Ah My Venture Capitalist-sama
An Ah My Goddess spamfic
by Kimberly Smuga-Otto
It really shouldn't have taken Keiichi by surprise. But then again, he had been working like a salary man, all hours of the day at various part time jobs to pay off the loan on Belldandy's Christmas gift. But after three weeks, he had satisfied all his creditors and returned home a happy and debt free young man.
But something was different about the shrine. He was sure they only had one cable satellite dish, and had there always been so many phone lines? And they certainly hadn't had a home security system before, he thought as it performed a retinal scan.
The doors slid back to reveal the main room. All the Christmas decorations he and Belldandy had so lovingly hung up were gone, and in their place, a set of metal racks filled with humming black boxes.
Tucked in one corner, the back of her head outlined by the huge computer monitor, sat Skuld, busily typing away. Keiichi approached her, careful not to trip over any of the room's numerous cables.
The youngest goddess had not one but three computers, all of which seemed in use.
Around were scattered a mass of Mountain Dew cans, CDs, and books, most with rather nice animal pictures on their covers.Keiichi cleared his throat; Skuld ignored him.
"I didn't know you were into biology," He indicated the small library, "Been shopping at Amazon again, huh?"
Skuld turned to him, giving him a scowl of such distaste that it can only be achieved by teenagers.
"I don't shop from Amazon anymore, Keiichi," she said. "Didn't you read the O'Reilly email I forwarded you? I don't even know why I bother."
"Uh," Keiichi rubbed the back of his head.
"And if you don't mind," she continued, returning to her typing, "I'm rather busy right now. I have to set up a database, and a web page, and a secure server, and what ever else she gets into her head that we need. And you know what, she doesn't care how I do it, she just wants it done." Click, click, click went her fingers, "Actually I can handle that, but then she has to stick around for thirty minutes explaining why the managers are the most important part of company, and how a good business plan is all you need. Hah!" Skuld was practically pounding on the keyboard now, "If I have to hear the case history of Cisco Systems one more time, I'm going to send a very nasty virus to her Palm pilot. Hohohohohoh!"
The laugh sent chills up Keiichi's spine, and he inched away slowly. He was almost to the hall when he bumped into Urd, who was busy talking into a sleek, black cell phone."What?" she cried, ignoring him, "He can't do that. The IPO's the day after tomorrow! If he announces that, all the investors will get cold feet! Well, he'll just have to postpone it until the next business day. A little love potion number nine should do the trick. Trust me, he won't even want to get out of bed. Oh wait, got to think of the old man's heart. I'll scale it back. Seven and a half should do just fine."
"Um, Urd, what's going on here?" asked Keiichi.
The silver haired goddess turned around, "Oh Keiichi, didn't even see you there. Listen, I've got to catch a flight."
"But . . ."
"Here's our card." She slipped into her shoes, pausing momentarily, "Keiichi, if a man had his choice between me and raising the U.S. interest rate, he'd choose me, wouldn't he? Oh course he would!" And with that she was gone.
Keiichi turned over the card in his hand, confused. It appeared to be in English, but he didn't remember English having so many odd letters and dots. The largest print read UVS. Wasn't that a cable station?
Bewildered, and hungry, Keiichi made his way to the one place he knew he could find solace. The kitchen. It was Belldandy's domain, and no matter what schemes Urd and Skuld were up to, Keiichi knew that it would be a haven of sanity. He opened the door, looking forward to its bright and clean atmosphere.
Actually, sterile might have been a better description. It was immaculate as always, but in place of pots and pans and rice cookers, odd boxes and machines lined the counters. And instead of the smell of Japanese cooking there was the reek of alcohol.
"Keiichi, is that you?" called a voice from behind the enormous new freezer, "I'm just about done in the hood. There."
Belldandy emerged, smiling. Her hair was pulled back like she always had when she was cooking, but in place of her usual apron she wore a white lab coat and rubber gloves.
"Belldandy, what's going on? What's happening?"
Belldandy looked momentarily confused, and then a light dawned on her angel-like face, "Oh you mean the business. Well, Urd was saying what with the global economy going the way it was, it was foolish to just sit around the house all day. It's mostly been a side project, but we decided this New Year's to get serious. I know things will get a bit hectic around here, at least initially, but think of all the good we can do for humanity. And we can get rich to boot."The explanation left Keiichi even more confused, and he held up Urd's business card.
"Aren't they just sweet? Skuld came up with it, it's our initials. Urdur, Verdandi, and Skuld, UVS. It's the Icelandic spelling, which is appropriate as that's where our main base will be, at least at first. I'm hoping, now that the Japanese government is endorsing human stem cell research, we'll be able to expand. After all, it's another nearly homogenous population as well."
"Iceland?" asked Keiichi.
"Yes, its an island with a nondiverse population, and we think that it would be a good place to look for mutation causing diseases, much less noisy genomes. Urd's already got contracts with their Cancer Society and two large hospitals. And Skuld's taking care of the network systems, which is essential in today's high tech start-up business world."
Keiichi nodded, things were slowly falling into place. The goddesses had started a company. Skuld was taking care of the computers, and Urd was managing the business end, and Belldandy was . . .
"What are you doing for the company, Belldandy?"
She smiled shyly.
"I'm the molecular biologist, silly. Couldn't you tell?"
"But wouldn't Urd with all her potions be better?"
"Keiichi, you've seen the results of Urd's potions, haven't you. Besides, molecular biology is really just like cooking. See my PCR machine over there? It's just like stove and fridge, heating and cooling my reactions. And here is my hybridization oven. And my recipe for protein gels, it's just like making a cake, except you shouldn't eat it, because it's has a neurotoxin in it, and probably wouldn't taste good either."
"Okaaaaay," said Keiichi slowly. This was a bit too much to take on an empty stomach. "I haven't had lunch yet, Belldandy, I think I'll just get myself some ramen."
"Of course, of course. Be sure to use the microwave on the left. The other one is, well, just don't use it. I just need to do a DNA isolation, then you can tell me all about your day."
Keiichi opened up the indicated appliance while Belldandy sang a song in the background.
"Happy, happy little E. coli. Sweet little bacteria giving me cute little plasmids. La, la, la..."
He sat down at the table. Across from him, eight identical pairs of eyes stared back. Gan-chan and his clones said nothing, but Keiichi knew what they were thinking. Yes, it really shouldn't have take Keiichi by surprise.
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Author's note: Information concerning UVS and the Icelandic Genome Project comes from Science, Vol 287, Feb 11, 2000, page 951. It's all there, including the Japanese stem cell research.