"Oh, I get it now."
Vegeta pounded the table with his fist, but in the process, accidentally squirted tartar sauce in his eye.
"ARGGHHH! Listen, brat," Vegeta said as he wiped his eyebrow clear of Old Sea Dog (guaranteed to give you a hairy chest like a true blue ripsnortin' Captain Ahab!) "One day, God got his toga in a bunch and while he was picking out the Almighty Wedgie, he was so annoyed he created girls, so that whenever he got another wedgie from the Heavens, he could order a slave girl to-"
(("VEGETA, THAT"S ENOUGH!"))
((Vegeta: EEP!))
((*grabs him and hauls him off to Toumatachi.* There! Now you shall suffer the price!))
((Toumatachi grins evilly and drags Vegeta away by his shiny, spiffy white boots.))
((Vegeta: NO, NOT A KAKAROTTO LEMON! Anything but THAT! NOT A LEMON! NO! BAD! AHH! NO...no...not...a lemon...*voice trails away into the distance*))
As Bulma heard Vegeta's screams of horror fade away, she got a satisfied look on her face, and got up to clear the table. Trunks slid off his chair and looked at his mother.
"Hey, Mom?"
"Hmm?"
"What's a lemon?"
by Kayoko (and, moonlighting in this chapter, her crazy best tomodachi Toumatachi)
Disclaimer: DBZ isn't mine. Toumatachi isn't mine. Enough said, ne?
************
(where we last left off...)
"Dad, can you tell me about girls?"
Vegeta choked on a bean and coughed. Sputtering, he sat down as Bulma glared at him.
"Well, aren't you going to answer your son?"
"I...er...I am the Prince of Saiyans! I don't have time to deal with meaningless questions, boy!"
Bulma smiled at Trunks. "That means he'd be happy to."
**********
"I...er...ah, well boy..." Trunks waited for Vegeta's response, swinging his little legs off the chair and smiling innocently. Bulma suddenly remembered she needed to go work on Mr. Saiyaman, the new cleaner Chi-Chi had asked for.
"Trunks, you stay here and let your Dad explain. I'm going to the lab for a while." Trunks waved bye-bye while Vegeta slowly turned a mottled red color, spazzing and foaming at the mouth. The little purple-haired boy waited patiently as Vegeta stabbed the um, life out of a piece of chicken with his fork. After a few minutes of that, Vegeta turned to his son.
"Well, boy, girls are like, er, girls are like...ah, this piece of chicken here." Trunks leaned in, fascinated as Vegeta held up the drumstick and waved it a few times as he contemplated his explanation. He began gnawing at the leg thoughtfully.
"Like chicken, Dad?"
"Yes. Girls are like chicken. They only serve to give us energy and make annoying noises. Ah, see, boy, on Earth, men were created so God wouldn't be embarrassed in front of all the other, uh, God...people of other worlds. Whenever God's other friends came to visit him, he didn't want to show them a bunch of sorry-ass monkeys sniffing themselves, so he evolved them into human men."
"But Dad, Mom always says you've got the intellect of a baboon, except for the hairy red ass-"
"SILENCE, BOY!" Chastised, Trunks stuck out his lip.
"Good. Now as I was saying, God made men so he could show off Earth to all his friends. But after a while, God got bored with only men to watch, since they were naturally perfect -" A strangled cough from the lab emitted from the lab. Vegeta glared at the door with bugged eyes and a vein popping out on his forehead. "-so he decides to give Man a present."
"Like candy?"
"No, not like-"
"A unicorn?'
"No, not-"
"Pretty ribbon?"
"YEAAARGGHH! WOMAN, SINCE WHEN IS THIS BOY A PANSY?" Bulma comes back to the table and sits down next to Trunks, giving Vegeta The Eye.
"Mom, I thought pansies were flowers."
"They are, sweetie."
"So why did Dad call me a flower?"
"Because your father thinks you're such a handsome little boy."
"I most certainly do not!"
((Author Insert. Tasuki-chan gives Vegeta The Finger.))
((Vegeta: "Up yours."))
((*smacks Vegeta upside the head* Hey hey, be nice to your son, you bad man you.))
((*Zechs snickers.*))
((Vegeta: Oh shut up and go play with your gundams, pretty boy.))
((Tasuki-chan: One more word, Vegeta, and I give you back to Koji. You want that Kakarotto lemon? I swear, I'll do it!))
((Vegeta: Hn.))
Meanwhile, back in the story...Vegeta glared up at the ceiling, a confused Trunks following his gaze.
"Hey, Mom, who was Dad arguing with?"
"The author, sweetie."
"What?"
"Oh, you'll understand when you're older." *Dr. and Mrs. Brief come in, give the readers The Wink, and then go back to doing...um...whatever it is they do. Trunks is utterly confused.*
"Vegeta, you're not helping Trunks learn anything by telling him lies!"
"They're not lies! Women were made to serve men!"
"Really?" *Trunks is excited.* "Hey Mom, go get me ice cream!"
"How dare you order me, you little thug!" cried Bulma as she smacked the back of Vegeta's head.
"WHY MUST EVERYONE SMACK ME TODAY?" Bulma ignored her howling husband.
"Trunks, women were created because God couldn't stand watching the stupidity of men. That's why girls are always right."
"Oh, I get it now."
Vegeta pounded the table with his fist, but in the process, accidentally squirted tartar sauce in his eye.
"ARGGHHH! Listen, brat," Vegeta said as he wiped his eyebrow clear of Old Sea Dog (guaranteed to give you a hairy chest like a true blue ripsnortin' Captain Ahab!) "One day, God got his toga in a bunch and while he was picking out the Almighty Wedgie, he was so annoyed he created girls, so that whenever he got another wedgie from the Heavens, he could order a slave girl to-"
(("VEGETA, THAT"S ENOUGH!"))
((Vegeta: EEP!))
((*grabs him and hauls him off to Toumatachi.* There! Now you shall suffer the price!))
((Toumatachi grins evilly and drags Vegeta away by his shiny, spiffy white boots.))
((Vegeta: NO, NOT A KAKAROTTO LEMON! Anything but THAT! NOT A LEMON! NO! BAD! AHH! NO...no...not...a lemon...*voice trails away into the distance*))
As Bulma heard Vegeta's screams of horror fade away, she got a satisfied look on her face, and got up to clear the table. Trunks slid off his chair and looked at his mother.
"Hey, Mom?"
"Hmm?"
"What's a lemon?"