I'll Be Watching You
Summary: A Carby... With a supernatural twist! (yup, that's me! Supernatural Girl! *wink wink*)
A/N: for all you Carcies (Carter/Lucy) turned Carbies (Carter/Abby)!
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"Edwin," I say, "Stop here."
"Yes miss," he nods and pulls over. I look across the street to the ambulance bay of Cook County General Hospital. I sigh and lean back on the black leather seats of the limo that I own. Edwin, my driver, has been in service for me for two years. He knows me well. Well enough to venture the question:
"Is something wrong, miss?"
"No, Edwin," I sigh, running a hand through my long hair.
"Miss, would you like me to take you-"
"I'm fine here, Edwin," I say, and look out the window. I see him, I know him, I feel the man that's sitting outside, lonely. I know how he feels. The woman he loves is in love with someone else. He didn't realize he loved me... until he lost me. But now, John Carter sits there, lonely again, his mended heart, strewn with scars from previous heartaches, is breaking yet again. I know how he feels. The same way I felt when I saw him everyday. I long to kiss him, to hold him, but since I can't, I want to make him happy. But he is not happy.
I love him, he loves her, she loves Luka. Isn't that life? I know that he's been in love with Abby Lockhart since he first saw her. Had known it when I saw him look at her, and felt competitive. But now, I am no longer competitive. I am definitely out of the running. Disqualified. And Abby and I are no longer competitors. Now, I have sworn, since the day we parted, that I will make John happy again. He needs happiness. He yearns for happiness. He needs companionship, a shoulder to cry on, someone to rely on, someone to catch him when he falls... And I know it can't be me.
So I say to Edwin, "Where's Miss Lockhart?" but he just gestured to the small diner, near the hospital. I nod and get out of the car, my black leather coat falling to my calves and my high, black boots coming right below my knee. What I wear beneath the coat contrasts greatly with it. A white gown. I don't know why I wear this attire, but I am comfortable in it, and I am invisible and unnoticed to some, so it won't matter anyway. I can make certain people walk past me without seeing me by using a simple trick, though no one can be completely invisible, not even someone like me.
I cross over to the small restaurant and look in the window. I know what Luka's telling his girlfriend.
"Abby, you've been... distant lately. Is there something you would like to tell me?"
"What do you mean distant?" she knows exactly what he means.
"You've been quieter when we talk about things. And I have a strange feeling you've been avoiding me. Abby, if I've done something to upset you, I didn't mean to-"
"You've done nothing to upset me, Luka," Abby whispers.
"Then what's wrong?" Abby doesn't reply. She is silent. She loves Luka, with all her heart, and I had known for a long time that that was a big problem for John. But it wasn't until now, as I see the confusion in her eyes, that I realize, it's a problem for Abby, too. She's torn between the two of them.
I smile, because I realize that she does love John. It reminded me of him and myself. He didn't realize he loved me until I left, and she didn't realize she loved him until he told her he felt that way about her. Maybe some wouldn't see the connection, but I always compare Abby to myself, even the most abstract ways sometimes. I feel we are very much alike. I sigh and feel slightly sorry for her. Because under my silent gaze, I've seen the difficulties she has overcome, sometimes just barely. I've grown to like her, though she only met me for a brief time, and never will see me again.
I feel suddenly cold and pull my jacket tighter around me.
"Abby, are you listening to me?" Luka asks, soundly, yet gently at the same time. He has a way of doing that. Making you know that he's serious, yet in a kind way.
"Yes, I'm listening."
"Abby, I wish you'd tell me what's wrong!" but I have a feeling he may already know. He knows John is in love with her. Everyone knows. Everyone had known except for Abby. Again, I compare this to my relationship with John Carter. He saw me as his student, a stupid blond clumsy klutz who couldn't do anything right. I saw him as a wonderful man, intelligent and handsome, if not a little touchy.
"Oh Luka!" she buries her head in her arms, her short brown hair falling gently over her arms, "I wish I could," I hear the undecipherable mutter that Luka misses.
