It's All His Fault
By: Lady Priscilla Violet Regina (Hen-chan)
Disclaimer: I had a dream once where I actually owned the characters used in my stories...then I woke up. *disappointed look* Need I remind you that we are not dreaming? (Most of us?)
Warning: Very angsty, also has some sexual content in it. A bit of language, but not much, more rated for the dark situation and content having to do with sex and it's consequences. *sighs* If you feel mature enough to read this, go right ahead. I'm leaving that choice up to you. Hope you like!
* * *
"Oh, you must be mistaken, Doctor. I can't be..."
"I'm sorry, Miss Schbeiker, but the results are less than 0.01% of the time incorrect."
"But...but we always use protection! Always!"
"Nothing can explain this other than the fact that no matter what you use, it can't always be 100% accurate. I'm sorry."
But I didn't hear him. Before he got halfway into his statement, I was already out the door, tears flying out behind me. Pushing past the various nurses and patients crowding the exit, I burst out of the doors into the rain, not bothering to open my umbrella. Who cared if I, Hilde Schbeiker, got wet? Certainly not me.
Duo always told me I didn't care enough about my health and that I was always concerning myself with everyone else. That's the only way I knew how to live, not caring about myself. If I spent my time worrying over my hair, I wouldn't be able to braid Duo's. If I spent time worrying about my problems...not only would I not hear about his, but people would pity me. And that's the absolute last thing I want.
Pity.
The doctor pitied me, Duo pitied me...
I hate pity.
A taxi cab stopped in front of me, and an elderly gentleman got out and held open the door while ushering me inside.
I stared at him, hair matted to my forehead as the storm above raged on, and felt myself frown before walking briskly off in the opposite direction.
I could hear him calling after me, most of his frail voice getting dragged along in the mercilessly whippy wind, but the general message was clear. He wanted to share the taxi with me because it was raining outside, and because I had just stepped out of the hospital after receiving what was supposed to be the happiest new of my life.
He pitied me, young, careless Hilde, standing out in the rain.
Reaching a park, I ducked under some low hanging limbs of a large oak tree, and plopped down on the soft grass near the trunk, closing my eyes while listening to the rain. Behind my closed lids I could see the flash of lightning, and a few seconds later, the ground rumbled as the thunder arrived.
Thoughts swarming, I tried to calm myself down. But how could I? I was just told that the horrible way I've been feeling lately was because...
Was because of a simple, passion-filled moment between me and my roommate...
Kami, what would he say?
Would he be happy?
Upset?
Angry?
Would he stick around and...help?
That nasty, cold voice in the back of my head answered for me that last question. Of course not! Why would he stay with you?
Bringing my knees to my chest, I rocked back and forth, soaking wet, but not caring...
I had much more important matters to deal with.
Much more important.
Hearing muffled footsteps nearby, I wiped my tears on my sleeve and raised my head slowly, hoping that it would be anyone but Duo...
Taking a deep breath, I cautiously opened my eyes, and waited for a moment, letting them adjust as another bolt of lightning hit nearby.
"Hilde? What...why are you out here? It's raining pretty badly..."
I felt disgusted with myself as I unconsciously drew my features into a horrible grimace, and bitterly answered, "I know it's raining, Duo." Why was I being so terrible to him? Again, that nasty voice answered...
Because it's his fault and you know it.
`No!' I screamed silently, squeezing my eyes shut tight as I did so. `It is NOT his fault!'
The evil voice seemed to be laughing at me, mocking me. Yeah, well who put you in this position? It takes two to tango, ya know, and he just happened to ask you to dance.
"Hilde? Let's go home, okay? Did you make it to the doctor's?"
I nodded and allowed myself to be pulled into his warm embrace, immediately loving and hating it at the same time. How as I going to tell him? Something like this certainly couldn't be blurted out at any old time, and I knew it...
* * *
I can't remember much about the car ride through the storm to our apartment, save the fact that I was nuzzled close against him, inhaling nothing but his cologne, my favorite scent: Old Spice.
How or why it happened, I don't know, but soon we were walking in the door smothered against each other while hastily pulling off clothes in a moment of careless passion...
Careless passion.
Careless passion created this...this thing growing in me.
How cold that sounds...thing.
How else could I describe it? Baby? Infant? Child?
