Cast: Carol, Mike, Greg, Peter, Bobby, Alice.
Maureen McCormack, Even Plumb, and Susan Olsen didn't want to be part of yet another Brady thing, so we hired some new people!
Nancy, who will be taking place of Marcia, for no reason at all. Seriously. Jade, who will be the quirky and confused Jan. And Stefanie who will play the annoying lithpy Sin D... Cindy.
[Scene: The Brady's are gathered around the dinner table.]
Nancy: Oh! You guys will never believe it! Danny Forton, who is only the dreamiest guy at school, asked me to go to the prom with him! It should be such a blast!
Carol: Why wouldn't be believe it, honey? You're such an attractive young girl!
Greg: That's right, nancy. All of my.. um. Friends. Yeah, well.. they say you're very VERY hot. I mean they want to get in your pants so bad they-
Mike: Now Greg, let's not talk about that at the dinner table. We can discuss it in your room afterwards, ok?
Greg: Sorry, dad. Sounds great.
Nancy: Mom, can you come shopping for a dress with me tomorrow?
Carol: Sure, Nancy! After all, it's the 70's and women don't generally have jobs to go to!
[everyone laughs and abruptly stops]
Jade: iwhy does Nancy get all the dates? Why does everyone want to go out with Nancy? Nancy gets everything she wants. Nancy's so pretty.. Nancy's so this. Nancy's so that!/i
Stefanie: Jade! Why are you staring into space like that?
Jade: Oh, no reason, Stefanie. I was just having some deep personal thoughts.
Stefanie: iwhy does Jade get to have all of the deep personal thoughts? Why don't I get any deep personal thoughts? Why do I have to tell everyone this, and everyone that? Everyone pries into my personal life all the time!/i
Greg: Stef.. what are you doing twitching all like that?
Stefanie: Oh.. I was just thinking about what you said earlier.
Greg: About how I want to get into Nancy's pants?
Stefanie: No, just about how popular Nancy is. Nancy, how do you do it?
Nancy: Well, it's really quite easy! How can anyone forget such an attractive girl like me after every guy at the college knocked me up after getting me drunk? Words gets around, you know.
Carol: Nancy!
Nancy: Oh, sorry mom! No dirty secrets at the dinner table! [she dabbed her mouth with a napkin.] May I be excused?
Carol: Of course, honey.
Jade: I think I'm gonna-
Carol: You sit right back down, honey. You eat up. We can't have you be as pretty and slim as Nancy!
Jade: Urf! Fine.. [she jabbs everything she had on her plate onto her fork and flung it into her mouth, and ran upstairs. She walked into the bathroom where Nancy was unstuffing her bra. She spit everything in her mouth into the toilet.] Look at me! I'm Nancy! I'm so skinny! I throw up everything I eat!
Nancy: Jade! [laughing] You know I stopped purging last month. I stopped eating all together, now knowing what that can do to my perfect teeth. [she smiles widely into the mirror]
Jade: ..you.. you, SUCK! Nancy, you suck!
Nancy: Jade, you're quite a trip! [she flips her hair back as she leaves the bathroom.]
Jade: Arrgh! [she grabs for Nancy's hair and rips out a big chunk.. and she stares at the bald spot as a whole new lock of gorgious brown hair grows in its place instantly] AHH! [Jade walks to her bed.]
Nancy: Careful.. careful.. [Nancy pulls the radioactive liquid uranium out of the closet. She puts on a plastic mask and steel and applies the uranium to her face. Smoke arrises from the makeup as it burns off.]
Jade: Hhmph. [Jade wipes a lemon all over her face.]
Stefanie: iWhy does Jade get the lemons? Why can't I rub fruit on my face? How come I'm not lucky enough to be ugly like Jade so I can rub things all over my body in a sad attempt to be popular? Why am I so little that it doesn't matter? Why does Greg suggest I wear skirts that exposes my kooshballness?/i
[The next morning, at the mall]
Nancy: Mom! None of these dresses seem to fit right!
Carol: Sorry, honey. The smallest I can find is for an A-cup.
Nancy: Mom.. can you take me to get a breast augmentation?
Carol: I don't know, Nancy. Those are kind of expensive. Let's have your father try first.
Nancy: Ok, mom.