Whichever man Abby chooses, she and I both know that the other will be hurt. Badly hurt. And Abby, being a kind human being, doesn't want to hurt anyone. But she knows that no matter what she does, someone will be hurt. Inside her, there is a struggle. One side of her screams for something new, someone who needs her more than he needs to breathe, someone to understand her baseball humor. The other side shouts for her to stay, be secure, for someone kind, who would hold her and never let her go, to tell her stories of another land.
She weighs the possibilities and every ending she weaves for herself, whether it be with John or Luka, she always ends up happy, but always feeling guilty.
I wish I had what she does.
She wishes she didn't have it.
I look across the street at my limo and at Edwin, waiting patiently for me. I see John, cold and alone. I look back into the diner. Luka and Abby, warm yet farther apart than they appear to be.
I enter the restaurant and slip a card into Abby's purse. Ordering a quick coffee to go, I leave. I cross the street again, leaving the two in Doc Magoo's and get into my car. I should leave the decision up to her.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I can't sleep tonight. I sit here, on my canopy bed, by the phone, wanting to dial the numbers. I am biased, I want Abby to go for Carter. It would be wrong to persuade her to run to him instead of Luka. Yet I slipped the card to her and I know she will be compelled to dial the number. As if in reply to my thoughts, the phone rings. I lift the phone to my ear. My servants know never to answer it.
"Hello," I say mysteriously.
"Um, hello," Abby's small voice is on the other end, "I'm sorry to call so late."
"It's OK, Abby," I tell her.
"How do you know who I am?"
"This is also a psychic hotline," I joke. I don't know if she is taking me seriously on that comment or not, but she changes the subject.
"I found this card in my purse. I don't know how I got it."
"What does it say?"
"Well, it's like a business card, but more casual. It says 'when you need someone to talk to,' and then the phone number."
"That's my card," I affirm. Abby laughs, a little nervously.
"I'm sorry, I don't even know who you are!"
"No one who gets the card does," I tell her, "All they know is, the card just shows up."
"Why?"
"It shows up when they don't know where to turn. Do you know where to turn, Abby?"
"What do you mean?"
"You have a dilemma."
"Yes... But I don't know why I called. I'm not really comfortable talking about my deepest secrets with a total stranger."
"Then I'll tell you who I am, if it makes you feel better," I sigh.
"Who are you?" asks Abby.
"I am a friend and I know what is wrong."
"How?"
"I am everywhere."
"What?"
"You have a problem deciding to whom your heart belongs."
"Uh... Wait, how did you know that? Is that what everyone calls about?" I can't help but laugh.
"Just trust me, Hon, your secrets and feelings are safe with me."
"I'm sorry to bother you, especially this late, but I don't think-"
"Carter," I have to tell her, before she hangs up, so I say one word.
"What?" Abby is obviously surprised.
"A caring man, who has been alone for too long. Someone who's loved you since he first saw you, someone who needs you. John Carter is who you want. He will always be there for you and he is a man of his word. He is definitely a person to trust. He needs you more than anything Abby, and he loves you more than life itself. You are the cure for his heartache and he will never stop loving you."
"But... But what about Luka?"
"Dr. Kovac is a sweet man who's loved and lost more than once. I am sure he will find love again. He loves you too, Abby, I must admit, but the question you want to ask yourself is: Who can you see yourself growing old with?"
"Thank you for your advice, whoever you are," she definitely suspicious and a bit frightened, "But I think this is a decision I must make on my own."
"I agree, it's your life, after all. I just want you to consider what your life would be without out John Carter."
"What about my life without Luka?"
"Yes, think about that. If one of them had to leave you, which one would you miss the most?"