My child?
I forced myself from his grasp and pushed off the cough, walking swiftly into the kitchen and grabbing a blanket on the way. A very confused Duo was hot on my heels, and seized my arm as I reached the fridge, burying me beneath him in a bruising kiss as I struggled to get away from him.
I tried pushing him away, but found I couldn't, as he was holding onto the refrigerator tightly for leverage, and was much stronger than me. Letting out a muffled scream, I squeezed my eyes tight as he reached down and pulled the blanket from around my quivering body, then pressed himself against it.
This wasn't right, I knew it. Sure, Duo had a lot of passion and lust, but...He had never, ever forced himself on me like this before. Never...
Tell him... the evil voice crooned in the back of my mind. Tell him and you know he'll stop...
I had had enough. There was only one way to stop this assault.
Silently apologizing to him in advance, I pulled my leg back a bit...
And kneed him in the groin.
Pulling away, terrified, from his cowering form, I wrapped the blanket around me again and tentatively kneeled next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Duo? I'm sorry, really I am, but I need to--"
I never even saw the hit coming, but it knocked me clear across the kitchen and into the table on the far wall. It was evident he was trained to be a soldier...Bringing my knees up to my chest, I huddled under the table, watching him as new rivers of salt water formed along my cheeks, drenching the thin quilt I was holding tightly onto. Duo stood slowly, back to me, and popped his knuckles and wrists, as I had seen him do many times before in moments of stress. Shaking uncontrollably, I burrowed my back into the wall, wishing and hoping to shrink into nothingness before I had to catch a glimpse of what I predicted as hurt spread across his face.
I could not have been more wrong.
My braided lover turned slowly, almost painstakingly around to face me, and glared straight through me, violet eyes flashing in pure anger as he looked up on my shivering form, upper lip curling in a sneer. I knew it was best to stay quiet and hope to go unnoticed when Duo was in one of these moods; however, the latter of the two was quite unavoidable, seeing as I was the one who caused the bringing of this onslaught in the first place.
"Hilde...Hilde babe, Hilde dear..." His normally cheery and loving tone used to say these pet names was replaced by a low growl emitted from the back of his throat as he walked slowly toward me, eyes dangerous slits. I pushed my backbone even father into the wall until the pain was so excruciating it almost made me forget about the furious former Gundam Pilot I had advancing towards me. Keyword: almost.
"N-n-now, Duo...there is a perfectly good explanation for all of this--"
"Did I give you permission to speak? It's very rude to interrupt, you know."
He knelt down in front of me and reached out a cold hand, lips pursed in a frown, and cupped my cheek in his palm, thumb caressing my lips. "You know what else is rude, Hilde? Kneeing people, especially your lover, in the crotch." I watched, eyes wide, as he brought his other arm forward to rest on my shoulder, slipping inside the blanket. "But, all will be forgiven if you do me a favor..." The corners of his mouth upturned into what can only be described as a malicious grin, and his left eyebrow quirked up characteristically, something I knew only happened when he had 'an idea.' I could feel myself shaking uncontrollably as I waited for the end of this request, and after a moment's pause, he gave it. "...and suck as hard as you can!" Pulling me down to his naked lower half, he forced my mouth over him, deep-throating me instantly.
Gagging, I struggled against the hand holding my head down, and finally got my arm free, bringing it up to push him away.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he yelled, standing up quickly and grabbing me before I ran off.
I spat in his face, sneering. "Oh, gee, I'm only pregnant with your child, THAT'S ALL!"
I don't think I've ever seen eyes grown that wide, or a chin drop that quickly. Placing my hands flat on his chest, I pushed him away and sprinted off for our room, closing the door and locking it tight before sinking to the ground, back against it, and sobbing my heart out. That's it... the nasty voice egged me on. Let the bastard sleep on the couch! This is all his fault anyway!
Half of me wanted to agree, while the other half desperately pushed those ideas away, repeating over and over that it was not his fault...
* * *
I think sometime later, a few minutes at the most, I fell asleep curled up in the blanket, because suddenly it was light out and there was a light knocking on the door, waking me up. Memory foggy, I rubbed my eyes and sat upright against the door, enjoying the vibrations of the knocks pulsating through the wood. Then, a familiar voice floated into my ears...
"Hilde? Are you okay? Please, please answer me."