2 B KONTINYEWD
Maureen McCormack, Even Plumb, and Susan Olsen didn't want to be part of yet another Brady thing, so we hired some new people!
Nancy, who will be taking place of Marcia, for no reason at all. Seriously. Jade, who will be the quirky and confused Jan. And Stefanie who will play the annoying lithpy Sin D... Cindy.
[Scene: The Brady's are gathered around the dinner table.]
Nancy: Oh! You guys will never believe it! Danny Forton, who is only the dreamiest guy at school, asked me to go to the prom with him! It should be such a blast!
Carol: Why wouldn't be believe it, honey? You're such an attractive young girl!
Greg: That's right, nancy. All of my.. um. Friends. Yeah, well.. they say you're very VERY hot. I mean they want to get in your pants so bad they-
Mike: Now Greg, let's not talk about that at the dinner table. We can discuss it in your room afterwards, ok?
Greg: Sorry, dad. Sounds great.
Nancy: Mom, can you come shopping for a dress with me tomorrow?
Carol: Sure, Nancy! After all, it's the 70's and women don't generally have jobs to go to!
[everyone laughs and abruptly stops]
Jade: iwhy does Nancy get all the dates? Why does everyone want to go out with Nancy? Nancy gets everything she wants. Nancy's so pretty.. Nancy's so this. Nancy's so that!/i
Stefanie: Jade! Why are you staring into space like that?
Jade: Oh, no reason, Stefanie. I was just having some deep personal thoughts.
Stefanie: iwhy does Jade get to have all of the deep personal thoughts? Why don't I get any deep personal thoughts? Why do I have to tell everyone this, and everyone that? Everyone pries into my personal life all the time!/i
Greg: Stef.. what are you doing twitching all like that?
Stefanie: Oh.. I was just thinking about what you said earlier.
Greg: About how I want to get into Nancy's pants?
Stefanie: No, just about how popular Nancy is. Nancy, how do you do it?
Nancy: Well, it's really quite easy! How can anyone forget such an attractive girl like me after every guy at the college knocked me up after getting me drunk? Words gets around, you know.
Carol: Nancy!
Nancy: Oh, sorry mom! No dirty secrets at the dinner table! [she dabbed her mouth with a napkin.] May I be excused?
Carol: Of course, honey.
Jade: I think I'm gonna-
Carol: You sit right back down, honey. You eat up. We can't have you be as pretty and slim as Nancy!
Jade: Urf! Fine.. [she jabbs everything she had on her plate onto her fork and flung it into her mouth, and ran upstairs. She walked into the bathroom where Nancy was unstuffing her bra. She spit everything in her mouth into the toilet.] Look at me! I'm Nancy! I'm so skinny! I throw up everything I eat!
Nancy: Jade! [laughing] You know I stopped purging last month. I stopped eating all together, now knowing what that can do to my perfect teeth. [she smiles widely into the mirror]
Jade: ..you.. you, SUCK! Nancy, you suck!
Nancy: Jade, you're quite a trip! [she flips her hair back as she leaves the bathroom.]
Jade: Arrgh! [she grabs for Nancy's hair and rips out a big chunk.. and she stares at the bald spot as a whole new lock of gorgious brown hair grows in its place instantly] AHH! [Jade walks to her bed.]
Nancy: Careful.. careful.. [Nancy pulls the radioactive liquid uranium out of the closet. She puts on a plastic mask and steel and applies the uranium to her face. Smoke arrises from the makeup as it burns off.]
Jade: Hhmph. [Jade wipes a lemon all over her face.]
Stefanie: iWhy does Jade get the lemons? Why can't I rub fruit on my face? How come I'm not lucky enough to be ugly like Jade so I can rub things all over my body in a sad attempt to be popular? Why am I so little that it doesn't matter? Why does Greg suggest I wear skirts that exposes my kooshballness?/i
[The next morning, at the mall]
Nancy: Mom! None of these dresses seem to fit right!
Carol: Sorry, honey. The smallest I can find is for an A-cup.
Nancy: Mom.. can you take me to get a breast augmentation?
Carol: I don't know, Nancy. Those are kind of expensive. Let's have your father try first.
Nancy: Ok, mom.
2 B KONTINYEWD