"Goodnight, madam!" Abby said, rather harshly, and before I knew it, there was a dead tone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Folding up the paper she had written her small speech on and throwing it away, Abby exits onto the cold streets. What was she going to tell him? How could she tell him that she was in love with someone else? After hours of thinking and phone calls and writing down lists on countless pieces of papers, not to mention the drafts of what she would tell each of them if she'd chosen the other she had done it. She had finally come to the conclusion of who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The man she couldn't live without. And with the problem solved, she feels as if a weight has been lifted off her shoulders and she begins to skip in the softly falling snow like a schoolgirl. But the weight returns when she sees Luka, waiting for her. He grins at her and her face falls.
"Um, Luka," she says, "There is something I need to tell you..."
"What?" Luka seems concerned, "You know you can tell me anything!" that makes it harder.
"We... I... I don't think I can do this anymore."
"Do what?"
"This!" Abby exclaims, "I don't think I can see you anymore."
"What? Why?" she knew there would be questions.
"Luka, I... I love you, I really do!" she tells him, "But I also love John. I've been thinking about it all night, and I knew I had to make a choice in the end because I can't have you both, can I? So I think this is for the best..."
"Abby..." Luka's eyes are wide, but then they close and he sighs. He was expecting this, deep inside, and he knew it was going to come sooner or later. And he is an understanding man, who nods, smiles, and extends his hand to her.
"Good luck then," he tells her, and she shakes his hand. He pulls her into a hug, "Go get him." Abby grins and catches the train.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She sees Carter out by the ambulance bay and begins to run. Lighthearted and relaxed and other things she hasn't felt for a long time flood her mind, heart, and soul as she races to Carter, about to go in. She catches him before he does and makes him turn to face her. At first, he's a bit surprised to see her, but he grins when he sees how happy she is.
"What is it?" in reply, Abby pulls him into a passionate kiss. Some paramedics clap and she distinctly hears Dave mutter: "It's about damn time!" But she doesn't care. Nothing could ruin this moment for her, nothing at all.
As a small card falls from her fingers into the snow, a black stretch limousine rides away, into the unknown.
"My mission is complete," Lucy sighs, almost unhappily, and tells her driver to take her home.
Summary: A Carby... With a supernatural twist! (yup, that's me! Supernatural Girl! *wink wink*)
A/N: for all you Carcies (Carter/Lucy) turned Carbies (Carter/Abby)!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Edwin," I say, "Stop here."
"Yes miss," he nods and pulls over. I look across the street to the ambulance bay of Cook County General Hospital. I sigh and lean back on the black leather seats of the limo that I own. Edwin, my driver, has been in service for me for two years. He knows me well. Well enough to venture the question:
"Is something wrong, miss?"
"No, Edwin," I sigh, running a hand through my long hair.
"Miss, would you like me to take you-"
"I'm fine here, Edwin," I say, and look out the window. I see him, I know him, I feel the man that's sitting outside, lonely. I know how he feels. The woman he loves is in love with someone else. He didn't realize he loved me... until he lost me. But now, John Carter sits there, lonely again, his mended heart, strewn with scars from previous heartaches, is breaking yet again. I know how he feels. The same way I felt when I saw him everyday. I long to kiss him, to hold him, but since I can't, I want to make him happy. But he is not happy.
I love him, he loves her, she loves Luka. Isn't that life? I know that he's been in love with Abby Lockhart since he first saw her. Had known it when I saw him look at her, and felt competitive. But now, I am no longer competitive. I am definitely out of the running. Disqualified. And Abby and I are no longer competitors. Now, I have sworn, since the day we parted, that I will make John happy again. He needs happiness. He yearns for happiness. He needs companionship, a shoulder to cry on, someone to rely on, someone to catch him when he falls... And I know it can't be me.
So I say to Edwin, "Where's Miss Lockhart?" but he just gestured to the small diner, near the hospital. I nod and get out of the car, my black leather coat falling to my calves and my high, black boots coming right below my knee. What I wear beneath the coat contrasts greatly with it. A white gown. I don't know why I wear this attire, but I am comfortable in it, and I am invisible and unnoticed to some, so it won't matter anyway. I can make certain people walk past me without seeing me by using a simple trick, though no one can be completely invisible, not even someone like me.
