Disclaimer: Don't own them!
A.N. Thank you all so much for your reviews! It was really nice to go so many nice ones on my first attempt; I only hope that this is still relatively funny…
Dude Where's My Duo?
By Anime Animal
Chapter 2: In situations like this, it's best to stay calm (particularly when talking to the chief bridesmaid…)
They all stared at Quatre in absolute in horror.
"How is it humanly possible to lose Duo Maxwell?" Heero asked finally. "C'mon Quatre, you must not have been looking in the right place."
Wufei shook his head.
"No, I think he might be right. It makes sense."
The others looked at him as though he'd grown another head.
"Think about this logically. If Maxwell was here, wouldn't he have woken us up at some obscene and dishonourable hour and acted like a child on a red M&M induced high?"
"He has a point." Trowa agreed. "We must have lost Duo last night…"
"Woah, wait a second. Maybe he's locked himself out or he's in the bathroom?" Quatre said quickly, his voice beginning to show an edge of panic.
"He isn't in the bathroom and we would have heard about it by now if he was locked out." Heero said. "So all we have to do is go back to where we were last night and we'll have him back in time for the wedding."
Admittedly, that was the best plan and the others nodded in agreement.
"So where did we go last night?" Quatre asked, breathing a sigh of relief.
The silence deafened, a breeze blew through the open window with a whistle and in the distance a neighbour's dog howled because it had been left out.
"Heero?"
Heero shrugged at Quatre's question.
"Wufei?"
"How should I know? I supposedly went head to head with the baka and a bottle of Tequila."
"Trowa?"
Trowa, as usual, said nothing. Quatre suddenly felt an impending sense of doom and nearly choked on the lump that had stubbornly refused to be swallowed.
"None of us remember?" He squeaked weakly.
Heero, during this conversation had headed to the vid-phone and was in the process of dialling.
"Don't you think it's a little early for the police?" Wufei scoffed.
"I'm calling Relena."
"Nooooo!"
Three ex-Gundam pilots flung themselves onto him in an attempt to get him to drop the phone.
"Are you crazy?!" Quatre yelled.
"You know that she'll tell Maxwell's woman, and then the women will come after us screaming like Harpies!" Wufei bawled, grabbing Heero's neck in a chokehold.
"And then they'll all think we're irresponsible and will never let us out ever again." Trowa said matter-of-factly.
At that moment the phone rang in Heero's hand.
"Gah!" Wufei and Quatre cried simultaneously, jumping a mile.
Heero looked at Trowa, who nodded crestfallenly, and answered the phone.
"Hello, Maxwell residence…" He began warily.
"Wake up call!" An impossibly chirpy voice belonging to an equally chirpy face said at the other end of the line. "You sound like you had a good night last night Heero."
"Morning Relena."
Wufei and Quatre groaned.
"That's it. We're doomed." Quatre sighed.
"Say goodbye to the freedom we fought for boys, we're about to be grounded for life."
"Shut up!" Heero hissed. "How's things over there?"
On the other end of the line, a mass of giggles erupted from the massed bridal party and Heero could just make out Dorothy's face covered with some kind of green goo and cucumber slices.
"Oh fine." Relena said brightly. "Hilde's still fast asleep, but that's a good thing. Is Duo up?"
Quatre whimpered in alarm.
"I think I'm gonna be sick!" He cried, running to the bathroom.
Relena had noticed that Heero had gone unusually pale and frowned.
"Heero is everything OK?"
Quatre's lump (to be known as 'the amazing travelling lump' hereafter) had miraculously travelled across the room and risen in Heero's throat.
"Yes." He said shakily.
"So where's Duo?"
"He's right here, fast asleep. In this apartment. With us. In his own bed in his own apartment." Wufei blurted quickly.
Relena raised her eyebrows.
"Is he OK?" She asked suspiciously.
Heero nodded and elbowed Wufei in the stomach.
"He will be, once he has time to reflect over his actions."
Trowa grabbed Wufei's arm.
"Ix ne on the uilt ne." He said through bared teeth.
Heero turned his attention back to the phone.
"Are you sure everything's OK Heero? You seem kind of preoccupied…"
"Everything's fine!" Heero snapped.
"OK, OK. Sheesh, there's no need to be like that. See you later."
As soon as the phone was hung up, massive sighs of relief were dropped.
"Baka!" Heero growled at Wufei. "Just because Duo's missing doesn't mean you have to fill his shoes."
Wufei hung his head apologetically.
"Sorry Heero."
Quatre reappeared from the bathroom, a little shaky.
"Are they gone?"
Heero nodded.
"Yeah. Right, we have to do something about this."
The others nodded solemnly.
"Hang on, didn't Duo mention something about a strip club?" Quatre said.
"That would be Maxwell." Wufei muttered.
Trowa had found Duo's appointment book that he 'should' have kept work details in.
"The only thing in here is 'Big and Blonde @ 9'00'" He said solemnly.
"Again, that would be Maxwell."
Heero had already got his coat and car keys and was heading to the door.
"OK. Quatre, you stay here and sober up…"
"But I don't drink…"
"He means stay here in case Duo shows up." Trowa said.
"We'll go check out this strip club." Heero finished. "And if the girls ring do not tell them what has happened."
"You're asking me to lie to the girls? But Dorothy might still have her sword..."
"That's a risk we'll have to take." Trowa said grimly.
They headed out the door.
"If I'm not here when you get back, Hilde and Dorothy have probably exacted a horrible revenge on me." Quatre said shakily. "Ow, my poor head."
"They were hiding something." Sally said, sipping champagne over her cornflakes.
Relena, Catherine and Dorothy (devoid of cucumber, although some of the goo was still clinging to her eyebrows…) nodded.
"I mean, Wufei's never ever acted like that."
"And Quatre looked positively hung over." Dorothy said smoothly, filing her nails. "But he doesn't drink so he must have been feeling ill."
Catherine chewed her toast thoughtfully.
"Did you notice how they all paled when Relena mentioned Duo?"
Everyone paused and stared at one another.
"They've lost Duo!" Relena said, choking on a piece of grapefruit. "Oh sweet mother of God!"
To be continued…
He
he he, aren't I mean? Well, what's going to happen next?