I lay in bed fed up, it was a warm morning, but nothing could lift my bad mood. Shane and I had hurt the people we cared about, I hurt Andrew and Shane hurt Marissa. Shane hadn't exactly been faithful to his wife, after all by this point we had slept together four or five times, but I had been amazingly faithful towards Andrew. I loved him. I loved Shane as well, but the love was different, Andrew was a best friend, Shane, the passionate lover. I went into the kitchen and made coffee. I peered around the door at Shane; he was asleep on the couch. I picked up the coffee and took it in to him. He stirred and looked miserably at me.
"We didn't?" he asked sitting up and taking the coffee.
"No, yesterday was really disastrous."
"I don't believe what happened. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, I screwed up too." I sat down by his legs.
"What happened with Andrew?" he asked.
"I failed the Test, put it that way."
"He dumped you?"
"What could I expect?" I shrugged.
"Forgiveness?" I frowned
"As if, Shane. Will your wife forgive you?"
"I don't know. After all, it was only a kiss, not as if she found us in the throws of passion." I shook my head.
"Go home. Take her flowers, chocolates, and hell if it weren't Sunday a goddamned diamond ring. Don't let her go."
"I want you. If I didn't feel so right with you I'd have never kissed you last night."
"You don't belong with me, you belong with her."
"I didn't kiss her though. Kara, I'm falling in love with you."
"SHUT UP, SHUT UP." I screamed, tears running from my eyes. "Go home to your wife." I stood and left the room in shock. He had said he loved me, which scared me, because I knew that I was falling in love with him. Our relationship had become so serious. I wanted to change that, in a backwards way I thought that if I went back to how I was before we slept together our relationship would.
Shane left quietly, as I heard his car drive away I sat and plunged myself into a new project. I designed a web page to house fan fiction; I sent e-mails to my favorite authors asking permission to put their work on my site. I worked non-stop for days, missing work and ignoring the phone. Shane's revelation and my admission to myself threw me. Plunging myself into a project was a way of forgetting. The problem resurfaced when it walked through door Wednesday morning.
"Kara!" I vaguely looked up. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Nothin'" I replied.
"Exactly, now go upstairs get dressed we are going out."
"I'm going nowhere with you." I said turning my attention back to the screen.
"Kara, I won't let you hide away."
"Who's hidin'?"
"Look at me. LOOK AT ME!" he shouted. He placed his hand under my chin and raised my head. "You're hiding away from your friends, your job, everything." Shane's eyes were blazing. "Kara..."
"Why are you here?" I asked.
"Because, like I said I love you..."
"No, don't say that."
"Fine, I care about you and I miss you at work."
"I ruined your marriage."
"Marissa and I patched it over. The WWF needs you..."
"Liar."
"OK, so they don't, Vince doesn't even know your not there. I've been taken off mainstream TV and so has Marissa."
"What about Andrew?" I asked, hot tears sprang to my eyes.
"He's walking around like a wrestler with a sore head, but he's fine, just a little hurt. But, he'll get over it." I couldn't listen any longer, I broke down and tears ran down my face. "Come here." he lent forward and held me just as he had that Saturday. After a few minutes I pulled away.
"I'm sorry." I wiped my face. "I'm glad you patched things up with Marissa."
"Kara, come to work. So, you and Andrew broke up. You've still got me."
"You don't get it do you?"
"Tell me."
"I don't have you, I can't have you."
"But?"
"What makes you think there's a but?"
"With you there always is a but." I smiled.
"OK, but, I want you and in a strange I need you. I just can't have everything ruined."
"I won't ruin anything, especially when it concerns you. Here," he pulled out a small package and handed it to me.
"What is it?" I asked examining the object, with out opening the wrapping.
"Open it." he persisted. I peeled back a corner of the paper and then pushed the package away.
"No, thank-you. Shane it's not my birthday or anything I don't want this.... this gift."
"Kara, how can I put this so I won't put you off or scare you away? I care for you a great deal, I don't want to play cat and mouse anymore but I do want us to stay away for the dog. I dream of one day waking up with you in my arms and knowing that we are together. I dream of OUR children running around Titan causing chaos." I realized I was crying. "I dream of our wedding and us spending eternity together. It's not how I see the future though, if every time I make an advance you jump back two spaces. I cannot leave Marissa yet, I will in time. I love you."