I cross over to the small restaurant and look in the window. I know what Luka's telling his girlfriend.
"Abby, you've been... distant lately. Is there something you would like to tell me?"
"What do you mean distant?" she knows exactly what he means.
"You've been quieter when we talk about things. And I have a strange feeling you've been avoiding me. Abby, if I've done something to upset you, I didn't mean to-"
"You've done nothing to upset me, Luka," Abby whispers.
"Then what's wrong?" Abby doesn't reply. She is silent. She loves Luka, with all her heart, and I had known for a long time that that was a big problem for John. But it wasn't until now, as I see the confusion in her eyes, that I realize, it's a problem for Abby, too. She's torn between the two of them.
I smile, because I realize that she does love John. It reminded me of him and myself. He didn't realize he loved me until I left, and she didn't realize she loved him until he told her he felt that way about her. Maybe some wouldn't see the connection, but I always compare Abby to myself, even the most abstract ways sometimes. I feel we are very much alike. I sigh and feel slightly sorry for her. Because under my silent gaze, I've seen the difficulties she has overcome, sometimes just barely. I've grown to like her, though she only met me for a brief time, and never will see me again.
I feel suddenly cold and pull my jacket tighter around me.
"Abby, are you listening to me?" Luka asks, soundly, yet gently at the same time. He has a way of doing that. Making you know that he's serious, yet in a kind way.
"Yes, I'm listening."
"Abby, I wish you'd tell me what's wrong!" but I have a feeling he may already know. He knows John is in love with her. Everyone knows. Everyone had known except for Abby. Again, I compare this to my relationship with John Carter. He saw me as his student, a stupid blond clumsy klutz who couldn't do anything right. I saw him as a wonderful man, intelligent and handsome, if not a little touchy.
"Oh Luka!" she buries her head in her arms, her short brown hair falling gently over her arms, "I wish I could," I hear the undecipherable mutter that Luka misses.
Whichever man Abby chooses, she and I both know that the other will be hurt. Badly hurt. And Abby, being a kind human being, doesn't want to hurt anyone. But she knows that no matter what she does, someone will be hurt. Inside her, there is a struggle. One side of her screams for something new, someone who needs her more than he needs to breathe, someone to understand her baseball humor. The other side shouts for her to stay, be secure, for someone kind, who would hold her and never let her go, to tell her stories of another land.
She weighs the possibilities and every ending she weaves for herself, whether it be with John or Luka, she always ends up happy, but always feeling guilty.
I wish I had what she does.
She wishes she didn't have it.
I look across the street at my limo and at Edwin, waiting patiently for me. I see John, cold and alone. I look back into the diner. Luka and Abby, warm yet farther apart than they appear to be.
I enter the restaurant and slip a card into Abby's purse. Ordering a quick coffee to go, I leave. I cross the street again, leaving the two in Doc Magoo's and get into my car. I should leave the decision up to her.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I can't sleep tonight. I sit here, on my canopy bed, by the phone, wanting to dial the numbers. I am biased, I want Abby to go for Carter. It would be wrong to persuade her to run to him instead of Luka. Yet I slipped the card to her and I know she will be compelled to dial the number. As if in reply to my thoughts, the phone rings. I lift the phone to my ear. My servants know never to answer it.
"Hello," I say mysteriously.
"Um, hello," Abby's small voice is on the other end, "I'm sorry to call so late."
"It's OK, Abby," I tell her.
"How do you know who I am?"
"This is also a psychic hotline," I joke. I don't know if she is taking me seriously on that comment or not, but she changes the subject.
"I found this card in my purse. I don't know how I got it."
"What does it say?"
"Well, it's like a business card, but more casual. It says 'when you need someone to talk to,' and then the phone number."
"That's my card," I affirm. Abby laughs, a little nervously.
"I'm sorry, I don't even know who you are!"
