Disclaimer:
My mate brought a lottery ticket today, and if she wins she says she's going to
buy them all for me. Until then, I still have no possession over their
existences.
A.N.
I can't get over how nice you're all being about my story! Thankyou thankyou
thankyou thankyou! By the way, thankyou to mama-sama who has been really lovely
and encouraging with the reviews! Cheers!
Dude
Where's My Duo?
By
anime animal
Chapter
5: Dead man walking…
By
the time our slightly hung over heroes arrived at the Multiplex on the edge of
town, it was already 11 o'clock. A slight shower from the colony's artificial
weather system had started and they were all well and truly soaked.
"My
feet hurt. I'm hungry. My back hurts. I'm thirsty…" Wufei complained, kicking
his heels like a whiny schoolchild as they carried on walking.
With
all his complaining, both Heero and the normally cool, collected Trowa were
beginning to come to the end of their rag. All they needed to tip them over the
edge would be another 'I swear that Maxwell is a dead man' and it would be
Wufei who would be dead and not Duo.
"You
guys go and find out about the movie, I'll ring Quatre and see how things are
at his end." Trowa suggested, spying a phone booth.
Wufei's
cell phone had died on them a few blocks back and for a while, the inanimate
piece of technology was receiving the full force of Wufei's already pent up
aggression, aggression which had been pent up to beyond all healthy levels.
Heero nodded and dragged Wufei, now complaining about his shoes that were
getting wet, into the Multiplex.
"You
ask at the desk, I'm going to get something to eat." Heero said dully.
"Do
I have to?" Wufei groaned. "I couldn't care less whether or not that baka was
drowned in a ditch…"
Heero
had had enough and grabbed hold of Wufei's collar.
"Tough.
I've done all the talking today while you've just stood around complaining. I'm
tired, I have no idea how much sleep I actually got last night, I'm hungry, I'm
wet and if we don't find Duo soon I am contemplating breaking the nearest thing
to me and I haven't decided yet whether or not it's going to be your neck. Now
get over to that reception desk, make some enquiries and let me get a packet of
chips and a bottle of cola, alright?"
This
onslaught brought about the long awaited return of the Amazing Travelling Lump,
straight into Wufei's throat, who gulped like a nervous fish staring straight
into the eyes of a large and hungry shark. He nodded weakly and went to the
box-office.
Meanwhile,
a very grateful Quatre answered the phone to Trowa.
"Thank
God, I thought it was them again."
He
shuddered violently at the concept of having another hour long conversation
with the girls.
"Is
it too much to ask if you've found him yet?" He asked meekly.
Trowa
nodded.
"Yes.
How's your head?"
"Pounding.
Duo is a really lousy housekeeper, you should see all the beer bottles round
here… Ow."
"Is
it your head?" Trowa asked kindly.
Quatre
shook his head.
"No,
I think I might have burnt my shoulder on a radiator or something cause I have
this really weird black mark…"
Trowa
could barely contain his laughter and made a muffled 'mmph' sound, to which
Quatre responded with a strange puzzled look before going on to ask a question.
"Have
you had any luck piecing together what exactly happened last night?"
"It
certainly seems to be very interesting, that's for sure." Trowa said wistfully
with the tiniest suggestion of a smirk rising to his lips. "So far, it involves
a strip club…"
The
Amazing Travelling Lump had made its return to its origin.
"…
A tattoo parlour…"
"A
what?!" Quatre asked, his recently regained colour draining from his cheeks.
"And
a Multiplex cinema. For what we can piece together so far, Duo's been with us
every step of the way."
Quatre
sighed.
"So
you still have no idea where he is?"
"In
a word, no."
"Thankyou,
your help has been invaluable." Wufei said politely, making his way back to the
foyer where Trowa and Heero were drinking coffee from polystyrene cups.
"Well,
it appears that we were here last night, the records say that the only people
who caught that showing were five adults. Incidentally, the tickets were
charged to my credit card so I'd appreciate having the money restored to me as
soon as possible." He said smugly.
Heero
rolled his eyes and handed Wufei a third polystyrene cup.