"D-d-duo?" I called back, amazed at the gruff way my voice sounded. "Why are you out--"
"Hilde, I'm so sorry...please, forgive me...come out and talk, please..."
The events of last night appeared as sharp as a knife in my mind, and as soon as I saw it all, I grabbed the nearby trash can and threw up, coughing violently. I heard the door click and felt it jiggle, then pushed inward slightly as the last person I wanted to see stuck his braided head through the doorway.
"Hilde! My Kami, did you just cough all of that up?" Duo pointed down at my blanket, the trash can, and the floor, and as I glanced down I saw that they were coated with blood. "I have to get you to the hospital!" He squeezed through the crack and kneeled down beside me, arms snaking around my waist.
`No...not again...'
"Get your hands off of me, Duo!" I shrieked, standing up quickly, but losing my balance and falling right back down again ever quicker. The room around me spun, getting faster and faster until I felt myself throwing up again before everything went black.
* * *
"Please, Heero...come quickly. I don't know what to do, and you're the one who knows about all this medical stuff. Thanks man, I owe ya." I head a nervous shuffle of feet nearby, and felt a cool, soft something placed on my forehead.
`Probably a washcloth...'
"Hilde? Oh Kami...please be all right...I couldn't...I couldn't bear to lose you. Onegai..." The choke in Duo's voice was evident, and instinct told me that he was crying. The first thing I wanted to do was comfort him, warp my arms around him and tell him that everything would be okay...and then my conscious self woke up.
Deciding it better to just face these demons and take it like the man I wasn't, I opened my eyes and stared up at him, feeling my face set in a stony frown. Sensing my consciousness, Duo turned away quickly, and grabbed a tissue, blowing his nose loudly.
"Duo." I gasped out, throat throbbing painfully with a raw feel to it.
The said boy turned back to face me, acting nonchalant, but those gorgeous amethyst eyes gave him away: bloodshot and puffy. "You're awake! Wonderful. How do you feel?"
He doesn't want to talk about it because he knows how upset you'll be when he announces the time his plane leaves...
It seemed that the worse my headache got, the more evil sounding the voice in the back of my head got.
"Duo...we need to talk."
Again I faced the braided one, eyebrows furrowing as I tried to think of the best way to say what was needed to be said. Reaching out, I took his hand in mine, coughed, and began when I saw I had his full attention. "Duo. I went to the doctor yesterday, as you know, and he ran a bunch of tests on me. After not finding anything, he asked if it would be all right to do a pregnancy test.
"It came back positive, Duo. I'm pregnant. And...you're the father. I know it's you because...well, I've never been with anyone else, not like that."
Silence.
Duo just stared at me, a muscle near his eye twitching involuntarily, but otherwise, face impassive. For a moment he resembled Heero, although his eyes held something much the opposite of Heero's cold gaze. There was a warmth there, an endless fire burning in those violet orbs, igniting my soul and breathing into it a new passion...
A passion for him.
A passion for love.
A passion for life.
Suddenly, just by looking at him for those few eternity-filled seconds, my complete outlook on this thing growing inside me changed.
Scratch that.
My complete outlook on the child, my child, growing inside me changed. I no longer hated myself for letting this happen; I no longer hated Duo's extraordinarily motivated sperm for finding a way past all of the roadblocks we had set...I loved every single part of this idea of a baby between him and I.
I loved my child...our child.
And I most certainly loved Duo.
Beaming as only a new mother could, I raised an eyebrow at my still silent lover, and felt the fear spreading through my veins as the `what ifs' sang their horrible song in my ear.
What if he says he doesn't want it?
What if he says it's not his?
What if he says he does want it?
Will we have enough money to support it?
What if we run out?
Biting my bottom lip, I continued to gaze upward at him, praying he would be happy...
* * *
A/Ns: I don't hate Hilde! I promise! Don't kill me for it! I believe that a true fan can look at situations that don't necessarily react well with the characters and still enjoy it, and that is what this is. I love Hilde, but for this fic, she was the best person. I write her the best out of all of the girls, and I cannot see this happening to anyone but Hilde. Honestly, though, I love her! She's awesome, and since I've told you that if I get any flames...*growls dangerously* accusing me of character bashing...you'll pay! ^-^ R/R, please!