"No one who gets the card does," I tell her, "All they know is, the card just shows up."
"Why?"
"It shows up when they don't know where to turn. Do you know where to turn, Abby?"
"What do you mean?"
"You have a dilemma."
"Yes... But I don't know why I called. I'm not really comfortable talking about my deepest secrets with a total stranger."
"Then I'll tell you who I am, if it makes you feel better," I sigh.
"Who are you?" asks Abby.
"I am a friend and I know what is wrong."
"How?"
"I am everywhere."
"What?"
"You have a problem deciding to whom your heart belongs."
"Uh... Wait, how did you know that? Is that what everyone calls about?" I can't help but laugh.
"Just trust me, Hon, your secrets and feelings are safe with me."
"I'm sorry to bother you, especially this late, but I don't think-"
"Carter," I have to tell her, before she hangs up, so I say one word.
"What?" Abby is obviously surprised.
"A caring man, who has been alone for too long. Someone who's loved you since he first saw you, someone who needs you. John Carter is who you want. He will always be there for you and he is a man of his word. He is definitely a person to trust. He needs you more than anything Abby, and he loves you more than life itself. You are the cure for his heartache and he will never stop loving you."
"But... But what about Luka?"
"Dr. Kovac is a sweet man who's loved and lost more than once. I am sure he will find love again. He loves you too, Abby, I must admit, but the question you want to ask yourself is: Who can you see yourself growing old with?"
"Thank you for your advice, whoever you are," she definitely suspicious and a bit frightened, "But I think this is a decision I must make on my own."
"I agree, it's your life, after all. I just want you to consider what your life would be without out John Carter."
"What about my life without Luka?"
"Yes, think about that. If one of them had to leave you, which one would you miss the most?"
"Goodnight, madam!" Abby said, rather harshly, and before I knew it, there was a dead tone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Folding up the paper she had written her small speech on and throwing it away, Abby exits onto the cold streets. What was she going to tell him? How could she tell him that she was in love with someone else? After hours of thinking and phone calls and writing down lists on countless pieces of papers, not to mention the drafts of what she would tell each of them if she'd chosen the other she had done it. She had finally come to the conclusion of who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The man she couldn't live without. And with the problem solved, she feels as if a weight has been lifted off her shoulders and she begins to skip in the softly falling snow like a schoolgirl. But the weight returns when she sees Luka, waiting for her. He grins at her and her face falls.
"Um, Luka," she says, "There is something I need to tell you..."
"What?" Luka seems concerned, "You know you can tell me anything!" that makes it harder.
"We... I... I don't think I can do this anymore."
"Do what?"
"This!" Abby exclaims, "I don't think I can see you anymore."
"What? Why?" she knew there would be questions.
"Luka, I... I love you, I really do!" she tells him, "But I also love John. I've been thinking about it all night, and I knew I had to make a choice in the end because I can't have you both, can I? So I think this is for the best..."
"Abby..." Luka's eyes are wide, but then they close and he sighs. He was expecting this, deep inside, and he knew it was going to come sooner or later. And he is an understanding man, who nods, smiles, and extends his hand to her.
"Good luck then," he tells her, and she shakes his hand. He pulls her into a hug, "Go get him." Abby grins and catches the train.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She sees Carter out by the ambulance bay and begins to run. Lighthearted and relaxed and other things she hasn't felt for a long time flood her mind, heart, and soul as she races to Carter, about to go in. She catches him before he does and makes him turn to face her. At first, he's a bit surprised to see her, but he grins when he sees how happy she is.
"What is it?" in reply, Abby pulls him into a passionate kiss. Some paramedics clap and she distinctly hears Dave mutter: "It's about damn time!" But she doesn't care. Nothing could ruin this moment for her, nothing at all.
As a small card falls from her fingers into the snow, a black stretch limousine rides away, into the unknown.
"My mission is complete," Lucy sighs, almost unhappily, and tells her driver to take her home.