"If
my memory serves me correctly, the evening started with us arriving at Duo's at
about six, and we watched some movie while we had pizza and beers before
heading out to the club at nine." Heero said logically. "Somehow, between 1800
and 2100 hours, our senses became contaminated with alcohol and…"
"At
ease Soldier Boy!" Trowa said, earning him a patented Yuy Death Glare ™.
"Sorry, it's just that I know Duo would say that."
"So,
over six hours later we came here." Wufei picked up on Heero's story. "And
according to the delinquent at the desk who remembers us as 'those loud guys
yelling things like 'I will have justice', 'mission accepted', 'I am the Great
Destroyer' and 'the eyebrows are gonna get you Trowa, can't you see that?' we
were making loud comments about going home. Five of us."
Trowa
nodded.
"So
that means that we must have lost Duo on the way back. I guess that means we'll
have to check the streets."
Heero
sighed and crumpled his polystyrene cup.
"Back
to the streets, the rain and hopefully Duo."
Quatre
shrieked in horror at the sight of his 'burn' on his back.
"Oh
my God, it's a tattoo! My sisters are going to kill me!"
The
door to the apartment slammed shut and three pairs of boots trudged in. Quatre
sprang up from his seat and turned to see three soaking ex-Gundam pilots
standing in a tired and bedraggled group. The tiny light of hope extinguished
immediately, and the Amazing Travelling Lump that had been bothering him all
day lodged itself firmly in his oesophagus.
"So
we're going to tell Hilde that we've lost him?" He said glumly.
The
others nodded.
"I
can't believe it! We searched every stinking street, every sidewalk, every
doorway in this entire town and there was no sign of him!" Wufei cried. "The
baka's probably dead now, and its all his fault."
"Shut
up Wufei." Heero and Trowa grumbled, too tired to do anymore.
"We
just came back to get an umbrella and then we're going on to the girls' hotel
to tell Hilde." Heero said glumly.
"I'll
come too, I have some explaining to do." Quatre said apologetically.
Wufei
looked up from his ruined shoes and glared at him.
"Too
right you do. What's the deal with the condoms?"
Now
on their third glass of champagne, the girls were forgetting all about the
dilemma that the boys were in. That is, until there was a knock on the door and
the four of them were standing in the doorway, looking tired, hung over and
very ashamed. At once, the girls snapped to a sober attention and invited them
in.
"Is
Hilde awake yet?" Quatre began. "We have a terrible confession to make."
Catherine,
Sally and Relena looked at them sympathetically while Dorothy scampered up to
the door of Hilde's room. (A.N.
They had a penthouse with separate rooms, their own kitchenette etc, it was a
pretty upmarket hotel!) From the other side of the door, it sounded like there was a scuffle
and then a high-pitched giggle before Hilde eventually came to the door with
her hair a mess.
"Yeah?"
She asked sleepily, and then noticed the guys sitting on the couch. "What are
you doing here?"
They
looked at each other guiltily, and each one had yet another visit from that
Amazing Travelling Lump (autographs available on request). Heero, as best man, began
first.
"The
first thing is Hilde that we're all really, really, REALLY sorry." He began,
getting nods of agreement from his friends. "And whatever happens we're here to
help you out."
More
nods. Hilde's sleepy features crumpled into a frown.
"OK
guys you're scaring me now. What's happened?"
Quatre
got up and gave her a hug, an act repeated by Relena who held onto her
protectively. Heero cleared his throat, determined to get rid of the Amazing
Travelling Lump once and for all.
"Hilde,
we've lost Duo."
All
eyes were on Hilde for what seemed like an eternity until at last she began to
laugh. Quatre felt a wave of sympathy swell up inside him. The poor girl's
hysterical, he thought, this is awful. His thoughts were much the same as
everybody else's.
"You've…
ha ha… lost… Duo?! HA HA HA HA!"
"Hilde…"
Relena began, feeling like she was about to cry.
"Oh
man, you guys crack me up! You couldn't lose Shinigami even if you tried!"
It
was at that moment that eight bewildered pairs of eyes zoomed into the doorway
that Hilde had just emerged from where, standing leant against the wall, clad
only in a pair of boxer shorts was the one and only…
Duo
Maxwell.
Ha ha!
Plot twist! Who can guess what's coming next? (Just be thankful that Heero hasn't
got his gun and Sally nicked Wufei's katana for the honour of cutting the
wedding cake…)