"I love you too." I said, this admission was something I couldn't revoke; it was the truth. I was getting in deep, Josh was like Shane at first, but over time he changed. "Shane will you ever leave Marissa?"
"I've said I will, now get your cute little ass upstairs and change, I need to get you to work." I smiled.
"Fine, I'm going. But, you better get there without me."
"We didn't?" he asked sitting up and taking the coffee.
"No, yesterday was really disastrous."
"I don't believe what happened. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, I screwed up too." I sat down by his legs.
"What happened with Andrew?" he asked.
"I failed the Test, put it that way."
"He dumped you?"
"What could I expect?" I shrugged.
"Forgiveness?" I frowned
"As if, Shane. Will your wife forgive you?"
"I don't know. After all, it was only a kiss, not as if she found us in the throws of passion." I shook my head.
"Go home. Take her flowers, chocolates, and hell if it weren't Sunday a goddamned diamond ring. Don't let her go."
"I want you. If I didn't feel so right with you I'd have never kissed you last night."
"You don't belong with me, you belong with her."
"I didn't kiss her though. Kara, I'm falling in love with you."
"SHUT UP, SHUT UP." I screamed, tears running from my eyes. "Go home to your wife." I stood and left the room in shock. He had said he loved me, which scared me, because I knew that I was falling in love with him. Our relationship had become so serious. I wanted to change that, in a backwards way I thought that if I went back to how I was before we slept together our relationship would.
Shane left quietly, as I heard his car drive away I sat and plunged myself into a new project. I designed a web page to house fan fiction; I sent e-mails to my favorite authors asking permission to put their work on my site. I worked non-stop for days, missing work and ignoring the phone. Shane's revelation and my admission to myself threw me. Plunging myself into a project was a way of forgetting. The problem resurfaced when it walked through door Wednesday morning.
"Kara!" I vaguely looked up. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Nothin'" I replied.
"Exactly, now go upstairs get dressed we are going out."
"I'm going nowhere with you." I said turning my attention back to the screen.
"Kara, I won't let you hide away."
"Who's hidin'?"
"Look at me. LOOK AT ME!" he shouted. He placed his hand under my chin and raised my head. "You're hiding away from your friends, your job, everything." Shane's eyes were blazing. "Kara..."
"Why are you here?" I asked.
"Because, like I said I love you..."
"No, don't say that."
"Fine, I care about you and I miss you at work."
"I ruined your marriage."
"Marissa and I patched it over. The WWF needs you..."
"Liar."
"OK, so they don't, Vince doesn't even know your not there. I've been taken off mainstream TV and so has Marissa."
"What about Andrew?" I asked, hot tears sprang to my eyes.
"He's walking around like a wrestler with a sore head, but he's fine, just a little hurt. But, he'll get over it." I couldn't listen any longer, I broke down and tears ran down my face. "Come here." he lent forward and held me just as he had that Saturday. After a few minutes I pulled away.
"I'm sorry." I wiped my face. "I'm glad you patched things up with Marissa."
"Kara, come to work. So, you and Andrew broke up. You've still got me."
"You don't get it do you?"
"Tell me."
"I don't have you, I can't have you."
"But?"
"What makes you think there's a but?"
"With you there always is a but." I smiled.
"OK, but, I want you and in a strange I need you. I just can't have everything ruined."
"I won't ruin anything, especially when it concerns you. Here," he pulled out a small package and handed it to me.
"What is it?" I asked examining the object, with out opening the wrapping.
"Open it." he persisted. I peeled back a corner of the paper and then pushed the package away.
"No, thank-you. Shane it's not my birthday or anything I don't want this.... this gift."
"Kara, how can I put this so I won't put you off or scare you away? I care for you a great deal, I don't want to play cat and mouse anymore but I do want us to stay away for the dog. I dream of one day waking up with you in my arms and knowing that we are together. I dream of OUR children running around Titan causing chaos." I realized I was crying. "I dream of our wedding and us spending eternity together. It's not how I see the future though, if every time I make an advance you jump back two spaces. I cannot leave Marissa yet, I will in time. I love you."
"I love you too." I said, this admission was something I couldn't revoke; it was the truth. I was getting in deep, Josh was like Shane at first, but over time he changed. "Shane will you ever leave Marissa?"
"I've said I will, now get your cute little ass upstairs and change, I need to get you to work." I smiled.
"Fine, I'm going. But, you better get there without me."